LGBTQ+ Archives - Silver Magazine

Exploring queer stories in film history

silvermagazine — Mon, 06 Oct 2025 19:51:51 +0000

How queer film has challenged norms, shaped culture, and redefined representation on screen

Cinema has long been a powerful medium for telling human stories, offering audiences a mirror to society’s struggles, triumphs, and transformations. For queer communities, film has been both a battleground and a stage. It reflects the shifting perceptions of sexuality, gender identity, and the fight for visibility.

The history of queer representation in cinema reveals much about cultural attitudes toward sexuality, the evolution of artistic expression, and the ongoing need for inclusion.

From early silent films to modern blockbusters, queer stories have emerged in varied forms, each adding a layer of meaning to how these narratives are understood. This exploration traces how queer lives have been portrayed, the barriers filmmakers have faced, and how representation has changed over the decades.

Hidden beginnings in early cinema

In the earliest days of film, queer identities were rarely portrayed openly. Silent films occasionally hinted at same-sex attraction through subtle gestures or coded imagery. Filmmakers faced strict social restrictions and censorship laws, which meant queer themes were often veiled. Characters were sometimes presented as eccentric or villainous, reflecting societal prejudices rather than authentic lived experiences.

For instance, early horror and noir genres occasionally used queer-coded villains as a way to signal danger or moral ambiguity. A tactic that reinforced stereotypes rather than genuine representation. These portrayals reveal that queer existence was visible, but only in hidden, distorted forms. These coded narratives laid the groundwork for both creative resistance and the challenges that lay ahead for queer filmmakers.

The rise of queer narratives in mid-20th Century

As cinema moved into the mid-20th century, queer themes began to gain more visibility, though still under heavy constraints. The Motion Picture Production Code in the United States, for example, enforced strict guidelines that prohibited explicit discussion of homosexuality.

Filmmakers responded with subtext, symbolism, and coded references, allowing queer viewers to find meaning where mainstream audiences might not recognise it.

International cinema, especially in Europe, began to push boundaries earlier. Directors like Rainer Werner Fassbinder and Jean Cocteau explored queer themes more openly, creating a niche for queer cinema that was both daring and poetic. These films challenged the perception that queer stories could not belong to art or mainstream narratives, planting seeds for later cultural shifts.

Breaking barriers: The 1980s and 1990s

The 1980s and 1990s marked a turning point in queer cinema, driven by activism and social change. The HIV/AIDS crisis brought queer issues into urgent public discourse, influencing how queer lives were represented in film. Filmmakers began telling stories that centred queer experiences with greater honesty and urgency.

Independent cinema flourished during this period, offering platforms for authentic queer voices. Films such as Paris Is Burning and My Own Private Idaho explored queer identity with emotional depth and complexity. This era marked a significant expansion of narratives beyond stereotypes, allowing queer cinema to examine themes of love, loss, identity, and resilience with nuance.

Shifting perspectives on LGBTQ+ representation

The discussion of queer representation in film today is more prominent than ever, reflecting both progress and ongoing challenges. Also, LGBTQ+ representation in film is no longer confined to niche art houses; it has expanded into mainstream cinema and television. There is greater visibility of queer characters in diverse roles. This ranges from romantic leads to multifaceted protagonists in genres such as drama, comedy, fantasy, and science fiction. Yet representation still faces obstacles. Issues of tokenism, stereotyping, and underrepresentation remain prevalent.

Authentic representation requires more than the inclusion of queer characters. It demands depth, complexity, and respect for lived experience. The presence of queer filmmakers and storytellers is essential to achieving this, as they bring lived insight that shapes narratives beyond surface-level portrayals.

Contemporary queer storytelling

In the last decade, queer storytelling in film has become increasingly varied and bold. Advances in technology, greater access to filmmaking platforms, and evolving social attitudes have opened new spaces for queer narratives. Streaming services have broadened opportunities for queer filmmakers, allowing stories to reach global audiences without relying solely on traditional distribution channels.

Films such as Portrait of a Lady on Fire, Moonlight, and The Half of It have achieved critical acclaim, not only for their artistry but also for their nuanced portrayals of queer lives. These stories challenge viewers to move beyond assumptions and engage with queer identity as a complex, universal human experience.

Today’s queer cinema is not confined to representation alone; it is actively shaping culture and influencing how society perceives diversity.

Challenges and future directions

While queer stories in film have achieved remarkable progress, there remains significant challenges to overcome. Many queer filmmakers face barriers such as funding shortages, restrictive industry gatekeeping, and cultural censorship in different parts of the world, which can limit the scope and authenticity of storytelling.

Representation still often leans toward certain narratives, frequently prioritising stories that fit mainstream expectations while sidelining more diverse voices. This creates a gap where intersectional experiences, such as those of queer people of colour, trans individuals, disabled queer people, and queer voices from non-Western cultures, may remain underrepresented.

Another challenge lies in avoiding tokenism, where queer characters exist only as symbols rather than fully developed individuals, which risks reducing representation to mere visibility rather than meaningful storytelling. Expanding the scope of queer storytelling means embracing diversity in all its forms, across genres, perspectives, and cultural contexts. This requires both structural change within the industry and deliberate creative risk-taking from filmmakers willing to challenge norms.

Audience support also plays a role…

As demand for inclusive and authentic stories can push studios and producers to take chances on narratives that have historically been ignored. The future of queer cinema depends on building spaces where a wider range of queer voices can be heard and respected, shaping a richer, more inclusive cinematic world where every story has the possibility of being told.

Queer narratives have travelled far from their early coded origins, evolving into a rich and complex realm of storytelling that reflects both progress and the struggles that remain. The history of queer representation in film is a chronicle of resilience, creativity, and the fight for visibility.

As society continues to evolve, queer cinema will remain a vital part of cultural conversation, illuminating identities and experiences that deserve to be seen and understood. The journey of queer stories in film history is ongoing, and every new film adds a chapter to this unfolding narrative of inclusion, resistance, and transformation.

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It’s Pride Month – exploring Pride Month in the UK

Finn Norris — Mon, 02 Jun 2025 16:10:02 +0000

Rights and fights in 2025

June may mark the official Pride Month in the UK and in fact globally, but in an age where Pride has become a global, marketable phenomenon it’s hard to miss the signs of celebration and awareness.

It’s a sign of how far we have come as a society, to see a Tesco logo integrated with rainbow colours, and even rural parish councils hosting their own parade.

Yet with this comes the accusations of ‘pink washing’, a term referring to where companies’ support for the LGBTQIA+ community is merely superficial. Or sometimes contrasted by their other (unethical) business partnerships.

