There are times in life for exploring various romantic possibilities, without making a serious commitment to any one person. And then, there’s a time at which you might prefer to settle down, and enjoy the company of a person who’s really special to you. When you’re ready for a serious relationship.

Making the transition from a string of short, less involved relationships to a longer-term, serious one isn’t always easy though. How, exactly, do you work out whether you’re ready to make the leap?

You’re comfortable being alone

This might seem contrary but it’s important. If you’re entering into a relationship in order to avoid being alone, then the chances are that you’ll rush into bad decisions. For this reason, it’s worth reflecting on how you really feel in your own company.

If you’re insecure in yourself, then you might end up depending on another person for emotional support. While we all do this to some extent, it’s worth ensuring that you actually want something from another person, rather than just an escape from solitude.

Read more: why I love being single in my fifties

You’ve processed past relationship baggage

Relationships can be tough. Some of them can leave lasting scars. If you haven’t healed properly from a damaging past relationship, then you might end up allowing previous breakups to sabotage a new love.

For example, if someone in the past has cheated on you, then you might struggle to trust that your next relationship won’t end in the same way. Sometimes, talking to a professional counsellor, or a trusted friend, can help you to process things and move forward.

You’re willing to prioritise emotional and physical health

If a relationship is going to be committed and physical, then health should be a concern. For this reason, it’s a good idea to get yourself tested for a range of sexually transmitted diseases. Some of these can be asymptomatic, so to be sure that you’re both safe you could get an at home kit such as an HIV test.

This will allow you to demonstrate that you’re serious about the relationship, and that you care more about the safety of your partner than any sense of squeamishness.

You know what you want in a partner

The best relationships tend to succeed when the two parties have compatible values and goals. This doesn’t mean you need to agree on every political issue. What it does mean is that, if one of you doesn’t ever want kids, then it’s worth speaking up early on. Compose a list of deal-breaking qualities in a partner, and keep an open mind when it comes to qualities that are merely less than ideal.

You’re open to growth and change

All successful relationships involve an element of compromise. The other person should help you to grow, and bring the best from you. If you’re completely rigid in your outlook, then you might fail to get along with your partner. On the other hand, if you’re too willing to compromise, you might end up being less than honest. Often, you’ll forge your strongest bonds in the heat of a point of tension, during which you’ll need to adapt and learn from one another. Be ready and willing to do so!

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Experiencing challenges in relationship intimacy can feel isolating and overwhelming for individuals and couples alike. Yet, these struggles are more common than many realise, often stemming from various factors, including stress, health issues, and emotional disconnect.

Understanding and navigating these challenges is crucial for fostering stronger relationships and enhancing overall well-being. By focusing on open communication, empathy, and shared experiences, couples can find ways to heal together and strengthen their bonds.

The importance of open communication

Eliciting open dialogue about intimacy is vital for addressing issues. Couples must create a safe space where both partners can express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. This approach helps uncover underlying problems and builds trust and understanding, especially when seeking professional advice or treatment options through this trusted provider.

When discussing intimacy, using “I” statements can convey feelings without placing blame. For example, saying, “I feel distant when we don’t connect physically”, opens the conversation without making the partner feel defensive. Practising active listening and validating each other’s feelings create an environment for open sharing, enhancing the emotional connection.

Regular check-ins can be beneficial, allowing time specifically for discussing the relationship. Setting aside this time ensures that partners can voice concerns and feelings proactively, preventing issues from accumulating. Couples can maintain steady communication that nurtures their connection by prioritising these conversations.

Supporting each other’s emotional needs

Intimacy struggles often mirror deeper emotional needs that the relationship may not adequately address. Once couples recognise this, they can begin prioritising emotional support in their partnership. Take time to understand each other’s stressors, fears, and insecurities. Small gestures of kindness, like sending a thoughtful message during the day or planning a surprise date, can significantly impact emotional connectivity.

Exploring each other’s love languages can enhance understanding of how each partner feels appreciated and supported. Engaging in activities that promote bonding, such as couples’ yoga, meditation, or simply walking together, can help both partners feel more connected, reducing anxiety surrounding intimacy. By nurturing one another’s emotional needs, both partners can foster a loving environment that encourages vulnerability and trust.

Moreover, creating rituals or routines that promote intimacy can be beneficial. Establishing regular date nights, weekend getaways, or cooking a meal together can strengthen the emotional bond. These shared experiences allow couples to reconnect on multiple levels, fostering a sense of togetherness and security.

Read more: I’m trapped in a sexless marriage and don’t know how to fix it

Exploring solutions together

Finding effective solutions to intimacy struggles often requires creativity and collaboration. Couples should approach this as a joint effort, exploring what works best for them. For some, this might involve seeking professional help, such as couples therapy or consulting a healthcare provider about underlying health concerns. These professionals can offer invaluable advice tailored to personal situations and help couples navigate their challenges effectively.

Alternative methods can also be explored together, including attending workshops or reading books on relationship enhancement. Empowering each other to experiment with new physical and emotional intimacy forms can reignite passion and connection. Activities like exploring new hobbies together or taking classes can rekindle excitement and foster a sense of adventure in the relationship.

Additionally, being open to trying new things can drastically improve intimacy. This might mean discussing fantasies or desires in a safe space or exploring different ways of connecting physically and emotionally. Understanding that both partners are on the same team and working towards the same goal encourages exploration and reduces performance pressure.

Understanding the role of physical health

Physical health significantly impacts intimacy, making it crucial to address any underlying health issues. This includes managing chronic stress, fatigue, or hormonal imbalances. Couples should encourage one another to prioritise health, leading to improved intimacy.

