Imagine this: it’s mid-afternoon and you’re in a café. You’re trying to connect your laptop to the café’s broadband when suddenly the world tilts. Not the actual world – just your own inner world.

A text pings on to your phone – simple words, a short message… but you can’t comprehend it. You see the words and letters, they look familiar, but you can’t read them. Your laptop refuses to do what it’s supposed to. You look at the keys; they might as well be hieroglyphics.

As you pack up your stuff and try to say goodbye to the waitress who’d brought you your coffee just ten minutes earlier, no words come out. Panic rises, hands go clammy, your whole body breaks out in a sweat: it’s just the coffee, you tell yourself. It’s just deadline anxiety. But you know in your rapidly beating heart it’s neither…

So what was wrong with me?

Apart from the panic, I felt OK. But I knew something was very wrong. It’s nothing dramatic, it’s just odd. A quiet, insidious shutdown, my brain protesting… overload.

This was my reality one ordinary Thursday. The sudden onset of what initially appeared to be a transient ischemic attack (TIA) – a “mini-stroke”.

Fortunately, I got to A&E in time to avert disaster and swerve a full-on stroke. I was given emergency intravenous medications to lower my blood pressure. I was in hospital for three days but when I got home I started to wonder how many people actually suffer from TIAs, strokes or near-misses like me, and how many change as a result of that experience.

After posting about my experience on social media, I discovered that a lot of people had been through similar and many through much worse. Some don’t survive and some struggle to recover, but the vast majority bounce back.

Although it can be extremely tough at the time, most stroke-sufferers I’ve now spoken to say a TIA or stroke doesn’t have to signal the end. Far from it. It can be the fierce, unyielding catalyst for reinvention, a neurological nudge toward a life more aligned, more valued, more YOURS.

How a catastrophic event can reshape your future

In the UK, where around 100,000 strokes occur annually, the narrative often fixates on loss, the physical hurdles, the emotional toll. Yet emerging research paints a more hopeful portrait, one where survivors not only endure, but evolve psychologically in ways that enrich their lives.

A groundbreaking meta ethnography by UK researchers at the University of Salford synthesised patient experiences from multiple studies, revealing how stroke rehabilitation fosters a profound “evolution of identity.” Drawing from 13 international trials, it highlights how positive psycho-social shifts, bolstered by hope, robust social support and enhanced self-efficacy, can reshape survivors’ sense of self over time.

Staff encouragement and community networks play pivotal roles, turning vulnerability into strength. Participants described reclaiming autonomy, reconciling their pre- and post-stroke identities, and emerging with renewed purpose. Not despite the event, but because of it.

Read more: How dance therapy can improve stroke recovery

This isn’t isolated optimism

A 2023 systematic review in the International Journal of Nursing Studies, involving 60 global studies (many UK-led), identified 39 post-event treatments that demonstrably improved psychosocial well-being post-stroke. These included dialogue-based therapies and narrative approaches, which help survivors reframe their stories, reducing anxiety and isolation while focusing on resilience.

UK guidelines from the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) echo this, recommending tailored psychological therapies that yield moderate-to-large reductions in depression and anxiety symptoms. The results are encouraging with up to 50% reliable recovery rates in some cohorts.

…dialogue-based therapies and narrative approaches, which help survivors reframe their stories, reduce anxiety and isolation

One feasibility study from Akershus University Hospital tested a guided self-determination intervention, where stroke survivors reported feeling “enriched” by sharing their experiences, gaining emotional tools to navigate distress and foster long-term coping.

Even in chronic phases, the Oxford Chronic Stroke Project (OX-CHRONIC), a UK longitudinal study, underscores that while challenges like fatigue persist, targeted support stabilises mood and boosts quality of life. With many survivors prioritising – and achieving – psychological recovery years later.

A joined-up approach to recovery

The Stroke Association’s approach to rehab includes a push for integrated care that addresses the “hidden” effects of stroke survival. These include mood swings, eroded confidence, feelings of despair – and encourages patients not to see them as permanent scars, but as potential points for growth.

Psychological interventions, from cognitive behavioural therapy to self-help relaxation, outperform the results from simply taking medications alone when managing symptoms, encouraging survivors to cultivate adaptive mindsets: acceptance, self-esteem and even positive affect that reignites social participation.

In essence, a stroke can rewire not just the brain’s circuits, but reset its compass – pointing toward more positive changes.

My own story – despite it not involving a full-on TIA or stroke – bears this out. A personal testament to how crisis can clarify. For me, after the initial panic and confusion, it felt as if a tangled overgrown pathway had been cleared. I can’t speak for victims of serious stroke, but I can speak as someone who teetered on the edge of that for a few days and whose experience is therefore somewhat piqued interest in the subject.

That Thursday, disoriented and silent, I stumbled home, my pulse thundering in my ears

I called my daughter and she suggested I check my blood pressure. It was perilously high. By the time I got to A&E, it was 240/180.

I was kept in the resuscitation bay and given emergency IV drugs. I had a CT scan, blood tests and eye exams mapping the unseen threats. And I was kept in ‘Resus’ overnight, monitors beeping, then wheeled to a ward as the meds wrestled my blood pressure down until it then hit a way-too-low 90/70. Another night of watchful waiting and, by the following evening, my BP stabilised. The days that followed are blurred by exhaustion; was it the sleepless nights at the hospital that wore me out? Or the side effects of the drugs?

Yet, piercing that haze, I sensed a shift. The hospital staff – charming, kind, unflaggingly professional – left me grateful, cheered up by their humanity and empathy. I felt elated and relieved, but this was no near-death epiphany. (I’ve danced with that spectre before and emerged unchanged.) No, this was more subtle, a brain-level recalibration, as if neurons had huddled in conference and taken a vote.

It was time to take action!

For many gruelling years, I’d poured my energy into others’ lives. Caring not just for family and friends but also (through my work as a journalist and filmmaker) extending lifelines to strangers. I penned articles, produced films, guested on podcasts, hosted a chat show. Often without payment, a compulsion born of a desire to help, without considering the toll this might take.

I knew working that way was unwise, but I naively believed that everything would work out fine in the end. Perhaps foolishly I believed in karma (not so much anymore) and was certain that kindness was always repaid. If I was generous with my time and energy, all would be well. What an idiot I was! Taking that route cost me dearly: my home sold under duress, confidence shattered, the will to go on flickering dangerously low on dark nights.

The near-miss TIA didn’t just threaten my life; it illuminated all the dark corners and shone a light on my own personal ledger book. Something in my brain – stressed to malfunction – whispered “You are worth more.”

I suddenly had an overwhelming sense of purpose and self-worth, a fierce determination to reclaim the reins. No more diffusion of my gifts into the void. I’m done with the gratis grind. No More Mrs Nice Guy! I know now that I must charge for my words, my vision, my value. Articles, films, shows, books – all now fenced with fair boundaries and proper pricing. It’s not bitterness, it’s not bigheadedness – it’s liberation. That brain blip powered up a woman who now knows her efforts demand equity, her light deserves reward.

