Over a roast in the local pub last Sunday I found myself literally gritting my teeth in frustration. One girlfriend told me that she only flosses twice a week. Another merrily confessed that she has an annual dentist appointment, but ‘sometimes I forget’! Oh, so funny. I, meanwhile, see the hygienist every three months, and the dentist twice a year. I brush and floss at least twice a day. Who has the best teeth of all? Guess. Not me.

I put this firmly down to menopause. Oral health symptoms are only too common at this time of life, and I seem to have most of them; dry mouth, shifting teeth, and less than optimal gum health (according to my hygienist).

I am obsessed with teeth. Absolutely obsessed. And never more so than now, aged 53, firmly postmenopausal and peering into my mouth like it’s a crime scene. As I say, I put most of this down to menopause, with a grumpy nod to the actual ageing process. Every part of the body is affected by oestrogen, or a lack of it, including the mouth.

Dr Sam Jethwa at Bespoke Smile (and the 19th president of British Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry) tells me that many of his patients come to see him in their forties and fifties, baffled by the changes in their once-excellent teeth.

So what goes wrong, exactly?

Hormonal changes, he points out, can decrease salivary gland output, causing some women to experience a dry mouth. What’s more, saliva protects our mouth, so when there’s less of it, bacteria can breed faster and food debris is less likely to be washed away. This can lead to tooth decay, bad breath, infections and gum problems.

This last is – annoyingly for me – not just about mouth health. Develop periodontitis, or end-game gum disease, and not only might you lose teeth, but the associated inflammation can spread throughout the body and raise the risk of heart disease, diabetes and even Alzheimer’s. In spite of my efforts, every time I see the hygienist she patiently tells me how to brush my teeth. I am 53. Neither of us enjoys my visits.

Next up – shifting teeth, again linked to hormones. Bone loss in the jaw may decrease, leading to loose, or even lost, teeth. Anyone else have braces in their teens and think that meant you’d have good teeth for ever? Yeah, me too. And in the early nineties they didn’t give you a retainer. I had braces in my late thirties (for the second time) and in spite of wearing a nightly retainer, they are once again inching inwards.

And finally – teeth chip and stain, meaning they are now less than sparkling. You might find the trend for perfect white teeth annoying. Why should we have to bow down to societal pressure and exhausting standards? But it’s a fact that good teeth mean a comfortable mouth, easier eating (seriously – you don’t want to be stuck on soft foods) and are a good indication and impression of overall health. There’s no need to go full Hollywood smile by any means, but maintenance matters.

Read more: Why people lie about their tweakments to their other halves 

Thankfully, there are plenty of solutions

Sam recommends reducing alcohol and caffeine, which both dry the mouth. Try chewing sugar free gum, drinking plenty of fluids (though not alcohol and caffeine and rinsing with water after eating. So far, so obvious. As is flossing daily and brushing teeth twice a day – before breakfast and before bed.

I think that the strangest menopause mouth problem is what’s known as burning mouth

When it comes to cosmetics, Sam points out that a little can go a long way – veneers and composite bonding can help to both strengthen the teeth, and allow them to appear aesthetically pleasing.

I think that the strangest menopause mouth problem is what’s known as burning mouth – where it feels as though your mouth has been set on fire from the inside. Here, you might want to avoid toothpaste containing sodium lauryl sulphate or SLS (this is what makes it foamy, but can also increase the burning), as well as swerving spicy foods and alcohol.

Here’s the good news. Sam says that there is a solution for almost every menopausal mouth problem. Teeth can be strengthened, straightened, whitened and – if necessary – replaced. Habits can be changed.

I second this. What I’ve learned in years of writing about the ageing mouth (so glam) is that the mouth is a constantly evolving story and it’s never too late for a happy ending.

Go on love, give us a smile!

Why not try….

TePe Hydrating Mouthwash, £8
Dentek Easy Brush Eco Friendly interdental brushes, £9.25 for 6 packs or £2.33 individual pack, boots.com 
Biotene Dry Mouth Toothpaste, £4.32
Whites Rose Gold Sonic Electric Toothbrush, £39.99

Alice Smellie

Alice Smellie is a journalist writing for many national publications, including Daily Mail, Telegraph, and Marie Claire, and is co-author of Cracking the Menopause and Menopause Is Hot: Everything You Need to Know to Thrive with Mariella Frostrup, and a co-founder of campaign group, Menopause Mandate. She lives in Somerset with her three children and two dogs.

The post What the hell has menopause done to my teeth? appeared first on Silver Magazine.

‘Tis the season where people make oft-ridiculous commitments to self-improvement. Yes, I’m talking about the good old new year resolutions. I can see people left, right, and centre vowing to do more gym, eat better, do Dry January – you know the drill. I’ve decided to take a different tack this year. I don’t know about anyone else, but my 2024 has been a bit shit. More than a bit. So instead of heaping yet more pressure on myself to be better, and do better, I’m going to head in the opposite direction. It’s time for the fuck-it list.

I think we’re all big enough and ugly enough now to let go of the concept that having juvenile fun in your middle years is a bad idea

We talk a lot about the midlife ‘coming of age’ here at Silver. Those wonderful, pivotal moments that grace your middle age that used to be called a midlife crisis. I think we’re all big enough and ugly enough now to let go of the concept that having juvenile fun in your middle years is a bad idea. Actually, it’s the best time of your life, in many ways.

Many of the items on the fuck-it list come with the wisdom that age brings you. The joy of letting stuff go. Of not giving a monkey’s what people think of you; living in a permanent state of ‘wearing purple’, if you will.

I’ve been doing a lot of these things already, really. But for posterity, and perhaps to inspire other readers to go “fuck it, I’m not doing that anymore either,” here’s my list.

Dry January

Straight into the sea with this. As if January wasn’t grim enough already.

Not listening to my gut

Ooo a couple of times this year I’ve ignored my gut – one of which was an EXTRAORDINARY tale, which I’ll tell separately another time. But I should have known better, on both counts. I knew what was going on didn’t feel right. Less impulsivity and more listening to my gut instinct.

