There’s a raft of data suggesting that many women are having more sex after the menopause. Good. Excellent in fact. Long may this continue.

And yet, the same time, changes to the vagina and vulva may be setting in, leading to increased UTIs, leaking, splitting skin, night-time loo trips…and painful sex. To my intense irritation, women are unlikely to be told about this at any point in our lives. Or the straightforward, effective and cheap solutions available to fix this.

Vaginas aren’t embarrassing, they’re a fact of life, and now is the time to tend them as carefully as any other part of your body.

The deeply unappealing cluster of symptoms is known – rather horribly – as Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause (GSM), and they are basically down to a lack of oestrogen. It’s also something that’s historically been spoken about in hushed voices, laughed at, or totally ignored. Studies suggest that it affects around eighty per cent of women. In reality, from years of interviewing menopausal women, I’d say that number is more likely to be 100 per cent, and especially as we head into our fifties and beyond.

I do know what I’m talking about…

I shan’t go into too much personal detail, but I have some experience here. After treatment for breast cancer, and having to come off HRT aged 51, the main menopause symptom I noticed – within just a few weeks – was vaginal dryness, pain, and skin so dehydrated that it split and bled. It felt like the ultimate insult to be honest. What’s more, nobody had so much as mentioned it as a possibility. It’s only because I write about menopause that I joined the dots myself.

I am grumpy about my experience, because anything to do with cancer treatment makes me feel cross. But I am far more angry about the sheer number of women suffering in silence. This is why menopause education is so vital. If you are reading this with a sense of recognition, please make a GP or practice nurse appointment. Yes, it’s awkward speaking to a healthcare professional about your private parts; but they have honestly heard it all before.

Once you develop GSM it is not going to resolve on its own. Left untreated, it will worsen. As I say, too few of us are even aware that a) the vagina and vulva are affected by peri/menopause, and b) that the best solution is appropriate for almost everyone.

You will perhaps have seen many remedies advertised, and I’d recommend avoiding most of them. You do not need expensive salon treatments. There is research on-going into laser treatments but it’s mostly pretty inconclusive.

What you do need is vaginal oestrogen

This is available on prescription and is applied directly to the area. It comes in the form of a cream, pessary, or ring. Normally you use it once a day for two weeks, and then twice a week indefinitely. Even if you have had a hormonal cancer, it is almost always considered absolutely safe (these are official guidelines obviously, I’m not a medic). There are very few women who are not allowed to use it, as it’s not systemic, meaning that it doesn’t affect the whole body. And you can also use it alongside HRT. There is no breast cancer risk (if you are wondering).

Between doses, a decent vaginal moisturiser can help with extra hydration and comfort. Again, you can ignore expensive options (though there are some rather nice ones available). They can be prescribed or bought over the counter. You may wish to use a lubricant during sex to reduce friction, and here I’d recommend the YES Water-based personal lubricant or Sutil Luxe.

If you can’t bear the thought of discussing this, all the solutions are available over the counter or even online. Including vaginal oestrogen, although this isn’t a cheap route.

Alongside all this, do your pelvic floor exercises, and do them religiously. The pelvic floor is a muscle just like any other, and it needs working out.

What I find staggering is how profoundly GSM can affect our lives. I have interviewed women whose relationships, confidence and daily comfort have been wrecked by it, as well as women post cancer who aren’t ‘allowed’ vaginal oestrogen.

Once I had a prescription my symptoms entirely resolved within a couple of weeks. Easy. But also, so pointlessly and time-wastingly hard.

Alice Smellie

Alice Smellie is a journalist writing for many national publications, including Daily Mail, Telegraph, and Marie Claire, and is co-author of Cracking the Menopause and Menopause Is Hot: Everything You Need to Know to Thrive with Mariella Frostrup, and a co-founder of campaign group, Menopause Mandate. She lives in Somerset with her three children and two dogs.

The post There’s a reason why your vagina is dry and unhappy appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Over a roast in the local pub last Sunday I found myself literally gritting my teeth in frustration. One girlfriend told me that she only flosses twice a week. Another merrily confessed that she has an annual dentist appointment, but ‘sometimes I forget’! Oh, so funny. I, meanwhile, see the hygienist every three months, and the dentist twice a year. I brush and floss at least twice a day. Who has the best teeth of all? Guess. Not me.

I put this firmly down to menopause. Oral health symptoms are only too common at this time of life, and I seem to have most of them; dry mouth, shifting teeth, and less than optimal gum health (according to my hygienist).

I am obsessed with teeth. Absolutely obsessed. And never more so than now, aged 53, firmly postmenopausal and peering into my mouth like it’s a crime scene. As I say, I put most of this down to menopause, with a grumpy nod to the actual ageing process. Every part of the body is affected by oestrogen, or a lack of it, including the mouth.

Dr Sam Jethwa at Bespoke Smile (and the 19th president of British Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry) tells me that many of his patients come to see him in their forties and fifties, baffled by the changes in their once-excellent teeth.

So what goes wrong, exactly?

Hormonal changes, he points out, can decrease salivary gland output, causing some women to experience a dry mouth. What’s more, saliva protects our mouth, so when there’s less of it, bacteria can breed faster and food debris is less likely to be washed away. This can lead to tooth decay, bad breath, infections and gum problems.

This last is – annoyingly for me – not just about mouth health. Develop periodontitis, or end-game gum disease, and not only might you lose teeth, but the associated inflammation can spread throughout the body and raise the risk of heart disease, diabetes and even Alzheimer’s. In spite of my efforts, every time I see the hygienist she patiently tells me how to brush my teeth. I am 53. Neither of us enjoys my visits.