In terms of avoiding this happening again…

I don’t like taking pharmaceutical meds, but the docs stressed that I was in an emergency situation. And after giving me IV ACE inhibitor Ramipril, they recommended I continue on it in pill form. I’ve been taking it now for six weeks and my BP is still high. Today’s reading is 194/117.

I’m having a device fitted to my arm for 24 hours in two weeks’ time which will take hourly readings, so they can get to the bottom of what’s causing the problem. In the meantime, I’ve cut out alcohol and wheat, and I’m also trying to cut out sugar.

I think perhaps the cause is not enough exercise – working on that – and maybe a lack of physical affection. After being in end-to-end relationships for over 40 years, I suddenly decided to go it alone five years ago. It’s benefited me in many ways, but has it affected my blood pressure? Who knows?

I’ve had every medical test under the sun now and one doctor commented that I might be one of those people who just naturally has high blood pressure. Others have said it could be hereditary and untreatable. (My parents both had high BP.)

For now, it’s a bit of a mystery but hopefully what happened five weeks ago won’t happen again. Just not sure how to make sure it doesn’t though.

A stroke – or a brush with one – may arrive unbidden…

But it needn’t steal your future. As those UK studies affirm, with support and intention, it can illuminate paths to psychological flourishing.

Stronger identities, resilient coping, lives laced with deeper meaning. My café blackout was no elegy; it was a stepping stone to this new bold chapter.

The world didn’t end that afternoon – and, oddly, the fact that it could have done wasn’t the point: it began anew. And, although no one is happy to endure such misfortune, like all my adversities, I feel privileged to have glimpsed into that world, lived to tell my tale and to feel stronger as a person because of it.

Have you experienced something similar? Let us know in the comments below.

Jacqui Deevoy

Jacqui Deevoy has been a freelance journalist for over three decades, starting out on teenage magazines, then later working for women’s magazines worldwide, and national newspapers including the Daily Mail, the Mirror, Express and Telegraph. These days, as well as writing for magazines, papers and websites, she produces documentaries and hosts a Monday night talk show for Unprecedented TV.

The post How nearly having a stroke changed my life appeared first on Silver Magazine.

In my youth, consciously feeling gratitude was as foreign to me as a far-off galaxy. I was too busy living to pause and really appreciate what I had. If you’d told teenage me that gratitude could transform my health, I wouldn’t have paid much attention.

Despite my mum – who worked all her adult life in mental health – telling me that the mind, body and soul were all linked. And despite me being pretty ‘up’ on all things spiritual, I never once stopped to consider the power of “vitamin G”.

Now, older and humbled by life’s unexpected twists and turns, I’ve come to see gratitude as my daily dose of something we all need. Through personal experience and a deep dive into the science, I’ve learned that gratitude isn’t just a feel-good buzzword. It’s a scientifically backed elixir for overall health and well-being.

I was saying thanks – but did I mean it?

As a child, I was a bit of a whinger. There were many things I didn’t like. Getting up in the morning, milk, most food, going to bed, school… Smells, tastes, textures, certain music all upset me. My mood could go from happy to tearful in a matter of seconds, and small problems could easily sour a happy mood or pleasant day. I had been taught how to say thank you, but I never actually felt gratitude when I said it.

What I didn’t realise as a young person was that this sort of passive negativity was actually poisoning me

To me, being grateful involves a degree of positive outpouring, something I wasn’t very good at. I’ve always found saying thank you difficult. I can give compliments, no problem. Somehow that feels different. But being truly, from-the-heart grateful has never been easy. Did I see it as a weakness? It certainly didn’t sit comfortably with me and, even now, as an adult, I wrestle with it.

What I didn’t realise as a young person was that this sort of passive negativity was actually poisoning me. My stress levels have always been sky-high, I was hyper, my behaviour unpredictable, my sleep erratic.

I carried tension like a second skin. I used to joke that I didn’t need to work out as my muscles were permanently tense. It wasn’t until recently, during a rough patch, when a friend gave me a gratitude journal as a gift and challenged me to write three things I was thankful for each day, that I recognised how life-changing being grateful could be. What started as a half-hearted exercise soon became a lifeline and science explains why.

How does gratitude work? The science…

At first, my journal entries were uninspired. “Thanks for having food to eat, for my nice hair, my comfy bed…” But, over the weeks, I began noticing the really small stuff: the warmth of a sunny morning, a stranger’s smile, the blast of a song I liked from a passing car. I felt lighter, less anxious. My sleep improved, and I even caught myself smiling more.

A 2003 study by Emmons and McCullough found that people who kept gratitude journals reported higher life satisfaction and lower stress, with cortisol levels dropping by up to 23%.

When I made an effort to be more grateful, and to express my gratitude out loud, and more often, everything changed. Being stuck in traffic didn’t bother me like it used to; instead of fuming, I’d remind myself how lucky I was to have a car. Losing work wasn’t a problem; I was thankful for the work I already had and would be able to get in the future. Relationships ending didn’t devastate me the way it once did; I was grateful for the lessons I learned from them and pleased I was free to move on.

A 2010 study in Psychological Science found that gratitude enhances emotional resilience, helping people recover faster from stress and, once I understood this, I worked harder on my daily feelings of gratitude. I soon noticed that feeling grateful on a regular basis rewired my response to life’s little annoyances.

Aaron Burden / Unsplash

The science goes deeper

Gratitude boosts the brain’s feel-good chemicals, dopamine and serotonin. This explains why my mood could be lifted even when life wasn’t going swimmingly. In one experiment, participants who wrote gratitude letters showed increased activity in the brain’s reward centres, effects that lasted months.

For me, jotting down thanks for a friend laughing at one of my corny jokes or for an especially tasty meal became a daily dopamine hit, making the world feel less heavy. A 2019 study from University College London explored this further, revealing that gratitude practices, such as daily reflection on positive events, increased serotonin levels in the brain by up to 18%.

Practising gratitude has also transformed my relationships. In my youth, I took people for granted; my parents’ support, friends’ loyalty… I was too self-absorbed to say thank you with intention. Now, I make a point of expressing appreciation, whether it’s a quick text to a work colleague or a heartfelt message in a (real!) card to a loved one.

Physically, ‘Vitamin G’ has been a game-changer

I used to battle insomnia, my mind racing with worries. But gratitude quietens the noise. Now, I end my day listing three things I’m thankful for. A cosy blanket, a good book, a kind word… and it lulls my brain into rest.

Another study linked gratitude to lower blood pressure and better immune function, suggesting my body was reaping rewards beyond my improved sleep. Even my heart health might be getting a boost.

…gratitude reduces stress, boosts mood, strengthens relationships, improves sleep and supports physical health

When I reflect on what I’m thankful for, I can almost feel my body relax and my breathing slow down. Looking back, I wish I’d embraced Vitamin G sooner. It’s not about ignoring life’s challenges or faking positivity. It’s about spotting the good amid the mess.

The science is clear: gratitude reduces stress, boosts mood, strengthens relationships, improves sleep and supports physical health. I intend to make feeling, really feeling grateful a daily ritual in the hope that it’ll make my day easier and my moving through the world smoother.