Regular physical activity boosts overall health, enhances mood, and increases energy levels. Exercising together serves as motivation and provides opportunities for bonding. Additionally, focusing on nutrition can contribute positively to mental and physical health, increasing the energy needed for intimate moments.

Being proactive about health enables couples to tackle intimacy challenges. Discussing medications that may affect desire or performance can demystify the situation, allowing couples to support each other in seeking appropriate medical advice.

Building resilience as a couple

Healing from intimacy struggles is not a quick fix; it requires patience, effort, and resilience from both partners. Recognising that challenges will arise at various points in the relationship can help couples prepare mentally and emotionally for these moments. Resilience can be cultivated through practising gratitude, celebrating small achievements, and maintaining a sense of humour even during tough times.

Reflecting on past challenges as a couple can also instil a sense of unity. Consider having discussions about how you overcame previous hurdles together. These conversations can serve as powerful reminders that, with teamwork and dedication, intimacy challenges can be addressed and overcome. By embracing these practices, couples can strengthen their relationship and build a lasting foundation of love and support.

Acknowledging and appreciating each other’s efforts in overcoming difficulties can foster a more profound connection. Celebrating progress, however small, can encourage partners to remain committed to their relationship and each other’s well-being. It also reinforces the idea that intimacy is a journey that requires continuous effort and understanding from both partners.

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Valentine’s Day is synonymous with love, and nothing expresses affection quite like flowers. From classic roses to more unconventional blooms, the right arrangement can create the perfect romantic atmosphere and leave a lasting impression. Whether you’re planning to surprise your significant other or someone special in your life, Valentine’s Day arrangements offer endless possibilities for heartfelt gestures. This article explores both traditional and creative floral options to help you celebrate love in the most meaningful way.

For many, red roses are the ultimate symbol of romance, making them the quintessential Valentine’s Day flower. Their rich hue and velvety petals convey passion and deep emotion, making them an ever-popular choice for bouquets. Pairing roses with greenery or baby’s breath adds texture and sophistication to the arrangement, elevating a timeless classic. For a modern twist, consider mixing red roses with pink or white varieties to create a layered palette that reflects a blend of love and purity.

Quiz! How well do you know your Valentine’s Day history?

It’s not all about roses though…

While roses hold a special place in Valentine’s traditions, there’s a growing appeal in choosing less conventional flowers to make a unique statement. Tulips, for example, symbolize perfect love and come in an array of colors to suit different moods. Red tulips express deep passion, while yellow or pink options convey happiness and admiration. Orchids, with their exotic beauty, represent luxury and rare affection, making them an excellent choice for those seeking something out of the ordinary.

Another creative option is to select flowers that reflect your partner’s personality or shared memories. For instance, if you both love the countryside, a bouquet featuring wildflowers like daisies and lavender can evoke fond recollections. Sunflowers, with their bright and cheerful appearance, symbolize adoration and loyalty, offering a delightful alternative to traditional blooms. This personalized approach makes the gift not only romantic but deeply thoughtful.

In recent years, dried and preserved flowers have become a popular alternative to fresh bouquets. These long-lasting arrangements maintain their beauty for months or even years, serving as a constant reminder of your affection. Dried roses, pampas grass, or eucalyptus can be arranged in chic, minimalist styles that fit modern aesthetics. For those who appreciate eco-friendly options, preserved flowers are a sustainable choice that still captures the essence of Valentine’s Day.

Beyond bouquets

Floral gifts can take on creative forms that go beyond the ordinary. Floral subscriptions are a fantastic idea for keeping romance alive all year round. With this option, your loved one can receive fresh or dried flowers delivered to their door monthly, ensuring that your Valentine’s gesture extends well beyond February 14th. Alternatively, you could opt for floral jewelry, such as a necklace with a pressed flower pendant or a bracelet adorned with delicate floral designs, combining romance with wearable art.

For couples who enjoy spending time together, planning a shared floral experience can make the day even more special. Flower arranging workshops or DIY bouquet kits allow you to create something beautiful as a team. Not only does this foster connection, but it also results in a unique keepsake you both can cherish. Another memorable idea is to visit a botanical garden or flower farm, where the natural beauty of blooming flowers provides a picturesque backdrop for your celebration.

Consider the presentation

When it comes to presenting your floral gift, thoughtful packaging and presentation can make a significant impact. Wrapping bouquets in luxurious materials like silk or lace adds an elegant touch. Including a handwritten note or poem further personalizes the gesture, transforming your flowers into a meaningful expression of love. For an extra touch of indulgence, pair your floral arrangement with chocolates, a bottle of wine, or even a homemade treat.

Ultimately, Valentine’s Day flowers are more than just a gift—they are a reflection of your emotions and the bond you share with your partner. Whether you choose timeless red roses, unique wildflowers, or innovative floral experiences, the key lies in tailoring the gesture to your loved one’s tastes and personality. This Valentine’s Day, let flowers speak the language of your heart, creating moments of joy and romance that will be remembered for years to come.

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The post Flowers as a Valentine’s Day gift: romantic and unique ideas appeared first on Silver Magazine.

From one heartache to the next

This time two years ago I ended my marriage of 15 years, a week before my birthday. My husband and I lived in our apartment for another 12 months, finishing the renovations so it could go up for sale. I found a much smaller place in St Leonard’s on Sea, just five miles away, while my ex was planning to move back to his native France.

Meanwhile I was in relationship with a man I was besotted with. A man who would go on to repeatedly ghost me then leave me for another woman.

Fast-forward a year and we were finally due to exchange contracts on our flat. Only for the buyer to pull out at the last moment. I had to pay the fees for the flat I could no longer buy, along with the fees for the one we hadn’t sold. I had no work at the time, so it was a huge blow, both financially and emotionally.