Poncy food, poor food, stupid diets

Pub Sunday roasts. They genuinely are NEVER as good as the homemade ones. Also restaurants with tiny portions, foams or whispers of things. Didn’t we have enough of this nonsense in the ’80s? No wonder people do cocaine at restaurants. They’d be starving otherwise.

Also faddy diets, which see a lot of action in January. I mean, I’d like to be less fat, but I do also love to eat and drink. So as long as my health isn’t too shabby, let’s eat, drink, and be merry. Especially in January.

Endless TV shows or series

Good grief, Dr Who. I watched the very underwhelming Christmas special and was appalled by its mediocrity. It’s not even scary anymore. Well, not in the way I was hoping for. Also box sets, or really long things – I just never finish them, so I should probably stop trying. Breaking Bad; saw about three episodes. Ripley with Andrew Scott; I literally thought I was going to die of boredom. And I LOVE Andrew Scott. AND Highsmith.

Chasing material things

I never had myself down as someone who was bothered about money, but it turns out I am. I like nice things, and I like to be successful. But over the past few years, the pursuit of these things hasn’t always made me wildly happy – or healthy. If I’m making any kind of resolution this year, it’s to start doing more of the stuff I love, and less of the stuff that is just a means to an end.

I’m not as financially rich as I’d like, but there are more important things in life. I’ve learned that the hard way over the past few years, as people who I loved deeply have died. None of that material stuff matters. It really doesn’t. That thing you hear about people on their deathbeds never saying they wished they’d worked harder? Yeah.

Settling

Settling on work I don’t want to do, giving in to clients’ demands, settling on dates, agreeing to things I don’t like or don’t want. For someone with a big opinion of herself, I can be a terrible people pleaser. I’ve noticed it’s worst when I’m feeling low, so. Keeping an eye out for that.

Letting PRs overrun my inbox

A job-specific fuck-it here, but one I suspect many other editors and journalists will relate to. Blocking/unsubscribing from lazy ‘spray and pray’ PRs who send me press releases that aren’t relevant. Or those who ‘circle back’ the same fucking release to bump it to the top of my inbox, often more than once. If it was interesting in the first place, we’d have picked it up. Leave me the hell alone. My inbox gives me way too much anxiety and this is a big part of the problem.

Heels, bras, tight clothing, things I want to rip off my body in a rage

I’m absolutely done with this shit. I don’t think this is even an ageing thing – we all got used to working in our pyjamas over lockdown, right? I don’t want to wear proper clothes ever again. I’ve also got piles of clothes I never wear – jeans from the ’90s I’ll never get into again, skimpy tops that would show more underboob than midriff these days…

Heels have mentally been the hardest thing to say goodbye to, and I love the way they make my legs look. But I’m so out of practice wearing them, it’s TORTURE to put them on for any length of time. So off with tight things, pinchy things, anything that makes me itch, or struggle to breathe, or walk, hurts my knees or back, makes me end up with red creases in my skin, or blisters… really when you say it like that, it sounds utterly insane, doesn’t it.

Letting stuff go

Life is short, and this is an ongoing practice for me, but more letting go of ‘stuff’. Including the grief around what I might have achieved if I’d had an earlier ADHD diagnosis. That’s been a biggie.

Also in this bracket is forgiving people who have wronged me, without expecting the same in return. The freedom that forgiveness brings is utterly lifechanging. I don’t really hold grudges, but it’s hard not to feel aggrieved about some things that happened in the past. I’m choosing to let those go.

And in the spirit of letting go of things that I feel bad about myself, I’m making amends where I can. I’m also forgiving myself for stupid shit I’ve done in the past. That was then, and this is now. Fuck looking backwards.

Fuck Facebook, and fuck the news on social media

Having looked at the amount of time I spent on it on a daily basis, I’ve deleted the Facebook app off my phone. The fact that I felt uncomfortable doing that, like a junky, tells me all I need to know. Social media generally is also the hotbed for comparison, which truly is the thief of joy. I compare myself and my work with others, and it steals all my joy, makes me feel useless and unsuccessful. Enough of that.

As for the news – I like to know what’s going on in the world, but the endless ‘news’ in social feeds absolutely clutters my head, and makes me depressed a lot of the time. So, a much more measured approach to all this for me this year.

Apologising for who I am

Or diminishing my own worth. Trying to fit in, or be something that I’m not. I do a fair bit of masking, as someone with ADHD, and I’m fed up with it. It’s exhausting trying to be ‘normal’. I’ve found that if I’m honest with my friends, they’re absolutely fine with the person I really am. As the saying goes, ‘those that mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind.’ Take me with my quirks and all.

Going out in the evening

I absolutely LOVE a daytime adventure – lunches, outings, seeing friends. But I like to take to my boudoir early these days, and evening events are taxing. Jamie Lee Curtis, calling out for daytime gigs and parties, once said, “Nothing good happens for me after 9pm” and I hear that. I used to like starting my nights around then, but these days I like them to finish right about there. Then I can get a good night’s kip, sleep off the booze, and come up smiling in the morning.

Dating apps

‘Nuff said. I look occasionally, and am terminally depressed by them. Not going to look anymore, la la la etc.

Sam Harrington-Lowe

Sam is Silver’s founder and editor-in-chief. She’s largely responsible for organising all the things, but still finds time to do the odd bit of writing. Not enough though. Send help.

The post My f*ck-it list for 2025 appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Are children really using anti-ageing products? Our children fear hitting 30, let alone 50. And it has become increasingly apparent that anti-ageing products and plastic surgery is rife amongst Gen Z and Alpha.

A quick look at TikTok will horrify you on this score. Many young people and even children touting and posting the use of anti-ageing products. But with all the positive ageing messaging we have now, why are our kids terrified of ageing? What is going on?

We’ve faced our fair share of beauty standards across the decades. And we know that some days it’s easier than others to embrace the fine lines and love the wrinkles. But we also know ageing has its own beauty. The tales of laughter, late nights talking, and a life well-enjoyed are in every laughter line. We are increasingly able to celebrate the evidence of a life well lived.