If I can become a gratitude convert, anyone can. So, take a dose of Vitamin G today. It’s free, it’s powerful and it might just be the healthiest habit you’ll ever pick up!

Jacqui Deevoy

Jacqui Deevoy has been a freelance journalist for over three decades, starting out on teenage magazines, then later working for women’s magazines worldwide, and national newspapers including the Daily Mail, the Mirror, Express and Telegraph. These days, as well as writing for magazines, papers and websites, she produces documentaries and hosts a Monday night talk show for Unprecedented TV.

The post The scientific health benefits of feeling gratitude appeared first on Silver Magazine.

The simmering resentments, the unspoken rivalries, the caustic one-liners that only two people who once adored each other could ever inflict. The Roses, opening in cinemas this weekend, captures all of that – only louder, sharper, and with a lot more collateral damage.

Directed by Jay Roach (Bombshell, Meet the Parents), the film pairs Benedict Cumberbatch and Olivia Colman on screen for the first time, playing Theo and Ivy Rose. At first glance, theirs is a charmed life: two successful careers, a seemingly solid marriage, children, and a dream home.

But then Theo’s architectural career implodes. He’s on the verge of fame with a high-profile nautical museum in San Francisco, but on the day of its unveiling, a storm hits. The building collapses due to a structural flaw, instantly ruining his reputation.

To make it worse, the same storm reroutes traffic to Ivy’s seafood restaurant, where a prominent critic happens to dine. Her career takes off overnight, just as his falls apart.

As Ivy’s culinary success and ambitions soar, that picture-perfect façade fractures. What begins as witty sparring escalates into full-blown emotional combat.

It’s a modern reimagining of Warren Adler’s novel and the 1989 black comedy The War of the Roses. But this version, scripted by Tony McNamara (The Favourite, Poor Things), digs into contemporary pressures: ambition, perfectionism, social media success, and the capitalist grind pulling couples apart.

“Real life, only turned up”

Director Jay Roach is clear about what drew him to the project. “The tone is unique, it’s basically real life,” he explains. “I often use humour to navigate tough moments, and I think people in relationships who can joke and tease their way through awkward situations show signs of a healthy bond. But this film explores how that love language can turn from teasing to outright attack – and sometimes, it’s hard to tell the difference.”

That grey area – when affection mutates into cruelty – is something McNamara’s script skewers with savage wit. Cumberbatch loved it from the outset. “This is a laugh-out-loud script, filled with bad behaviour,” he says. “It’s so much fun, so inventive and so witty.”

Colman agrees. “Tony is so good at doing proper hilarity that you forget there’s also this intense emotion in there. He sprinkles it in, and it breaks your heart.”

Olivia Colman and Benedict Cumberbatch in The Roses. Photo by Jaap Buitendijk, Courtesy of Searchlight Pictures. © 2025 Searchlight Pictures All Rights Reserved.

Theo and Ivy: recognisable, messy, real

Cumberbatch sees Theo and Ivy as characters audiences will immediately recognise. “As a couple, they are very identifiable,” he says. “This film will have something recognisable in it for everybody, whatever stage their relationship is at. Hopefully not too much, though. This is a cautionary tale at the end of the day.”

For Colman, Ivy was a joy to play. “Ivy Rose is ace; she’s quite a free spirit. She’s a chef, she’s funny, passionate, loving, a good mum. When Ivy and Theo meet, it’s explosive. Then they have children, and it all goes a bit wrong. Both Ivy and Theo are brilliant at what they do, but it’s hard for them to find a balance between their careers and family life.”

Theo, meanwhile, is as magnetic as he is flawed. “I love his directness,” Cumberbatch says. “He knows what he wants and goes for it. Some of those decisions are devastating, some heartbreaking, some funny. At times he’s his own worst enemy. He gets lost in retribution and in his emotional state and can’t see the other people involved. He’s just not that self-aware.”

In short, they’re the sort of couple you might admire across the dinner table – until you realise their witty banter is really a declaration of war.

Olivia Colman and Benedict Cumberbatch in THE ROSES. Photo by Jaap Buitendijk, Courtesy of Searchlight Pictures. © 2025 Searchlight Pictures All Rights Reserved.

Fun hating each other

What makes The Roses irresistible is not just the script but the pairing of its two stars. Although Cumberbatch and Colman have been friends for years, this is their first project together. And both threw themselves into the escalating venom with relish.

“I think really it’s because in this film she gets to be the very worst version of Olivia Colman there could ever be,” Cumberbatch says. “And I’ve relished watching her do it.”

Colman agrees. “Yes, it has been lots of fun, hating each other. There’s something rather therapeutic about getting to be utterly horrible to someone, and then having a good laugh about it later.”

Their chemistry on set was instant. Writer Tony McNamara recalls the first day of shooting: “In their first scene, we were like, ‘Oh my God, they feel like they’ve been married for so long.’ They had such a connection and rhythm. It felt incredible.”

Even the crew found themselves divided in their loyalties. Producer Michelle Graham recalls: “It was fascinating to see who related to Theo or Ivy at various stages of the story.”

A Gen X cautionary tale

For those of us who came of age in the late 80s and 90s – who maybe watched the original War of the Roses with both horror and fascination – this new version feels more relatable. McNamara points out that the pressures on modern couples are different. “Today’s world is different… ambition, desire for perfection, individualism, and the capitalist system pull people apart. It’s not great for a happy marriage.”

That’s the sting in the comedy: the very real challenge of holding a relationship together while careers, kids, and self-image all compete for space. As Colman puts it, “Both Ivy and Theo are brilliant at what they do. But it’s hard for them to find a balance between their careers and family life.”

And as McNamara notes, the story works because it doesn’t let either character off the hook. “I want people to root for Theo and Ivy to be together but recognise how difficult that is. I don’t think as an audience you want them to suddenly be nice to each other.”

Why it matters now

By the end, audiences may laugh, wince, and perhaps eyeball their partners a little too knowingly. Roach hopes the film prompts reflection. “I hope this film causes every person watching it to turn to their partner and say, ‘Wow, we need to talk honestly and drop the surface stuff, because if we don’t, we might misunderstand each other.’”

For Cumberbatch, the takeaway is simpler: “This is a cautionary tale.”

For Colman: “It’s about human mess in all its glory.”

And for married couples watching, perhaps the most sobering recognition is that the line between playful banter and destructive warfare is a lot thinner than we’d like to admit.

The Roses
In cinemas from 29 August 2025

Sam Harrington-Lowe

Sam is Silver’s founder and editor-in-chief. She’s largely responsible for organising all the things, but still finds time to do the odd bit of writing. Not enough though. Send help.

The post The Roses: when love turns into warfare appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Why are we doing this? Make sure you’re on the same page

Understanding why you’re choosing to live together helps avoid future misunderstandings. It might be different for both of you. Is it about convenience, pooling finances, or deepening your commitment? If you have clear, shared reasons, you will cohabit more successfully.