It’s fair to say that life was overwhelming for both of us.

Gautier’s father had died unexpectedly during COVID and his mother had recently been diagnosed with cancer, and was undergoing brutal treatment with a bleak prognosis. We were both devastated, obviously him more than me. But I too was so stressed I was worried that I’d end up with cancer.

Guess what?

The unthinkable

Gautier had just left for France when I found a weird cocktail sausage-shaped swelling in my left breast whilst maneuvering myself into a new bikini. I was sent for a mammogram, scan and biopsies immediately after the consultant had examined me, and had a lumpectomy six weeks later.

Friends helped out post-surgery, but there was nobody to make me a cup of tea, give me a hug, do housework and make dinner. Each night I went to bed exhausted, scared and alone. I struggled physically and mentally for months, especially after radiotherapy. I was stuck in a flat I couldn’t sell, so I literally couldn’t move on with my life. And I found it hard to ask for help, so I didn’t.

I desperately needed a break before I broke.

Another article you may like: 10 things I wish I’d known about breast cancer – before I had it 

A change of scenery – the road to recovery

An all-inclusive hotel in Egypt’s Sharm-el-Sheik wouldn’t have been my first choice of destination. I was thinking more of Madeira or Menorca. However, a deal popped up for the Iberotel Redsina and the word ‘snorkeling’ jumped out at me.

I went bananas and booked a ‘swim-up’ room instead of the cheapest room, which is what the old me had always done. The sea appeared to be the same shade of blue as Paul Newman’s eyes. My body needed this like it needed oxygen.

Because it was summer and off-season – high season being spring or late autumn/winter – the resort was almost empty. I arrived at night, ordered room service and jumped straight in the pool outside my room. I swam under the soft white lights with no interruptions except the faint rustling of palm tree leaves as they swayed in the breeze.

The grounds are beautiful

There’s nothing but polite staff, beautiful flowers and palm trees everywhere you go. I felt very relaxed despite the 45-degree heat doing its best to floor me.

I’d sit cross-legged in the clear shallows playing with passing fish and little things that were like a cross between starfish and tarantulas (we held hands/tentacles)

The 60-minute deep tissue massage I treated myself to was the best I’d ever had, and I left the spa with some gorgeous Egyptian skincare products. The beach was two minutes’ walk from my room; the deep water accessed by a long jetty. I was in heaven the moment I jumped into the water.

In the main restaurant, giddy from such a vast choice of food from so many different cultures, I chose Egyptian (obvs). Dishes were beautifully cooked and bursting with flavour. I ate grilled red mullet and sardines, zesty tabbouleh, stuffed aubergines, perfectly dainty French-inspired patisserie, and about 87 different breads.

“Hello Miss Juliette, would you like to do yoga and Pilates each morning, outside in the shade?” Er, yes. After that I’d sit cross-legged in the clear shallows playing with passing fish and little things that were like a cross between starfish and tarantulas (we held hands/tentacles).

Facing phobias

I snorkeled for the first time. This was a huge deal since I have three lifelong phobias: anything covering my face, eels and the other things like eels beginning with ‘s’, and deep water. I had two panic attacks then went back in minus the snorkel, waving to beautiful blue and yellow fish as I swam along the coral. Still in panic mode, though, since I was in 40ft deep water and THERE MIGHT BE AN EEL. I don’t do things by halves.

At the zen pool I could sketch or read in peace while sipping ice-cold Sakara (Egyptian beer) with lemon. I dressed up for dinner each night and was happy to eat alone while I mopped my sweaty brow, insisting on eating outside – “I’m on holiday!” – rather than in the air-conditioned interior.

Four days later, despite a horrible flight, I came back a better, calmer version of myself. I’d been looked after, and I’d relished it. I wouldn’t recommend waiting until you get cancer to allow yourself that. But for me, I guess it was better late than never. Do go in October, though, won’t you?

www.jazhotels.com

Juliette Wills

Juliette writes about football, F1, fashion, health and interiors for national magazines and newspapers. She’s also Bexhill’s new Town Crier (true story!), runs a pet sitting sideline and heads up her own creative agency. If she’s not at home she’s in the sea

The post My cancer recovery: the charm of Sharm appeared first on Silver Magazine.

To celebrate the month of June, we’re brushing up on our LGBTQ+ history with seven of the most influential icons of the community. We’ve got a long old history of hard-fought fights and iconic individuals, so why not show some, er, pride?! But who are the most influential and famous LGBTQ+ icons through history? 

We’ve tracked some extraordinary people doing extraordinary things, from the 1700s to the present day.  In no particular order…

Marsha P Johnson

Marsha P Johnson (1945-1992)

As one of the most well-known names on this list, Marsha P Johnson was a self-identified drag queen and rights activist. She was a proud advocate for LGBTQ+ rights, and vital to the Stonewall riots of 1969. 

The Stonewall riots began what we know as Pride today, a protest and celebration of the LGBTQ+ community. Johnson was essential in the formation of Pride – some even say she threw the first brick. 

The ‘first brick’ story has since been debunked, but that doesn’t make Johnson’s involvement and continued activism any less amazing. 

Beyond Stonewall, Johnson was a vocal activist, forming multiple organisations to support fellow members of the LGBTQ community. She protested for the rights of gay and transgender people, as well as supporting those affected by the AIDS crisis.  

Whether she threw the first brick or not, Marsha P Johnson will always remain one of the most influential icons of LGBTQ+ history. 

Alan Turing

Alan Turing (1912-1954) at Princeton University, 1936

Alan Turing is among the most well-known LGBTQ+ figures, and for good reason. As a World War Two computer scientist, Turing cracked the German cipher in an essential breakthrough for the war effort. He was also the source behind many other scientific breakthroughs, such as the Turing machine, which solves abstract mathematical conundrums. 