Even mainstream media figures are saying a big eff-you to outdated beauty messages

Over the past decade or so, our acceptance of the ageing process has powered a pro-ageing movement. And this is particularly evident in the beauty industry. Products now support maturing skin with a pro-ageing message, rather than shaming it with ‘anti-ageing’ ranges.

Even mainstream media figures are saying a big eff-you to outdated beauty messages, and the idea that women become past it once they hit a certain look or age. Check out Nicole Kidman in 2022’s Vanity Fair cover, or And Just Like That normalising women over 50 wearing bold prints and trendy items and unashamed grey hair. We’re – thankfully – getting miles away from the phrase ‘dress your age.’ And hey, Pamela Anderson, I’m looking at you, with your fresh-faced confidence… you go girl!

So why is it, that with a generation of older women – older people in fact – to look up to, who are openly embracing maturity and challenging the idea that beauty is reserved for the young, we’re seeing under 30s getting Botox and plastic surgery? Meanwhile, even more worrying, under 18s are so afraid of a single fine line, they’re putting anti-ageing skincare on their Christmas wish lists.

Packing plastic

People are cutting and injecting themselves for cosmetic purpose more than ever before. Plastic surgery procedures increased by 102 per cent in 2022. With breast augmentation, tummy tucks, and liposuction being the most popular among women, who made up 93 per cent.

Nose jobs, chest reductions, and eyelid adjustments were top dog among the men who went under the knife. Under 34s are the highest demographic undergoing breast augmentation procedures.

The number of young people investing in preventative Botox has also increased, with many in their mid-twenties getting the injections to keep wrinkles at bay.

‘Preventative Botox’ has become a hot topic online. The hashtag for Botox has over one million videos on TikTok, with the top videos amassing 2-4 million views.

Over two-thirds of TikTok’s usership is made up of 18-34-year-olds. Young people are engaging in content which positions Botox and other cosmetic procedures as standard, common even. When you’re seeing countless people sharing their experience or recommendations for fillers, it’s gradually going to become as trivial as trying the latest viral foundation. Perhaps it’s just a way to try and get a face that looks like it’s filtered in real life?

Attainable attraction

In the eighties and nineties, you’d really only see augmented beauty in magazines, or posters. These days, Gen Z and Alpha open their phones and are confronted with endless images of influencers and celebrities. Many of these faces are supporting plumped lips, refined noses, and sculpted jaws. Never mind the filters that give you flawless skin, or even a full face of makeup. With this pressure from infinitely tweaked faces, it seems young people have become afraid of their natural, asymmetrical beauty, warping what is considered attractive.

Once considered an exclusive and unattainable way to update appearances, treatments are far more accessible to the wider population

The invention of silicon and cosmetic technologies in the sixties led to the rich and famous adjusting their appearance through cosmetic surgery. Once considered an exclusive and unattainable way to update appearances, treatments are far more accessible to the wider population. Botox injections can set you back by as little as £100 in the UK (essentially the price of a new coat, or a pair of trainers). Plus, medical tourism offers cheaper prices for these procedures, making for an appealing option – after all, you get a built-in holiday too.

Over the last decade, we’ve seen the discussions around medical beauty treatments everywhere. The Kardashians discussing their lip fillers, surgeons online breaking down a celebrity’s latest cosmetic work, and Love Island contestants sharing what they’ve had done. When you feel like everyone’s doing it, it’s understandable more people will gravitate towards it. Attitudes change, as cosmetic surgery has gone from being perceived as exclusive to something everyone can do.

Alpha’s anti-ageing frenzy

Although these treatments are illegal to perform on under 18s, that hasn’t stopped Gen Alpha from getting involved with anti-ageing effects. Earlier this year, dermatologists spoke out about the dangers of parents buying their children skincare products with highly active ingredients.

This comes from the recent boom of tweens pining after expensive retinol and vitamin C serums. Online trends where young women share their ‘get unready with me’ (GRWM) routines are packed with colourfully packaged products with fun names, like Watermelon Glow Serum, which contains hyaluronic acid. These products aren’t necessary for young skin, and can damage their sensitive faces.

Whilst part of Gen Alpha’s motivation may be to assimilate with the online community of women sharing their routines, the attraction to ‘anti-ageing’ results is worrying. Children shouldn’t be worrying about signs of ageing; in fact no one should be worried about it. For far too long youth has been equated with beauty and worth, and it’s causing anxiety and harm to our children and grandchildren.

I can’t help but wonder, with existing concerns of social media impacting mental health and self-worth on the young now, will that intensify as they do age and develop a tapestry of life experience on their skin? I can’t believe children are already using anti-ageing products I’m only in my 20s and I feel the pressure. It’s everywhere.

Impacts on ageism

Fears of ageing shouldn’t be intensifying, but lessening. I’d hoped that the next generation would learn from the OGs here. After all, maturity should be championed and seen as a blessing, rather than something to slap plaster on. And certainly not something to be avoided by pumping chemicals into your face before you’re barely in double figures.

Young people’s desperation to take up whatever’s available to slow ageing is a disheartening sight.  We know that ageing skin isn’t a curse, but our young people might not reach acceptance of that fact until the damage is done.

Perhaps we need more untouched and mature faces online to counteract young people’s perceptions of what normal is. I don’t think it’s the entire responsibility of over 50s to resolve this issue. However, there could be a positive influence made by sharing the beauty and comfort of silver skin and drowning out the noise of filtered faces and altered bodies. The fight against ageism continues, and we’re going to keep on flying the flag. Whatever our age. We never thought we’d see children using anti-ageing products, but here we are.

Lana Hall

Lana can usually be found spinning her collection of records, or writing odd poems in her phone notes. Her mixer of choice is a ginger beer, and you’ll never find her away from the sea for more than a few weeks.

The post Why are school children using anti-ageing skincare products appeared first on Silver Magazine.

The Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) has issued guidance so that employers cannot simply dismiss the experiences of menopause in the workplace. Thankfully, it’s no longer to be viewed as a minor inconvenience, but something that has an impact on around 50 per cent of the workforce.

This is a much-needed clarification of the Equality Act 2010 by the EHRC. Which ruled that failure to make “reasonable adjustment” amounts to disability discrimination if – and here’s the important detail – the symptoms have a “long-term and substantial impact” on an employee’s ability to carry out their usual day-to-day activities.

It is rare to experience menopause, or indeed perimenopause, without any symptoms that make a “long-term and substantial impact.” And perimenopause, which can start as early as the late thirties, is often the worst part.

Hot flushes, night sweats, fatigue, brain fog, disturbed sleep, painful breasts, debilitatingly heavy periods and unexpected periods that feel like a hellish farewell-to-fertility concert. It’s an onerous list of symptoms that can last a decade. On top of all that, the risk factor for ovarian and uterine cancer increase. As does the risk of endometriosis and its lesser-known evil sister, adenomyosis.

Symptoms can be debilitating

Sam Harrington-Lowe, Silver’s editor-in-chief, recalls her own experiences of the menopause, especially the brain fog, poor sleep and painful periods: “My sleep patterns were all over the place, my periods were both agonising and biblical in output, I couldn’t risk leaving the house some days. But perhaps the worst thing was the brain fog. My mind, normally the thing I’m most proud of, just stopped working properly – it was actually quite frightening.”

Read more: Menopause and brain fog, will I ever think clearly again?

Over on Twitter (or X or whatever it’s called these days…), the response has been largely positive to this news. That said, @AudreySuffolk makes an important point about the use of disability language by the EHRC. “A lot of social media discussion about women experiencing menopause being disabled under the Equality Act demonstrate some worrying thinking about acceptance of negative attitudes to disability and work. Disability isn’t and shouldn’t be a slur.”

A lot of social media discussion about women experiencing menopause being disabled under Equality Act demonstrate some worrying thinking about acceptance of negative attitudes to disability and work. Disability isn’t and shouldn’t be a slur

— Audrey Ludwig (@AudreySuffolk) February 22, 2024

This is an important and powerful reminder. After all, if a colleague is in a wheelchair and needs reasonable adjustments, such as a ramp to access a building, this is considered a positive thing. Equally, we need to look at making reasonable adjustments for the menopause as a positive way to improve the lives of our colleagues and productivity overall.

This should be a time to shine

The menopausal decade should be one of our most productive times. We have experience and knowledge to impart, no matter what we do for a living. We are assets to any organisation and it is outrageous that menopausal symptoms can cut us down when we should be in our prime.

However, in the real world, there is still a long way to go, even in workplaces that are not horrific sweatshops. @sambakey tweeted that her male supervisor is “lovely and I can talk to him.” But that it’s “impossible to find anything regarding menopause on our intranet” in regard to workplace health.

I can’t say too much on here because of who I work for. My male supervisor is lovely & I can talk to him. However, it’s impossible to find anything regarding menopause on our intranet, nothing under workplace health dept https://t.co/kkzsOwvDf2

— Sam Clark (@sambakey) February 22, 2024

Then we had the unedifying spectacle of Quentin Letts on Good Morning Britain making light of menopause in response to the EHRC announcement. He likened menopausal symptoms to older men suffering from dodgy knees or needing to take a nap after wine at lunch. The last thing anyone in the grip of a particularly ferocious hot flush or a wild menopausal mood swing needs is unhelpful mansplaining of menopause on the telly.

@Holly_Pocketses tweeted: “Quentin Letts ill-advised input into a discussion about the menopause was disgraceful. Comparing the condition to his own ailments – having ‘hurty’ knees and needing a nap after wine at lunch was insulting to say the least.”

I’ve had to turn you off this morning. Quentin Letts ill-advised input into a discussion about the menopause was disgraceful. Comparing the condition to his own ailments – having ‘hurty’ knees and needing a nap after wine at lunch was insulting to say the least.

— Holly Pocket (@Holly_Pocketses) February 22, 2024

Cautiously positive

Hopefully, today’s news will be the catalyst for employers everywhere to make sure they introduce solid menopause policies. Everyone should feel comfortable talking about menopause at work and be understanding when a colleague needs to be accommodated because of menopause symptoms.

Sam Harrington-Lowe sums up what the new guidance should mean for so many women – and what more needs to be done. “I cannot imagine how horrific it would have been to deal with menopause in a 9-5 work structure. The time at work, the commuting, having to deal with people. Thank goodness we finally have some safeguards in place to support women dealing with this, although frankly, I’d like to see some support given to women having periods every month as this can also be debilitating.”

Georgia Lewis

In a career that has spanned Australia, the Middle East and the UK, Georgia has written about all sorts of things, including sex, cars, food, oil and gas, insurance, fashion, travel, workplace safety, health, religious affairs, glass and glazing… When she’s not writing words for fun and profit, she can usually be found with a glass of something French and red in her hand.

The post Good news for women going through menopause in the workplace appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Judging anyone else’s place on the class spectrum is now considered appalling snobbishness. In fact, it always was, but that didn’t stop most of Britain doing so, punching up and down the social scale as the fancy took them. But what do common people look like now?

While judging ‘class’ might be passé now, what is still eternally acceptable is judging other peoples’ taste. A tale as old as time, from cave dwellers snorting at the ostentatious stick-buffalo drawings of their neighbours (“Cute. We prefer to do something subtle with pigment”) to the self-styled arbiter of modern taste, interior designer and old Etonian Nicky Haslam, 84, who regularly produces his list of what’s ‘common’, helpfully printed on a tea-towel and available to purchase.

