Comments on: When childlessness isn’t a choice – living with grief

By: Flossie

Flossie — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 16:41:35 +0000

Found this in summer 2024 at age 57… After a week long meltdown, the first in 2 years, I needed to know the way I feel isn’t unique. Hearing such a sound digest of what being childless is for you, I found similarities aplenty but also acknowledged aspects I can’t normally look at, without sounding venomous or being devastated. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this with. My husband had children, a vasectomy and clans up when I lose my composure (much rarer these days). I need to have him understand and not just witness the part we’re I tear myself up pieces and hear him say,’you never ask me if I feel bad’ or ‘I feel bad too’. He’s not normally so dense that this shocks me a d makes my hatred of myself so much worse. How and why do I deserve this reaction. Anyway I’ll give it one more shot and smith your fluent discourse to hand, I’ll hopefully guide us to a fruitful understanding of one another’s feeling on this. Wish me luck. Thank you XX

By: Tai

Tai — Thu, 14 Oct 2021 15:25:05 +0000

Bibi – you had me at “I’ll fucking take that!”
I am a 36 year old gay man and this year my husband and I became CNBC. I didnt even know the term until a week ago after I, mr happy go smiles, and the one who makes everyone else laugh… had a melt down!

I am still trying to find my feet as I have spent my whole life wanting kids and for reasons out of my control which I can do nothing about, I will never be able to have children. Is it just me or is it also the moment that line sinks in, EVERY tv show, EVERY radio ad section, every article, shop, conversation that is around you all seems to be focusing on children, adoption, fostering and everything that pushes that knife in and twists it more and more…

Thank you for being a real person with real feelings put this in just the way we feel.

By: Clare Cooper

Clare Cooper — Mon, 15 Feb 2021 17:09:19 +0000

I’m glad I found this article. Thank you for writing it. I’m 64 and married but the grief of childlessness has never really gone. I’m feeling it a lot lately,
and regretting I did not marry my first offer, who would have been a lovely dad, but I wasn’t ready. I sometimes remind myself that parents have enormous pain or anxiety too when children have or develop a serious lifelong illness, get bullied, have a learning disability, turn to drugs, or die when young. So it’s not worry-free being a parent, and it is exhausting (we fostered for a while), but I still feel deeply sad I don’t have my own children.

By: Lily Louise

Lily Louise — Wed, 06 Jan 2021 13:57:18 +0000

This article- this right here. I have been searching for the last 12 years since our last ICSI IVF failed…for someone to finally tell the world how it really feels to be childless not by choice.
I am 33- menopause hit at 21, my birthday actually.
And you are right- the next generation (grandkids) that feels like its gonna hurt more than the first time around. Like we go on for so long feeling okay, then we know it’ll crash over us again in the next ten years more painful than ever.

Thank you for writing this article.
You make so much sense. We are worthwhile- and yes! THose posts about tired parents i had my brother in law say “why are James and Lily always tired, they dont know whats it like to be tired cos they aint got kids!”
But I was tired, I was caring for my dying dad…who we lost to cancer before Christmas. Being childless and now father less is scaring the hell out of me, because our grief feels double.

By: Mariko

Mariko — Mon, 09 Nov 2020 13:15:01 +0000

Thank you so much for writing this article.
It has been helpful to read.