Whatever the case, Pride is neither watered down nor chaos, even a handful of the countries’ largest events – Brighton, Birmingham, London and Manchester – released a joint statement barring all political parties. Business will continue as usual, both feisty and flamboyant.

Cardiff Pride or Pride Cymru is biggest Pride celebration in Wales and indeed this corner of the nation. It has a brilliant attention to the intersection of disability and queer rights and is undeniably the most accessible in the country. Although the official Pride is just two days, readers may be interested in the Iris Prize LGBTQ+ Film Festival between 13 – 19 October that also takes place in Cardiff later this year.

Pride Cymru, https://pridecymru.com/

Other Pride events throughout the UK

There are hundreds of other Pride events throughout the UK that scarcely get a mention. Here are just a few we found:

Northern Pride, Newcastle, 19-20 August: By no means small, but outside of Newcastle Pride itself, the organisation (Northern Pride) will be running a series of fringe events across the Northeast in the run-up.

Kendal Pride, Cumbria, 13-15 June: A small, rural pride celebration1 in the Yorkshire dales featuring open-air parties and a queer-led film festival.

Exmouth Pride, Devon, 21 June: Small parade followed by a rich selection of local music and comedy in the pretty, sea-surrounded Manor Gardens.

King’s Lynn and West Norfolk Pride, 16 August: Parade and party in East Anglia just off the beautiful River Great Ouse.

Whilst we’ve tried to highlight a geographical range here, we know there are plenty more parties and protests out there this year – please drop your details below in the comments, and we’ll add them to the article. Pride Month in the UK Pride Month in the UK Pride Month in the UK

Finn Norris

Finn is a writer and musician. He has written on internet culture, technology, and reviewed music, film, and television. When not frantically tapping away he can be found kicking back with the simpler things: coffee, cats, and football.

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How to support your teen’s mental health

silvermagazine — Fri, 25 Apr 2025 13:20:30 +0000

Recognising signs and offering help

The teenage years can be challenging for children as they go through physical, emotional and social changes. As a parent or foster carer, being aware of potential mental health issues and offering support is vital for your teen’s wellbeing. Here is some guidance on recognising signs of struggle, and ways you can support your teen’s mental health.

Watch out for changes in behaviour

Mood swings and behavioural changes are common during the teenage years. However, look out for any extreme or prolonged shifts that could indicate an underlying issue. Signs may include:

Loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy
Pulling away from family and friends
Significant decline in school performance
Dramatic changes in eating and sleeping patterns
Expressing feelings of worthlessness or guilt
Self-harming behaviours

If you notice any combinations of these signs persisting for weeks, it may suggest your teen is struggling with their mental health.

Create opportunities for open communication

As teens desire more independence, they often share less with parents and carers. Making yourself available and having open conversations is key. Some tips:

Ask open-ended questions and listen without judgement
Validate their feelings by acknowledging their emotions
Have regular one-on-one chats to pick up on any problems
Do shared activities to put them at ease about opening up
Reassure them you are there to help, not punish
Gently probing with care and concern can help reveal issues they may be dealing with.

Seek professional help when needed

If signs persist and you suspect a mental health issue like depression or anxiety, consulting a GP is highly advisable. They can assess your teen and point you towards appropriate treatment options. If you have foster teens, discuss your concerns with your social worker. Depending on the severity, treatment options may include:

Referral to a child and adolescent psychiatrist or psychologist
Talking therapies like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
Antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications
Family therapy sessions

Getting expert intervention early is important to prevent matters from escalating. Remember that mental illnesses are medical conditions, and there are effective treatments available through the NHS.

Support their treatment plan

If your teen is receiving professional mental health services, be sure to follow the prescribed treatment plan. You may need to:

Monitor medications and any side effects
Take them to therapy appointments
Use recommended parenting strategies at home
Communicate with the treatment team

Providing consistent support, encouragement and care at home will complement the treatment and aid your teen’s recovery.

Look after your own mental health

Caring for a teen with mental health struggles can be demanding on parents too. Make sure to:

Take time for yourself to relax and recharge
Share your feelings with family, friends or other parents in your situation
Seek counselling if you are feeling overwhelmed
Connect with support groups related to your teen’s condition

If you like the idea of supporting a foster teenager, search for a fostering agency near me. There are lots of young adults in need of caring families to help them navigate the teenage years.

Looking after your own emotional health enables you to be fully available to support your teen. By spotting signs early, getting professional help and offering nurturing support, you can make a real difference in guiding your teen through these difficult years.

The information in this article is for general support only and should not be considered medical advice. Always seek help from a mental health professional if you’re worried about your child.

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The cuddle party: a new wellbeing trend and I’m in!

Helen Jane Campbell — Fri, 14 Feb 2025 12:41:24 +0000

Would you brave a ‘cuddle puddle’ with complete strangers?

A poster appeared on the back of the toilet door at my local open mic night. White clouds floated in a neon blue-green sky with the words ‘How to Find Oneself in A Queer Cuddle Puddle’ over a sugar pink centre, right in my eyeline. I was intrigued. A cuddle party with strangers?!

Two weeks later, I donate £15 for a ticket, gather a blanket, water bottle and snacks and head into central Brighton to be part of my first adult cuddle puddle. Dressed in leggings and a soft pink jumper, I’m shy but excited.

Cuddling can be good for our health

In Wales, where I’m from, we have a unique word: ‘cwtch’. It’s not just a hug, it’s a warm, safe place, such as a lamb’s manger or the cosiest nook. I long for this sort of holding, but platonic touch is something people don’t discuss often in the UK. We need it – touch, such as cuddling, is known to improve our health – yet embarrassment and social norms get in the way.

…Yes, there will be physical contact, but it’s not sexual. This intrigues me

Chris Jepson is a massage therapist at Hove Hands. “Human touch is healing and skin-to-skin contact is known to calm the nervous system, ease stress, and foster deep connection,” he says, “in a world that craves warmth; safe, consensual touch is a powerful remedy.”

This Cuddle Puddle is being run by the Devil’s Dyke Network: ‘an inclusive platform for poets, performers and artists dedicated to building community and generating positive cultural and political energies.’

I’m drawn to the event and the fact it’s aimed at queer people. Connecting with other LGBTQ+ people outside of dating is something I’m keen to do. Yes, there will be physical contact, but it’s not sexual. This intrigues me, and I want to find out more.

Models, not from actual event

I’ve tried some weird wellbeing trends: this might be the weirdest yet

I’ll be honest with you, in pursuit of better wellbeing and improved mental health, I’ve tried some unusual methods already. From Shamanic drum journeys to sound baths, trapeze to ecstatic dance, and the – now ubiquitous – wild swimming, this isn’t, as they say, my first rodeo. However, it IS my first cuddle party, or cuddle puddle.

