Enhancing intimacy in any relationship involves creating a comfortable environment. Adjusting factors like lighting, room temperature and music can significantly improve the experience, as we all know. Introducing discreet items can also add variety and pleasure.

Intimacy is a vital part of human connection at every stage of life, and for couples in their midlife it can take on new depth and meaning. While physical changes and shifting routines may require some adaptation, the essence of closeness remains the same: creating an environment where comfort, trust and pleasure can flourish.

We might not be gymnasts in the bedroom anymore, but with a few thoughtful adjustments, couples can continue to enjoy fulfilling intimacy that strengthens both emotional bonds and overall wellbeing.

Creating the right atmosphere

The setting in which intimacy takes place has a profound influence on how relaxed and connected partners feel. Lighting, temperature and sound all contribute to the mood, and small changes can make a significant difference. Soft, warm lighting helps create a sense of calm and privacy. Adjustable lamps or candles are simple ways to introduce a more romantic ambience.

Room temperature is equally important – and as we age, we are more sensitive to heat and cold. A space that is too hot or too cold can quickly become uncomfortable, pulling attention away from the moment. Keeping the environment cosy, with the option of a throw or blanket to snuggle under ensures both partners stay comfortable. Even background details such as humidity can affect comfort levels, so it is worth paying attention to how the room feels overall.

Music is another powerful tool for setting the tone. A carefully chosen playlist of gentle, sensual tracks can encourage relaxation and closeness. Instrumental pieces or songs with minimal lyrics often work best, allowing couples to focus on one another without vocal distraction. The key is to select music that both parties enjoy.

Balancing comfort and confidence

As we age, intimacy can sometimes feel more complex, but it is also an opportunity to explore new ways of connecting. Comfort is not only physical but also emotional. Open communication about preferences, boundaries and desires helps build confidence and reduces anxiety. Couples who talk honestly about what feels good and what doesn’t are more likely to enjoy a rewarding experience together.

Practical adjustments can also support comfort. For example, ensuring the bed or seating area is supportive, having water nearby, or arranging the space to minimise interruptions all contribute to a sense of ease. These small considerations allow couples to focus fully on one another rather than on external distractions.

Introducing variety with discreet enhancements

For many couples, introducing variety can help reignite passion and prevent intimacy from becoming routine. Discreet accessories designed to enhance sensation can be incorporated naturally and without pressure. A cock ring, for instance, is one option that some couples find beneficial for adding novelty and prolonging pleasure. When introduced thoughtfully, such items can enrich intimacy without overshadowing the emotional connection at the heart of the relationship.

The emphasis should always be on mutual comfort and curiosity. Exploring new experiences together can foster a sense of playfulness and discovery, strengthening the bond between partners. By approaching these enhancements with openness and respect, couples can find fresh ways to enjoy closeness while maintaining the trust that underpins their relationship.

Read more: Why I cheat on my husband – and it’s not what you think…

The emotional dimension

While physical adjustments and enhancements are valuable, intimacy is equally about emotional connection. Shared laughter, gentle touch and meaningful conversation all contribute to a sense of closeness that extends beyond the bedroom. Many couples find that intimacy becomes more rewarding with age, as it is less about performance and more about genuine connection.

Maintaining intimacy also supports overall wellbeing. Studies have shown that physical closeness can reduce stress, improve sleep and even benefit cardiovascular health. Just as importantly, it nurtures a sense of companionship and belonging, which is vital for emotional resilience.

A positive outlook

Enhancing intimacy in relationships is not about reinventing the wheel but about making thoughtful adjustments that prioritise comfort, communication and connection. From creating the right atmosphere with lighting and music, to maintaining comfort through temperature and setting, to introducing discreet items such as a cock ring for variety, the focus is always on deepening the bond between partners.

Far from diminishing with age, intimacy can become richer and more meaningful. With openness, creativity and care, couples can continue to enjoy fulfilling closeness that enhances both their relationship and their quality of life.

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Situationships are increasingly common. A 2024 YouGov America survey found that around half of Americans aged 18 to 34 had been in one. And whilst similar data doesn’t exist yet for the UK, anecdotal evidence suggests the trend is mirrored here. But it’s not just young people who are finding boundaries blurring.

