Studies have highlighted the significance and benefits of these relationships, not just for the children, but also for the grandparents themselves. Here, we explore the many benefits of the unique bond that are grandparent grandchild relationships.

Stronger family ties

Grandparents play a crucial role in strengthening family bonds, often acting as the glue that holds the family together, providing a stable and loving environment for their grandchildren. In families where both parents work, grandparents frequently step in to offer care.

This involvement can increase feelings of security and continuity, which are essential for a child’s emotional wellbeing.

Read more: where to start if you want to trace your family tree

Emotional support

Grandparents provide a unique form of emotional support. They often serve as confidants and provide a listening ear, which can be particularly comforting during challenging times.

This support helps children navigate the complexities of growing up, offering them a safe space to express their feelings and concerns. Grandparents also benefit emotionally from these interactions, experiencing increased joy and purpose in their lives. Indeed, a study has suggested that grandparents who are more involved in their grandkids’ lives may even live longer as a result.

Life lessons and wisdom

The wisdom that grandparents impart to their grandchildren is invaluable. With years of life experience, they offer practical advice and historical perspectives that enrich a child’s understanding of the world.

Grandparents may teach important life skills, such as cooking, gardening, and even storytelling, which might not be part of a child’s daily routine in a busy household. These lessons connect children to their roots and cultural history. You could even create uniquely personalised photo books for your grandchildren to look back on in years to come

Sense of belonging

This connection is crucial for children’s identity formation and self-esteem. However, maintaining contact can sometimes be challenging, especially in cases of family disputes or parental separation.

Grandparents don’t have automatic legal rights to see grandchildren in the UK. To navigate this, grandparents may need to seek legal recourse, such as applying for a Child Arrangement Order or Special Guardianship Order. Family law solicitors can offer guidance and support in these situations, ensuring that the best interests of the child are prioritised.

Child development

The involvement of grandparents often positively influences a child’s development. The nurturing and supportive environment provided by grandparents may help children develop essential social skills and emotional resilience.

The intergenerational bond encourages a broader understanding of relationships and empathy, contributing to well-rounded personal growth.

Mutual benefits of grandparent grandchild relationships

One of the most profound takeaways from examining grandparent-grandchild relationships is the mutual benefit derived from these bonds.

For children, grandparents provide a sense of security, emotional support, and life lessons that contribute to their overall development.
For grandparents, these relationships offer joy, a sense of purpose, and emotional fulfilment.

Nurturing these connections can significantly enhance the wellbeing of both children and their grandparents, highlighting the reciprocal nature of family love and support.

Elena Harris

Elena is one of Silver’s interns. She has a love for illustrating, reading, and all things media-related. She is a self-proclaimed coffee connoisseur who spends her free time in coffee shops sketching and journalling.

The post The importance of grandparent and grandchild relationships appeared first on Silver Magazine.

It is easy to look at the angry scenes from the US following the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v Wade and distance ourselves from it here in the UK. But a closer look at the protests across the US reveals that people who marched for abortion rights in the 1960s and 70s are back on the streets in 2022. Fighting the fight all over again.

Their contemporaries in the UK are those who fought for abortion rights before the Abortion Act 1967 was passed. Also those who risked their lives – or lost their lives – to illegal abortion. And those who struggled to access safe abortion even after it was decriminalised.

Norma McCorvey (Jane Roe) and her lawyer Gloria Allred on the steps of the Supreme Court 1989, Photo: Laurie Shaull

Chris’ story

Chris, 69, had two abortions in the 1970s and says she is now “afraid for the women of America”.

Aged 17, she was in a relationship when she found out she had a rubber allergy and relied on the withdrawal method for contraception. Abortions were available on the NHS at the time, but she ended up borrowing £100 to pay for the procedure.

“My GP said if I had the abortion on the NHS, I would have to wait a while and then it would be too late,” she recalls. “But he knew a private gynaecologist who could do it. I’ve often wondered if it was a money-making scheme for the two of them.”