…I too am a secret snob, and like nothing better than judging my fellow humans

But while ‘common’ used to mean ‘unacceptably working class’, it now means both ‘too popular’ and ‘too basic’ – ie, in poor taste. On Haslam’s list this year is ‘the northern lights’ – presumably wanting to see them, rather than actually being a refracting particle – Aperol (can’t disagree, any drink that looks radioactive and is served in a fishbowl reminds me too strongly for comfort of Coco Savannah, Stockport, 1991), strawberries, lobster (so arriviste!), Grayson Perry (too ubiquitous), and the phrase ‘hundred and ten per cent.’ I entirely agree with the last one. Partly because it’s always pronounced ‘hunjantenpsen, babe’, partly because it’s not an actual mathematical concept, but mostly because I too am a secret snob, and like nothing better than judging my fellow humans.

I read Nancy Mitford’s U and Non-U when I was a teenager…

…in which the Edwardian-born aristocrat listed words that were acceptably upper-class, (‘U’) and those which were decidedly not so.

U was ‘bike, or bicycle’ whereas saying ‘cycle’ would mark you out as a social misfit. U was ‘jam’, non-U was ‘preserve’. And toasting was always ‘your good health’, never ‘cheers.’

She pointed out that while the upper classes, like the working classes, use the bluntest name for things, the middle tend to euphemise and skirt around anything possibly ‘unpleasant’.

Hence, Prince Philip would always bark the aristocratic ‘How d’you do?’ rather than the grovelling ‘pleased to meet you,’ because he might shortly discover that he wasn’t pleased.

Basically, if your furniture is 900 years old, inherited, and covered in old whisky stains, you’re acceptably posh

Nouveau riche taste, too, has always been the great horror of the U set. Basically, if your furniture is 900 years old, inherited, and covered in old whisky stains, you’re acceptably posh. If you bought it new from Harrods, you’re trying far too hard.

Equally, teacup dogs or pampered cats are deeply common. The upper classes have gun-dogs, who bed down in the boot room. And they keep nameless cats only for catching mice around the stables.

In the ‘70s, (a very non-U decade), Jilly Cooper, who has now ascended from upper middle class to ‘kitchen supper friends with the king and queen’, wrote Class, a book which purported to examine the class structure of Britain at the time, but was fundamentally an entertaining compendium of her own prejudices and anecdotes.

“Black Labradors are much grander than yellow,” she writes, confidently. And “it is very vulgar (for them) to have anything other than brown leather collars.” It’s also worth noting that according to Cooper, the fewer words written in your Christmas card, the posher you are.

In 2019, society bible Tatler updated the U-list and added ‘dietary requirements’, ‘mouthwash’, ‘being friends with your parents,’ and ‘elaborate gin and tonics.’ We’re back to rattling fishbowls again, with sprigs of thyme and juniper, and it’s all a bit Girls’ Night Out. Which is, obviously, an extremely common event to attend.

The upper classes do not explain anything, as matters are simply understood between them, from war to wellingtons

It’s all absolute nonsense, of course – but that didn’t stop me, inspired by Haslam’s triumphant pride in his impeccable judgment, making my own list and posting it on social media. I would say ‘tongue in cheek’, but I suspect that’s a very common expression, implying as it does that something needs explaining. The upper classes do not explain anything, as matters are simply understood between them, from war to wellingtons (both wearing of and acceptable brands) and nobody else’s opinion counts.

I based my ‘what’s common’ choices on things that really annoy me on social media (everyone, everything, all the time). Including the bleak basic-ness of advertising, and things that have irritated me this year for their sanctimonious, live-laugh-love lack of irony.

I included flavoured coffee, which obviously encompasses all the ‘pumpkin spice’ and ‘gingerbread latte’ oomska sold in the name of hot drinks, piled with ‘squirty cream’ (even the phrase…) and minuscule marshmallows. Basically, if you need to post your drink on Instagram in the hope that people will reply ‘get in ma belly’ and ‘love it!!!’ you’re a bit common.

I also mentioned scented candles that smell of more than two things, or claim to smell of a concept (Malibu Night, etc). I am not a great fan, partly because my house once burned down. And partly because they mostly smell like Lynx Africa pot pourri and cost £60. I see no problem with a house smelling of house. (Never say ‘home’, it’s non-U).

Also included – to vast online consternation – was buying Haribo and Pringles ‘for the car journey.’ And M&S cocktail cans ‘for the train.’ Can nobody manage to travel three miles without eating and drinking like the Ghost of Christmas Past? My Grandma was very strict on ‘eating in the street.’ I’ll accept it when it’s an actual mealtime – but this is the 15.11 to Marple, it’s not the rolling buffet at Caesar’s Palace.

Christmas should last a week, maximum. Anything else is very, very common

I also decreed tiny, decorative bed pillows common – piles of sequinned beanbags, what are they for? Also having the TV on when you’re not in the room (because while silence is golden for me, for some, a house isn’t complete without a daytime quiz theme tune jangling in the distance), and asking if you’re ‘ready for Christmas.’ I loathe this question and it’s only ever asked by basic hunnies who did all their shopping in the January sales at Dunelm and had it wrapped by July because they’re ‘excited for the festive season,’ and start playing Wonderful Christmastime on November 1st. Christmas should last a week, maximum. Anything else is very, very common.

I know I’m a snob. Coming from a lower middle class bit of Manchester, I’m far from rich. I live in a two-bed cottage, I’m friends with my parents, and my cat sleeps on the bed, so what do I know?

Feel free to judge me right back. Hunjantenpsen, babe.

WHAT’S COMMON NOW, ACCORDING TO FLIC

• Flavoured coffee
• Being ‘excited for’ things
• Tiny cross-bred portmanteau dogs (‘Pomchi’ ‘Doodlehuahua’)
• Cushions with anything written on them
• Toys that make an electronic noise
• Going for ‘a big walk’ with friends and children and making a fuss about it with thermoses and waterproofs
• Tea-towels featuring a map of somewhere you’ve been
• Scented candles that smell of more than two things, or claim to smell of a concept (Malibu Night, etc)
• Pasta tongs
• Plastic sippy cups
• Tiny, decorative bed pillows
• Books about little seashore/Christmas/Springtime cafes/shops/holiday houses
• Buying Haribo and Pringles for the journey
• Loafers with white socks
• Sparkly ‘strappy shoes’
• Shortie pyjamas with anything written on them
• Large photographic prints of flowers on block canvas, especially if they form a triptych
• Saying your feet ache
• Asking if you’re ready for Christmas
• Drinking M&S cocktail cans on the train
• Calling pudding ‘dessert’
• Having a tennis ball on a string to stop you bumping the garage wall
• Having X-box controllers on display
• Having the TV on when you’re not in the room

Flic Everett

Flic Everett is a Mancunian writer who now lives in a cottage in the beautiful West Highlands with her patient husband and two deranged cocker spaniels. She still misses Manchester, and returns like a homing pigeon every month to see family and friends. She spends a lot of time writing on trains.