These connections bring affection and intimacy but usually skip over commitment, clear boundaries, and future plans. This leaves many unsure what to call what they have. And even more confused about how to act. Here are five signs you might be in a situationship, based on recent studies, expert opinions, and what real people are saying.

No commitment, no progress

Commitment lines are blurry in a situationship. It’ll feel like the warmth and closeness that starts most flings or early-stage dating, but then it never changes. Dr. Mickey Langlais and other researchers point out that what sets a situationship apart from a new relationship is the lack of any real move forward. You’re in the same spot as when things began. Nobody brings up where this is going, and neither of you feels pulled to define it. For many, there’s no talk about being exclusive or how you relate to each other publicly.

Without that conversation, both people are left to figure it out from hints or behavior. Some even try to piece it together through social media signals. If neither of you feels ready to move forward, it’s not likely to get any deeper or more stable.

Emotional grey areas

The boundaries are fuzzy or missing. Research from YPulse shows that adults now use terms like “talking to” or “seeing each other.” They rarely say “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” in these cases. Nobody knows who else they’re seeing. Friends ask what’s up, and you shrug because you’re not sure. It’s not only about words: the rules around expectations and exclusivity are often unspoken or skipped.

Defining the relationship in unusual ways

People use all kinds of words to describe their connections these days. Some call it “talking,” others stick to “seeing each other,” and some lean on app-based setups. Terms mean different things in different crowds, and platforms like Secret Benefits, casual hookups, friends with benefits, or even classic long-distance set-ups all show how varied the situations can get.

If you’re unsure what to call what you have, you’re not alone. A lack of shared language can leave things fuzzy and unspoken. If defining your relationship feels pointless or awkward, it’s one more clue you might be in a situationship.

Hot and cold messages

Communication is hit or miss. There are days with constant texting, but it circles around simple topics, plans for the night, quick jokes, but no talk of feelings or hopes. Sometimes, one person drops off for hours or days without much explanation. Deep talks are avoided. When one person tries to bring up the future or the meaning of the connection, the mood changes or the topic gets brushed away.

This type of contact keeps you guessing. You rarely feel secure in how the other person views you. Studies show that digital tools like texts and social media play a role here, making it easy to stay surface-level.

No plans (and that’s the plan)

Making plans that stretch beyond the next meeting is rare. ‘Couples’ usually book trips, grab tickets for shows in a few weeks, or talk about family holidays. That rarely happens here. Instead, plans are made last minute. If you bring up seeing each other’s families or friends, you get vague answers.

According to Dr. Langlais, couples in this situation don’t have the interest, or the readiness, to think long-term. Mentioning something as normal as meeting friends can seem out of place. There’s rarely a sense that either of you is working toward shared milestones.

Kept separate from friends and family

When it comes to group events or family gatherings, your connection stays private. No one brings the other person to holidays or friend get-togethers. If you pass by each other’s friends, it’s casual and brief. Calls and texts may happen in private but not in front of anyone else.

Keeping things hidden removes pressure, but it often adds to the idea that this isn’t meant to last. This approach is common. One reason is to avoid having to answer questions about “what you are,” but it also says a lot about the level of seriousness in the connection.

The fallout and why people still choose it

These set-ups can cause stress. Not knowing where you stand leads to anxiety and doubt. If one person wants more but the other holds back, it often ends badly with at least one person left hurt. But for some, it’s a way to have company and affection without committing. YPulse and other sources show that this fits the needs of many adults – and not just young ones. Not everyone wants to move fast or set labels right away.

At the same time, experts warn that situationships can drag things out when both people have different needs. Studies note that commitment gaps are a common reason why these connections dissolve. If only one person wants to move forward, things get stuck and end with frustration.

What experts and real people say

Dr. Langlais says situationships are not always bad. They match the style of many adults. Problems show up when partners want different things but don’t talk about it. As seen in interviews, people feel both the upside of low-pressure connections and the downside of confusion or lack of closure.

“Messy, confusing, and sometimes you don’t know why you’re even trying in the first place,” is how one woman described it. It’s a mixed bag. Some like the no-pressure set-up, some wish things would move forward and bring more clarity.

