The teenage years can be challenging for children as they go through physical, emotional and social changes. As a parent or foster carer, being aware of potential mental health issues and offering support is vital for your teen’s wellbeing. Here is some guidance on recognising signs of struggle, and ways you can support your teen’s mental health.

Watch out for changes in behaviour

Mood swings and behavioural changes are common during the teenage years. However, look out for any extreme or prolonged shifts that could indicate an underlying issue. Signs may include:

• Loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy
• Pulling away from family and friends
• Significant decline in school performance
• Dramatic changes in eating and sleeping patterns
• Expressing feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Self-harming behaviours

If you notice any combinations of these signs persisting for weeks, it may suggest your teen is struggling with their mental health.

Create opportunities for open communication

As teens desire more independence, they often share less with parents and carers. Making yourself available and having open conversations is key. Some tips:

• Ask open-ended questions and listen without judgement
• Validate their feelings by acknowledging their emotions
• Have regular one-on-one chats to pick up on any problems
• Do shared activities to put them at ease about opening up
• Reassure them you are there to help, not punish
• Gently probing with care and concern can help reveal issues they may be dealing with.

Seek professional help when needed

If signs persist and you suspect a mental health issue like depression or anxiety, consulting a GP is highly advisable. They can assess your teen and point you towards appropriate treatment options. If you have foster teens, discuss your concerns with your social worker. Depending on the severity, treatment options may include:

• Referral to a child and adolescent psychiatrist or psychologist
• Talking therapies like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
• Antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications
• Family therapy sessions

Getting expert intervention early is important to prevent matters from escalating. Remember that mental illnesses are medical conditions, and there are effective treatments available through the NHS.

Support their treatment plan

If your teen is receiving professional mental health services, be sure to follow the prescribed treatment plan. You may need to:

• Monitor medications and any side effects
• Take them to therapy appointments
• Use recommended parenting strategies at home
• Communicate with the treatment team

Providing consistent support, encouragement and care at home will complement the treatment and aid your teen’s recovery.

Look after your own mental health

Caring for a teen with mental health struggles can be demanding on parents too. Make sure to:

• Take time for yourself to relax and recharge
• Share your feelings with family, friends or other parents in your situation
• Seek counselling if you are feeling overwhelmed
• Connect with support groups related to your teen’s condition

If you like the idea of supporting a foster teenager, search for a fostering agency near me. There are lots of young adults in need of caring families to help them navigate the teenage years.

Looking after your own emotional health enables you to be fully available to support your teen. By spotting signs early, getting professional help and offering nurturing support, you can make a real difference in guiding your teen through these difficult years.

The information in this article is for general support only and should not be considered medical advice. Always seek help from a mental health professional if you’re worried about your child.

silvermagazine

If you’d like to receive a regular mini-magazine direct to your inbox with a selection of editorial features to read at your leisure, please sign up for our newsletter. We also run the odd competition and offer and whatnot, and newsletter members get the heads-up first.

The post How to support your teen’s mental health appeared first on Silver Magazine.

A childhood donkey ride on a seaside beach, the odd clumsy attempt at pony trekking, an occasional day at the races. . . I’d never had much to do with animals of the equine kind. They scared me to be honest – all flying hooves, huge teeth, flaring nostrils and unpredictability. I’d certainly never connected horses with any kind of healing power but then what did I know?  

I’d also never expected to find myself after 30-plus years of seemingly happy marriage, starring into an abyss no longer knowing what my future held.

All images: Tania Araujo

A marital curve-ball

In 2019, I discovered that my husband and the father of our three grown-up kids had been having an affair for over a year. As infidelity goes, this was pretty standard fare, I guess. His lover was younger than me, fitter than me, more exotic than me. 

But there was an added ‘extra’. A sting in the spousal tail. My husband’s lover was another man. 

“Yeah, I’m gay,” was my husband’s frankly flippant explanation. “I think I’ve been gay since I was 12 years old. I hadn’t acted on it before. I just didn’t feel ready.” To say I was shocked was the ultimate understatement. My whole world suddenly collapsed around me. My life was a like a demolished building – and my once much-loved husband had pressed the detonator. 