The post Are you common? A class guide appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Why must we always paint everything in such a negative light? Yes, changes are occurring, and menopause can be a challenge for some, but what if we just reframed midlife and looked at it as a time to choose, rather than a time of crisis?

It might come as a shock, but the idea of a midlife crisis has only been around since the mid-60s, thanks to some questionable Canadian psychoanalyst named Elliott Jaques. But is the crisis even real? A 25-year study from the University of Alberta concluded that happiness doesn’t just come to a screeching halt when you turn 40. In fact, overall happiness tends to increase as we get older. 

So what’s with all the negativity?

Sure, by the time we hit midlife, we’ve been through some pretty major changes. We might have switched careers, retired, experienced loss, raised children and seen them leave, or had relationships that failed. And let’s not forget about the hormonal rollercoaster we’re still riding. 

But just because we’ve reached the halfway point, it doesn’t mean we need to freak out. 

The trappings of responsibility are falling away, and we have the freedom to focus on our own happiness

Instead of spiralling into confusion and asking ourselves if we’re enough, why not pause and reflect? Adjust our goals and make peace with our past? We’ve got options now. The trappings of responsibility are falling away, and we have the freedom to focus on our own happiness and leave behind the things that no longer serve us.

A 2016 study from the British Psychological Society discovered that people who experienced a midlife ‘crisis’ and were ultra-focused on their purpose in the world were more likely to find creative solutions to their challenges. All it takes is a shift in the way we think. We can use the skills we’ve honed over the years – strength, resilience, resourcefulness, adaptability – to move on, form new relationships, travel more adventurously, and think differently. We can set new boundaries around living for ourselves.

It’s all about perspective

As the brilliant Brené Brown once said, “People may call what happens at midlife a ‘crisis’, but it’s not. It’s an unravelling – a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live, not the one you’re ‘supposed’ to live. The unravelling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are.”

I know it sounds scary, making a choice to relinquish the old stuff and grab hold of the new. But what’s the alternative? A downward spiral of dissatisfaction and, ultimately, despair? Let’s not sink fully into the crisis, never to emerge. Instead, let’s embrace the unravelling! 

It can be hard work for some, and sometimes we need to summon every ounce of our courage. But think of the opportunities that lie ahead, you beauties! We’re all coming into our power in our sixties, just like the fabulous Helena Bonham Carter said. Let’s make that journey together.

Read: How a life changing retreat transformed this 60-year-old’s life

Grace Fodor

Pro age warrior, beauty expert, and founder of Studio10, grown-up beauty. Skincare, makeup and pro-fixes uniquely formulated for mature skin.  Studio10’s PRO AGE movement reframes the misguided notions and negative social constructs of middle age that diminish our worth, beauty, and confidence.

The post Midlife is a time for change, not a midlife crisis appeared first on Silver Magazine.

“Back then it was different,” say those who are nostalgic for the days of racist sitcoms, Mr Humphries being free-passing for LGBT representation, and women’s arses being fair game for pinching at work.

In that context, “back then” ended sometime around 1985 with the last episode of Are You Being Served? But now, as Russell Brand claims everything was consensual during his days of promiscuity, “back then” has fast-forwarded to the noughties.

This was the era of lads’ mags and ladettes. When the glorification of shagging and boozing and not caring about your cocaine’s supply chain provided the sordid soil in which Brand’s career grew.

This was the era of lads’ mags and ladettes… the glorification of shagging and boozing and not caring about your cocaine’s supply chain

At the time, I was in my ludicrously misspent twenties, ending that debauched decade by working on the Australian edition of FHM and writing a weekly column in the Sydney Morning Herald, before moving to Dubai. Apart from not seeing a flake of coke anywhere, Dubai was not quite the men-and-merlot detox people who had never set foot in the Middle East said it would be.

Photo: Eva Rinaldi

Marina Hyde recently reflected in The Guardian about how she could have done better “back then.” Particularly regarding comments she made about Georgina Baillie, the granddaughter of Andrew Sachs. Baillie’s name has been forgotten by many, but she was at the centre of the 2008 Sachsgate scandal.

Hyde looked back on what she wrote at that time with mortification and regret. She described Brand and Jonathan Ross as scumbags for calling Sachs, just so Brand could boast about having sex with Baillie, egged on by Ross. But she also mocked those who complained to Ofcom, and wrote that Baillie should stop banging on about it.  And – and this bit was conspicuous by its absence from the mea culpa – sneeringly criticised a piece Baillie wrote for The Sun, and used ‘Satanic Slut’ (a reference to Baillie’s Voluptua the Satanic Slut burlesque character) as a demeaning insult.

I was completely unaware that the prank caused Baillie to spiral into addiction

Living in Dubai at the time, Sachsgate didn’t get saturation coverage on the heavily censored local media. But we didn’t exist in a total bubble. I had a laugh about it with my flatmate at the time. I was completely unaware that the prank caused Baillie to spiral into addiction. She didn’t speak to her grandfather for eight years. That is time she can never get back.

Read interview with Jon Stewart of Sleeper: why we’re better now than we were in the 90s

This got me thinking about my time at FHM. It was an era of stereotypically working and playing hard. Of spending most of my time with my colleagues either in the office, at parties, or in the pub.

Georgia Lewis at work in Dubai

How complicit was I, a mere sub editor, in contributing to the culture that allowed – or still allows – alleged sexual predators to hide in plain sight?