Sadly, despite Turing’s crucial work, he was still prosecuted in 1952 for his homosexuality, undergoing outdated medical treatment to both ‘cure’ and punish him. He died just two years later. Whether this was by suicide or whethr he was poisoning remains a mystery. 

Turning’s death is truly a tragedy, but his legacy lives on in countless memorials, from buildings, to awards, to computer programs and more. As a truly influential figure of LGBTQ+ history, Turing is also memorialised in the 2013 Alan Turing law. This law pardoned him and many of their crime of homosexuality. Homosexuality is no longer a crime in the UK today, and Turing is one of many to thank for that. 

Anne Lister

Anne Lister (1791-1840)

Anne Lister was born in Yorkshire in 1791, and grew up to be a landowner, a lesbian, and an all-round awesome icon in our history. 

Lister was a hot topic of conversation back in day for her masculine gender presentation, and her ‘masculine’ position as a landowner. Both were very uncommon for women at the time, making her stand out against the status quo. 

She is best known today from Gentleman Jack, a TV show based on her diary entries and letters to partner Ann Walker. Same-sex marriage was illegal at the time, but that didn’t stop the pair from deciding they were married anyway. That’s an incredible level of confidence you just have to respect. 

Clearly Lister was no sheep, no matter the stares or insults she faced. Gentleman Jack even names itself after a common insult for Lister, a modern day slap in the face to those who mocked her. Needless to say, she’s an absolute icon of LGBTQ+ history.

Harvey Milk

Harvey Milk (1930-1978) at Gay Pride, San Jose 1978

Harvey Milk, born in 1930, was the first openly gay US official. He was elected to public office in California following a proud history of gay rights activism. 

Milk was an outstanding figure of protest, with intense and brilliant quotes such as, “If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door.” He was tragically killed in this exact way. Just a year after entering office, he was assassinated by a fellow American politician. 

His short time in office didn’t stop Milk from fighting for essential changes to US laws. He strived for the protection of LGBTQ+ Americans, sponsoring a bill which banned sexuality-based discrimination in housing and employment. This bill passed, marking an incredible milestone for LGBTQ+ rights in America. 

He’s celebrated today with the 2008 film Milk, based on his incredible life as an activist, politician, and influential LGBTQ+ icon. Though his political career was cut short, his contributions to LGBTQ+ history were essential in the fight for change. 

Another article you may like: What your transgender child wishes they could tell you 

April Ashley

April Ashley (1935-2021)

Born in 1935, April Ashley was one of the first people to undergo gender-affirming surgery in the UK. As a transgender rights activist, Ashley was prominent in the fight for equality. Even her own divorce case was used for positive legal change to benefit the transgender community. 

In the 1960s, her husband requested an annulment on the grounds that Ashley was not legally a woman. This atrocious reasoning was then approved, with their annulment being granted in 1970. All because Ashley’s legal gender was stuck as male with no way to change it. 

Even though Ashley lost the case, her story was still used in 2004 to help pass the Gender Recognition Act. Through this, she was finally allowed to change to her legal gender to female after over 60 years. 

As a vocal transgender activist, and key figure in the fight for gender-affirming laws, April Ashley continues to be remembered as an incredibly influential figure in LGBTQ+ history. 

Radclyffe Hall

Radclyffe Hall (1880-1943)

Marguerite Antonia Radclyffe Hall (known by her penname John) was an English poet and author born in the late 19th Century. She is best known for her 1928 novel The Well of Loneliness, a novel that truly cements her legacy as an icon of LGBTQ+ history. 

The novel depicts a lesbian relationship – still very much taboo for the time – and ends with the extraordinary line, “Give us also the right to our existence.”  

Unsurprisingly, such an iconic work was banned for its “scandalous” content, but that didn’t stop Radclyffe Hall’s influence from spreading far and wide. Especially among those who needed it most. 

Radclyffe Hall’s work became symbolic of those stuck in the closet (to use a more modern term). It represented LGBTQ+ people unable to represent themselves in a world where self-expression remained a crime. Having offered a voice for those who needed it most, Radclyffe Hall deserves to be celebrated as a brilliantly influential LGBTQ+ icon. 

Chevalier d’Eon

The Chevalier D’Eon (1728 -1810) from the London Magazine 1777, British Cartoon Prints Collection

Born in 1728, Chevalier d’Eon was one of the first transgender and gender non-conforming people in modern European history. They were a French diplomat, soldier and spy as part of a secret organisation under King Louie XV. An incredibly cool figure for our queer history tour. 

They presented as both masculine and feminine in their lifetime until 1777. That year, the king officially recognised d’Eon as a woman, so long as they presented as feminine for the rest of their life. A pretty bizarre deal for gender recognition by today’s standards. But it did come with a free wardrobe courtesy of the king himself. And d’Eon got to keep their incredible undercover life.  

D’Eon is known by many for their fencing prowess. Including defeating a French soldier in one particularly influential duel while presenting as a woman. Their legacy has been celebrated by many well-known figures such as Mary Wollstonecraft, for their incomparable contributions to both women’s rights and transgender rights. 

As a remarkable soldier, spy, and one of the first to legally transition, d’Eon is definitely an LGBTQ+ icon to be proud of.

Lady Phyll

Phyll Opoku Gyimah (1974 – )

Phyllis Akua Opoku-Gyimah, also known as Lady Phyll, is a political activist, campaigning for both LGBTQ+ rights and anti-racism. For anyone noticing the use of present tense there, you read right. Lady Phyll remains an influential rights activist to this day, still going strong in her co-founded charity and event UK Black Pride. 