Chris had her second abortion aged 19 after what she described as “a drunken night with man that wasn’t going anywhere.” The procedure was free this time, through the BPAS. If she had not been able to access abortion, she says her life today would “not be recognisable”. Chris was training as a nurse at the time and became a midwife, which she says would not have happened if she carried the pregnancies to term, before getting married and having two children.

“We should just have the right to choose, there should be no stigma, no fear and much more awareness of how to access care, our body is ours to do with as we wish,” she says.

The Roe v Wade effect in the UK

Rather than dismissing the fallout from the Roe v Wade decision as merely an issue for America, it has multiple impacts on the UK. Here, the anti-abortion movement is vocal, albeit not nearly as large in number or influence as the US movement, but the decision has emboldened campaigners and politicians on this side of the Atlantic.

UK anti-abortion groups were quick to issue statements in support of Roe v Wade being overturned. The issue was discussed in the House of Commons, with Conservative MP Danny Kruger causing controversy over his remarks about women’s bodily autonomy. Deputy Prime Minister Dominic Raab rejected calls to include the right to choose in the government’s planned Bill of Rights, after he was asked about this by Labour MP Rosie Duffield this week. Prochoice campaigners have renewed calls for buffer zones to be placed around UK abortion clinics in response to fears that the Roe v Wade decision will increase the number of anti-abortion protesters outside these facilities.

Limits on abortion access in Northern Ireland and Scotland

The US Supreme Court decision has shone a light on the limitations to abortion access within the UK. In Northern Ireland, the law changed in 2019 to allow abortion up to 12 weeks, and beyond that time limit in circumstances, such as severe feotal abnormality. But in reality, women in Northern Ireland are still having to travel to England, Scotland, or Wales for abortions because no abortion services have been commissioned by Stormont.

However, change may be coming in Northern Ireland. Last month, MPs in the House of Commons voted to allow the UK government to directly commission abortion services in Northern Ireland, with 215 votes in favour and 70 against. Click here to find out how your MP voted.

Alliance for Choice, a Northern Ireland abortion rights campaign group, wrote an open letter to America in response to Roe v Wade being overturned. The letter compares the experiences of people in Northern Ireland and the US states where severe abortion restrictions are coming into force: “Although the vast majority of both Americans and Northern Irish people think that abortion should be legal, those intent on denying women and pregnant people access to abortion healthcare may inform the police of what they think is ‘illegal behaviour’.”

Campaigners at Alliance for Choice reiterated their commitment to help women in Northern Ireland and worldwide access safe abortion services, through strong ties with online abortion pill providers, such as Women on Web and Women Help Women.

“We have been the people offering advice and help to women and pregnant people who need abortions; finding ways to share the information that helps the most people without getting ourselves into trouble,” the letter says. “We know what it is like to be criminalised for helping people, having our homes searched and our workplaces raided, risking arrest.”

Meanwhile, in Scotland, the Abortion Act 1967 is in force, but there are no health authorities with the capacity to perform abortions up to the legal limit of 24 weeks. In most areas, 16 weeks is the cut-off. Jane Carnall from Edinburgh Abortion Rights clarified that the overwhelming majority of women who need abortions in Scotland can access care. She told Silver that around one patient a week travels to England for an abortion, either because a late-term abortion is needed or because they are combining the trip with other reasons to visit south of the border.

“Safe, legal and local” should be the mantra for abortion access, according to Jane. In Scotland, pro-choice campaigners are now turning their sights on ensuring laws to introduce buffer zones around clinics are passed in the Scottish parliament. Jane says this will prevent anti-choice protesters from harassing patients and clinic staff. There are also strong calls to ensure a senior consultant who can safely perform late-term abortions is based in Scotland for the relatively small number of cases each year. Advances in telemedicine, including home delivery of abortion pills and telephone consultations, have improved abortion access in Scotland, particularly in remote areas.