I needed to rediscover my own identity, after decades of being a wife and mum and putting my own desires and needs at the very bottom of the list

Fast forward three-and-a-half very difficult years and the beginning of 2023 saw me attempting to seriously move on. I wanted to put the past behind me and look towards the future – a future I knew I was going to have to rebuild. 

I also needed to rediscover my own identity, after decades of being a wife and mum and putting my own desires and needs at the very bottom of the list. I’d had some therapy and, although this had helped, I’d found it to be a long, drawn-out process. I needed a stark reboot – a kind of caring and nurturing short, sharp, shock treatment, if there was such a thing. And this is where the horses come in. 

Equine therapy? The healing power of horses?

A friend told me about a new week-long equine therapy retreat she’d heard about taking place on the remote Indonesian island of Sumba. The brainchild of Professor Dr Andreas Liefooghe, a chartered psychologist and psychotherapist of many years standing in addition to being an equine expert, he founded Operation Centaur in London in 2005 after witnessing how well soldiers with severe PTSD responded to horses. Now 18 years on, he was launching ‘Retreat and Conquer’ – a holistic, five-day, four-night retreat in which horses would play a central role.

Professor Dr Andreas Lifeooghe, the organiser of the retreats

“When we connect with a horse, we don’t just connect with an incredible animal – we also connect with a disavowed part of ourselves,” the Professor was quoted as saying. “In traditional therapy, this can take a very long time. Horses, however, do in therapy what they have always done for us: help us get there faster.”

In traditional therapy, this can take a very long time. Horses, however, do in therapy what they have always done for us: help us get there faster.

Having read from former participants that just five days of equine therapy had achieved more than several years of weekly therapy and that there was no requirement to be an experienced rider, I was sold. This sounded like just what I needed. It was time to treat myself and concentrate wholly on me. A once-in-a lifetime trip that would push me out of my current highly uncomfortable comfort zone. And hopefully enable me to start seeing the world in glorious, positive technicolour again.  

Sumba is a paradise

The word ‘paradise’ tends to be bandied about with casual abandon, but the island of Sumba truly is a Garden of Eden. Carpeted with lush rice terraces and tropical forests as swaying palm trees cast a silhouette against a cloudless blue sky, white-gold beaches run around the island like a ribbon. The resort of Nihi Sumba, situated on stunning Nihiwatu beach and tagged the ‘Edge of Wildness’ was a lesson in understated luxury. 

I settled into my truly heavenly accommodation – complete with white-linen canopied king-size bed, massive balcony overlooking the Indian ocean, and outdoor bathroom. The first evening saw us sat in a circle with Andreas and his fellow psychotherapist, Raoul Aparici, embarking on a session of group therapy. 

Minus the two professionals, we numbered eight and were all there for different reasons – burn-out, grief, the breakdown of a relationship, depression, anxiety, exhaustion, or a combination of all six. There was little small-talk. The object of the exercise was to open up. 

For some, this proved difficult but I had no problems.  Think the proverbial dam overflowing its banks, the metaphor being doubly apt as the tears flowed as profusely as my words. Afterwards, I felt a sense of relief and a letting go of anxiety. It would be the next day before we even encountered the horses. 

Meeting the horses

Perched on a hillside above the beach, we heard the thunder of hooves before these magnificent animals came into view. What a sight they made as they galloped, free as the day they were born, across the sands. Sumba’s horses are at the heart and soul of the resort – and indeed the island as a whole. Numbering 22 in all, the herd is made up of ponies native to the island, former racehorses, and equines that have been rescued. 

After their run, the horses roamed among us. We had been instructed to ‘buddy-up’ with the animal we felt most connected to. For me, there was only one contender – a beautiful, sleek chestnut mare who went by the name of Bindi. I approached her and tentatively stroked her nose and patted her neck. To my surprise, I wasn’t scared. She towered over me, big and beautiful – a bit like Beyonce in equine form – and when she looked at me, it felt like a little she could see inside my soul. 