Next up – shifting teeth, again linked to hormones. Bone loss in the jaw may decrease, leading to loose, or even lost, teeth. Anyone else have braces in their teens and think that meant you’d have good teeth for ever? Yeah, me too. And in the early nineties they didn’t give you a retainer. I had braces in my late thirties (for the second time) and in spite of wearing a nightly retainer, they are once again inching inwards.

And finally – teeth chip and stain, meaning they are now less than sparkling. You might find the trend for perfect white teeth annoying. Why should we have to bow down to societal pressure and exhausting standards? But it’s a fact that good teeth mean a comfortable mouth, easier eating (seriously – you don’t want to be stuck on soft foods) and are a good indication and impression of overall health. There’s no need to go full Hollywood smile by any means, but maintenance matters.

Read more: Why people lie about their tweakments to their other halves 

Thankfully, there are plenty of solutions

Sam recommends reducing alcohol and caffeine, which both dry the mouth. Try chewing sugar free gum, drinking plenty of fluids (though not alcohol and caffeine and rinsing with water after eating. So far, so obvious. As is flossing daily and brushing teeth twice a day – before breakfast and before bed.

I think that the strangest menopause mouth problem is what’s known as burning mouth

When it comes to cosmetics, Sam points out that a little can go a long way – veneers and composite bonding can help to both strengthen the teeth, and allow them to appear aesthetically pleasing.

I think that the strangest menopause mouth problem is what’s known as burning mouth – where it feels as though your mouth has been set on fire from the inside. Here, you might want to avoid toothpaste containing sodium lauryl sulphate or SLS (this is what makes it foamy, but can also increase the burning), as well as swerving spicy foods and alcohol.

Here’s the good news. Sam says that there is a solution for almost every menopausal mouth problem. Teeth can be strengthened, straightened, whitened and – if necessary – replaced. Habits can be changed.

I second this. What I’ve learned in years of writing about the ageing mouth (so glam) is that the mouth is a constantly evolving story and it’s never too late for a happy ending.

Go on love, give us a smile!

Why not try….

TePe Hydrating Mouthwash, £8
Dentek Easy Brush Eco Friendly interdental brushes, £9.25 for 6 packs or £2.33 individual pack, boots.com 
Biotene Dry Mouth Toothpaste, £4.32
Whites Rose Gold Sonic Electric Toothbrush, £39.99

Alice Smellie

Alice Smellie is a journalist writing for many national publications, including Daily Mail, Telegraph, and Marie Claire, and is co-author of Cracking the Menopause and Menopause Is Hot: Everything You Need to Know to Thrive with Mariella Frostrup, and a co-founder of campaign group, Menopause Mandate. She lives in Somerset with her three children and two dogs.

The post What the hell has menopause done to my teeth? appeared first on Silver Magazine.

The halcyon days of my simply getting into bed, plonking my head on the pillow and falling asleep without incident felt like a distant memory. Insomnia in perimenopause crept up on me – and made me utterly miserable.

It started with moderate tossing and turning. Then the itchy skin started. And geyser-like boob sweats. I was overheating so much that even sleeping naked on top of the duvet with the fan on and windows open wasn’t helping.

Before long, I was waking up at 3am every morning with humid knockers, feral hair, and anxiety. My brain chose that hour to relive teenage embarrassments, stuff I had to do for work, assorted family dramas, friendships that needed work, WhatsApp messages I’d forgotten to reply to…

Honestly, enough already!

So, I tried out a few solutions for a better night’s sleep, especially as the warm nights weren’t helping with my general overheating. Yay climate change. Rather than reaching for the sleeping tablets, I sought out drug-free options, with varying degrees of success.

Let’s start with pillows

Martian Dreams Hybrid Bamboo Pillow (£44.99)

Being way too warm has been my biggest obstacle to getting a decent night’s sleep, so what better place to start than with a cooling pillow? The excellently named Martian Dreams Hybrid Bamboo Pillow was a hit from the first night.

I was delighted to ditch my lumpy old pillow and put my head down on this firm but forgiving alternative. As well as genuinely feeling temperate against my fiery face all night, the memory foam is really supportive and I haven’t woken up with a cricked neck since making the pillow switch.

M-Club Restful Nights Pillow Spray (£7.50)

Moving more toward products specifically designed for the menopause, I followed my nose to M-Club Restful Nights Pillow Spray. Scented with lavender and chamomile, I’ve taken to drenching my pillow with it every night and now I don’t like to go to sleep without it. The combination of the spray’s scent and the cooling pillow has worked wonders.

The only drawback is the essential oils mean I have to wash my hair more than usual, lest I start looking like unctuous Aidan from And Just Like That. I’m not digging his return to Carrie Bradshaw’s life. But I digress…

Cooling serum

With my head feeling much cooler, it was time to see what I could do about everything from the neck down. A company called Lansinoh was recommended to me. When I checked them out online, I was unsure whether this was appropriate, as it appeared to be a festival of products for pregnant women and new mothers. As someone who has well and truly missed the baby boat, I was sceptical.

But it turns out there are products that work just as well on overheating, perimenopausal women as they do on those at the other end of their reproductive life. The Cooling Serum, which I slathered liberally on my decolletage, arms and thighs before bed, felt lovely and helped me fall asleep quickly. It’s not just for baby bumps. For an extra frisson of chilliness, I blasted myself with the fan after application.

A range of scented concepts…

I then veered into aromatherapy territory. It’s something I’ve never been particularly convinced by, but Lansinoh’s Calming Bedtime Butter was like going to sleep in a lovely, fragrant hug. Scented with lavender and chamomile, it’s a super-rich shea butter-based concoction that lulled me to sleep, alleviated the itchy skin. And left me with incredibly soft arms and legs.