Abortion access for women over 40

For women aged over 40, access to abortion is an important part of healthcare. Despite perimenopause or menopause either on the horizon or a reality, unplanned pregnancies continue to be an issue for this age group. Factors such as improved reproductive technology have increased pregnancy rates among women over 40 – for many, what was once commonly referred to as a “geriatric pregnancy” is a source of great joy. But for other women, a pregnancy after 40 is genuinely distressing.

Portia’s story – pregnancy and ADHD

Portia, 44, had an abortion during the first lockdown: “I was busy with work and raising teenagers – despite having zero symptoms, I knew it would be positive. I had no idea how far gone I was, but I guesstimated anything up to 10 weeks.”

Carrying the pregnancy to term “didn’t even feel like a decision”, Portia recalls. Her husband was sanguine and supportive of any decision she made. “For space, for finances, our ages, and the future, it simply never felt like a practical option for us,” she says.

Portia had an initial consultation on 5 March 2020 and she was able to get a local appointment for the termination on 28 March, five days after the UK had gone into lockdown. To her relief, abortion services had not been affected, although the risk of testing positive before her appointment was a source of anxiety because “time was of the essence” – when the pregnancy was dated, she was more than 18 weeks pregnant.

“I have ADHD, so for me this means I am rational, but I struggle with executive function,” Portia explains. “I am not very organised and need to find time to concentrate for certain tasks, so I would take a week to get a pregnancy test, where other people would just crack on.”

Her local clinic was running a patients-only service, which suited Portia as she always planned to go alone, although she says it would have been stressful for those who would have preferred to take someone with them.

Portia describes the Roe v Wade decision as “staggering”.

“I do not understand how this is happening in 2022, there are really no words to the effect this has on women’s freedom and bodily autonomy in the modern world,” she says. “As we know, there is a risk of more pregnancy complications the older we are, and this threat to women’s health cannot be ignored.”

An American in the UK speaks out

Leslie, an American woman living in the UK, had an abortion in her early 20s: “I was not in any position to care for a child or be a mother – having children later on really solidified why choosing to terminate was the correct thing to do at the time.”

“I am originally from a US state where abortion will remain legal, but so many girls and women will be making anguished journeys hundreds or even thousands of miles from their homes [since Roe v Wade was overturned],” she says. “I was able to safely and privately recover from the procedure without fear of being found out. These girls and women may not have the same options.”

She says she is “devastated” by the decision to overturn Roe v Wade. Not long after her third child was born, Leslie, then 35, had a pregnancy scare. Her daughter was less than a year old. She says she could not have coped with three children under five and would have “certainly aborted” if the test was positive.

“Now I’m 45, my kids are 10, 12, and 19, my husband is 52 and our family is complete,” Leslie told Silver. “Though I am healthy enough to carry a pregnancy to term, I have no desire to do so. My pregnancies were rough physically – I had such bad pelvic problems during my second pregnancy that my doctors were concerned I’d end up in a wheelchair.”

Leslie enjoys the relationships she has with her children now they’re older, without being “bothered with breastfeeding, nappies, toddler groups and packing a ridiculous bag for a trip to the shops.”

“While there are women my age and older who do become pregnant and give birth, that’s their choice – I don’t want to be dealing with primary school in my 50s and teen drama in my 60s.”

She urges women in the UK to be vocal about supporting abortion rights, based on her own experience of abortion in the US: “I grew up with women who talked about the dark days before Roe v Wade and the affects it had on families and communities. UK women need to be very vocal about supporting abortion rights and make sure nothing like this can happen here. We’ve seen rights eroded in this country – don’t rest on your laurels and think it can’t happen here. Your life and safety depend on your vigilance. Don’t frame it as a choice – it’s your right to healthcare.”

Georgia Lewis

In a career that has spanned Australia, the Middle East and the UK, Georgia has written about all sorts of things, including sex, cars, food, oil and gas, insurance, fashion, travel, workplace safety, health, religious affairs, glass and glazing… When she’s not writing words for fun and profit, she can usually be found with a glass of something French and red in her hand.