UK Black Pride was formed in the hopes of uniting and celebrating LGBTQ+ people of colour, promoting unity and advocating for anti-racism within and towards the community. Self-described as both a party and a protest, its contribution to LGBTQ+ history is essential, fighting for a more inclusive LGBTQ+ community. 

Lady Phyll will undeniably go down in history as an influential icon of the LGBTQ+ community. And she continues to be politically active today, acting as Chief Executive of her own charity. Her influential story is far from over, and so is the fight for change. 

The future of Pride 

We can learn a lot from the influential LGBTQ+ icons of the past. What unites us all is not our struggles, but instead the strength of our community. It is our united fight for a better future that makes Pride what it is today.  

And it’s not over yet. We still have a long way to go in our fight for equality. 

To get involved, consider checking out the official Stonewall website for more information on events, charities and protests.  

Aiden Winn

Aiden is an editorial and production staffer at Title Media. He’s constantly looking for opportunities to have fun and get creative, whether it be art, baking, storytelling… you name it!

The post Pride. The kickass famous LGBTQ+ icons through history appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Our forties and fifties are a time of transition. For many of us, life around this time will involve a number of challenges, whether that’s bringing up children, caring for ill family members, facing redundancy, or dealing with divorce. And coming out the other side of these events can leave us feeling like different people. But why is Gen X increasingly drawn to polyamory? Because studies show that this certainly seems to be the case.

Going through these tough times can lead to a re-evaluation of your professional and personal life. And for many people this will include their sex and love life. Some couples who have been in a long-term marriage may feel that their relationship has been neglected or become stale due to the other demands being placed on them. Research has shown that Gen X-ers are more likely to go through divorce than other generations.

Midlife might be the first time in years that an individual has had the time and energy to address their sexual desires and unmet needs and, for some, that could be an exploration of polyamory or ethical non-monogamy (ENM).

What exactly is polyamory and why is Gen X all over it?

Polyamory is the act of being in a number of sexual and/or romantic relationships with different people, with the consent of everyone involved. It is different to swinging in that the relationships are romantic, and can be long-term. And it’s not necessarily always about sex.

Polyamory is something which has become popular with the younger Gen Z, which tends to have more progressive views on social and cultural norms, and often rejects the traditional relationships of their parents.

But why is Gen X choosing to explore this new sexual frontier when many will have spent many years being with just one person?

Time to explore your updated needs?

Therapist Susie Masterson says, “Growing up in the 70s and 80s, relationships were predominantly both monogamous and heteronormative.  Education around consent was still scant, and society was clearly gendered. This informed Gen Xers ‘relationship blueprint’.

“Many of my Gen X clients recognise that having an entrenched position to things – whether that’s relationships, politics or spirituality – effectively means shutting themselves off. This coincides with a time in life when they have fewer practical constraints and responsibilities.”

For the first time in many years, couples will find themselves alone in the house again…

These responsibilities could include your children growing up and moving out. For the first time in many years, couples will find themselves alone in the house again and clinical sexologist Marie Morice says this means that “there is actual physical space and time to feel sexual again. Just between you and your partner to start with. And you can then explore more if you feel like it.”

Tessa Krone, a polyamory advocate and the founder of the podcast Open Nesters, rejects the use of the label ‘empty nesters’ for these couples. “We are the Open Nesters. We are the Baby Boomers and Gen X-ers who reject the traditional roles that our parents played and the empty nest syndrome. We defy the stigma of ageism, ailing health, empty retirement and a passionless sex life.” She describes having this new freedom to be more sexually adventurous and curious as an ‘Act 3’ in life.

David

This is something David, 56, found when his children were grown up and no longer living with him. He had always been in monogamous relationships but when his marriage ended, he realised he was less keen on being tied down to one person. “I don’t think I’ll ever do that again,” he says.

I’m able to get all those needs met, by having relationships with a few different people

“It seems incredible to believe that we can have all our needs met in one person. In my own marriage, I loved my wife, but as the years passed, we stopped having sex, for example. We had amazing fun together, and made each other laugh. But I found myself missing things that I wanted to experience, because I’d committed to having just the one relationship. And now I find I’m able to get all those needs met, by having relationships with a few different people.”

Read a different article: Why I cheat on my husband

Liv

Liv, 47, is happily married and has four children who still live with her, but has recently been exploring polyamory with her husband. She has a demanding day job and a busy family life but says enjoying sex with other people has made her relationship stronger.

…they are happy for each other to play out their sexual fantasies with people outside their marriage

“This is my blowout. I get to let my hair down and get to be incredibly sexually liberated with the consent of my best friend,” she says. While the couple isn’t looking for separate romantic relationships, they are happy for each other to play out their sexual fantasies with people outside their marriage.

Liv says apps like Feeld and Hinge have made it easier for couples and individuals to meet others interested in ENM. Masterson says this is what happened with her client Karine who was re-evaluating her sexuality, having only experienced monogamous, heterosexual relationships previously.

After navigating a number of life transitions from divorce to kids leaving home as well as changing careers, Karine started using dating apps to explore connections with women. Masterson says Karine now only dates women and is currently in a polyamorous relationship with two people.

Polyamory takes some work…

A move away from having previously monogamous relationships does have to be treated with caution. Particularly if you were monogamous before, but have decided to open the doors to others in an already-existing relationship.

Issues such as resentment and jealousy can easily rear their heads if you’re in a relationship, or more than one. Psychotherapist Paula Gardner says “Strong communication skills, honesty, and setting boundaries are key to making this work, and that often means a lot of work which people might not want to do at this stage in life.”