Love and budgets: Get aligned

Set money rules early to avoid misunderstandings down the road. Decide how you’ll handle bills, rent or mortgage payments, and day-to-day expenses. Will you split costs equally or proportionally according to income? Agree on a financial plan ahead of time to reduce stress and uncertainty. If you’re moving into a new build home together, you may also have to make joint decisions about furniture or what kind of appliances you prefer.

Know your legal status: Why cohabitation agreements matter

No matter how committed you are to each other, it’s important to understand that if you’re unmarried, you don’t have the same rights as those who are married or in a civil partnership. If you’re buying a home or contributing to a mortgage, consider entering into a cohabitation agreement to clarify ownership and responsibilities.

Who does what at home? Talk about chores ahead of time

Sharing the load is a critical part of living together. Set clear expectations around cooking, cleaning, and other chores. It might not sound romantic, but it will help avoid resentment later on if things get left undone. Use tech to help you by downloading a couples-focused calendar and task app that will help you stay on track when it comes to scheduling household tasks.

Create a home that feels like both of you

Work together to choose furniture and décor that reflects both your tastes. It’s also important to make sure that each of you has space for what’s important to you – for a hobby collection or a sewing area, for example. It’s also important that the space reflects your interests and personalities.

Handle growing pains patiently

Even if you’ve been together a long time, actually living together will inevitably mean discovering habits, both good and bad, that you didn’t know about. Remember, disagreements are normal, but what matters is discussing boundaries in advance and knowing how you will handle conflict when it arises.

Set expectations about personal space

Yes, you’re moving in together, but don’t feel guilty about needing your own space. Whether it’s time with friends or quiet solo evenings, maintaining your independence will make for a healthier relationship.

Build the foundations for a happy shared life

Moving in together is a huge milestone and can come with a lot of stress and uncertainty. But with open communication and mutual respect, you can strengthen your relationship and set the stage for the home life you both want.

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There are times in life for exploring various romantic possibilities, without making a serious commitment to any one person. And then, there’s a time at which you might prefer to settle down, and enjoy the company of a person who’s really special to you. When you’re ready for a serious relationship.

Making the transition from a string of short, less involved relationships to a longer-term, serious one isn’t always easy though. How, exactly, do you work out whether you’re ready to make the leap?

You’re comfortable being alone

This might seem contrary but it’s important. If you’re entering into a relationship in order to avoid being alone, then the chances are that you’ll rush into bad decisions. For this reason, it’s worth reflecting on how you really feel in your own company.

If you’re insecure in yourself, then you might end up depending on another person for emotional support. While we all do this to some extent, it’s worth ensuring that you actually want something from another person, rather than just an escape from solitude.

Read more: why I love being single in my fifties

You’ve processed past relationship baggage

Relationships can be tough. Some of them can leave lasting scars. If you haven’t healed properly from a damaging past relationship, then you might end up allowing previous breakups to sabotage a new love.

For example, if someone in the past has cheated on you, then you might struggle to trust that your next relationship won’t end in the same way. Sometimes, talking to a professional counsellor, or a trusted friend, can help you to process things and move forward.

You’re willing to prioritise emotional and physical health

If a relationship is going to be committed and physical, then health should be a concern. For this reason, it’s a good idea to get yourself tested for a range of sexually transmitted diseases. Some of these can be asymptomatic, so to be sure that you’re both safe you could get an at home kit such as an HIV test.

This will allow you to demonstrate that you’re serious about the relationship, and that you care more about the safety of your partner than any sense of squeamishness.

You know what you want in a partner

The best relationships tend to succeed when the two parties have compatible values and goals. This doesn’t mean you need to agree on every political issue. What it does mean is that, if one of you doesn’t ever want kids, then it’s worth speaking up early on. Compose a list of deal-breaking qualities in a partner, and keep an open mind when it comes to qualities that are merely less than ideal.

You’re open to growth and change

All successful relationships involve an element of compromise. The other person should help you to grow, and bring the best from you. If you’re completely rigid in your outlook, then you might fail to get along with your partner. On the other hand, if you’re too willing to compromise, you might end up being less than honest. Often, you’ll forge your strongest bonds in the heat of a point of tension, during which you’ll need to adapt and learn from one another. Be ready and willing to do so!

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You might be asking yourself, am I too old to go to college or whether it’s still practical to begin this journey now. The truth is, starting college later in life is not only possible but increasingly common – and often very rewarding. We’ve got some tips for those going back to study as a mature student.

It’s a myth that most students begin college or university right after school. Many learners are in their late twenties or older. In fact, over 6 million mature students aged 25 and up were enrolled in colleges during the autumn of 2021, according to data from the National Center for Education Statistics.

In this article, you’ll find smart tips for pursuing higher education later in life, whether you’re aiming to shift careers, deepen your skills, or finally work toward a degree that’s always been on your list.

Going back to school as a working adult

Balancing studies with work and life obligations can be tough, but it’s far from impossible. Many older college applicants – especially those going back to college at 30 or even 40+ – already hold full-time jobs. Because time is limited, they often look for practical support systems. One great option is to use DoMyEssay writing service, which can help with assignments and research papers by professional essay writers. This can free up time for family, work, or self-care, all while staying on top of academic responsibilities.

Is it ever too late to start college?

The answer is no. When going back to study as a mature student, you’ll find many colleges are designed to support adult learners. Institutions today offer flexible options, including online degrees and evening classes. Many programs are structured to fit around work schedules, making it easier for adults to participate.

Life experience can be a real strength in college. You may bring a practical mindset, maturity, and focus that younger students are still developing. There are also scholarships and aid packages targeted specifically at students outside the traditional college age.

Read more: harness the power of technology for study

5 tips for going back to study as a mature student

1. Know why you’re doing it

Before enrolling, take time to reflect on your motivation. Whether you’re switching fields or looking for upward mobility, being clear about your goals can help you stay committed when things get tough.

Ask yourself what you want to get out of the program. Think about your strengths, passions, and professional needs. When you start with a defined purpose, you’re more likely to stay the course.

2. Make the most of your experience

Adults bring real-world knowledge into the classroom, and that’s a big plus. Work history, family roles, and even hobbies can help you make connections with course material.

In some cases, colleges may offer credit for past work or training. Even if they don’t, your background can help you engage more deeply with lectures and projects, making learning more meaningful.

3. Be realistic with your time

If you’re starting college as a mature student, you might be juggling many responsibilities. Be honest about how much time you can devote to classes, studying, and group projects. It might take a bit longer to finish your degree, and that’s completely okay.

Don’t worry if it takes time to connect with younger classmates. Focus on your learning, and find community in places that feel natural to you – such as student groups for adult learners or online discussion forums.

4. Use campus resources

Colleges offer plenty of services to support student success. These can include academic advising, financial counselling, tutoring, and even childcare on some campuses.

Make time to explore what’s available. You’re paying for these resources, so it makes sense to use them. These services can make it much easier to manage school alongside your other responsibilities.

5. Choose a flexible program

Look for programs that fit into your lifestyle. Many adult students choose online or hybrid programs, where lectures and assignments can be completed on their own schedule.