M-Club Restful Nights Pulse Point Roller Oil (£7.50)

M-Club’s Restful Nights Pulse Point Roller Oil made me think of something you’d put on the wheels of your skates before a roller derby. This one didn’t seem to have much impact on my sleep, but it is a nice thing to roll on your wrists when you’re feeling a bit stressed, so that one is going to live on my desk rather than in my bedroom.

M-Club Restful Nights Oral Spray (£15)

Similarly, I wasn’t convinced by M-Club’s Restful Sleep Oral Supplement Spray. It’s allegedly peppermint-flavoured, but I just found it gave me weird morning breath. It was akin to when the price of Listerine inflates to £5, so you buy the supermarket’s own brand for £1.20 instead – and regret it pretty quickly.

Let’s look at patches

Menopeace Balancing Topical Patches (£14.69)

Moving swiftly on, I decided to add further patches to my life. Despite my ravaged sleep patterns, I’ve been enjoying the benefits of HRT patches, such as no more excruciatingly sore boobs and a significant reduction in wild mood swings. Menopeace Balancing Topical Patches come with the warning that its claim to “help balance and comfort menopausal symptoms … have not been evaluated by the FDA”. Pah! Surely I’ve ingested far worse things in my time, I thought, and put myself to bed with an eight-hour patch.

It would seem that patches infused with black cohosh (isn’t that a banned weapon?), gotu kola (isn’t that one of those Coke alternatives you find on holiday?), damiana, valerian, skull cap (I’m sure I saw them open for Iron Maiden back in the day…) and oatseed do indeed help with a good night’s sleep.

The patches don’t entirely eliminate the 3am wakey-wakeys. But I wasn’t waking up and obsessing about the time my oboe reed broke right before a performance assessment in 1991. Or wondering if I should just call that person to ask why they unfriended me on Facebook. Instead, it was more of a quick glance at the time, a “Fucksake, I don’t need to be up for hours!” and a swift return to the land of nod.

But the wildest result of my great sleep experiment…

Femallay Sage Woman Tea (£11.02)

…came as a mug of herbal tea. Femally Sage Womanis a loose-leaf tea and naturally, I don’t have a teapot. So, I infused two generous teaspoons of the stuff in a mug. It was the first cup of tea I’ve ever drunk that required a toothpick at the end. My husband asked me if this brew would just cause me to go to the loo all night.

It turned out that I didn’t need to worry about wearing out the carpet between the bedroom and the bathroom. I slept like the dead. Right through the night. For about 10 hours. Around 8:30am, my eyelids creaked open like forgotten loft hatches. I wandered downstairs in a daze and have no memory of mainlining my usual morning vat of Earl Grey. My husband seemed concerned for me.

I was concerned for me. Around 9:30am, we ventured out for a walk and a coffee. It was a genuine effort to do a walk I do most days without even thinking about it. When we made it to one of our usual cafes, I had a strong coffee, which helped a bit. But for the rest of the day, I was slow off the mark. Which was a bummer, as I had a lot to do.

It was nice to have a solid block of uninterrupted sleep without boob sweats, anxiety or itchy skin, but I think I’ll save the tea for the next time I either fancy a serious weekend lie-in or I’m jetlagged and need to force myself to sleep my way back to local time.

I have no idea whether it was the red raspberry leaf, sage, lemon balm, verbena, vitex berries (what berries?!), spearmint, lemon peel or liquoriceroot that sent me into a stratospheric sleep.

So now I am armed with an anti-insomnia arsenal

I have soothing, calming, fragrant patches and potions – and a truly excellent pillow – that whilst not completely eliminating the sleep issues, have certainly made me stop dreading bedtime. And I have tea that will knock me into the Land of Nod whenever I really need it. Most of all, sleeping better has improved my mood, productivity, and anxiety, all without resorting to drugs.

That’s definitely a result.

Georgia Lewis

In a career that has spanned Australia, the Middle East and the UK, Georgia has written about all sorts of things, including sex, cars, food, oil and gas, insurance, fashion, travel, workplace safety, health, religious affairs, glass and glazing… When she’s not writing words for fun and profit, she can usually be found with a glass of something French and red in her hand.

The post Tried and tested: Remedies for insomnia in perimenopause appeared first on Silver Magazine.

There was a brief window in my late twenties when my skin was lovely. Unencumbered by zits or lines, I thought I was finally free of the acne that blighted my teens. But hormones are fickle things and joy of joys, I found my spots came back in perimenopause.

Thankfully, it’s nothing like the late ‘80s/early ‘90s burst-into-tears-in-front-of-the-bathroom-mirror era. But it was tiresome to still be reaching for the Clearasil when I had a husband and a mortgage. And burgeoning crows’ feet.

I’d officially entered the glamorous wrinkles-and-pimples era

And at the age of 48 I started to wonder if it was ever going to end. I’m not bothered about the wrinkles, even if I suspect I’m the only person I know who doesn’t do Botox. But pimples? Seriously, this is ridiculous…

So, I booked an appointment with dermatology nurse practitioner Emma Coleman. The original plan was to visit her Harley Street clinic, braving the rush hour tube with no make-up on. Quelle horreur!

As I work from home, I usually wear a full face of makeup when I catch the tube, because I’m going somewhere nice, like the theatre. The thought of going into town sans slap didn’t fill me with joy. Even though I was highly unlikely to be papped for a Heat magazine “LOOK AT HOW HIDEOUS THESE CELEBS ARE WITHOUT MAKE-UP!” article.

But (fortuitously?) the winter lurgy felled me. And rather than infect my fellow passengers, we had a skin consultation by video call.