How can this feel even better?

As we enter the dance studio venue in Brighton and take our shoes off, I’m drawn to a neon hand-painted sign that says: ‘How Can This Feel Even Better?’ It’s in green, orange and yellow, surrounded by fairy lights. We’re invited to place our own items next to it if we want to.

There are people with squishy toys; someone’s in pyjamas, others wear onesies and clutch toys. To me this is inner-child work. This is safety. As a queer neurodivergent person, this is an opportunity to unmask and let my guard down – for me and the other attendees.

…it feels like the world has slowed and I can breathe deeply and well

Friends have asked me if I was worried there “might be creeps there”. No, I was not worried about this for a moment. I have encountered creeps (and worse) in business networking events, on buses, and walking home. Entering a conscious, thoughtful space designed to discuss consent and work somatically felt safe for me. Together we’ll create our own safety. There are ground rules, and two experienced facilitators. This is the work they do.

We practice consent

There is a kind, opening circle, and opportunities to talk about how we feel. There are gentle, thoughtful warm-up exercises. Practicing saying ‘no’ and ‘yes’ to an offer of touch, such as holding a hand or linking your finger with someone else’s. There is hand sanitiser, water, discussion. We remember to breathe, we share our pronouns if we want to. I sit back-to-back with a stranger, supporting one another’s weight. It feels good, I find it soothing and calming.

Our yeses are joyful. Our nos are respectful. I listen to my body and my intuition, I don’t say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to please someone else. The atmosphere is kind, tentative and thoughtful. Nobody is diving in. There is quiet playful laughter. We create a temporary haven from the news cycle and the outside world.

I’m worried about my noisy stomach, worried about not being chosen

Eventually, after many gentle exercises and plenty of discussion and a break, we work together to make a pool of cushions and blankets and mats. And begin to arrange ourselves into a ‘puddle’. I don’t remember if there was music or if it was quiet. I do remember worrying about my noisy stomach. And I worried a bit about the fear of not being picked or chosen. We’ve been practicing our nos, what if everyone says ‘no’ to me? Rejection is a huge worry of mine in life.

A tall, gentle man asks if it’s okay to join us and lies behind me

I snuggle down on the pile of beanbags, cushions and blankets, with two other women. A tall, gentle man asks if it’s okay to join us and lies behind me once I agree. He places an arm around my body. It does not feel sexual to me, instead it feels like the world has slowed and I can breathe deeply and well. I feel happy and held and comforted.

I cannot see the faces of the strangers in front and behind me and I close my eyes. Mostly, I find myself most at ease among queer and neurodivergent folks, it’s like coming home. To a home I feel safe in, and where I’m accepted. I’m sad when the time’s up, but a pink-haired stranger stays cuddling me, hands on my hands as we start to debrief. I feel calm and soothed. It was the tonic I needed, and I think I knew that. There is a closing circle and some readings. Several of us ask when we can do this again.

Touch is good for us

Reflecting on my experience, I felt the Cuddle Puddle had a positive effect on my wellbeing and soothed my nervous system. I turned to a therapist to get her expert insights too. Rayner Ward is a counsellor and clinical supervisor and she explained to me why touch is important.

“Recent times have shown us the damage isolation can do and how hard it is to reconnect. Connecting with others is fundamental to wellbeing. Sharing that connection through touch can be one of the simplest ways to share the vulnerability of humankind.

“To simply share the joy of life or the pain of suffering with one hand on another is incredibly valuable. Touch not only warms the heart but reaches us in a way tech will never do.”

Five things I learned in my cuddle puddle:

It’s about consent and finding what feels right for you. It wasn’t a free-for-all, it was a gentle way for me to reconnect to my own body and boundaries.
Everything slowed down, and I stopped worrying. I felt very present in the moment the way perhaps others do at yoga or in meditation.
It wasn’t as embarrassing as I expected. The other cuddlers were kind and thoughtful and the facilitators guided us.
Cuddling is hungry work! I would bring more snacks for the break if I went again.
Just because it’s not for everyone doesn’t mean it’s not for me. A lot of friends said this event would be their worst nightmare. But my experience was dreamy.

The Cuddle Puddle was held in Brighton by Devil’s Dyke Network

Helen Jane Campbell

Helen, 47, is a coach for creative people. Originally from Wales, she co-founded the first ever Hay Pride and currently lives on the Sussex coast.

Helen’s the author of Founders, Freelancers & Rebels: How to Thrive as an Independent Creative. She also writes fiction and poetry.

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Mean Girls stage show – our review

Georgia Lewis — Tue, 16 Jul 2024 11:57:45 +0000

Mean Girls comes of age, along with the rest of us

Tina Fey’s sharp script from 2004 still holds up pretty well 20 years later. Mean Girls was one of those films that entered our vocabulary. “You can’t sit with us!” is a way to perkily exclude someone. “Stop trying to make fetch happen!” has been used countless times when someone tries to start a lame trend. And when someone is described as a “mean girl” – even if that person is well and truly into adulthood — the meaning is automatically understood. 

From screen to theatre, what are the differences?

Damian and Janis played by Tom Xander and Elena Skye. Photo: Brinkhoff/Moegenburg

Now Mean Girls has come to the stage at London’s Savoy theatre as a musical. There have been a few tweaks to the script because the world has changed and changed again in the past two decades. There are references to Ozempic, air fryers and smartphone filters. But perhaps the most significant change is making Damian and Janis, the two gay characters, the narrators. They replace Cady, the lead character and narrator played pitch-perfectly by Lindsay Lohan in the original film.

It would be lazy and asinine to roll one’s eyes and scream “WOKE GONE MAD!” while waving a rolled-up copy of the Express at a cloud because of the new narrators. Bringing Damian and Janis to the fore is a great way to update the script. This doesn’t take anything away from a storyline that still resonates with pretty much anyone who went to high school.

The prominence of Damian and Janis, performed excellently by Tom Xander and Elena Skye, modernises the show. It is a wonderful way to show how society has grown up and moved forward in the past 20 years. The script has come of age, along with wider society. Xander and Skye’s presence, peppered with dry humour and camp fun, is important for gay teenagers who will see this show.

Changing times

That there hasn’t been an outcry over this change speaks volumes. No hysterical newspaper columns. No homophobic Twitter storm following the reviews. Good. While we are seeing a lot of increasingly angry, divisive and often toxic debate on LGBTQ+ issues, the elevation – without controversy – of two gloriously gay characters is a joyous, positive thing. It is a theatrical moment to be proud of.   

Regina George and Regina’s Mum. Played by Georgina Castle and Zoe Rainey.
Photo: Brinkhoff/Moegenburg

As for the story itself, fans of the film will be pleased to know it still follows the same 2004 arc.