This flexibility allows you to learn at your own pace, especially if you have kids or are working. Many programs are tailored specifically for students who’ve been in the workforce for years.

What about living on campus?

While students of any age can technically live in college dorms, many older learners prefer alternative arrangements. Whether you’re married, have kids, or just value privacy, you’ll likely find off-campus housing more suitable.

Some universities offer housing specifically for older or graduate students. For example, schools like the University of Massachusetts and the University of Wisconsin provide family-friendly residence options. Reach out to the housing department at your chosen college to see what’s possible.

What age can you study?

Typically, students begin university or higher education after A levels, aged 18-19, but that’s just the lowest age. If you’re asking what age do you start college, keep in mind that education has no fixed timeline. Whether you’re enrolling at 19, 29, or 59, you belong in the classroom.

In fact, if you’re asking how old do you have to be to go to college, the only requirement is usually the qualifications needed for entry. Age itself is not a barrier.

It’s never too late

If you’re asking what age you go to college, know that there’s no “right” answer. Many adults go back in their late thirties, forties or older. Whether you’re looking to switch careers, learn new skills, or achieve a personal milestone, education can be part of that path.

It’s never too late to begin. No matter where you are in life, your desire to learn is what truly counts.

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The post Top tips for going back to study as a mature student appeared first on Silver Magazine.

‘Tis the season where people make oft-ridiculous commitments to self-improvement. Yes, I’m talking about the good old new year resolutions. I can see people left, right, and centre vowing to do more gym, eat better, do Dry January – you know the drill. I’ve decided to take a different tack this year. I don’t know about anyone else, but my 2024 has been a bit shit. More than a bit. So instead of heaping yet more pressure on myself to be better, and do better, I’m going to head in the opposite direction. It’s time for the fuck-it list.

I think we’re all big enough and ugly enough now to let go of the concept that having juvenile fun in your middle years is a bad idea

We talk a lot about the midlife ‘coming of age’ here at Silver. Those wonderful, pivotal moments that grace your middle age that used to be called a midlife crisis. I think we’re all big enough and ugly enough now to let go of the concept that having juvenile fun in your middle years is a bad idea. Actually, it’s the best time of your life, in many ways.

Many of the items on the fuck-it list come with the wisdom that age brings you. The joy of letting stuff go. Of not giving a monkey’s what people think of you; living in a permanent state of ‘wearing purple’, if you will.

I’ve been doing a lot of these things already, really. But for posterity, and perhaps to inspire other readers to go “fuck it, I’m not doing that anymore either,” here’s my list.

Dry January

Straight into the sea with this. As if January wasn’t grim enough already.

Not listening to my gut

Ooo a couple of times this year I’ve ignored my gut – one of which was an EXTRAORDINARY tale, which I’ll tell separately another time. But I should have known better, on both counts. I knew what was going on didn’t feel right. Less impulsivity and more listening to my gut instinct.

Poncy food, poor food, stupid diets

Pub Sunday roasts. They genuinely are NEVER as good as the homemade ones. Also restaurants with tiny portions, foams or whispers of things. Didn’t we have enough of this nonsense in the ’80s? No wonder people do cocaine at restaurants. They’d be starving otherwise.

Also faddy diets, which see a lot of action in January. I mean, I’d like to be less fat, but I do also love to eat and drink. So as long as my health isn’t too shabby, let’s eat, drink, and be merry. Especially in January.

Endless TV shows or series

Good grief, Dr Who. I watched the very underwhelming Christmas special and was appalled by its mediocrity. It’s not even scary anymore. Well, not in the way I was hoping for. Also box sets, or really long things – I just never finish them, so I should probably stop trying. Breaking Bad; saw about three episodes. Ripley with Andrew Scott; I literally thought I was going to die of boredom. And I LOVE Andrew Scott. AND Highsmith.

Chasing material things

I never had myself down as someone who was bothered about money, but it turns out I am. I like nice things, and I like to be successful. But over the past few years, the pursuit of these things hasn’t always made me wildly happy – or healthy. If I’m making any kind of resolution this year, it’s to start doing more of the stuff I love, and less of the stuff that is just a means to an end.

I’m not as financially rich as I’d like, but there are more important things in life. I’ve learned that the hard way over the past few years, as people who I loved deeply have died. None of that material stuff matters. It really doesn’t. That thing you hear about people on their deathbeds never saying they wished they’d worked harder? Yeah.

Settling

Settling on work I don’t want to do, giving in to clients’ demands, settling on dates, agreeing to things I don’t like or don’t want. For someone with a big opinion of herself, I can be a terrible people pleaser. I’ve noticed it’s worst when I’m feeling low, so. Keeping an eye out for that.

Letting PRs overrun my inbox

A job-specific fuck-it here, but one I suspect many other editors and journalists will relate to. Blocking/unsubscribing from lazy ‘spray and pray’ PRs who send me press releases that aren’t relevant. Or those who ‘circle back’ the same fucking release to bump it to the top of my inbox, often more than once. If it was interesting in the first place, we’d have picked it up. Leave me the hell alone. My inbox gives me way too much anxiety and this is a big part of the problem.

Heels, bras, tight clothing, things I want to rip off my body in a rage

I’m absolutely done with this shit. I don’t think this is even an ageing thing – we all got used to working in our pyjamas over lockdown, right? I don’t want to wear proper clothes ever again. I’ve also got piles of clothes I never wear – jeans from the ’90s I’ll never get into again, skimpy tops that would show more underboob than midriff these days…

Heels have mentally been the hardest thing to say goodbye to, and I love the way they make my legs look. But I’m so out of practice wearing them, it’s TORTURE to put them on for any length of time. So off with tight things, pinchy things, anything that makes me itch, or struggle to breathe, or walk, hurts my knees or back, makes me end up with red creases in my skin, or blisters… really when you say it like that, it sounds utterly insane, doesn’t it.

Letting stuff go

Life is short, and this is an ongoing practice for me, but more letting go of ‘stuff’. Including the grief around what I might have achieved if I’d had an earlier ADHD diagnosis. That’s been a biggie.

Also in this bracket is forgiving people who have wronged me, without expecting the same in return. The freedom that forgiveness brings is utterly lifechanging. I don’t really hold grudges, but it’s hard not to feel aggrieved about some things that happened in the past. I’m choosing to let those go.

And in the spirit of letting go of things that I feel bad about myself, I’m making amends where I can. I’m also forgiving myself for stupid shit I’ve done in the past. That was then, and this is now. Fuck looking backwards.

Fuck Facebook, and fuck the news on social media

Having looked at the amount of time I spent on it on a daily basis, I’ve deleted the Facebook app off my phone. The fact that I felt uncomfortable doing that, like a junky, tells me all I need to know. Social media generally is also the hotbed for comparison, which truly is the thief of joy. I compare myself and my work with others, and it steals all my joy, makes me feel useless and unsuccessful. Enough of that.

As for the news – I like to know what’s going on in the world, but the endless ‘news’ in social feeds absolutely clutters my head, and makes me depressed a lot of the time. So, a much more measured approach to all this for me this year.