Emma quickly got down to business

She asked me about my age, HRT medication, diet, and skincare routine before I put my phone right up to my face to show her my zones of concern.

There was a zit threatening to emerge right beside my nose, presumably to keep the zit already on my nose company. On either side of the bridge of my nose, where my eye sockets begin, I’ve permanently had cystic acne for decades. They’re the annoying headless horsemen of the pimple world. At least there’s no temptation to pick or squeeze these bad boys, because they don’t develop an angry red and yellow head like garden variety spots. My forehead is home to whiteheads that come and go as they please, like presumptuous, pus-filled houseguests.

Then I showed her my bumpy, reddish chin. This has looked like a relief map of the Yorkshire Dales for decades. On the upside, my cheeks are generally smooth, clear and kissable.

So what was the verdict?

Emma diagnosed mild to moderate acne vulgaris with some post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation, AKA the red marks that gave me uneven skin tone. As well as the fun bonus of acne lesions that fall into the primary and secondary categories.

But why was this happening to me at the age of 48? Why was I getting chin acne at levels last seen when John Major was still PM? The short answer is that hormones are mostly to blame, especially androgens, better known as male sex hormones.

During perimenopause, the ovaries are in their last gasp of hormonal activity and they’re still secreting androgens, as well as oestrogen. When the oestrogen falls sharply and the androgens drop gradually, a hormonal imbalance is created. And when the balance tips in favour of androgens, acne can either get worse, if it’s already a problem for you, or it makes a comeback that’s about as unwelcome as bodysuits with crotch studs. Why are they back in the shops? Is everyone too young to remember the crotch crop circle debacle of 1995? But I digress…

Or the imbalance can present as hirsutism. I’m pleased to report that I’m yet to become hairier. Although friends over 50 keep warning me that chin hairs could be just around the corner. At least for now, I can just focus on eradicating the spots on my chin and save the tweezers and electrolysis for later.

Something to look forward to

So, what can I do about all this?

As a gastritis patient, my diet is already low-acid and low-fat, which is good for keeping the spots at bay. But what about the stuff I put on my dial? As a low-maintenance woman – at least when it comes to skincare – I have a mantra. “If I can’t get it at the supermarket, I’m not interested”.

As such, I wash my face with an Asda tea tree foaming cleanser to keep the oil at bay and balance it with Simple moisturiser, another product I can buy with my groceries. Surprisingly, Emma didn’t baulk at my bargain basement routine.

I wasn’t doing horrific damage to my skin, but I could probably try something with a bit more oomph. So I swapped my supermarket buys for Emma’s Luminosity Face & Body Wash with glycolic and salicylic acids, and daily collagen-boosting SPF 50 moisturiser.

To zap existing zits, prevent new breakouts, and reduce acne scarring, Emma recommended a topical prescription called Differin, which contains retinol, a form of Vitamin A. Finally, she recommended oral probiotics, usually taken to aid digestion, as there is evidence they help acne as well.

It sounds like a lot, but this simple product-swapping didn’t add hours to my minimalist skincare routine. Plus it’s easy to just pop the probiotic at night, along with the other medication I already take.

Did it work?

In short, yes. Within a week, my skin was noticeably clearer and brighter. When I had my six-week check-up with Emma, she was pleased with the improvement, noting my skin tone is now far more even. I’m definitely more confident when I leave the house without makeup, although I still don’t enjoy catching sight of myself in a self-checkout camera. But those bloody things turn us all into Crimewatch mugshots.

Left before, right after

The three main problems – the lumpy cystic acne, the whiteheads and the relief map chin – all started to look much better. In true middle-aged style, it was in Facebook photos that I really noticed the lumps had calmed down.

Meanwhile, the Differin prescription was working wonders on the horrid little whiteheads, as well as any other errant zits. All I had to do was pop a Differin dot on a spot before bed and it’d be pretty much gone by morning. Shamefully, my main pimple eradication method previously was an insect bite relief pen. A temporarily effective trick I discovered by accident on holiday, but probably not a great long-term solution. And my chin is not looking angry and red anymore. Yorkshire Dales relief map, begone!

It might seem bombastic to say that a new skincare routine has been life-changing. But it really has improved my quality of life. The confidence boost that comes with feeling better about how you present yourself to the world is hard to put a price on. After years of going through the motions with the same old routine, I was stuck in a skincare rut. But seeing real results so quickly was a great motivator.

As well as being happier about leaving the house bare-faced, finding a good moisturiser that works well under makeup is another advantage. When your foundation goes on smoothly over a good base, you don’t end up with that cakey, craggy look.

Looking ahead

Everyone’s skin is different and I’m pleased to have found a personalised solution to tiresome middle-aged acne. I can highly recommend having a consultation with an expert. Especially as Emma didn’t berate me for my cheapskate cleanser ways. It was good to have replacement products recommended to me, rather than loads of extras. I remember the obsession with toner in the ‘90s – and I remember using gallons of toner for no discernible improvement.

As well as her own products, Emma was happy to recommend alternatives, which is always reassuring. For people who aren’t keen to use retinol products, she says to start by using them less frequently. Or seek out products with Vitamin A, E or C for similar results. Silver’s own Pro-Ageing Stem Cell Regenerator Serum is an example, with mandarin peel oil for a hit of Vitamin C. And it goes really well under makeup.

An easy-to-follow skincare routine that fits in with your lifestyle is essential to committing to change. While I’ll never look like Titanic-era Kate Winslet, who was always my absurd clear skin role model with her china teacup complexion, I’m happy to look more like Mare of Easttown Kate Winslet. With a refreshing lack of vanity, she played a woman whose personal and professional life was crumbling. And her crows’ feet were proudly on show.