The easy – some would say cheap – laughs are still there. Regina George still gains weight by accidentally devouring what she thinks is a diet supplement. Karen is still almost irredeemably stupid. Regina’s mother is still the tracksuit-wearing lush who wants to be her daughter’s best mate, rather than a parent. 

Would the script feel more 2024 if Regina became accidentally addicted to Botox and fillers? Maybe, although I’m not sure how that could be shoehorned seamlessly into the script. 

Was Karen’s idiocy laid on a bit too thickly? Maybe, although most of us can recall laughing at something daft someone said in class many moons ago. I remember one of my school friends responding to the history teacher asking, “What happened to Schleswig-Holstein after WWII?” She said, “he was shot.” I’m still a history nerd and that 33-year-old incident still cracks me up

As for Mrs George as the perma-drunk matey mum, I remember this genre of parent in 1980s and ‘90s rural Australia. I’m sure they still exist in the UK and beyond in 2024. They’re a fair target for parody. She (or he) could be reading this very article now.

While this latest incarnation of Mean Girls has come of age, along with the rest of us, it’s not a classic coming-of-age tale. But it doesn’t have to be an earnest Dead Poets Society-style show. The universal themes of bullying, of wanting to fit in, of doing terrible things to each other all resonate way beyond our school days. In Mean Girls at the Savoy, they’re told with a lively script, a dizzyingly bright set and bouncy tunes. 

Another article you might like:Midlife Coming of Age

We are all Mean Girls deep down

Georgia Lewis and Sangeeta Pillai

My hot date for press night was the amazing Sangeeta Pillai, who runs an award-winning sex-positive podcast for South Asian women. Our school days were worlds apart. Mumbai and the Australian towns of Wagga Wagga and Bathurst might not have much in common at first glance, but we both went to school with people who are reflected in Mean Girls. Kids can treat each other abominably, no matter where you go. 

As Sangeeta and I discussed after the show, it is not uncommon to come across people in our adult lives who don’t seem to have evolved from when they were at school. Jacob Rees-Mogg, 55, is way too obsessed with where people went to school and what that supposedly says about them, for example. I can think of plenty of prominent people who make a fine living out of embarrassing attention-seeking. The other day, LinkedIn suggested I connect with a former boss who was – and for all I know and care, still is – the epitome of an overgrown mean girl.

Schoolyard behaviour doesn’t necessarily end for everyone when they leave school. But the one thing we can control is our reaction to adult Mean Girls behaviour. The Mean Girls characters come of age and become better people before our very eyes on stage. And there’s no reason why we can’t go through this process multiple times when we’re adults.  

The Plastics. Played by Georgina Castle, Charlie Burns, Elena Gyasi and Grace Mouat
Photo: Brinkhoff/Moegenburg

Without giving too much away, there is an inevitable resolution at the end of Mean Girls. And in midlife, many of us come to our own realisations and resolutions about how we treat other people – and how we expect to be treated by others. It’s a bonus coming of age. My latest coming of age process has been about setting boundaries and not being afraid to cut out toxic people. 

There is plenty for grown-ups to relate to in the Mean Girls musical, whether it’s teenage characters who give you schoolyard flashbacks, teenage characters whose behaviour is reflected in adults, or adult characters who make you feel seen.

Above all, Mean Girls is a lot of fun. The main reason to go along is to have a good laugh. But only the most sheltered theatregoer will leave without having a few thoughts provoked by Tina Fey’s fantastic writing.  

Book tickets here: Mean Girls Stage Show

Georgia Lewis

In a career that has spanned Australia, the Middle East and the UK, Georgia has written about all sorts of things, including sex, cars, food, oil and gas, insurance, fashion, travel, workplace safety, health, religious affairs, glass and glazing… When she’s not writing words for fun and profit, she can usually be found with a glass of something French and red in her hand.

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Pride. The kickass famous LGBTQ+ icons through history

Aiden Winn — Tue, 25 Jun 2024 10:53:56 +0000

As we celebrate Pride Month, Aiden Winn tracks some historical, influential LGBTQ+ icons and trailblazers

To celebrate the month of June, we’re brushing up on our LGBTQ+ history with seven of the most influential icons of the community. We’ve got a long old history of hard-fought fights and iconic individuals, so why not show some, er, pride?! But who are the most influential and famous LGBTQ+ icons through history?

We’ve tracked some extraordinary people doing extraordinary things, from the 1700s to the present day. In no particular order…

Marsha P Johnson

Marsha P Johnson (1945-1992)

As one of the most well-known names on this list, Marsha P Johnson was a self-identified drag queen and rights activist. She was a proud advocate for LGBTQ+ rights, and vital to the Stonewall riots of 1969.

The Stonewall riots began what we know as Pride today, a protest and celebration of the LGBTQ+ community. Johnson was essential in the formation of Pride – some even say she threw the first brick.

The ‘first brick’ story has since been debunked, but that doesn’t make Johnson’s involvement and continued activism any less amazing.

Beyond Stonewall, Johnson was a vocal activist, forming multiple organisations to support fellow members of the LGBTQ community. She protested for the rights of gay and transgender people, as well as supporting those affected by the AIDS crisis.

Whether she threw the first brick or not, Marsha P Johnson will always remain one of the most influential icons of LGBTQ+ history.

Alan Turing

Alan Turing (1912-1954) at Princeton University, 1936

Alan Turing is among the most well-known LGBTQ+ figures, and for good reason. As a World War Two computer scientist, Turing cracked the German cipher in an essential breakthrough for the war effort. He was also the source behind many other scientific breakthroughs, such as the Turing machine, which solves abstract mathematical conundrums.

Sadly, despite Turing’s crucial work, he was still prosecuted in 1952 for his homosexuality, undergoing outdated medical treatment to both ‘cure’ and punish him. He died just two years later. Whether this was by suicide or whethr he was poisoning remains a mystery.

Turning’s death is truly a tragedy, but his legacy lives on in countless memorials, from buildings, to awards, to computer programs and more. As a truly influential figure of LGBTQ+ history, Turing is also memorialised in the 2013 Alan Turing law. This law pardoned him and many of their crime of homosexuality. Homosexuality is no longer a crime in the UK today, and Turing is one of many to thank for that.

Anne Lister

Anne Lister (1791-1840)

Anne Lister was born in Yorkshire in 1791, and grew up to be a landowner, a lesbian, and an all-round awesome icon in our history.

Lister was a hot topic of conversation back in day for her masculine gender presentation, and her ‘masculine’ position as a landowner. Both were very uncommon for women at the time, making her stand out against the status quo.