You can’t predict what’s going to happen, so there’s a need for a lot of communication

Morice agrees that honesty is key to ENM working. “By their very nature and their level of uncertainty, open and polyamorous relationships are more intense than typical monogamous relationships. You can’t predict what’s going to happen, so there’s a need for a lot of communication to work through and navigate the unpredictability and the excitement on the journey.”

Communication is something Liv says has been key for things to work smoothly with she and her husband. “We trust each other completely, and where there’s an element of doubt we talk about it immediately,” she says.

“There’s a recognition that we need to be open all the time about how we feel, what we liked or didn’t like and being able to move on and learn from mistakes.

“I feel sad that I didn’t meet my husband earlier in my life as we could have been enjoying this before we reached middle age!”

Top tips for making poly great…

Open and honest communication
Regularly discuss your feelings, boundaries, and any changes in your needs or desires. Open communication helps prevent misunderstandings, and builds trust.

Set clear boundaries
Establish and respect each other’s boundaries. This includes discussing what is acceptable in terms of physical, emotional, and time commitments.

Practice compersion
Compersion is the pleasure of seeing joy in others. Cultivate joy and satisfaction from seeing your partner happy, even if you haven’t created that. This helps reduce jealousy and strengthens the overall relationship dynamic.

Manage jealousy constructively
Understand that jealousy is natural, whoever is feeling it, and can be managed through communication, discussion, and reassurance. Work on the root causes of jealousy rather than letting it fester.

Schedule quality time
Ensure that you spend quality time with each of your partners. Balancing time fairly helps each person feel valued and prevents neglect.

Be transparent
Be honest about your other relationships and any changes in your feelings or circumstances. Transparency prevents misunderstandings.

Prioritise self-care
Take care of your own emotional and physical wellbeing. Taking care of yourself helps you stay well, and be able cope with the complexities of polyamory.

Seek out your tribe
Polyamorous relationships are still in the minority. Join polyamorous communities or groups, or seek advice from a therapist who understands polyamory if necessary. External support can provide valuable perspectives and coping strategies. Not everyone is going to support what you do, probably.

Educate yourself
Read books, attend workshops, and engage with resources about polyamory. Continuous learning helps you understand different dynamics and improve relationship management skills.

Respect each relationship’s unique dynamics
Recognise that each relationship is unique and may require different approaches. Tailor your interactions and efforts to meet the specific needs of each partner.

Stay safe
Make sure all of you in your extended relationship practices safe sex, or is regularly checked for STIs and so forth. Take care of each other.

Kat Storr

Kat has been a digital journalist for over 12 years after starting her career at Sky News where she covered everything from terror attacks to royal babies and celebrity deaths. She has been working freelance for the last five years and regularly contributes to UK publications including woman&home, The i, Stylist, ES Best, Metro, and more.

The post Why is Gen X increasingly drawn to polyamory? appeared first on Silver Magazine.

As we get older, we get increasing glimpses into our own mortality. My first (very niche) glimpse was when my parents had to get their cat put down. They then told me that they weren’t going to get another cat in case it outlived them. Now, I’ve been appointed an executor for both my parents’ wills. I’m 47 years old, but it still feels like a very grown-up responsibility.

In the interests of calming myself down and helping others who are full of questions, many of which seem very morbid, I’ve had a chat with Nina Sperring, Head of Wills, Ttrusts and Estates at Weightmans, a Liverpool-based law firm.

Who can be an executor?

Before anyone gets any avaricious designs on their parents’ estate – or estates, if they are not together – Nina is quick to point out that you can’t impose yourself as an executor of someone else’s will.

“Your parents need to personally appoint the executors in their will by stating the name of the person they choose,” she explains. “It is possible to appoint up to four executors, or it’s possible to appoint a professional executor, such as a solicitor or accountant.”

It’s important to get the basics right so the will is valid. Nina said executors should be over 18 years of age and of sound mind.

Read more: Talking to your family about making a will

“Some people do appoint children who are under 18, on the basis that they will be 18 when the time comes, but this is obviously risky, as at least one of the executors will need to be aged 18 or over to make an application for probate, should this be required to administer the estate,” she cautions.

(Image: Models of Pexels)

Probate, in case you’re unsure, is the legal process of proving a will is valid and giving the executors the legal authority to distribute the estate. This is where it is handy to have the support of someone with legal qualifications. To apply for probate, the Probate Registry needs a copy of the will, the death certificate, and an inventory of the assets.

Having some professional help may also ease the emotional burden

The Probate Registry reviews the documents to make sure it’s a valid will and the executors are qualified to administer the estate. Unsurprisingly, this process isn’t free. The cost depends on the value of the estate – around £200 for estates worth less than £50,000 and around £1,000 for estates worth more than £50,000.

“There are situations where the executors may wish to consult a legal advisor, for example if probate is required to administer the will and the executors are young or inexperienced,” says Nina. “Having some professional help may also ease the emotional burden for them.”

What does the admin process look like?

Nina says the first step is for the executors to check if probate is required to administer the estate: “It can be complex and time consuming at a distressing time.”

Once the certificate is issued by the probate court, this allows the executors to sell property, collect in cash and other assets, and pay the debts, Nina explains.

“As part of the probate process, the executor or executors will need to estimate the value of the person’s estate and find out if the estate has inheritance tax to pay,” Nina continues. “This tax is paid once the estate has been valued, and it is best to pay it within six months to avoid any interest becoming payable.”

(Image: Pexels)

What if there’s a dispute?

The sad reality is that sometimes families fall out. Or people behave in unexpected ways that can manifest themselves in wills. For example, you might be made executor of a parental will, you receive your copy for safekeeping and there’s something in there that you’re not happy about. It could be anything from someone being cut out, to a parent leaving thousands to a pigeon racing club. However, there isn’t much you can do about this during what Mike and the Mechanics called the living years.