I was part of a magazine best known for photographs of women wearing not very much. It can be easily argued that such content is inherently sexist, pandering to the male gaze. Even though the women were always aged 18 or over and consented to the shoots.

When it came to headlines, captions, and content, pretty much anything was fair game for a joke. Apart from rape or paedophilia. I can’t say for certain that racist or homophobic content never made it through the net, but I’d need to dig through the back issues that are probably lurking at my parents’ house 10,000 miles away to check.

As well as sub-editing layouts, I compiled the sex pages. Assorted adult toy tests, one staff writer plunged his bits into a tub of some sort of sex custard to fill a paragraph. Naked Barbie and Ken dolls photographed demonstrating human pretzel sex positions. That actually attracted the ire of Mattel, as FHM was published by the same company that had the contract for Barbie magazine. But po-faced legal letters were water off a duck’s back.

FHM was inundated with women keen to appear in the magazine… was I exploiting women..?

I thought hard about the monthly shoot and sex discussions I oversaw. Back then it was different! FHM was inundated with women keen to appear in the magazine. I never struggled to find models willing to pose in swimwear or lingerie for a shoot before I took them to the pub on expenses to chat about a sex topic. Was I exploiting women eager to boost their careers by getting them to talk about everything from foreplay to whether older or younger men were better in bed. While getting them a bit drunk after posing in next to nothing?

There was always a lot of laughter at the pub, everyone had plenty to say and when the magazine came out. I received delighted emails from the participants. One model is still a friend, although she did confide in me years later about how a young, cocky intern she met via FHM behaved inappropriately, grinding his pelvis against her in an unwanted advance. I wish she’d told me at the time, and I hope I would have done something about it.

I’m sure that not everything we wrote has aged well. It feels weird to have been part of the latest “back then it was different.”

The one incident that sticks in my mind is a harassment complaint from an entrant in FHM’s Girlfriend of the Year modelling competition. In the analogue early noughties, hopeful young women would often send photos by post, so the retouch artists had to laboriously scan loads of pics for the mag. One entrant received multiple phone calls from a retoucher, who saw her number on the back of her photo. I am pleased to report the retoucher (what a damn job title…) was fired. And nobody felt sorry for him, or blamed the entrant for being a scantily clad temptress.

I’m sure that not everything we wrote has aged well. It feels weird to have been part of the latest “back then when things were different.” Although some of the worst things I wrote in that era were in the Sydney Morning Herald.

I remember a clumsily worded column about bowel cancer versus breast cancer. And a ridiculously unsisterly rant about married female colleagues complaining that their husbands wanted sex all the time, while my own personal life was a car crash. I am relieved these columns seem to have vanished with the Herald’s website’s multiple redesigns.

But this week’s events gave me pause for thought. My tiny part in “back then” was miles away from Russell Brand, working on a magazine that was more interested in Shane Warne than the creepy, thesaurus-swallowing booky wooky author. But it was part of lad culture in a faraway country that will probably always glorify toxic masculinity to some degree. I won’t lose any sleep over it now, but I agree with Marina Hyde that we can all do better, and get things right this time.

Georgia Lewis

In a career that has spanned Australia, the Middle East and the UK, Georgia has written about all sorts of things, including sex, cars, food, oil and gas, insurance, fashion, travel, workplace safety, health, religious affairs, glass and glazing… When she’s not writing words for fun and profit, she can usually be found with a glass of something French and red in her hand.

The post Back then it was ‘different’, right? How many of us were part of it? appeared first on Silver Magazine.

My name is Bonita Turner, I’m 47 and I live in Surrey with my family. I have been in the world of magazines for over 22 years, having worked in the fashion department of woman weekly titles like Woman and NOW. Presently, I edit an online children’s magazine for parents called Junior. But today, I want to share a different passion of mine—one that has ignited my creativity and connected me with an incredible community of like-minded individuals. It’s all about Sindy.

You see, I’m an avid collector of Sindy dolls. Some may remember Sindy as the ‘second most famous doll in the world’, but to us dedicated collectors, she is so much more. Sindy holds a special place in the history of British toys, and this year, she’s turning 60, and I couldn’t be more excited about it.

As a child, I cherished my Sindy doll. I received my first one when I was around 4-5 years old, and my parents and grandparents spoiled me with a range of dolls, furniture, and clothes. My toy room became a sanctuary on rainy days, where I would immerse myself in Sindy’s world. However, as I grew older and outgrew dolls around age 9-10, my mum carefully packed everything away in the attic. It remained there for years, awaiting the perfect moment to be brought back to life.

Fast forward to 2012

Some of Bonita’s Sindy collection at the This Morning studios

I became a mother to my daughter, Marnie. That’s when it struck me—I could finally share my beloved Sindy collection with her. We set up the magical world of Sindy for Marnie, and she adored playing with these timeless treasures, some of which were over 30 years old. It sparked an idea in me, and in late 2019, I started an Instagram account, @dresslikeasindy, to share my collection with fellow doll enthusiasts. Little did I know how much of a nostalgic and heartwarming experience it would be for our followers.

Lockdown brought its challenges, but it also offered an opportunity to delve deeper into my Sindy passion. With some extra time on my hands during furlough, I took the plunge and created captivating fashion shoots for my Instagram feed. The response was overwhelming, and I found myself connecting with a fantastic community of women and men who shared my adoration for Sindy. I’ve even been featured on ITV This Morning with my collection.

L-R: Mam’selle July 2022 cover; 1970s Gauntlet Sindy, Mam’selle editor; Mam’selle January 2023 cover

Making Sindy headlines

In 2021, my professional magazine background collided with my Sindy love, leading me to self-publish an online and A5 printed magazine for Sindy fans—Mam’selle. With 25 issues published so far, featuring everything from fashion and beauty to travel, and vintage Sindy pages, the magazine became a collaborative project cherished by the community. Even the iconic Sindy company, Pedigree, took note and supported my venture, allowing me to use their logo and Sindy images as long as I credit them.