She is best known today from Gentleman Jack, a TV show based on her diary entries and letters to partner Ann Walker. Same-sex marriage was illegal at the time, but that didn’t stop the pair from deciding they were married anyway. That’s an incredible level of confidence you just have to respect.

Clearly Lister was no sheep, no matter the stares or insults she faced. Gentleman Jack even names itself after a common insult for Lister, a modern day slap in the face to those who mocked her. Needless to say, she’s an absolute icon of LGBTQ+ history.

Harvey Milk

Harvey Milk (1930-1978) at Gay Pride, San Jose 1978

Harvey Milk, born in 1930, was the first openly gay US official. He was elected to public office in California following a proud history of gay rights activism.

Milk was an outstanding figure of protest, with intense and brilliant quotes such as, “If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door.” He was tragically killed in this exact way. Just a year after entering office, he was assassinated by a fellow American politician.

His short time in office didn’t stop Milk from fighting for essential changes to US laws. He strived for the protection of LGBTQ+ Americans, sponsoring a bill which banned sexuality-based discrimination in housing and employment. This bill passed, marking an incredible milestone for LGBTQ+ rights in America.

He’s celebrated today with the 2008 film Milk, based on his incredible life as an activist, politician, and influential LGBTQ+ icon. Though his political career was cut short, his contributions to LGBTQ+ history were essential in the fight for change.

Another article you may like: What your transgender child wishes they could tell you

April Ashley

April Ashley (1935-2021)

Born in 1935, April Ashley was one of the first people to undergo gender-affirming surgery in the UK. As a transgender rights activist, Ashley was prominent in the fight for equality. Even her own divorce case was used for positive legal change to benefit the transgender community.

In the 1960s, her husband requested an annulment on the grounds that Ashley was not legally a woman. This atrocious reasoning was then approved, with their annulment being granted in 1970. All because Ashley’s legal gender was stuck as male with no way to change it.

Even though Ashley lost the case, her story was still used in 2004 to help pass the Gender Recognition Act. Through this, she was finally allowed to change to her legal gender to female after over 60 years.

As a vocal transgender activist, and key figure in the fight for gender-affirming laws, April Ashley continues to be remembered as an incredibly influential figure in LGBTQ+ history.

Radclyffe Hall

Radclyffe Hall (1880-1943)

Marguerite Antonia Radclyffe Hall (known by her penname John) was an English poet and author born in the late 19th Century. She is best known for her 1928 novel The Well of Loneliness, a novel that truly cements her legacy as an icon of LGBTQ+ history.

The novel depicts a lesbian relationship – still very much taboo for the time – and ends with the extraordinary line, “Give us also the right to our existence.”

Unsurprisingly, such an iconic work was banned for its “scandalous” content, but that didn’t stop Radclyffe Hall’s influence from spreading far and wide. Especially among those who needed it most.

Radclyffe Hall’s work became symbolic of those stuck in the closet (to use a more modern term). It represented LGBTQ+ people unable to represent themselves in a world where self-expression remained a crime. Having offered a voice for those who needed it most, Radclyffe Hall deserves to be celebrated as a brilliantly influential LGBTQ+ icon.

Chevalier d’Eon

The Chevalier D’Eon (1728 -1810) from the London Magazine 1777, British Cartoon Prints Collection

Born in 1728, Chevalier d’Eon was one of the first transgender and gender non-conforming people in modern European history. They were a French diplomat, soldier and spy as part of a secret organisation under King Louie XV. An incredibly cool figure for our queer history tour.

They presented as both masculine and feminine in their lifetime until 1777. That year, the king officially recognised d’Eon as a woman, so long as they presented as feminine for the rest of their life. A pretty bizarre deal for gender recognition by today’s standards. But it did come with a free wardrobe courtesy of the king himself. And d’Eon got to keep their incredible undercover life.

D’Eon is known by many for their fencing prowess. Including defeating a French soldier in one particularly influential duel while presenting as a woman. Their legacy has been celebrated by many well-known figures such as Mary Wollstonecraft, for their incomparable contributions to both women’s rights and transgender rights.

As a remarkable soldier, spy, and one of the first to legally transition, d’Eon is definitely an LGBTQ+ icon to be proud of.

Lady Phyll

Phyll Opoku Gyimah (1974 – )

Phyllis Akua Opoku-Gyimah, also known as Lady Phyll, is a political activist, campaigning for both LGBTQ+ rights and anti-racism. For anyone noticing the use of present tense there, you read right. Lady Phyll remains an influential rights activist to this day, still going strong in her co-founded charity and event UK Black Pride.

UK Black Pride was formed in the hopes of uniting and celebrating LGBTQ+ people of colour, promoting unity and advocating for anti-racism within and towards the community. Self-described as both a party and a protest, its contribution to LGBTQ+ history is essential, fighting for a more inclusive LGBTQ+ community.

Lady Phyll will undeniably go down in history as an influential icon of the LGBTQ+ community. And she continues to be politically active today, acting as Chief Executive of her own charity. Her influential story is far from over, and so is the fight for change.

The future of Pride

We can learn a lot from the influential LGBTQ+ icons of the past. What unites us all is not our struggles, but instead the strength of our community. It is our united fight for a better future that makes Pride what it is today.

And it’s not over yet. We still have a long way to go in our fight for equality.

To get involved, consider checking out the official Stonewall website for more information on events, charities and protests.

Aiden Winn

Aiden is an editorial and production staffer at Title Media. He’s constantly looking for opportunities to have fun and get creative, whether it be art, baking, storytelling… you name it!

The post Pride. The kickass famous LGBTQ+ icons through history appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Why is Gen X increasingly drawn to polyamory?

Kat Storr — Fri, 07 Jun 2024 16:09:09 +0000

Do we hit a certain age and think monogamy just isn’t enough for us anymore? Apparently, yes…

Our forties and fifties are a time of transition. For many of us, life around this time will involve a number of challenges, whether that’s bringing up children, caring for ill family members, facing redundancy, or dealing with divorce. And coming out the other side of these events can leave us feeling like different people. But why is Gen X increasingly drawn to polyamory? Because studies show that this certainly seems to be the case.

Going through these tough times can lead to a re-evaluation of your professional and personal life. And for many people this will include their sex and love life. Some couples who have been in a long-term marriage may feel that their relationship has been neglected or become stale due to the other demands being placed on them. Research has shown that Gen X-ers are more likely to go through divorce than other generations.

Midlife might be the first time in years that an individual has had the time and energy to address their sexual desires and unmet needs and, for some, that could be an exploration of polyamory or ethical non-monogamy (ENM).

What exactly is polyamory and why is Gen X all over it?