The horses galloping along the shoreline

Having bonded with our horses, we took them for a walk and then a ride along the beach. I found myself singing to Bindi but felt liberated, rather than foolish. More therapy followed that evening. While some of our number struggled with notion of what the horses were actually doing for us in a therapeutic sense, I instinctively felt that I ‘got’ it. 

Bindi’s reflection 

Bindi was my mirror image – or rather the reflection of who I wanted to be, who I could be. She was confident and wouldn’t be cowed. Nobody puts Bindi in the corner! She was just herself – there was no other creature she could possibly be – and that was more than good enough. She lived in the moment. For her, the only reality was the here and now. I longed to be a version of Bindi in human form. I had been once. I was determined to be so again. 

Sitting on Bindi’s back on day three as she swam in the warm waters of the Indian ocean is a memory I shall cherish forever. It was scary but exhilaratingly so. If I could do that, I could do anything. That afternoon, following another session of group therapy, we were divided into pairs and instructed to tell our life stories to our partner as we sat on the beach. I was coupled up with a girl I had not immediately bonded with but by the end of the session, I felt very close to her. 

Swimming with the horses

Moving forward

As day turned to night and a bonfire blazed on the beach, we wrote individual postcards to ourselves which we then consigned to the flames. My message said goodbye to the old traumatised me – or at least the one from the past three-and-a-half years. It was a symbolic gesture, but I could feel it working. I felt free. A formal one-to-one therapy session took place before we embarked on a couple of days R & R. Once again, the tears flowed, but these were different to the ones I’d shed at the beginning of the week. I could see a future I felt positive and happy about. I felt calmer and more at peace than I had at any time since life, as I’d known it, had imploded. 

Last night reflections by the bonfire

It had only been five days but felt much longer. I am still a work in progress as I get to grips with a life I neither chose nor envisaged. But I’m getting there – and that is due, in no small part, to ‘Retreat and Conquer’ and my beautiful Bindi.

Details

Alison James was a guest of Retreat & Conquer Nihi, which has four nights’ full-board from £8,295pp, including all equine therapy and activities.

Retreat and Conquer

The next one runs from 25 – 29 November. Fly to Tambolaka airport via Bali.

Retreat and Conquer are planning retreats in the United Arab Emirates and Scotland in addition to Sumba where the next five day retreat takes place in November 2023.

Read more: Recovering from injury is about more than the physical

Alison James

The post The healing power of horses helped mend my heartbreak appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Based on a number of factors, such as the weather, the month, people’s financial situations and the comedown from Christmas, the third Monday of January earns a spot as the day most people are likely to feel depressed. Yep, it’s Blue Monday. The charity Samaritans are raising awareness about the importance of talking by promoting ‘Brew Monday’, campaigning for people to reach out and have a conversation over a cup of tea, whether in person or virtually.

The impact of reaching out

Our story

*Name(s) have been changed for privacy

Last week, I was sat on my sofa having my weekly Facetime catch up with a family member. While we were deep in conversation, I heard an almighty crash from outside, which was also heard by my sister-in-law on the phone. Concerned, I whipped open my curtains and witnessed a hit and run.

A van had reversed into a parked motorbike on my street, before immediately driving off after he realised what he’d done. Unfortunately for him, my sister-in-law (who had witnessed the scene through the magic of Facetime) had screenshotted the incident, while I managed to nab the details of the van as it drove away.

I saw the owner of the motorbike rush out just as the van drove off, as well as her elderly mother and a few other neighbours. I went outside and let the woman know that I’d caught the details of the offender, and she thanked me and asked me to keep the pictures on my phone.

She was understandably upset, and wanted to focus on her poor motorbike, so I let her know I’d keep the evidence and that I’d be a witness to the event should they require one for insurance purposes.

An unusual turn of events brings a new friend

The next day, I normally would have been at work, but weirdly, there ended up being some sort of traffic incident that led to my usually-20-minute-drive to work looking like an hour long. My editor and I agreed it was best for me to go back home and work from there. And try again in a couple of hours once the traffic had died down. This was the only reason I ended up being at home on a Wednesday morning, and is the reason I have a new friend.