Apologising for who I am

Or diminishing my own worth. Trying to fit in, or be something that I’m not. I do a fair bit of masking, as someone with ADHD, and I’m fed up with it. It’s exhausting trying to be ‘normal’. I’ve found that if I’m honest with my friends, they’re absolutely fine with the person I really am. As the saying goes, ‘those that mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind.’ Take me with my quirks and all.

Going out in the evening

I absolutely LOVE a daytime adventure – lunches, outings, seeing friends. But I like to take to my boudoir early these days, and evening events are taxing. Jamie Lee Curtis, calling out for daytime gigs and parties, once said, “Nothing good happens for me after 9pm” and I hear that. I used to like starting my nights around then, but these days I like them to finish right about there. Then I can get a good night’s kip, sleep off the booze, and come up smiling in the morning.

Dating apps

‘Nuff said. I look occasionally, and am terminally depressed by them. Not going to look anymore, la la la etc.

Sam Harrington-Lowe

Sam is Silver’s founder and editor-in-chief. She’s largely responsible for organising all the things, but still finds time to do the odd bit of writing. Not enough though. Send help.

The post My f*ck-it list for 2025 appeared first on Silver Magazine.

At a time when many look forward to gathering with family and friends, the prospect of ‘Christmas for one’ can seem daunting. So, what can you do if you’re alone at Christmas?

Firstly, not everyone hates being alone at Christmas, so this article is aimed more at people who are on their tod, for whatever reason, and don’t really want to be. And it’s hard, knowing all the homes around you are celebrating with family, and noise, and the endless cooking, and arguing… ahem. But whether you’ve chosen to spend Christmas looking after number one, or have found yourself at a festive loose end, here’s how to make the most of the season in a single serving.

Eat what you like

Let’s face it, it’s probably not worth investing in an enormous Christmas turkey if you’re dining alone, but spending Christmas dinner solo doesn’t mean you have to do without. Take a trip to the shops to stock up on festive fayre in smaller portions and take the time to cook up something special for yourself on the day. Hotly recommended if you cannot be bothered to cook, is M&S pre-prepared food, so you can treat yourself without any bother. After all, you’re worth it.

Break up your day

Christmas Day with family often has a regimented structure to it. Presents are unwrapped in the morning, possibly a walk or carol concert. Lunch dominates the day. For those who like to indulge, there’s the King’s Speech. Perhaps other relatives or friends pop in. Then it’s bums on the couch for a Christmas film-fest.

While you may not have to work around specific timings, it makes sense to structure your day… your way. Think about creating bite-sized pieces – each one filled with something you enjoy, from a relaxing bath to your favourite film, from walking the dog to making that phone call.

The best part? You don’t have to check anyone else’s schedule.

Avoid comparisons

Anyone who’s seen a Christmas advert or sentimental film would be forgiven for thinking that all families gather together for laughter-filled feasts and sentimental cuddles come Christmas day. But let’s face it, the fantasy doesn’t live up to the reality for many of us.

If you’re feeling a little blue, imagining others basking in the heart of their family or having a blast with friends, remind yourself that around 50% of Brits admit to having an argument during the festive season. Divorce rates also increase in December and January. And according to a survey, the average spend on each child at Christmas is a whopping £420.

Reda more: Alcoholism and the chaos it causes at Christmas

Do whatever you like!

Christmas with a group often means compromise: whether its travelling to a venue, doing the cooking, buying, working out timings… people need to work around each other to create the ‘best fit’ scenario.

But if you’re spending Christmas on your own, you can do exactly what you want. This might mean getting out and volunteering, staying in and indulging, popping into friends in the evening, or attending events of your choosing. And if you just want to stay in your onesie and watch telly all day while drinking Baileys and eating M&S ready meals, do it.

“Volunteering makes my Christmas”

Anne Iarchy, 52, Barnet, Coeliac and Gluten Free Coach

Anne Iarchy

I don’t have any immediate family, and many of my friends live abroad or have commitments over Christmas, so for the last few years I’ve found myself alone on the day itself. Rather than stay in, I volunteer with my local Rotary Club, serving Christmas dinner to elderly people in the community.

It’s a fabulous event: everyone wears a Christmas jumper, there’s live piano music, wine, sherry and good cheer. And as well as having company on the day as a result, I get a great buzz from knowing that I’ve made a difference to others.

After hours, I’m at home and I tend to spend my evening chilling out. Last year, I roasted a leg of lamb in the slow cooker to enjoy for my dinner. Christmassing alone wasn’t my first choice, but now it’s something I really look forward to.

Florence Archery, 50, London, Founder of ‘Yoga Retreats and More’

Fiona Archery, photo: Joanne Withers Photography

I’ve spent several Christmases alone over the years. I’m divorced and my son, 17, sometimes spends Christmas with his father. As I’m originally from France, I don’t have any family in the UK. But I’ve learned to appreciate a different sort of Christmas to the one you see in the commercials. I appreciate the stillness: I live in London, but the streets are empty, there is less traffic. The city is lit up and I fall in love with it all over again.

I spend my day being Number 1, make myself something nice to eat, watch TV and take my ‘fur kids’ for a walk along the river. There’s a real sense of freedom from expectations.

This year, I’m going to be having lunch with two friends and my son will probably pop in. Both of my friends would have been alone otherwise. It will be nice to come together to have our own kind of Christmas. Next year, I’m running a retreat at Christmas time for others who might otherwise be alone and I’m really looking forward to it.

Repositioning Christmas for one

Being faced with Christmas Day alone can be an unhappy prospect. You might feel angry or resentful too. Perhaps you’re bereaved and absolutely dreading it.

Rather than thinking of a solo Christmas as a lonely time, if you are going to be alone, try to reposition it – the opportunity to spend Christmas the way you want. ‘You can embrace quiet, and enjoy the day as you wish,’ says Florence.

If you’d rather be occupied, charities such as Crisis at Christmas are always looking for volunteers. Or consider inviting a friend round. There will be other people in the same situation as you. ‘Don’t wait to be invited, be the one to make it happen,’ advises Florence. ‘Although avoid talking about your solo Christmas to people you’d rather not spend too much time with – you might end up with an invitation!’

Some decide to take solo holidays to get some winter sun, or join in on a winter retreat. ‘Getting the summer dresses out of the wardrobe whilst it’s really cold in the UK is very satisfying.’

Gillian Harvey

Gillian is a freelance journalist and author of best-selling novels including The Bordeaux Book Club and A Year at the French Farmhouse. Having spent 14 years living in France, she now lives in Norfolk.

The post Alone at Christmas: festive fun for one? appeared first on Silver Magazine.

London’s cosy Ambassadors Theatre is home to a new take on The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. If you loved the 2008 Hollywood production with Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett’s impeccable cheekbones, take note. This is an intelligent take, with a new British angle.

Jethro Compton has reworked the story by moving it to a Cornish fishing village, with much of the action taking place in the Pickled Crab pub.

Benjamin Button, played brilliantly by John Dagleish, is born a rather cantankerous old man to humble parents. And without giving too much away, he starts to age backwards, while everyone around him gets older. The passing of time cracks along nicely with the ridiculously talented cast singing, acting and playing their own instruments.