Polyamory is the act of being in a number of sexual and/or romantic relationships with different people, with the consent of everyone involved. It is different to swinging in that the relationships are romantic, and can be long-term. And it’s not necessarily always about sex.

Polyamory is something which has become popular with the younger Gen Z, which tends to have more progressive views on social and cultural norms, and often rejects the traditional relationships of their parents.

But why is Gen X choosing to explore this new sexual frontier when many will have spent many years being with just one person?

Time to explore your updated needs?

Therapist Susie Masterson says, “Growing up in the 70s and 80s, relationships were predominantly both monogamous and heteronormative. Education around consent was still scant, and society was clearly gendered. This informed Gen Xers ‘relationship blueprint’.

“Many of my Gen X clients recognise that having an entrenched position to things – whether that’s relationships, politics or spirituality – effectively means shutting themselves off. This coincides with a time in life when they have fewer practical constraints and responsibilities.”

For the first time in many years, couples will find themselves alone in the house again…

These responsibilities could include your children growing up and moving out. For the first time in many years, couples will find themselves alone in the house again and clinical sexologist Marie Morice says this means that “there is actual physical space and time to feel sexual again. Just between you and your partner to start with. And you can then explore more if you feel like it.”

Tessa Krone, a polyamory advocate and the founder of the podcast Open Nesters, rejects the use of the label ‘empty nesters’ for these couples. “We are the Open Nesters. We are the Baby Boomers and Gen X-ers who reject the traditional roles that our parents played and the empty nest syndrome. We defy the stigma of ageism, ailing health, empty retirement and a passionless sex life.” She describes having this new freedom to be more sexually adventurous and curious as an ‘Act 3’ in life.

David

This is something David, 56, found when his children were grown up and no longer living with him. He had always been in monogamous relationships but when his marriage ended, he realised he was less keen on being tied down to one person. “I don’t think I’ll ever do that again,” he says.

I’m able to get all those needs met, by having relationships with a few different people

“It seems incredible to believe that we can have all our needs met in one person. In my own marriage, I loved my wife, but as the years passed, we stopped having sex, for example. We had amazing fun together, and made each other laugh. But I found myself missing things that I wanted to experience, because I’d committed to having just the one relationship. And now I find I’m able to get all those needs met, by having relationships with a few different people.”

Read a different article: Why I cheat on my husband

Liv

Liv, 47, is happily married and has four children who still live with her, but has recently been exploring polyamory with her husband. She has a demanding day job and a busy family life but says enjoying sex with other people has made her relationship stronger.

…they are happy for each other to play out their sexual fantasies with people outside their marriage

“This is my blowout. I get to let my hair down and get to be incredibly sexually liberated with the consent of my best friend,” she says. While the couple isn’t looking for separate romantic relationships, they are happy for each other to play out their sexual fantasies with people outside their marriage.

Liv says apps like Feeld and Hinge have made it easier for couples and individuals to meet others interested in ENM. Masterson says this is what happened with her client Karine who was re-evaluating her sexuality, having only experienced monogamous, heterosexual relationships previously.

After navigating a number of life transitions from divorce to kids leaving home as well as changing careers, Karine started using dating apps to explore connections with women. Masterson says Karine now only dates women and is currently in a polyamorous relationship with two people.

Polyamory takes some work…

A move away from having previously monogamous relationships does have to be treated with caution. Particularly if you were monogamous before, but have decided to open the doors to others in an already-existing relationship.

Issues such as resentment and jealousy can easily rear their heads if you’re in a relationship, or more than one. Psychotherapist Paula Gardner says “Strong communication skills, honesty, and setting boundaries are key to making this work, and that often means a lot of work which people might not want to do at this stage in life.”

You can’t predict what’s going to happen, so there’s a need for a lot of communication

Morice agrees that honesty is key to ENM working. “By their very nature and their level of uncertainty, open and polyamorous relationships are more intense than typical monogamous relationships. You can’t predict what’s going to happen, so there’s a need for a lot of communication to work through and navigate the unpredictability and the excitement on the journey.”

Communication is something Liv says has been key for things to work smoothly with she and her husband. “We trust each other completely, and where there’s an element of doubt we talk about it immediately,” she says.

“There’s a recognition that we need to be open all the time about how we feel, what we liked or didn’t like and being able to move on and learn from mistakes.

“I feel sad that I didn’t meet my husband earlier in my life as we could have been enjoying this before we reached middle age!”

Top tips for making poly great…

Open and honest communication
Regularly discuss your feelings, boundaries, and any changes in your needs or desires. Open communication helps prevent misunderstandings, and builds trust.

Set clear boundaries
Establish and respect each other’s boundaries. This includes discussing what is acceptable in terms of physical, emotional, and time commitments.

Practice compersion
Compersion is the pleasure of seeing joy in others. Cultivate joy and satisfaction from seeing your partner happy, even if you haven’t created that. This helps reduce jealousy and strengthens the overall relationship dynamic.

Manage jealousy constructively
Understand that jealousy is natural, whoever is feeling it, and can be managed through communication, discussion, and reassurance. Work on the root causes of jealousy rather than letting it fester.

Schedule quality time
Ensure that you spend quality time with each of your partners. Balancing time fairly helps each person feel valued and prevents neglect.

Be transparent
Be honest about your other relationships and any changes in your feelings or circumstances. Transparency prevents misunderstandings.

Prioritise self-care
Take care of your own emotional and physical wellbeing. Taking care of yourself helps you stay well, and be able cope with the complexities of polyamory.

Seek out your tribe
Polyamorous relationships are still in the minority. Join polyamorous communities or groups, or seek advice from a therapist who understands polyamory if necessary. External support can provide valuable perspectives and coping strategies. Not everyone is going to support what you do, probably.

Educate yourself
Read books, attend workshops, and engage with resources about polyamory. Continuous learning helps you understand different dynamics and improve relationship management skills.

Respect each relationship’s unique dynamics
Recognise that each relationship is unique and may require different approaches. Tailor your interactions and efforts to meet the specific needs of each partner.

Stay safe
Make sure all of you in your extended relationship practices safe sex, or is regularly checked for STIs and so forth. Take care of each other.

Kat Storr

Kat has been a digital journalist for over 12 years after starting her career at Sky News where she covered everything from terror attacks to royal babies and celebrity deaths. She has been working freelance for the last five years and regularly contributes to UK publications including woman&home, The i, Stylist, ES Best, Metro, and more.

The post Why is Gen X increasingly drawn to polyamory? appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Scala!!! A nostalgia trip, even if you weren’t there

Georgia Lewis — Mon, 08 Jan 2024 15:22:15 +0000

The new documentary about the notorious Scala cinema in London’s Kings Cross is a trip down memory lane for those who were part of the scene. And, if you weren’t there, you still might find yourself reminiscing about a bygone era.