Not ten minutes after arriving back home – and in a bit of a mood about the half an hour I’d wasted sat in traffic – my doorbell rang. Very unusual for nine o’clock in the morning. When I opened it, I found the elderly mother of the motorbike owner at my door, with a bunch of flowers in her shopping trolley.

She introduced herself as June*, and thanked me profusely for my help the night before – not that I felt I’d done much. She also gave me her daughter’s mobile number, and asked if I wouldn’t mind sending the pictures of the incident to her. I agreed, and thanked her again for the gorgeous flowers, before I watched her walk back to her house, not a 10 second walk from my own, and smiled at the coincidence that had allowed me to have this conversation with her this morning. I put my flowers in vase, feeling as though my day had perked up slightly from my stressful morning.

It made my day when she said ‘you’re such a lovely girl, I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done.’

Another coincidence

By the time I’d finished a Zoom meeting and had made myself a coffee, it was about an hour later. I attempted to send the images and details of the van to June’s daughter, but I kept being met with an ‘unknown number’ notification. Only then did I realise June had given me the wrong number – she’d only written down 10 digits instead of 11.

I popped over to her house to let her know about her mistake and to note down the actual number. When I got there, June immediately invited me in. We had a little discussion about the events of the night before, I got the correct number, and then I made to leave. June walked me to the door, where we ended up continuing our conversation for a further five minutes, her stood in the doorway, me stood outside on the doorstep.

“June,” I said, “would you like me to come back in? I’m worried you’re letting all the heat out!”

“Oh yes, do come in! Have a seat,” she ordered.

Cementing the friendship

45 minutes later, after a full tour of June’s home, an introduction of all her family members via their photographs on the wall, and the story of how her and her husband had moved her in the 80s – the conversations speckled with little bits of neighbourly gossip – I left June’s home. I asked her if she would like me to leave my phone number with her, in case she wanted to keep me updated about the motorbike, or just fancied a chat.

“I’d love that, ducky. Do you mind putting it in my phone for me? My daughter usually does stuff like that – I haven’t a clue how to do those things!”

I happily obliged, and made sure to let her know that if she ever needed me to pop to the shops for her, help around the house, or drive her anywhere, she just had to let me know.

“Or, of course, if you just fancy a cup of tea and a natter, you know where I am!” I said as I walked out the door.

“Oh no, I don’t drink tea.” June responded seriously. “Only black coffee or a gin and tonic for me!” She giggled and gave me a tap on the arm.

“That suits me!” I said.

The emotional impact

I knew I’d made her day by spending that time with her, letting her talk about her grandchildren and her marriage. While her daughters visit often, and she has a few friends on the street, the fact is she spends most of the day alone in her home watching the television. She must have valued having someone else over to while away a bit of the time, and it made me feel good too, hearing another’s life stories.

The next day, I was off to do a big shop, so I popped over and asked if she needed anything. She assured me that she’d already been out and picked up some bits, but thanked me all the same. After a 10 minute chat – in which she gushed over my Mini Cooper and laughed about how much bigger it is compared to the one she owned in the sixties – June looked at me sheepishly.

“Do you think I could give you a cuddle, ducky? You’re such a lovely girl, I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done.” Of course I obliged, and since then we’ve spoken almost every day.

If I happen to speak to her around 5pm, she’ll let me know she’s just about to have a gin and tonic and that she’ll be thinking of me when she drinks it.

She often thanks me ‘for all I do’, but in reality, I’m not doing much. A five minute phone call here and then and a chat outside her house takes no effort and barely any time from me, but for her, it means the world.

Make the effort

You never know your neighbour’s circumstances, and you can’t ever truly know how someone is feeling. It is imperative to make an effort with people, both friends and strangers, as you just might make their day. I would like to think someone would do the same for me – in fact I’m lucky to have friends and family that do.

Of course, I never intended to make a 84-year-old friend last week. But through unprecedented circumstances, I’ve gained one, and it’s been valuable for us both.