I’m more than happy for the world to see where the crows have stomped around my eyes and I’m happier still that they’re no longer competing with intrusive acne vulgaris. This really is the face I have earned and I’m not going to hide it.

Find Emma Coleman here

Georgia Lewis

In a career that has spanned Australia, the Middle East and the UK, Georgia has written about all sorts of things, including sex, cars, food, oil and gas, insurance, fashion, travel, workplace safety, health, religious affairs, glass and glazing… When she’s not writing words for fun and profit, she can usually be found with a glass of something French and red in her hand.

The post Help! I’m 48 and getting spots again in perimenopause appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Sam on BBC radio, doing an interview, and talking all things Coming of Age, and why it’s worth hanging in there. Why things get better, and what there is to look forward to after 50. And the strength that comes from sharing that midlife is tough, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, and she’s living proof.

Click below to listen to the full interview. If you want to read Sam’s article, the one that kicked off this interview, you can read that here…

What is Midlife Coming of Age? It’s bloody brilliant, that’s what

Click here to listen to full interview

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The post Sam full interview on BBC radio – Midlife Coming of Age appeared first on Silver Magazine.

When people ask me how I’m doing, I’m usually honest, or so I believed. I would say yes, I’m okay thanks, but the last few years have been really tough.

And they have. Within the last five or six years I’ve lost my beloved dad and stepmum – brutal to lose both parents so close to each other. I’ve moved house twice, not by choice, with all the stress and upheaval that goes with that. The longest relationship of my life ended, not without its drama and heartbreak. My daughter spread her wings and left home, just when we had stopped teenage/menopause fighting. Which brings me to the joy of perimenopause, and menopause, and all the fun stuff that goes with that. That’s been in the mix too.

I tell you this, not to have a whine about how awful life has been… but mostly, that you do come out of it

But it hasn’t all been personal either. I started a business with two other people, both of whom left within a year, and left me holding the baby. We’ve had Brexit and Covid, both of which placed enormous pressure not only on the business, but on my mental health. Money has been a constant worry. Suppliers and associates have been going out of business left, right and centre. I have lost friends and family to illness, and to suicide.

There are days when I am frankly astonished that I even have a business. And on my more honest days, I’m pleased that I’m here at all. Because things have been dark sometimes. I’ve struggled with depression, through antidepressants and out the other side. It’s been a ride.

I tell you this, not to have a whine about how awful life has been – although it has, in parts. But mostly to tell you that you do come out of it, somewhere along the line.

I have been underestimating the length of my tough years though

This morning I realised that although I talk about ‘the past few years’ having been challenging, it’s been quite a lot longer than that. About ten years ago, for a period of about five years, I used to get chronic migraines. Like, proper three-day mind-bending and stomach-churning battles that happened at least once a week. It was appalling, trying to slog through the pain and debilitating symptoms, to run a business and try to be a half decent parent to a challenging teen.

…what I really ought to say is that the last decade has been a brutal rollercoaster. The hardest decade of my life

Turns out it was the pill, and I’d become oestrogen-intolerant. Stopping the pill brought instant relief – the migraines completely stopped, immediately. I quit the pill, and I’ve never had another migraine since. The relief was astonishing. I could function! But then as migraines left the building, perimenopause slid in through the back door, bringing the most god-awful periods known to womankind. Of the two problems though, the latter was definitely the lesser in terms of hideousness.

And finally, possibly the most fundamentally huge shift for me, I was diagnosed with ADHD (officially) and (unofficially by my doctor) with autism. I got medication for the former, and dived headfirst into understanding and learning coping mechanisms for the latter, and that’s been utterly life-changing. I am, however, having counselling to deal with the ‘what ifs’. What if I’d been diagnosed as a child, for example. What might my life have been like? It’s a form of grief, dealing with what feels like the loss of Potential Samantha. But I’m getting there.

So although I say to people ‘the last few years’ have been tough, what I really ought to say is that the last decade has been a brutal rollercoaster. The hardest decade of my life. I’m 54, in case you were wondering.

It gets better

And I mean that literally, not sarcastically. This isn’t a huge, life-changing article full of unique revelations, and tips for making your life fantastic. But if you’re reading this and identifying with all or any of the issues I’ve experienced, I am here to tell you it gets better. It really does. There is a midlife coming of age, and it’s beautiful.

I can see it happening all around me, to my friends, and my peers, and it’s bloody fantastic. It’s actually really exciting.

There’s a phenomenon called the U-shaped curve of happiness, and even though we’ve published articles about this, I had my doubts about its legitimacy. But it’s real. The timeline isn’t the same for everyone, but by and large, at some point in mid-life, things improve. Priorities change. Attitudes change. Seismic shifts often occur, where people choose lifestyles and jobs that make them happier. I can see it happening all around me, to my friends, and my peers, and it’s bloody fantastic. It’s actually really exciting.

My own experience has been thus; firstly I’m now officially menopausal, and it’s fucking fantastic. No hormonal rollercoaster, no monthly pain and mess. I didn’t do HRT, mostly because of the oestrogen, but also because I just wanted to get it out of the way and not be reliant on anything anymore just to function. And for me that was the right choice. I feel exactly like I used to before perimenopause. Better in fact – more like when I was about 35. My brain works properly again, I can remember things. My body works. I don’t feel shut down, or dissociated, or in crazy hormonal flux. Ladies – hang in there. It’s brilliant the other side.