…it is important that open, honest conversations should take place

“If you have been named as an executor and your parents are still alive, you could try talking to them about this. Ultimately, however, in England and Wales, where we have testamentary freedom, people have the right to leave their estate to whoever they choose,” advises Nina.

If your parents choose to exclude a child, even if they have no brothers or sisters, that is their right. But there is some scope for some family members and dependants to challenge the will after death under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975. This includes cases where someone has maintenance needs or they feel inadequate provision has been made for them.

“To avoid this happening, it is important that open, honest conversations should take place. This avoids potential disputes and unhappiness. And it is advisable to seek the guidance of a professional advisor,” says Nina. “If a child is financially dependent on their parents, they may be able to challenge the will but if they are self-sufficient, the ability to challenge is limited.”

Georgia Lewis

In a career that has spanned Australia, the Middle East and the UK, Georgia has written about all sorts of things, including sex, cars, food, oil and gas, insurance, fashion, travel, workplace safety, health, religious affairs, glass and glazing… When she’s not writing words for fun and profit, she can usually be found with a glass of something French and red in her hand.

The post Help! I’m the executor for my parents’ wills appeared first on Silver Magazine.

The topic of divorce is not a particularly fun one to broach, and yet it is a topic that touches a large majority of families across the UK. Over two fifths of all UK marriages sadly end at divorce, with recent statistics pointing to the average length of a marriage before divorce being just shy of 12 years. 

While most couples broach separation in their mid-40s, something of a ‘grey divorce’ revolution has been slowly taking shape on both sides of the Atlantic Ocean. For numerous reasons, a slow-growing number of older couples are finding it right to end their union. The phenomenon has been linked to everything from longer lifespans to progressive cultural shifts away from patriarchy, but what matters is that people are charting courses to live their life on their terms – which unfortunately means addressing the elephant in the room.

First steps

As someone considering divorce in later life, or otherwise facing the prospect, it can be difficult to know exactly how to proceed. Marriage is holistic, in that it encompasses multitudes as a thing unto itself. This means there is much to unpick in the process of divorcing, which can often be overwhelming to bear at first glance.

Great journeys are only ever begun with a single step – but when it comes to divorce, the quality of that step can make a great deal of difference. Where divorce seems inevitable, you shouldn’t aim to forge on alone; consultation with a family lawyer is a vital initial step to ensuring your best interests are served at all times. Involving legal help early can also be a great move for minimising the risk of letting emotions make compromises on your behalf.

Assets

The fundamental concern in divorce is that you come away as ‘whole’ as you can. This may not be possible financially or emotionally, but the legal process is there to help you retrieve what is yours from that shared pool of a life lived together. Separating assets can be a painful process, especially where shared ownership of a home is concerned, but it is vital to start early and do it right. Drawing up an inventory of personal possessions can make this division much easier, but meetings and compromises are inevitable. 

Family

One of the upsides of ‘grey divorce’ is that any children involved are likely adults – removing custodial concerns from the process altogether. This is both a financial and emotional godsend, where divorce can sometimes be stickiest around family. That said, a rising trend of adult children living with parents in this harsh economic climate can muddy the waters, and bears considering.

Mental health

Regardless how warranted or even freeing your eventual divorce may be, it will still weigh a heavy burden on your mind. Anxiety and depression are commonly weathered during divorce, making it all the more important that you give yourself time and space to breathe – and that you surround yourself with family and friends to fight your corner. 

Read more: Girls just wanna have fun. Why you should consider a short-term fling

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The post Divorce in later life – financial and emotional considerations appeared first on Silver Magazine.

It’s human nature to look for a life partner. Swans do it too, and have an outstanding success rate, but swans are a bit less complicated than humans. Have you ever considered a short-term fling might be the answer?

We go through life looking for ‘the one’ and are often heartbroken when they turn out not to be. But then we do it again, repeating the same patterns and only believing that a relationship has value or is meaningful if it lasts a long time. What if I told you there is an alternative?

The joy of not-forever love

What if we were to change our perception of the long-term goal, and instead focus on enjoying short-term love? Maybe not even love, but a meaningful fling. One in which both parties know that it’s not forever, and are happy to forge ahead regardless?

What I don’t need is to completely lose myself to someone again. So I’m essentially looking to date men who I know aren’t suitable long-term

We spend a lot of energy looking for Mr Right when we might be better off looking for Mr Right Now. This is particularly true if you’ve just come out of a relationship that ended badly. Or if you’re in the throes of divorce (I tick both boxes, go me!).

While my friends yell at me to spend time on my own, I yell back that I’ve essentially been on my own whilst being married for 15 years. I’m ready to love, to be loved, and to have some fun along the way. Or even to separate the two. What I don’t need is to completely lose myself to someone again. So I’m essentially looking to date men who I know aren’t suitable long-term (but who also aren’t monsters, obviously).

Playing it on the safe side?

Juliette – keeping things short and sweet

To that end I’m veering towards much younger men with whom I know a future isn’t on the cards. I’m OK with that. When I was 32 my boyfriend was – ahem – 19, so it’s fair to say that’s my thing. If, at some point, I decide that I do want a grown-up, more serious relationship, I’ll simply adapt and look for men who want the same.

Read more: Why I cheat on my husband

I’m very emotionally-led, however, so whether I can pull off this cool-as-a-cucumber cougar persona remains to be seen. The other person will also have to adopt the same attitude. Fortunately, younger men aren’t generally looking for long-term love (at least not with a woman 15 years older than themselves). So really, all the emotional stuff will be on me. Gulp.

The expert viewpoint

“Some people may feel that it’s not worth the emotional investment or potential risks involved,” explains dating coach Billy Reid. Indeed, there’s always a risk that one of you will fall head over heels for the other, and upset the equilibrium.