The Scala started life on London’s Tottenham Road as a cinema club in 1978. Before later moving on to grander premises in Kings Cross in 1981 under the management of Stephen Woolley. In an era when multiplexes were starting to expand and ultimately snuff out many smaller cinemas, the Scala was a weird and wonderful anomaly. Until the wild ride came to an end in 1993.

Those who were part of the Scala during its heyday, complete with terrifying toilets, resident cats, sex scenes on and off screen and the occasional death, will no doubt enjoy Scala!!!

By operating as a members-only club, the Scala was able to get away with screening an astounding range of films that you probably weren’t going to experience at the local Odeon. Debuting (and closing) with the original 1933 King Kong, from 1978 until 1993, the Scala was a hard-seated, graffitied, tube train-rattled haven for the likes of Salo: The Last Days of Sodom, anything made by John Waters, (sometimes literally) eye-popping horror and films you probably wouldn’t watch with anyone of a nervous or prudish disposition.

Directed by Jane Giles and Ali Catterall, Scala!!! chronicles 15 years of a cinema that was as much about the “weirdos and misfits” who frequented it and the challengingly magnificent building as it was about the films.

Known for all-night screenings of back-to-back movies, it was not just a place for film fans to indulge themselves. It was a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community in an era of oppression thanks to Section 28 and the stigma of the AIDS tragedy.

A place of warmth on cold, brutal nights in pre-gentrified Kings Cross. And an alternative to expensive London hotel rooms for bands from out of town, such as The Jesus and Mary Chain.

Those who were part of the Scala during its heyday, complete with terrifying toilets, resident cats, sex scenes on and off screen and the occasional death, will no doubt enjoy Scala!!! for the genuinely heartwarming, riotous romp down memory lane that it is. For those who were not part of that scene, usually for reasons of age or distance, there is still so much to love about this film.

The Scala’s politics and activism is an important part of the documentary

For me, the last days of the Scala coincided with my early 20s, which were spent in Sydney. So I’ll never know if I would have hallucinated my way through an all-nighter or thrilled to the spectacle of Divine eating dog poo in Pink Flamingos. But as someone who spent a lot of time in the UK as a child and, with a history teacher father in a house where the news always seemed to be on, I was acutely aware of Thatcherism and have fond childhood memories of catching the tube with punks in the ‘80s, which made Scala!!! resonate with me as a catalyst for my own memories.

The Scala’s politics and activism is an important part of the documentary and a timely reminder of how awful things were for the LGBTQ+ community then – and how, despite changes such as marriage equality, discrimination has not been eliminated. The recollections of Vic Roberts, a proudly queer usher at the Scala, and Jim MacSweeney, manager of Gay’s The Word bookshop, are profoundly moving.

When Roberts talks about how the Scala allowed everyone to be whoever they are and MacSweeney recalls the cinema holding a benefit for his bookshop after a ridiculous police raid threatened its future, the documentary instantly becomes part of the wider narrative of London’s LGBTQ+ history.

Watching Scala!!! made me wish I had moved permanently to London a bit sooner than 2011. But equally it was a joy and an honour to hear the stories of the people who made the cinema the unique place it so clearly was.

Paul Burston, author and participant in the documentary, told me the Scala was “many things – a cinema, a party venue, a community hub and what we’d now call a safe space.” Recalling his experiences as a young, gay man, he says the 1980s were “a hostile time for minority groups and the Scala provided refuge.”

He says the cinema’s lasting legacy was the strong sense of community it created. “All sorts of outsiders felt equally at home there – it was intersectional before it became fashionable.”

Directors Jane Giles and Ali Caterall at the screening

The Scala cinema club closed its doors amid financial pressures exacerbated by a court case involving the screening of Stanley Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange. It was a heartbreaking time for the community it created in a part of London that was seedy and often dangerous… but not without its dark charms.

For anyone who wants to try and experience a taste of what it was like to be a Scala cinema club member, Burston recommends a small cinema in Hastings called The Electric Palace where “the programming is eclectic and the seats are uncomfortable.”

“I attended a friend’s 50th birthday party there with a screening of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. Several guests said it felt like being back at the Scala, albeit on a smaller scale,” says Burston.

In the meantime, check out Scala!!! for yourself. It is being released at cinemas across the country. And, on 22 January, it will be released on Blu-Ray and available on the BFI Player.

Georgia Lewis

The post Scala!!! A nostalgia trip, even if you weren’t there appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Oh Kabarett, oh Kabarett! A sexy Soho show to remember

Alison James — Wed, 29 Nov 2023 05:55:09 +0000

A night out at a naughty cabaret show in London’s Soho? What’s not to love?

It is perhaps serendipity that what was once the Raymond Revuebar is now the setting for Bernie Dieter’s Club Kabarett. Back in the 1970s, Raymond’s club hailed itself as ‘The World Centre of Erotic Entertainment.’ And several decades on, Club Kabarett may just be the sexiest show in London town right now.

Even the brand spanking newly refurbed bar/club – all polished concrete, smooth surfaces, glass walkways and flashing scarlet neon – is pretty darned seductive. But then production company ‘Underbelly’ – they of the big purple elephant fame – always go that extra mile, as anyone who’s seen their award-winning shows at the Edinburgh Fringe or on London’s Southbank will attest. The company has taken over the former Revuebar, sprinkled stardust over it, and renamed it Underbelly Boulevard.

It’s a rainy autumnal night when we pitch up at the UB in Walker’s Court, Soho. After a glass of bubbles, our sense of excitement is also fizzing as we queue up to get into the theatre proper. There’s already an element of wondering just what will await us on the other side.

Rows of seats circling a small, round stage, that’s what, with a punky three-piece band playing at the rear of the venue. And also a balcony offering a great view of the stage. The balcony is where we are seated. It’s a plus for two reasons. A) The view of the stage is excellent. And B) there’s no chance of being selected as an audience participant. While I enjoy a bit of AP, I don’t if I’m one of the chosen few.

I’m also loving the low lighting, bathing the mini-arena in reds and blues and purples. It feels intimate and, yes, sexy. Especially as ‘down below’, girls in PVC and lads in Lycra strut up and down like a kind of slightly kinked warm-up for the first appearance of MC Miss Dieter herself.

Miss Dieter herself

Bernie Dieter’s Club Kabarett is the very first show to take to the stage at Underbelly Boulevard. Born in the former east Germany, Dieter has been described as ‘the first lady of Weimar punk cabaret’ and is a cross between Lady Gaga, Marlene Dietrich and Frank-N-Furter from The Rocky Horror Show in sequins. Let’s just say she’s sure as hell no shy, retiring type.