Your midlife coming of age brings about some good stuff

Now that I’m older, I eat better, and drink less booze, so I feel clearer in mind and body. I’m lucky and VERY grateful to be healthy and well. My body, bless it for all the shit I’ve put it through, functions well. My relationship with my daughter is wonderful. I love what I do, mostly, but wouldn’t cry if I just gave it all up tomorrow and went off round the world. That’s liberating in itself.

My body, bless it for all the shit I’ve put it through, functions well

I’m single, which makes my life less complicated. And – bear with me because this is going to sound a little weird – there’s something quite freeing about not having any older relatives left to worry about. Don’t get me wrong – I’d swap all my limbs to have my dad back, for example. But honestly? If he went on for years like a creaking gate, he would have been a difficult bastard, I know it. So there is a little silver lining. I have no elders to be responsible for. No care homes to worry about. No nursing to do. No guilt-ridden trips to medical facilities. It’s a thing, even if it sounds a bit heartless.

More than anything, I give fewer fucks. I don’t care what people think of me – although that’s never been a big thing for me, I care even less now. I have let go of wild ambitious dreams that I once had but which made me stressed trying to achieve. You’ve all read that poem When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple, by Jenny Joseph? I’m there, and it’s fabulous.

Hang in there. Man or woman, midlife is a fucking minefield assault course of a time, and we will all face a lot of similar challenge. And yes, I know not everyone will have a positive trajectory. Some of you will die too young. Some of you will not be happy. But for the vast majority – and we have undertaken our own research on this – there is light at the end of the tunnel, and a positive outcome to look forward to. Take comfort from the fact that I am here to tell you, it gets better.

Sam Harrington-Lowe

Sam is Silver’s founder and editor-in-chief. She’s largely responsible for organising all the things, but still finds time to do the odd bit of writing. Not enough though. Send help.

The post What is midlife coming of age? It’s bloody brilliant, that’s what appeared first on Silver Magazine.

And while it’s often only associated with the common hot flashes and mood swings, menopause can also bring a plethora of physical changes with it, that may catch many of us off guard. Here are ten of the most common physical symptoms the menopause brings and how to navigate them with grace and knowledge.

1.   Lovely night sweats

Ah, yes, we’re starting with the dreaded night sweats. The menopause often brings on sudden and intense episodes of sweating during sleep, leaving a lot of us quite drenched and, well, frustrated. You can combat those nocturnal heat waves by wearing moisture-wicking sleepwear, keeping your bedroom nice and cool – and practicing relaxation techniques before bedtime.

2.   Uncomfortable vaginal dryness

Because of our drastically declining oestrogen levels, you might develop a vaginal dryness and resulting discomfort. To be able to keep up intercourse with your partner without it becoming stressful or even hurting, make sure you have water-based lubricants handy, are staying hydrated – and maybe even discuss hormone replacement therapy options with your GP.

3.   Hair loss and thinning

A lot of us notice changes in our hair texture and density, too – often leading to unwanted hair loss and thinning. As our hair is quite a large part of our appearance, this can be especially frustrating and lead to insecurities. Nourishing, hydrating shampoos and conditioners are important, as is avoiding harsh styling treatments. There are also hair vitamins specifically designed for women available; and if you’re unsure, ask your dermatologist for more personalised advice.

4.   Wild skin changes

Menopause can wreak havoc on our skins, too, causing dryness, wrinkles, and age spots. Make sure to moisturise daily, wear sunscreen religiously (we can’t stress this enough) and incorporate more antioxidant-rich foods into your diet – like berries, nuts, and vegetables such as broccoli or spinach.

5.   Joint pain

Well, it’s getting clearer now that our whole body is affected, isn’t it? Hormonal fluctuations can exacerbate joint pain and stiffness, making everyday activities a sudden challenge. Low-impact exercises like swimming and yoga (and remember, no better date to start than now!), but also applying heat or cold packs to sore area are excellent ways to counter this.

6.   Digestive issues

Of course, our organs have something to say, too. Bloating, constipation, and gas are common complaints due to our hormonal imbalances. A fibre-rich diet, staying hydrated, and practicing mindful eating habits will help sooth your body.

7.   Breast changes

Our breasts might change as well – be it breast size, density, and sensitivity – causing discomfort and not uncommonly anxiety in some women. Always stay breast-aware by performing regular self-exams, wearing supportive bras, and seeking medical attention if you notice any unusual lumps or changes.

8.   Headaches, of all things

Of course, why wouldn’t we get headaches out of this! Solutions here are the same as they’ve always been: Hydration, stress-relief techniques like meditation and deep breathing help, as well as avoiding known triggers such as caffeine or alcohol.

9.   Dizziness and vertigo

Interestingly (and annoyingly), menopause-related hormonal change can also somehow affect the inner ear, leading to feelings of dizziness and vertigo. Stay steady on your feet by practicing balance exercises, avoiding sudden movements, and consulting an ear, nose, and throat specialist if your symptoms persist.

10.  Draining fatigue

And last but not least, it often brings on bouts of fatigue and lethargy, leaving a lot of us feeling drained and depleted at times. Make sure to prioritise your sleep, maintain a balanced diet, and incorporate regular physical activity into your routine.

That’s quite a handful, isn’t it? Well, lucky for us, a lot of the symptoms on the list can be tackled with similar approaches. Knowing and applying those self-care strategies may even be enough to shut some of them away for good, before they even happen. Remember, you are not alone on this journey, and there are plenty of us that can help and support and a myriad of resources out there. These are most common physical symptoms the menopause brings but everyone is different. You got this!

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The post 10 of the physical symptoms the menopause brings appeared first on Silver Magazine.

The Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) has issued guidance so that employers cannot simply dismiss the experiences of menopause in the workplace. Thankfully, it’s no longer to be viewed as a minor inconvenience, but something that has an impact on around 50 per cent of the workforce.