The post Roe v Wade ripples across the pond appeared first on Silver Magazine.

The pandemic has been hard on families. Not actually being able to touch loved ones living in a separate household has been difficult, for example. Until recently you weren’t even able to let your dear old mum hug your reluctant teen (always hilarious), let alone host a roast with all generations in attendance.

But we’ve got through it right? Only increasingly, as ‘woke’ faces down the old school, it seems that inviting your fam into a social bubble for dinnertime chat might make your relationship with them all go…

…Pop!

There are so many schisms – and isms

It all started with Brexit – discussions about which ruined many a family shindig – and it’s currently hanging out with #BLM and the TERFs.

The language your grown children speak is almost the polar opposite of your parents’

It seems like there’s nothing binary in the world any more. Well, unless you’re talking 5G maybe, but even that’s controversial (remember when David Icke just had an opinion on football?! Ah, those were the days).

There’s a Brave New World of hashtags, acronyms, and pronouns bringing inter-generational strife into your life. The language your grown children speak is almost the polar opposite of your parents’ take.

And whilst in the past that’s been confined to ‘ugh what do you understand?’, now the chasm is far wider and has more words. It’s embedded in misunderstandings around racism, misgendering, and sexist or political differences.

And poor old Generation X is stuck in the middle. Kinda hoping against hope that everyone can be reasonable. Yay.

It used to be easy to spot who was in the wrong

They’d usually have had one too many at the golf club do. And start bandying around the words we all knew were shameful, whilst at the same time asking the mortified (underage) waitress for a quick peck on the cheek.

These days you can fart in the wrong direction and upset someone.

In those days it would oh-so-humorously still be called being ‘politically incorrect’. Being liberal was to be applauded and there was still comedy on TV.

But at least you knew where you were. These days you can fart in the wrong direction and upset someone.

Gen X, the peacemakers?

So here we are, Gen X silvers, pleading with everyone to ‘play nicely’, as the roughhousing gets out of hand. Wondering how we handle the inevitable discussions about toppling statues, burning flags, and the need to rethink the history syllabus without giving Grandad an aneurysm and letting wrongs go unchecked.

Surely there’s some middle ground? How can we #BeKind to everyone and move forward? Indeed, can we?

If you’re concerned that your, ahem, micro-aggressions might be triggering your favourite snowflake, here’s a guide. And yes, it’s supposed to be funny. Keep your wig on. And no that’s not baldist.

How to handle the woke, without alienating the Daily Mail reader in your life:

Do…

Get a gender-neutral sign for your toilet door. Your ageing parents will be none the wiser, but your Gen Z will grudgingly appreciate this when they visit. If they visit, obviously; they have a march most weekends.

Ignore social media virtue signaling. Does it really matter that your vegan goddaughter is sharing her work with PETA online every single bloody day? If she wants to tell the world that she’s ‘being the change she wants to see’, let her. Who cares?

Try to understand white privilege. If you’re unclear (because let’s face it, you didn’t learn it at school in between canings and talk of the Empire), it describes the unseen, unconscious advantage those with white skin have. Like when you go tights shopping at John Lewis, they have a whole host of hosiery that matches your legs? And how nobody calls up the police just because you’re outside their house? That kind of thing.

Accept that for some, being a polemic is a lifestyle choice. It might not be your lifestyle choice, but there you go. It takes all sorts and 2020 is all about tolerance. Unless you’re gluten, nobody likes gluten.

Agree to be in a TikTok. Just make sure you look bougie. Like Judi.

Don’t…

Say ‘all lives matter’. Not because it’s not true, but because the point behind the Black Lives Matter campaign is that it is black people’s lives that are undervalued and under threat. It’s a lesson in human rights, not in grammatical nuance. This is their moment, not yours.