Closing thoughts

Half of younger adults say they’ve been in a situationship, but it’s not just the youngsters dealing with this vagueness. If you spot weak commitment, fuzzy rules, hot and cold communication, no real planning for the future, and no sign of being brought into social or family circles, you’re likely in this type of set-up. These arrangements work for some, but create trouble when needs are mismatched.

The data says to be honest about what you want, and talk about where you stand, if you want less confusion.

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There are times in life for exploring various romantic possibilities, without making a serious commitment to any one person. And then, there’s a time at which you might prefer to settle down, and enjoy the company of a person who’s really special to you. When you’re ready for a serious relationship.

Making the transition from a string of short, less involved relationships to a longer-term, serious one isn’t always easy though. How, exactly, do you work out whether you’re ready to make the leap?

You’re comfortable being alone

This might seem contrary but it’s important. If you’re entering into a relationship in order to avoid being alone, then the chances are that you’ll rush into bad decisions. For this reason, it’s worth reflecting on how you really feel in your own company.

If you’re insecure in yourself, then you might end up depending on another person for emotional support. While we all do this to some extent, it’s worth ensuring that you actually want something from another person, rather than just an escape from solitude.

Read more: why I love being single in my fifties

You’ve processed past relationship baggage

Relationships can be tough. Some of them can leave lasting scars. If you haven’t healed properly from a damaging past relationship, then you might end up allowing previous breakups to sabotage a new love.

For example, if someone in the past has cheated on you, then you might struggle to trust that your next relationship won’t end in the same way. Sometimes, talking to a professional counsellor, or a trusted friend, can help you to process things and move forward.

You’re willing to prioritise emotional and physical health

If a relationship is going to be committed and physical, then health should be a concern. For this reason, it’s a good idea to get yourself tested for a range of sexually transmitted diseases. Some of these can be asymptomatic, so to be sure that you’re both safe you could get an at home kit such as an HIV test.

This will allow you to demonstrate that you’re serious about the relationship, and that you care more about the safety of your partner than any sense of squeamishness.

You know what you want in a partner

The best relationships tend to succeed when the two parties have compatible values and goals. This doesn’t mean you need to agree on every political issue. What it does mean is that, if one of you doesn’t ever want kids, then it’s worth speaking up early on. Compose a list of deal-breaking qualities in a partner, and keep an open mind when it comes to qualities that are merely less than ideal.

You’re open to growth and change

All successful relationships involve an element of compromise. The other person should help you to grow, and bring the best from you. If you’re completely rigid in your outlook, then you might fail to get along with your partner. On the other hand, if you’re too willing to compromise, you might end up being less than honest. Often, you’ll forge your strongest bonds in the heat of a point of tension, during which you’ll need to adapt and learn from one another. Be ready and willing to do so!

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Experiencing challenges in relationship intimacy can feel isolating and overwhelming for individuals and couples alike. Yet, these struggles are more common than many realise, often stemming from various factors, including stress, health issues, and emotional disconnect.

Understanding and navigating these challenges is crucial for fostering stronger relationships and enhancing overall well-being. By focusing on open communication, empathy, and shared experiences, couples can find ways to heal together and strengthen their bonds.

The importance of open communication

Eliciting open dialogue about intimacy is vital for addressing issues. Couples must create a safe space where both partners can express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. This approach helps uncover underlying problems and builds trust and understanding, especially when seeking professional advice or treatment options through this trusted provider.

When discussing intimacy, using “I” statements can convey feelings without placing blame. For example, saying, “I feel distant when we don’t connect physically”, opens the conversation without making the partner feel defensive. Practising active listening and validating each other’s feelings create an environment for open sharing, enhancing the emotional connection.

Regular check-ins can be beneficial, allowing time specifically for discussing the relationship. Setting aside this time ensures that partners can voice concerns and feelings proactively, preventing issues from accumulating. Couples can maintain steady communication that nurtures their connection by prioritising these conversations.