This is a much-needed clarification of the Equality Act 2010 by the EHRC. Which ruled that failure to make “reasonable adjustment” amounts to disability discrimination if – and here’s the important detail – the symptoms have a “long-term and substantial impact” on an employee’s ability to carry out their usual day-to-day activities.

It is rare to experience menopause, or indeed perimenopause, without any symptoms that make a “long-term and substantial impact.” And perimenopause, which can start as early as the late thirties, is often the worst part.

Hot flushes, night sweats, fatigue, brain fog, disturbed sleep, painful breasts, debilitatingly heavy periods and unexpected periods that feel like a hellish farewell-to-fertility concert. It’s an onerous list of symptoms that can last a decade. On top of all that, the risk factor for ovarian and uterine cancer increase. As does the risk of endometriosis and its lesser-known evil sister, adenomyosis.

Symptoms can be debilitating

Sam Harrington-Lowe, Silver’s editor-in-chief, recalls her own experiences of the menopause, especially the brain fog, poor sleep and painful periods: “My sleep patterns were all over the place, my periods were both agonising and biblical in output, I couldn’t risk leaving the house some days. But perhaps the worst thing was the brain fog. My mind, normally the thing I’m most proud of, just stopped working properly – it was actually quite frightening.”

Read more: Menopause and brain fog, will I ever think clearly again?

Over on Twitter (or X or whatever it’s called these days…), the response has been largely positive to this news. That said, @AudreySuffolk makes an important point about the use of disability language by the EHRC. “A lot of social media discussion about women experiencing menopause being disabled under the Equality Act demonstrate some worrying thinking about acceptance of negative attitudes to disability and work. Disability isn’t and shouldn’t be a slur.”

A lot of social media discussion about women experiencing menopause being disabled under Equality Act demonstrate some worrying thinking about acceptance of negative attitudes to disability and work. Disability isn’t and shouldn’t be a slur

— Audrey Ludwig (@AudreySuffolk) February 22, 2024

This is an important and powerful reminder. After all, if a colleague is in a wheelchair and needs reasonable adjustments, such as a ramp to access a building, this is considered a positive thing. Equally, we need to look at making reasonable adjustments for the menopause as a positive way to improve the lives of our colleagues and productivity overall.

This should be a time to shine

The menopausal decade should be one of our most productive times. We have experience and knowledge to impart, no matter what we do for a living. We are assets to any organisation and it is outrageous that menopausal symptoms can cut us down when we should be in our prime.

However, in the real world, there is still a long way to go, even in workplaces that are not horrific sweatshops. @sambakey tweeted that her male supervisor is “lovely and I can talk to him.” But that it’s “impossible to find anything regarding menopause on our intranet” in regard to workplace health.

I can’t say too much on here because of who I work for. My male supervisor is lovely & I can talk to him. However, it’s impossible to find anything regarding menopause on our intranet, nothing under workplace health dept https://t.co/kkzsOwvDf2

— Sam Clark (@sambakey) February 22, 2024

Then we had the unedifying spectacle of Quentin Letts on Good Morning Britain making light of menopause in response to the EHRC announcement. He likened menopausal symptoms to older men suffering from dodgy knees or needing to take a nap after wine at lunch. The last thing anyone in the grip of a particularly ferocious hot flush or a wild menopausal mood swing needs is unhelpful mansplaining of menopause on the telly.

@Holly_Pocketses tweeted: “Quentin Letts ill-advised input into a discussion about the menopause was disgraceful. Comparing the condition to his own ailments – having ‘hurty’ knees and needing a nap after wine at lunch was insulting to say the least.”

I’ve had to turn you off this morning. Quentin Letts ill-advised input into a discussion about the menopause was disgraceful. Comparing the condition to his own ailments – having ‘hurty’ knees and needing a nap after wine at lunch was insulting to say the least.

— Holly Pocket (@Holly_Pocketses) February 22, 2024

Cautiously positive

Hopefully, today’s news will be the catalyst for employers everywhere to make sure they introduce solid menopause policies. Everyone should feel comfortable talking about menopause at work and be understanding when a colleague needs to be accommodated because of menopause symptoms.

Sam Harrington-Lowe sums up what the new guidance should mean for so many women – and what more needs to be done. “I cannot imagine how horrific it would have been to deal with menopause in a 9-5 work structure. The time at work, the commuting, having to deal with people. Thank goodness we finally have some safeguards in place to support women dealing with this, although frankly, I’d like to see some support given to women having periods every month as this can also be debilitating.”

Georgia Lewis

In a career that has spanned Australia, the Middle East and the UK, Georgia has written about all sorts of things, including sex, cars, food, oil and gas, insurance, fashion, travel, workplace safety, health, religious affairs, glass and glazing… When she’s not writing words for fun and profit, she can usually be found with a glass of something French and red in her hand.

The post Good news for women going through menopause in the workplace appeared first on Silver Magazine.

As we age, maintaining good health and wellbeing becomes increasingly important. Discussions surrounding sexual activity and wellbeing can sometimes be overlooked. But the health benefits of orgasms can play a vital role in supporting our physical, emotional, and mental health.

1. Stress relief and emotional wellbeing

The pressures of daily life and the challenges that come with age can lead to increased stress levels. Orgasm triggers the release of oxytocin and endorphins, which promote relaxation and pleasure. This, in turn, can alleviate stress and contribute to a greater sense of emotional wellbeing, helping to navigate life’s ups and downs with increased resilience.