Appear on Question Time and roll your eyes. In fact eye rolling anywhere is to be avoided. If you find you need to, go into the bathroom and do it alone. You filthy frustrated beast.

Mention how incomprehensible you find Sam Smith and his, ahem their, pronouns because correct grammar was drilled into you at school. Almost literally. You’ll just open a whole another can of argh.

Plop yourself down on public transport and open your legs as wide as possible, if you identify as a man. It’s called manspreading (that phrase probably needs updating) and it’s the epitome of entitlement. As in, I’m entitled to your seat as well as mine. It means something else entirely if you don’t identify as a man though. Also avoid, probably.

Have an opinion on Twitter. Ever.

And finally, don’t @ me, because I’ve switched off commenting. I’m all for freedom of speech, unless of course, it’s directed at me.

Vanessa Holburn

The post Generation X. Mediating between the woke and the outspoke? appeared first on Silver Magazine.

As told to Sam Harrington-Lowe

“Let me first of all paint you a picture of what my Christmases have historically been like. From the outside they probably looked idyllic; a big place in the countryside, all the family, full Christmas dinner and an open fire. If you look at textbook examples of ‘family Christmas’ you’d expect to find pictures of pretty much what we did. But I was always dreading Christmas.

She wanted it to be perfect, but didn’t realise that in her quest for a flawless Christmas, she created a paralysing hell on earth

“What the pictures wouldn’t show is the stress that lay behind them. Because each year my mother would make it utterly hellish for me and my two brothers, to the point that I used to break out in hives around 20 December each year.

“She wanted it to be perfect, but didn’t realise that in her quest for a flawless Christmas, she created a paralysing hell on earth and badwill to all men by micromanaging every single aspect. We were all terrified of getting it wrong, of upsetting her or incurring her wrath by not doing things the right way.”

CHRISTMAS SHOULD BE FOR CHILDREN

“As a child, I remember Christmas not making me jump with joy, but making me jump nervously. In the lead-up there would be stress around Christmas lists and who was getting what. The tree was decorated to within an inch of its life, but without joy. The most important thing was getting it symmetrical and the right colour tones together. I wasn’t allowed to touch it.

“We didn’t get to make decorations as kids, because she thought they looked scruffy, and there were rules around everything. What time we could get on up Christmas Day, when the presents had to be opened, who was coming on what day and what would happen when each person came – it was planned like a military operation and woe betide anyone who mucked up her schedule.

“When we were finally allowed to open the presents – after lunch – we had to all take it in turns to open them, one at a time, so people could admire the gifts. Even though we all knew what everyone was getting and who was buying it. I remember one year my father got my brother the wrong thing. Mum cried in the kitchen on her own because ‘everything was spoiled’. My father felt awful. We all did.”

MAYBE NOT ALL HER FAULT

“She’d grown up in poverty and Christmas for her had always been awful. So to be fair to her, I guess she always wanted it to be special. But her drive to make it perfect made it unbearable for everyone.

“My dad withdrew into himself, making her even more angry because he refused to help. And as we grew up and became adults, instead of getting angry with us for doing things the wrong way, she had a passive-aggressive way of delivering the blow instead. We used to cringe. We walked on eggshells.

There was nothing spontaneous about the gift giving… It was like a shopping list with thorns.

“I found I was pushing myself harder each year to be awesome and outshine expectation. My brothers and I also found we were competing for her approval. There were rows over the Christmas lists, and who was getting what for everyone. There was nothing spontaneous about the gift giving. She made us all draw up lists and share them, and then each of us divvied up what we’d get for each other. It was like a shopping list with thorns.

“There were always arguments – usually when she considered that the choice was wrong. If you got the wrong branded jumper, for example, she’d let you know, and you’d feel like you’d failed. Even as we all found ourselves in our 40s we ended up in this nightmarish merry-go-round each year, none of us strong enough to break out.”

SO THIS IS WHAT IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE!