A wave, a smile, a cup of tea (or gin and tonic) can do the world of good for someone. Every person has different experiences of life and you can gain so much through a conversation. Lightening someone’s load while learning new things seems to be a win-win situation to me.

Check on your friends, check on your family members, and check on your neighbours. Likewise, reach out to people if you need to. You don’t have to spill your woes, but simply knowing someone is there to chat over a brew can inject that much needed serotonin in your life.

A cup of tea can make a huge difference!

According to the Samaritans website, “we know there’s no such thing as ‘Blue Monday’ – we all have our good days and our bad days, and those aren’t for the calendar to decide.” They’re encouraging people to connect with people to share how they feel over a nice warm cup of tea. It’s partincularly important as friendships have changed over lockdown too.

Why is Brew Monday important?

Thankfully, mental health awareness is increasing over time, but some of us are still a bit uncertain when it comes to openly discussing our emotions. Now, we’re not suggesting a cup of tea will solve your problems, but having a conversation with someone can truly start the powerful journey of healing.

A cup of tea is not always just a cup of tea. It can be the difference between a good day and a bad day, particularly if you are sharing the time with someone.

It’s not a substitute for therapy, and if you feel you are suffering and would like to seek professional help or support, we have provided helpful links at the bottom of this page to help you.

Get the most out of your cuppa

On top of the emotional advantages to sharing a brew and some time with someone, there are physical benefits to be had to drinking tea too.

According to dietician Dr Carrie Ruxton at the Tea Advisory Panel, data shows that: “eight in 10 British adults say drinking tea helps them to combat stress, with a third (35%) get comfort from a cuppa that helps to reduce frustration. Even the act of putting on the kettle creates a feeling of relaxation, according to six in 10 (58%) adults in the research poll we reviewed.

“Tea is nature’s de-stressor thanks to compounds in the tea plant which are released when we make a brew. Firstly, black, and green teas contain plant polyphenols which relax and open up the blood vessel which supply the brain, leading to an influx of nutrients and oxygen. Secondly, black tea uniquely contains a substance called L-theanine which makes us feel calm and focussed at the same time. It’s probably that which delivers the feeling of calm we enjoy when we sit down with a warming cuppa.”

Going forward

Why not make Brew Monday a weekly or monthly activity? You could play card games, do some crafts, or just sit and watch the TV for half an hour. You don’t have to sit and talk the whole time.

Don’t forget the plethora of teas available now. For the price of your PG Tips you could try fruit teas, or even decaffeinated teas if you’re on a caffeine detox. Have a look at the health benefits to each tea and pick ones that seem beneficial to you.

You could make a bit of a plan out of it, trying a different flavour each time you see your tea buddy. Your options are limitless!

If you are being affected by any negative thoughts or feelings, or would like some additional support, follow the resources below and contact your GP.

• Samaritans
• MIND
• MIND Coping Methods
• NHS Mental Health Services

Carly Pepperell

Carly gets to do everything under the sun, including writing, editing, taking photos, creating stories, and swanning around at launches. She can down a glass of Prosecco without pausing for breath, and aims to be the youngest Pulitzer winner ever.

The post Brew Monday not Blue Monday. Stick the kettle on, it’s time to talk appeared first on Silver Magazine.

KT is artistic director at Copperdollar Performance Company, which has been around since 2008. The organisation now includes a funky little boutique studio for dance and shoots in Brighton.

Developing a career from circus performer to someone who creates and produces her own shows, KT has a strong performance background. But recently she’s been using her physiological know-how and dance experience for a very different purpose.

WORKING TO SUPPORT POST-STROKE MOVEMENT

KT’s close friend Hanka had a stroke back in 2015. And KT has been using her knowledge of dance and movement to improve Hanka’s mobility and movement. I asked her how that looks, and how she’s incorporating dance into this therapy.

“I studied on a foundation dance course many years ago,” says KT, “but opportunities were limited when exploring your own styles back then.

“My work has always involved movement of one kind or another since I studied dance at 18 or 19. I had a passion for trying out as many different movement forms as possible, as I never wanted to be stylised.