There’s no sunken orchestra pit of anonymous musicians here

Instead, everything from guitars, to a double bass, to a French horn is played live by the characters. Incredibly, a cast of 13 play thirteen different instruments.

Photo Marc Brenner

Of course, it’s easy to take home obvious messages from this tale, loosely based on F. Scott Fitzgerald’s 1922 short story. Sure, it’s important to carpe the hell out of the diem. To tell someone you love them. Or that you’re sorry, or that they’re forgiven, before it’s too late. But that’s a message you can get from pretty much any given rom-com.

The message that resonated with me long after the Saturday matinee was that it’s high time we got over a few of the cliches about ageing that we often utter without really thinking about them.

Sure, it’s important to carpe the hell out of the diem… but that’s a message you can get from pretty much any given rom-com.

Anyone who has ever regretted something from their youth has likely uttered, “If I knew then what I know now…”. But when you see Benjamin Button getting to be the young man who already knows the lessons of later life, it’s an uncomfortable experience.

He may indeed have the wisdom of age in an increasingly younger man’s body. But it turns out that you still can’t change the people and events around you. The pain of this is etched on Dagleish’s face as he knows he will regress to babyhood and forgets everything he ever knew, while everyone else’s life moves ahead in the usual direction.

Read more: What it’s like doing amateur dramatics

Youth is not ‘wasted on the young’

Of course, only a rare – and probably deeply annoying – human being would look back on their life and honestly say they would have done everything exactly the same if they knew then what they know now. But equally, life is a process, a bell-shaped curve where we start out knowing nothing, we grow, we learn, we develop, we reach peaks and, if we’re lucky, we fade away at a ripe, old age.

This brings me to another tiresome cliche: “Youth is wasted on the young.” No. It absolutely is not. What better time to be silly, to make mistakes, to try new things than when you are unencumbered by cynicism or fear or second-guessing yourself? Of course, this means there is an attrition rate among the young.

There will always be a latter day Icarus who flies too close to the sun. And there will always be the heartbreaking stories of kids forced to grow up too soon because of circumstances beyond their control, such as poverty and losing parents at an early age. These themes of hard, young lives are apparent in this Benjamin Button performance, with the distinctly non-Hollywood setting of an early 20th century Cornish fishing village where few had an easy life.

But those of us who were fortunate enough to have a misspent youth, to have gotten away with the bad life choices and general idiocy, can rejoice, celebrate and look back fondly on it all. Maybe we can try and pass on the things we’ve learned to those who come after us, but we have to accept that our advice will not always be taken, just as we refused to take good advice in decades past.

In Benjamin Button, we see a man who is being chased by death in reverse

As someone born old, he is bemused by the joyous scenes in the bar of people singing, carousing and being merry. And as he gets younger, he only briefly gets to enjoy being the same age as his one true love – a rich, complex performance by Clare Foster as formidable and tragic Elowen Keen. His kids start to catch up with him in age, creating unexpected family tensions.

John Dalgleish as Benjamin Button. Photo Marc Brenner

The beauty of the performances of this latest incarnation of Benjamin Button, the deft script, the repeated song about the tide coming in, and the musicians as narrators counting away his backwards life by the years, months and days force you to confront your own mortality. Indeed, many of us will end our days in a state where our minds have rusted away, our memories gone forever, as helpless as when we were born.

But this is not to say The Curious Tale of Benjamin Button against the backdrop of a tough fishing village, a world war and family loss, is a morbid affair. Quite the opposite, in fact. By breathing a collective sigh of relief that there is sense, logic and rhythm to ageing the way we do, we can celebrate everything good about every stage of life. As a bonus, with this intimate, heartfelt performance, we can do that with a few rollicking sea shanties that had even the most cynical theatregoers clapping along by the end.

Georgia Lewis

In a career that has spanned Australia, the Middle East and the UK, Georgia has written about all sorts of things, including sex, cars, food, oil and gas, insurance, fashion, travel, workplace safety, health, religious affairs, glass and glazing… When she’s not writing words for fun and profit, she can usually be found with a glass of something French and red in her hand.

The post A new Benjamin Button in London is challenging ageist cliches appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Susanna Hoffs hasn’t really ever stopped producing music. But this new launch is different; this is a treasure trove of old songs from the ‘90s that didn’t get released. Hoffs recorded the tracks for The Lost Record in 1999. The songs were co-written with friends, including Bill Bottrell and Go-Go’s members Charlotte Caffey and Jane Wiedlin, with Dan Schwartz joining her to produce the album. And the tracks were recorded in her garage, a setting that holds special significance for her. “I love garage rock. Many of my favourite songs were written in garages, and I even lived in them during the ’80s.”

Susanna Hoffs is Zooming from — for reasons that sound like they should be more interesting, but actually aren’t — the spare bedroom of Bridget Jones author Helen Fielding’s house in California. She is dressed in pink and black; she’s always dressed in pink and black when we talk. She very much likes pink and black.

Susanna Hoffs, photo: Shervin Lainez

“Are you going to get my age right this time?” she teases. “You’re not going to make me any older than I actually am, again?”

Early last year I conducted a flurry of interviews with Hoffs, best known as one of the co-founders of The Bangles (where I got some dates wrong, hence the teasing). She’s often described as the lead singer of the band that, from the early ‘80s onwards, tore up the charts with singles such as Manic Monday, Walk Like an Egyptian, Eternal Flame, and their cover of Simon & Garfunkel’s Hazy Shade of Winter. Which (whisper it) I always thought was better than the original. But The Bangles — Hoffs, Vicki Peterson, Debbie Peterson, Michael Steele (the latter replaced founding bassist Annette Zilinskas, who later rejoined the band) — was always a four-vocals group.

Last year she realised a long-held ambition and saw her debut novel, This Bird Has Flown, published. And now comes the release of The Lost Record.

I tell Hoffs that it’s 40 years since the release of the Bangles’ debut album, All Over The Place, which would produce the singles Hero Takes a Fall and Going Down to Liverpool. “Are you sure?” says Hoffs. “You know what you’re like with dates.”

And yet, impossibly, it is. The band had previously released a five-track EP in 1982, but this was their first proper studio album. And it would bring them to the attention of not only the music industry, but artists such as Cyndi Lauper and Huey Lewis, who would get the band to open for them. And, most crucially, Prince.

The Bangles 1984. Photo: Aurelio Jose Barrera, Los Angeles

By the time the Bangles released Manic Monday in 1986 and Eternal Flame in 1989, their superstardom was assured — the latter single hit number one in nine countries. But the Bangles of five years earlier in 1984, when Hoffs was 25, was a less polished, more raucous affair.

“It was a very thrilling and exciting time to be in a band,” says Hoffs. “I mean, those pre-internet days. We advertised shows mostly by flyers, ads in free magazines like Recycler,” It was a real punk ethos, crystallised when she went to see what would turn out to be the last Sex Pistols live concert, at the Winterland Ballroom in San Francisco in 1978, when Hoffs was a student at the University of California, Berkeley.