“I first realised that this wasn’t how it was supposed to be when I spent Christmas Day at my husband’s family house two years ago. It had taken every ounce of my strength to tell Mum I wasn’t going to be there for lunch on Christmas Day – she made me feel hideous by bursting into tears and telling me I was ruining the day for everyone. But my husband was quietly firm. We’d spent every Christmas Day with my lot, he said. It was time to do his family. I don’t know if I’d have managed without his support.

“I had no idea Christmas could be so lovely. We got up when we liked and tore into the presents without pausing for breath – presents that were all a complete surprise to everyone. Then some of us walked the dogs, a couple of people went to the pub, others hung about in the kitchen drinking champagne and eating smoked salmon and scrambled eggs. I had NO IDEA people could do what they wanted on Christmas Day! Everyone helped cook the lunch and we had beef shin, NOT TURKEY! And we ate when it was ready, not at 2pm on the dot.

“And then everyone did what they wanted. Some slept on the sofas, a couple of us played with new-found gifts. And when we had more space we ate the food left over on the dining room table, drank brandy and ate chocolate and it was HEAVEN!

Do you hate turkey?! Read this article!

“The next morning we loaded up the car and went to my mother’s place, only to find she had essentially put everyone else on hold until we got there, so we could ‘do’ Christmas Day together. My brothers and their wives, their kids, my grandparents, my parents… so nobody had opened a gift, the turkey had been kept for our arrival – it was horrific. We were met at the door with stony silence all round. Everyone was resentful, and it was at that point I realised I couldn’t play this game any more.”

SO I STOPPED PLAYING THE GAME

“That Boxing Day I went through the motions but I knew it was for the final time. And so when September rolled around the following year, on the family group WhatsApp I just said I was opting out of Christmas. Cue disbelief all round. I was completely straight about it, I said I was finding the day increasingly hard to cope with and I couldn’t afford the gifts everyone wanted, so I would be happy to come and join in, but I didn’t want any gifts and I wouldn’t be buying any. It was enough just to see my family.

“You would have thought I’d confessed to a murder or something. Everyone went quiet for a day, waiting for my mother to react, all clearly braced for the fallout. But actually, it never came. She called me separately and made a bit of a ding-dong over the phone about how I was breaking everyone up, but I stuck to my guns. We went there for Christmas Day morning – sans gifts – and left for the afternoon at the other lot again, and it was sort of fine, although Mum made a show of dabbing her eyes she didn’t go full tonto. Actually it was more than fine. I came without expectations, and was genuinely pleased to see them all. And then we left, and left them to their regimented itinerary!

“I don’t know how my brothers feel. Tried to bring it up separately but neither of them wanted to talk about it. I think they feel like they have to make up for my anarchy by being extra awesome and I’m sorry they feel that pressure. But they do have a choice, and at least I’ve blazed the trail for them. Secretly I think I can see one of them breaking the mould soon, but the eldest is still stuck in the groove.”

MAKING CHANGES

“I’m not going there until Boxing Day this year but I have told Mum that if I arrive and she’s held everyone up again I will leave immediately. So there will not be a repeat. She has been more chilled this year, so I’m hoping we have got over the expectation. I love her very much but I hated what she turned Christmas into.

“I’ve left the WhatsApp group. And this year I’m going to throw a new spanner in the works by getting everyone a little gift. It’ll be something they haven’t asked for, that I have chosen with love. I know they’re all going to get up in my grill about how I shouldn’t have surprised them, they weren’t expecting it, they haven’t got anything for me, etc. But for me this is about breaking rules and making new strides, and I’m hoping that slowly we can start to change things.

“I think next year I’m going to invite everyone to my house, and see what happens. Wish me luck…”

*names have been changed

Sam Harrington-Lowe

Sam is Silver’s founder and editor-in-chief. She’s largely responsible for organising all the things, but still finds time to do the odd bit of writing. Not enough though. Send help.

The post I stopped giving my family Christmas gifts and it’s made me much, much happier appeared first on Silver Magazine.