“I have explored contemporary dance, and other traditional forms like ballet, jazz, tap, African dance, flamenco… and I love the physical challenge of capoeira, trapeze and acrobatics – as well as the aerial skills like silks and tightrope. Coupled with my knowledge of physical theatre and mime, as well as practices like aikido, yoga, tai chi etc, and more recently somatic movement, I have experience of a vast range of movement. I love to take the chemistry of these movement practices and play with their energy to inform how I move.”

Using her extraordinary movement background, KT found herself exploring new territories, and conceived the idea of dance as therapy whilst watching other physio practitioners exploring their skills.

BRINGING DANCE MOVEMENTS TOGETHER AS THERAPY

“Over time, I have learned as much as I can from physios, osteopaths and reading about the body, especially its power to heal. I like to think of it like this: we are made up of 79/80% water. If you have a pond of water that has no movement in it helping it to oxygenate, then it stagnates. That’s the same with us – if we don’t move, we also stagnate and stiffen up.”

She was struggling physically and emotionally with the way her life had suddenly changed

KT’s friend Hanka suffered a haemorrhagic stroke in 2015, which is a bleed on the brain. It was this trigger that made her explore how she could help.

“I wanted to help Hanka. She was struggling physically and emotionally with the way her life had suddenly changed. It was important that she kept moving, and not let this disability get the better of her.

Like this article? You might like this one about feel-good brain chemicals

“She was so determined to speak and walk again, both of which she has managed to do; she has been an inspiration to all of us.

“Hanka always loved to dance when we used to party together, so I offered to do some movement sessions with her. I don’t claim to be a movement therapist, but so many of the movement skills I have learned over time are very transferable. Working with the imagination is a proven value to a dancer, so we work with imagery too.

“Hanka has felt muscles that she has not felt since the stroke, and we can get her hand and leg to relax too. This has been very rewarding for both of us.”

Learning movement again after stroke is about building new neural pathways. The parts of the brain that have previously told you how to move have been damaged, and it’s about finding new ways to press ‘go’ on the motor fuctions. KT follows her instincts with the dance therapy, but kicks off sessions with a cup of tea and a chat to tune in and ensure relaxation.

COMBINING ALL THAT KNOWLEDGE

“I work with music as it helps to inspire and distract the mind from over-thinking. Often, we start by just walking around the ballet bar. I guide her into concentrating on using her good foot in a very conscious way.

“Sometimes I then crawl around and help to support the affected foot by helping it to roll correctly as she walks. We then work up through the body, looking at isolating different areas and exploring their natural movements and limits.

“I will support the limb that has lost sensation, and get Hanka to concentrate on her good side making it follow the limits of her other side, so we are working towards balancing the body. From there we develop and challenge the limitations with slow gentle encouraging movement.

We will also repeat certain things, to help the body redevelop its muscle memory

“One day not long ago, Hanka was thrilled by the fact that she suddenly could do a toe rise which previously had been very challenging but now was coming more easily.

“Every session is different, but we will also repeat certain things to help the body redevelop its muscle memory.”

DOES IT WORK?

Hanka spoke highly of KT, offering a positive review of her work.

“KT is an excellent and passionate dancer and teacher. She has been teaching me dance movement for the past year and a half and is very sensitive to my needs, whilst being incredibly patient. Our one-to-one sessions have really helped me to be more confident physically and mentally.”

KT plans to keep going with the therapy and is open to accepting more clients – looking for people who are open to trying new techniques and happy to work with her to develop her techniques further. If you’re interested in finding out more about KT’s work, there are contact details below.

But as for the work with her friend – she has a very simple goal in mind.
“I look forward to dancing with Hanka at a party where she can feel free of her disability,” she says. And we can totally relate.

Find KT at Copperdollar Studios
Photos: Moose Asim

Carly Pepperell

Carly gets to do everything under the sun, including writing, editing, taking photos, creating stories, and swanning around at launches. She can down a glass of Prosecco without pausing for breath, and aims to be the youngest Pulitzer winner ever.

The post Dance: the post-stroke therapy to improve mobility appeared first on Silver Magazine.