She began studying theatre, then switched to dance, and finally settled on art, which was what she graduated with. “I jumped around a little, but by the end that all kind of coalesced into one big love of art in all its forms. And when I put that ad in for band members I think it was because at that point the idea of being in a band just seemed like the ultimate art project to me.”

Hoffs turned 65 in January. It seems a significant age.

I tell her that in the UK it was always a long-standing joke that when you hit that point you get your bus pass, though I have no idea if that’s still true. She laughs. “I know! Over here, we’d say I’m now eligible for Medicare!”

In the ‘80s especially, Hoffs was considered one of the most beautiful women on the planet. Before our interview she had posted on her social media a cover from Spin magazine, for which she was the cover girl for their “first annual swimsuit issue”. Given that the Bangles started off as a punky guitar band, how did she handle being called a sex symbol?

Hoffs laughs a little awkwardly. “I think part of that came from the rise of MTV in the 1980s,” she says. “Suddenly it wasn’t enough to just put out a record, there had to be a video with it. There were so many iconic videos at that time, and artists like Madonna were really pushing the sexuality. I used to handle that by creating a persona, really, for when I was performing.” She breaks out into a broad grin. “It’s like Nigel Tufnel in Spinal Tap. This dial goes up to 11. And that’s what it was like for me. I dialled it up to 11.”

Hoffs is a huge movie fan. Last year she did a feature for the Criterion film collection, highlighting her favourite movies. She included Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, La Piscine and Klute among her eclectic selections. One night she emails me out of the blue to ask if I’ve ever seen The Servant, the 1963 psychological thriller starring Dirk Bogarde.

It’s no surprise Hoffs loves film. She was born in LA in 1959, and her mother Tamar was then a film-maker, her father Joshua a psychoanalyst. Celebrities regularly visited the house (especially for her father’s expertise in a field that was in its relative infancy). One family friend was Star Trek legend Leonard Nimoy, who appeared in the video for Going Down to Liverpool. She is married to Jay Roach, the film director with the Austin Powers movies on his CV, among many others, with who she has two sons. She is currently writing the screenplay for the movie adaptation of her novel This Bird Has Flown, which was published a year ago.

Hoffs has appeared in movies. Notably as the delightfully-named Gillian Shagwell in the Austin Powers movies, part of the band Ming Tea. And in the 1987 movie The Allnighter, directed by her mother. The cover of The Allnighter very much leans into Hoffs’ sex symbol status, featuring her in pink underwear.

I wonder if Hoffs still considers herself a sex symbol. She is very active on social media, especially Instagram. Her Facebook account has comments turned off on posts, but within minutes of her putting up a video on Insta, there are thousands of likes and hundreds of comments, many of them from men declaring they are in love with her, in lust with her, and worse.

Last summer, when she was over in the UK to promote her book, we met for lunch in London, and I mused that her direct message inbox must be an absolute bin-fire. She winced a little, and said that she has someone to filter out the worst of it before she sees it. So, I ask her. Does she still feel like a sex symbol today?

“I don’t think of myself as a sex symbol. I don’t think of myself that way. Or are we talking about sex? I mean, I’m 65 now, I’m not going to retire from it, that makes zero sense. A lot of my friends are my age and older and, you know, we talk about it and we’re not going to retire from that, ever.”

I don’t think of myself as a sex symbol. I don’t think of myself that way

I find myself blushing. That said, there’s a fair bit of sex in her novel, This Bird Has Flown. It’s the story of Jane Start, an ever-so slightly faded pop star who goes to London to recharge her batteries, and ends up in a swoonsome relationship with a slightly uptight but good-looking Oxford professor. Jane is pretty much a one-hit wonder, now resorting to doing private shows for bachelor parties in nightclubs, her big success a song gifted to her by international superstar Jonesy. There has been speculation that Jonesy is a Prince analog; the purple one gifted the Bangles the song Manic Monday, and acted as something of a mentor for Hoffs. There was endless speculation about whether they were in a relationship, which Hoffs keeps her own counsel on.

She does call him a “supernatural talent” though, saying his live performances were just incredible to watch. In the 1990s Prince would help her indirectly, as well… when she was about to go on stage, when she was ramping up that public Susanna Hoffs performance to 11, she would listen to Let’s Go Crazy on her Walkman to get into the zone.

“It enabled me to make that transition from me to the other me” she says. “Things got giddy and crazy. And sometimes it took a while to come down from that, to get back to me.”

Susanna Hoffs Self Portrait in Garage 1994

Hoffs still performs and writes music. Around the same time her novel came out last year, she released a new album, The Deep End, her fifth solo album, before The Lost Record this year. For her, ageing is not something to be necessarily worried about.

“I think ageing is about learning to love yourself,” she says thoughtfully. “Acceptance is very important. We have to accept changes in our lives and bodies, because anything other than accepting who you are is going to drive you crazy.”

Hoffs often posts videos and photos of herself on her social media without make-up, just dossing around her house. “I think that’s important, too,” she says. “At least to me. Being comfortable in who you are, and who you’ve become. I think the trick is to stay positive, if you can, to find the joy in life, to keep active, to seek inspiration everywhere. One thing is guaranteed, we all get older, and I think life is better if you follow the direction of that river than fighting against it. We just need to embrace ageing and get on with life.”

“…You’re going to get older. The only thing about that which makes sense to me is just embrace it. I mean, what’s the alternative?”

It being 40 years since the first Bangles album came out, would Hoffs swap being 65 for being 25 again, if that magic of the movies could work? She laughs, “Oh, no chance. I think the wisdom and experience that comes with living is far more valuable.”

If we were going to employ that movie magic so Hoffs could meet her 25-year-old self, what would she tell her?

She thinks about it. “My job at that time was really stressful. Don’t get me wrong, it was very enjoyable, and I feel so lucky that I got to do it. There was so much travelling, and it was very difficult to stay grounded and to carry on relationships.

“I think I’d tell 25-year-old Susanna not to be so hard on herself. To not judge herself so harshly. To worry less. I’d tell her not to question herself so much and to be less afraid, to be more fearless.

“I think being in your 20s can be very anxiety-inducing, and I suppose that goes the same for young women today. You’re trying to figure out your place in the world. One thing is certain, and it’s probably not what young women want to hear or think about but it’s unavoidable. You’re going to get older. The only thing about that which makes sense to me is just embrace it. I mean, what’s the alternative?”

We wrap things up. Susanna Hoffs has a screenplay to write, and a new book to think about, and a new record to promote. The bus pass will just have to wait, it seems.

Buy Susanna Hoffs The Lost Record here, released 18 October 2024

Buy This Bird has Flown, novel by Susanna Hoffs here

David Barnett

David Barnett is an author and journalist, originally from Wigan and now living in West Yorkshire. His latest novel is the folk horror WITHERED HILL, from Canelo, and forthcoming, a magical Christmas rom-com, THE LITTLE CHRISTMAS LIBRARY (Orion). He is married to Claire, a journalist, and they have two children, Charlie and Alice.

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