2. Sleep quality and restoration

Sleep patterns often change as we age, with many individuals experiencing difficulties falling and/or staying asleep. Orgasms can be a natural remedy for sleep issues, as the release of hormones during sexual pleasure fosters a state of calm and relaxation. For those dealing with sleep disturbances, regular orgasms can offer an improved sleep experience and greater restfulness.

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3. Immune system support

As the immune system naturally weakens with age, maintaining its effectiveness becomes crucial. Regular sexual activity leading to orgasms has been linked to increased production of immunoglobulin A (IgA), an essential antibody that helps defend the body against infections. Strengthening the immune system through sexual pleasure can help people better combat illnesses and maintain overall health.

4. Pain management

Chronic pain conditions can become more prevalent as we age, impacting daily life and wellbeing. Orgasms offer a natural way to manage pain through the release of endorphins, which act as powerful pain relievers. So find a comfortable spot, and er, hit the spot.

Is bondage your thing? Step this way…

5. Cardiovascular health and fitness

Engaging in sexual activity that leads to orgasm can serve as a mild cardiovascular workout, increasing heart rate and blood flow. This gentle exercise helps promote better blood circulation and may reduce the risk of heart disease, supporting heart health.

6. Hormonal balance and menopause

For women entering menopause, hormonal fluctuations can lead to various physical and emotional challenges. Orgasms can be particularly beneficial during this time, as they facilitate uterine contractions that may help reduce symptoms associated with menopause, such as hot flushes and mood swings.

7. Mental health and self-esteem

Our mental health, happiness and self-esteem can be vulnerable. The release of endorphins and dopamine during orgasms contributes to a sense of pleasure, happiness, and contentment. This natural mood boost can be uplifting, promoting positive mental wellbeing, and fostering a stronger sense of self-esteem. Feeling a bit low? You know what to do.

Could microdosing help your mental health?

From alleviating stress and promoting emotional wellbeing to supporting cardiovascular health and hormonal balance, the advantages of orgasms have far-reaching effects for people at any age.

By embracing sexual health and prioritizing intimacy, individuals can maintain and improve their overall wellbeing throughout life’s journey. So get on, celebrate this ageless pleasure and harness its numerous health benefits.

Bunty Whitstable

The post Ageless pleasure: 7 health benefits of orgasms appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Thanks to a more open dialogue around the menopause, there is now far greater awareness about the symptoms of menopause in women. But it’s becoming increasingly apparent that it affects more than just the physical. It seems that menopause might spell the end of your relationship.

*Sensitive topics

It’s estimated that a third of the entire UK female population are currently menopausal, which equates to around 13 million people. Right here, right now.

For the majority of women, menopause typically starts between the ages of 45 and 55. However, early menopause can affect women if their periods have stopped before they turn 45. Or if they’ve had menopause enforced for another reason, such as cancer treatment affecting the ovaries, as a result of chromosomal abnormalities, infections, or even an autoimmune disease.

Whatever your age, or reason for being in menopause, it can bring a ton of aggravation. And not just for the one going through it.

The impact on relationships

The changes and imbalances in your hormones when going through the menopause can have a significant impact on your mental health, causing you to have brain fog, feel anxious, overwhelmed, and have low self-esteem.

Various studies have shown menopause can greatly impact relationships, with one study showing that 7 in 10 women blame menopause for their divorce. In addition to increased divorces, there is also sadly a link between menopause and domestic abuse (DA), with more women reporting an increase in this during the menopausal period.

67 per cent of the 1,000 women who participated expressed concern that it led to a rise in domestic abuse and arguments.

This can be particularly challenging when dealing with the physical and mental impacts of the menopause, so it’s important to seek advice if possible during this difficult time.

Thankfully society has now placed greater focus on mental health and raising awareness of domestic abuse, meaning accessibility to support is better than ever before. As well as dedicated DA support, there are also now menopause specialists and charities available to offer guidance.

Sadly, only 20 per cent of these women had sought support to discuss perimenopause/menopause because they did not realize it was a contributing factor to their relationship breakdown at the time.

Taking care of yourself throughout the menopause journey

If you’re a Silver reader you’re probably perimenopausal, menopausal, or can see it on the horizon. So you’re probably all over this already. But it’s good to be reminded that you can prepare for the menopause. Well… kind of.

You can start preparing for the symptoms at least, finding ways to improve them where possible. You can’t exactly prevent the menopause from happening, but you can get your body ready.

Health
Try to eat a healthy, balanced diet and exercise regularly, as this can help you maintain a healthy weight and reduce the increased risk of chronic health conditions.

Sleep
It’s also important to get enough sleep so your body is well-rested. Avoiding caffeine in the evening and winding down before bed can help you adhere to a regular sleep schedule. And put down that mobile device an hour before bedtime.

Stress and breathing
Practicing deep breathing and relaxation strategies can assist with this too, as well as helping to reduce your stress and anxiety levels.

Avoiding the heat
Hot flushes can occur at any time during the day, typically lasting for a few minutes. Be sure to avoid any triggers such as alcohol or spicy food in order to help you deal with this.

As your oestrogen levels begin to drop during the menopause, every part of your body is affected. You can investigate HRT, but staying healthy and eating for menopause will help loads.

Changes in the workplace

The government published Our Vision for the Women’s Health Strategy for England in December 2021. This outlined plans to appoint the first ever Women’s Health Ambassador, giving a voice to women, including those who are menopausal in the workplace.

The UK Menopause Taskforce is said to be working with employers to promote best practice for supporting women with menopause at work, such as workplace adjustments and flexible working, sick leave, and open conversations to break the taboo.

Whatever happens, we need to keep talking and moving forward to support those working through menopause. And getting the right support where available.

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The post Could the menopause spell the end of your relationship? appeared first on Silver Magazine.