…there’s always a risk that one of you will fall head over heels for the other, and upset the equilibrium

“If they’re experiencing a lack of attention or affection, the intensity of the fling might appear to fill that void. But if the dalliance is brief, it could continue to be missing after the fling finishes,” explains Reid.

However, Reid also outlines the positives of such a venture.

“A short-term romantic relationship can provide a sense of excitement and novelty, which can boost mood and self-confidence. Additionally, some individuals may find that a brief romantic encounter allows them to explore their own desires and preferences in a low-pressure environment.”

In other words, a short-term fling is like a French meringue – you won’t really know how it’ll turn out until you try.

Brief encounters

Charlotte, a 48-year-old PR manager from West Sussex, had a whirlwind relationship with a man she met by chance on a train. She was recently divorced, and he was separated.

“I really fancied him and couldn’t remember feeling like that about anyone before. He told me he’d just split with his wife and wasn’t ready for a relationship, but that he was happy to have fun. I was infatuated from the first moment we kissed. It just felt like he’d been missing my entire life.”

After two months of a whirlwind romance and “the greatest sex I’ve ever had,” he started to back away. When Charlotte confronted him, he told her that he cared about her very much, but felt the relationship was getting too serious.

[perfectpullquote align=”left” bordertop=”false” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]He constantly told me how sexy I was, which gave me a huge confidence boost. He treated me well, and he was honest[/perfectpullquote]

“I was devastated,” says Charlotte. “I cried for weeks. I’ve been having therapy and I’m now six months down the line. And instead of being angry with Mike, as I was initially, I realise now that he did me a favour.”

“He constantly told me how sexy I was, which gave me a huge confidence boost. He treated me well, and he was honest. I can now see that the relationship was good for me, and that I can’t be angry that it ended. We met one last time and wished each other well. My bar is set very high now for future relationships and that’s got to be a good thing.”

Would she do it again?

“Sure, if both of us knew from the outset that it wasn’t going to develop into anything serious. The attraction has got to be there, of course, but I don’t need to find my soul mate or perfect man right now, I need to have fun and just enjoy life. I have to accept that it will invariably come to natural end, but I feel more equipped to deal with that now.”

Setting boundaries

“Ultimately,” says Reid, “the benefits of short-term romantic relationships are subjective and depend on one’s own goals, values, and emotional needs. It’s important to approach any romantic encounter with clear communication and mutual respect, and to prioritise your own well-being and boundaries.”

When you only spend a few weeks with someone, you’re firmly in the honeymoon period phase

Boundaries are key, because the downside to short-term relationships is that they are harder to get over than long-term relationships. When you only spend a few weeks with someone, you’re firmly in the honeymoon period phase the entire time. Your dopamine and oxytocin levels are through the roof, endorphins are flying high and the person you’re with is endlessly fascinating to you. Because you haven’t worked them out yet (and in the case of short-term love, you never will).

While the positives are that there’s no chance of being bored, of discovering their flaws and of becoming unhappy, the downside is that because you don’t see their flaws, when you do split up you only have positive memories. You haven’t had a chance to resent them or feel anger, or vice versa. It may seem like a mad idea to split when you’re so enamoured by each other. But trust me, it makes sense.

We don’t stay in the same house or the same job all our lives. Our friendships are transient, too. If, when we need to take a step back, we can approach relationships in the same way, ie that they don’t have to be forever to be meaningful, we might just surprise ourselves. By entering into a new relationship without the pressure of long-term love, you might actually be more equipped for it when it does come along.

Juliette Wills

Juliette writes about football, F1, fashion, health and interiors for national magazines and newspapers. She’s also Bexhill’s new Town Crier (true story!), runs a pet sitting sideline and heads up her own creative agency. If she’s not at home she’s in the sea

The post Why you should consider a short-term fling appeared first on Silver Magazine.

ITV are now actively looking for contestants for the Romance Retreat (working title) – tipped as the Love Island for older people. And look out, because your over-18 kids can nominate you

ITV announced yesterday that TV icon Davina McCall will host brand new dating show the Romance Retreat, which is set to open the nation’s hearts to a whole new world of ‘grown-up love’.

In case you didn’t see Davina breaking the news…

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cp2Vw6Ej-27/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Apparently the big shout is for men. Where are you all?!

How can you be on it?

The fresh new dating format follows nominated single parents, from all over the UK, and from all walks of life, as they live together at a stunning country house with one objective: to find true love.

Read more: Joe McGann on finding love in later life

The press release says: “Get the tissues at the ready as we witness the highs and the lows, the tears and the funny moments, of finding love again. Casting for the ground-breaking series is now open, with ITV calling for vibrant single parents and their grown-up children from across the UK to apply via ITV’s Be On TV page.”

If my child is reading this, do NOT nominate me, or there will be trouble!

Up for the biggest blind date of your life? Or think that Mum or Dad deserves to find love? (Particularly Dad, seems they’re short on dads!). If so, get on the case – Love Island for older people? Sign them up!

For single men and women, first impressions play a dominant role, and can often determine whether they decide to start dating. When meeting for the first time, you can create a simple or sweet look and highlight your temperament with exquisite accessories. 

In addition, giving creative gifts can also swing your chances. Scented candles, a few bundles of camellias, or Custom Pens engraved with names, or love lines can all help generate a touch of romance.

Apply HERE

Sam Harrington-Lowe

Sam is Silver’s founder and editor-in-chief. She’s largely responsible for organising all the things, but still finds time to do the odd bit of writing. Not enough though. Send help.

The post Here it is, the Romance Retreat. ‘Love Island’ for older people appeared first on Silver Magazine.