Bedecked in tassels, feathers, a Westwood-style kilt, ripped fishnets and sparkly stilettos, she struts onto the stage like she owns the place. Which she kind of does for the next few months. She’s seductive, sultry and velvet-voiced but also a bit scary – a tantalising combo of allure and menace. Within minutes, she’s straddling a male audience member in the front row before enlisting the help of two others whom she dubs ‘Shaven Haven’ and ‘Silver Fox’ to carry her back to the stage, legs akimbo.

Once back-on-the-boards, she announces that what we are about to witness is all about ‘letting loose, letting go, and getting a little bit intimate.’ Aided by the ‘punky, freaky and weirdo’ acts she will introduce us to over the next 90 minutes. This is interspersed at interludes with the lady herself taking to the stage in an array of different costumes and singing songs with racy lyrics, such as one which regales the tale of how she was fed gin by her Oma (granny) when she was just knee-high to a stiletto.

First up is Blue Phoenix, who twirls his unbelievably flexible and barely-covered body, complete with sky-scraper 12-inch heels on his feet, around a mid-stage, hastily-erected pole. It’s muscle town, sinew city – total brawnsville. And, yeah, we can see why he won Mr Pole Dance World last year.

It’s a real heart-in-mouth moment – several of ‘em actually – to witness aerial duo, The Seifart Sisters, contort and bend around each other with sublime skill and subtlety. This would be impressive enough on terra firma, but they do what they do mid-air. And without any kind of safety net.

A very different aerial act arrives in the form of the balletic Joe Keeley whose body weaves in and out of attached-to-the-ceiling, stage-trailing silks with such grace it’s as if he were another piece of fabric. The act of muscley drag queen Adam Malone, who apparently ran away to join the circus at a young age, is one of a kind. Let’s just say, I never imagined that a teabag and teaspoon could be used in such an inventive way. Looks a bit painful to me but Adam doesn’t flinch.

Then there’s high-octane, highflyer Bella Diosa. She contorts her amazing body into some eye-watering positions, she eats fire, she hangs by her hair… just one of these would do for me! One can but dream.

So, to conclude, if you happen to be in the Smoke, I can think of no better way to spend a pre- or post-Christmas cold winter’s evening than being warmly and weirdly entertained by the magnificent Miss D and her troupe of remarkable ‘reprobates’. I run into our hostess on the way out and ask her if the gin thing is true. ‘One hundred percent,’ she smiles. ‘Proof!’ Rather like her show, then!

To have your own night at the Kabarett…
Tickets from £25
21st November – 6th January 2024
Get your Kabarett tickets today

Alison James

The post Oh Kabarett, oh Kabarett! A sexy Soho show to remember appeared first on Silver Magazine.

What your transgender child wishes they could tell you

Aiden Winn — Thu, 16 Nov 2023 15:43:47 +0000

The conversation can be hard to start – but not impossible. Here’s some things to know about your transgender child

Ideally, parents want to love and support their kids more than anything. When your child comes out as transgender, it can be hard to know how best to do this.

As someone who is transgender, and also has parents, there are a million things I wish I could tell them. But it can often be hard to bridge the gap and start these conversations. The same is true for parents – it’s hard to know how to talk to your child about their transition, or how best to help. But without these conversations, you may lose that sense of closeness and understanding that makes all this stuff ok.

Whether you don’t know where to start, or think you understand their transition completely… here’s a few things your transgender child may want you to know.

You’re not losing your child

Finding out your child is transgender can come as a complete shock to some. One minute you were picking up your little girl from school, and now they aren’t a girl at all. Maybe you didn’t see any signs, maybe you had built an image of their future in your head. Maybe you aren’t ready for all the changes that could follow that initial coming out.

But you aren’t losing that child you knew.

They may not be the gender you once knew them as, but that’s all there is to it. They still love all the same things, have the same laugh, and the same silly habits you know and love. None of the important stuff has changed, they’re just growing into who they always were.

The medical side isn’t everything

One of the big things that infuriated me when I came out was immediately being asked about the medical stuff. Did I want to take testosterone? Did I want top surgery? Bottom surgery? Puberty blockers? To use the men’s toilets?? (OK – that last one wasn’t medical, but still annoying!)

My personal answer to all of those questions is, “Who cares?” If your child wants to take hormones, they’ll tell you. If they want bottom surgery, they’ll say, “I want to have bottom surgery.” But especially in the initial coming out, suddenly getting bombarded with these kinds of questions can feel invasive.

And none of that is the first step. You’ve taken the cart a mile away and left the horse in the stables. Maybe all those things are what your child wants eventually, but usually things like new clothes or, you know, how to refer to them come first. It’s great to be open to discussing the medical side – just be careful that you don’t skip the first conversation for one that may be months or even years down the line.

Stop with all the warnings!

We all have to live with the unfortunate truth that transgender people are going to experience some kind of bigotry in their life. But trust me when I say that we, as the people actually transitioning, are very aware of this already.

You don’t need to remind your trans kid of horrific hate crimes seen on the news, or suicide rates, or generally shitty stigmas. We know. We aren’t thrilled about it either.

But transitioning is a necessity. It’s something we need to do, to truly know and love the person we are. To feel comfortable in the world and in our own skin. We don’t need warnings. We don’t need to be reminded of the dangers. We need your support, especially if any of these awful things do come to pass.

Listen to us

A lot of what we want to tell our parents boils down to just listening. When your child tells you they’re transgender, listen to what they want from you. Don’t bombard them with medical questions, or the dangers they may face, or your own fears of losing your child…

Just listen.

Find out what they’d like you to do. Ask what they want their first steps to be and how you can help, and figure out where to go from there together. Your child needs to be the leader on this one, but you can be by their side to support them.

And remember, everyone’s transition looks different. You may have experience with a transgender friend, for example, but your child is not that friend. As with anything, different people have different wants and needs. Go into your child’s transition without assumptions or preconceived ideas of what being transgender means, and let them decide how their life will look.

Being transgender is a wonderful thing

For a lot of trans people, transitioning is amazing. We can finally look like ourselves, sound like ourselves, feel like ourselves… it’s liberating. It’s a time of blossoming into a happier, more confident self.

And as our parents, all we ask if that you’re by our side through it. You don’t need to understand everything at once, just stick by us and listen. Lending an ear and keeping an open mind is really the best thing you can do.

We need parents who are willing to listen, and learn. Parents who will stand by us. Parents who love us no matter what.

Aiden Winn

Aiden is an editorial and production staffer at Title Media. He’s constantly looking for opportunities to have fun and get creative, whether it be art, baking, storytelling… you name it!

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