Throughout the years, Sindy has remained distinctively British and relatable—a true girl next door

Creating Mam’selle is truly a labour of love. I handle every aspect of the magazine myself—from crafting engaging articles and captivating features to organizing and producing fashion shoots that pay homage to Sindy’s iconic style. Sometimes, I collaborate with other collectors, using their images or inviting them to contribute their own shoots, stories, and cover ideas.

Throughout the years, Sindy has remained distinctively British and relatable—a true girl next door. Unlike her American counterpart, Barbie, Sindy never had unattainable vital statistics; she was a beautiful, fuller-figured girl with a classic and playful wardrobe. Her wholesome personality, sensible boyfriend Paul (named after Paul McCartney), and little sister, Patch, made her a loyal friend and role model.

Through both Mam’selle and the @dresslikeasindy Instagram account, I strive to keep Sindy’s legacy alive and relevant in today’s world. These projects have not only enriched my connection with Sindy but has also introduced me to a supportive and passionate community of collectors from all walks of life. Together, we celebrate Sindy and the joy she continues to bring to our lives. And this year I’m excited for what lies ahead. Happy birthday Sindy!

Read more: What happened to Sindy?

See: Sindy at 60, by AI

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The post Me and my girl: it’s all about Sindy appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Making the personal so public has not improved anything, it will not bring these women back. But it will feed the greedy sense of entitlement towards information about women’s bodies and lives.

The Nicola Bulley case caused every armchair detective in the country to share half-baked theories on social media. Everything from life insurance fraud to Masonic involvement, to the unhinged hypothesis that Nicola Bulley never existed and it was part of the government’s agenda to get us all microchipped through vaccines popped up online like ghoulish boils.

The demands for the specifics came thick and fast, along with the assumptions. Was she mentally ill? If so, what was her diagnosis? What was going on in her relationship?

Against this backdrop of insatiable hunger for information in the era of the 24-hour news cycle – even when there was nothing new to report – the Lancashire police were under increasing pressure to release more details, anything to feed the beast, no matter how irrelevant it might be to the case or how distressing it might be to her family and friends.

For years to come, the police press conferences will be debated in media studies classes, especially the day when it was announced that Nicola was a “vulnerable missing person”. It is easy to see why the police might have hoped this information would quell the speculation. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect. The demands for the specifics came thick and fast, along with the assumptions. Was she mentally ill? If so, what was her diagnosis? What was going on in her relationship? Maybe she was epileptic and had a fit by the River Wyre? Perhaps a diabetic coma would explain everything? And so on and so forth…

It was then announced that Nicola was struggling with the menopause and had issues with alcohol. Opinion veered between “Why weren’t we told this sooner?” to “Why was this information released at all?”

Self-promoting Peter Faulding, the man who claimed he’d find her body if it was in the river and then failed to do so, said he would have searched for her differently if he knew this information – but he can’t seem to explain how his search would be any different. He, like countless others, feels an outrageous sense of entitlement about Nicola Bulley’s private information.

As a childless 46-year-old, I still get asked why I don’t have any kids. If I want to tell you, I’ll volunteer the information

For women, this level of intrusion is standard. We don’t even get any peace from it in death. As a childless 46-year-old, I still get asked why I don’t have any kids. If I want to tell you, I’ll volunteer the information. If I go missing, I hope my reproductive status doesn’t make headlines. God knows how the concern trolls and amateur Poirots of the internet will react.

If Nicola Bulley’s issues with the menopause and alcohol had come out earlier, it is not hard to imagine online sympathy drying up. It is easy to dismiss a woman’s suffering if she falls short of the angelic image of the perfect victim.

Equally, the horrendous case of Emma Pattison, the Epsom College head teacher murdered with her daughter by her husband who then killed himself, brought out demands for more information. It was not on the same scale as the Nicola Bulley case, but even as it became apparent that it was a murder-suicide, there were demands to quiz the school’s caretaker and the usual “there has to be more to this than meets the eye” comments.

Once it was revealed that the police got involved after the couple had an argument in 2016, victim-blaming became inevitable.

[perfectpullquote align=”left” bordertop=”false” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]The only person to blame for the murders is the husband, not Emma for daring to succeed[/perfectpullquote]

The Daily Mail ran a story with this long-winded and appalling headline: “Did living in the shadow of his high achieving wife lead to unthinkable tragedy? Details emerge of the tensions behind the picture perfect lives of the Epsom College head and her husband who ‘killed her and their daughter before turning the gun on himself’.”

The only person to blame for the murders is the husband, not Emma for daring to succeed. She was at the pinnacle of her career, yet baying mobs are only satisfied when they can find a way to justify heinous crimes. A seven-year-old marital argument or the murderer’s pathetic struggles with moving from Caterham to Epsom – a distance of 15 miles – to follow his wife are not acceptable reasons to kill your family. Nothing constructive has been gained by putting this information in the public domain.

It is hard to see Nicola Bulley’s death leading to better understanding of the menopause or alcoholism, just as it’s hard to see Emma Pattison’s murder doing a damn thing to improve the lives of women who suffer at the hands of their partners, regardless of their age or socio-economic status. Instead, we are left with the private lives and medical histories of two women ripped open for all to see. They are unable to defend themselves. They are unable to define their own legacies.

The personal has become public, as is so often the case for women. It doesn’t stop as we get older. We are expected to put up with it. But when our private lives and our bodies become fair game, it is seldom the catalyst for positive change. We deserve better than to be reduced to headlines and soundbites. We deserve better than to have our lives raked over by online ghouls. We deserve better full stop.

Georgia Lewis

In a career that has spanned Australia, the Middle East and the UK, Georgia has written about all sorts of things, including sex, cars, food, oil and gas, insurance, fashion, travel, workplace safety, health, religious affairs, glass and glazing… When she’s not writing words for fun and profit, she can usually be found with a glass of something French and red in her hand.

The post Even in death, our bodies and lives are public property appeared first on Silver Magazine.