Supporting each other’s emotional needs

Intimacy struggles often mirror deeper emotional needs that the relationship may not adequately address. Once couples recognise this, they can begin prioritising emotional support in their partnership. Take time to understand each other’s stressors, fears, and insecurities. Small gestures of kindness, like sending a thoughtful message during the day or planning a surprise date, can significantly impact emotional connectivity.

Exploring each other’s love languages can enhance understanding of how each partner feels appreciated and supported. Engaging in activities that promote bonding, such as couples’ yoga, meditation, or simply walking together, can help both partners feel more connected, reducing anxiety surrounding intimacy. By nurturing one another’s emotional needs, both partners can foster a loving environment that encourages vulnerability and trust.

Moreover, creating rituals or routines that promote intimacy can be beneficial. Establishing regular date nights, weekend getaways, or cooking a meal together can strengthen the emotional bond. These shared experiences allow couples to reconnect on multiple levels, fostering a sense of togetherness and security.

Read more: I’m trapped in a sexless marriage and don’t know how to fix it

Exploring solutions together

Finding effective solutions to intimacy struggles often requires creativity and collaboration. Couples should approach this as a joint effort, exploring what works best for them. For some, this might involve seeking professional help, such as couples therapy or consulting a healthcare provider about underlying health concerns. These professionals can offer invaluable advice tailored to personal situations and help couples navigate their challenges effectively.

Alternative methods can also be explored together, including attending workshops or reading books on relationship enhancement. Empowering each other to experiment with new physical and emotional intimacy forms can reignite passion and connection. Activities like exploring new hobbies together or taking classes can rekindle excitement and foster a sense of adventure in the relationship.

Additionally, being open to trying new things can drastically improve intimacy. This might mean discussing fantasies or desires in a safe space or exploring different ways of connecting physically and emotionally. Understanding that both partners are on the same team and working towards the same goal encourages exploration and reduces performance pressure.

Understanding the role of physical health

Physical health significantly impacts intimacy, making it crucial to address any underlying health issues. This includes managing chronic stress, fatigue, or hormonal imbalances. Couples should encourage one another to prioritise health, leading to improved intimacy.

Regular physical activity boosts overall health, enhances mood, and increases energy levels. Exercising together serves as motivation and provides opportunities for bonding. Additionally, focusing on nutrition can contribute positively to mental and physical health, increasing the energy needed for intimate moments.

Being proactive about health enables couples to tackle intimacy challenges. Discussing medications that may affect desire or performance can demystify the situation, allowing couples to support each other in seeking appropriate medical advice.

Building resilience as a couple

Healing from intimacy struggles is not a quick fix; it requires patience, effort, and resilience from both partners. Recognising that challenges will arise at various points in the relationship can help couples prepare mentally and emotionally for these moments. Resilience can be cultivated through practising gratitude, celebrating small achievements, and maintaining a sense of humour even during tough times.

Reflecting on past challenges as a couple can also instil a sense of unity. Consider having discussions about how you overcame previous hurdles together. These conversations can serve as powerful reminders that, with teamwork and dedication, intimacy challenges can be addressed and overcome. By embracing these practices, couples can strengthen their relationship and build a lasting foundation of love and support.

Acknowledging and appreciating each other’s efforts in overcoming difficulties can foster a more profound connection. Celebrating progress, however small, can encourage partners to remain committed to their relationship and each other’s well-being. It also reinforces the idea that intimacy is a journey that requires continuous effort and understanding from both partners.

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Studies have highlighted the significance and benefits of these relationships, not just for the children, but also for the grandparents themselves. Here, we explore the many benefits of the unique bond that are grandparent grandchild relationships.

Stronger family ties

Grandparents play a crucial role in strengthening family bonds, often acting as the glue that holds the family together, providing a stable and loving environment for their grandchildren. In families where both parents work, grandparents frequently step in to offer care.

This involvement can increase feelings of security and continuity, which are essential for a child’s emotional wellbeing.

Read more: where to start if you want to trace your family tree

Emotional support

Grandparents provide a unique form of emotional support. They often serve as confidants and provide a listening ear, which can be particularly comforting during challenging times.

This support helps children navigate the complexities of growing up, offering them a safe space to express their feelings and concerns. Grandparents also benefit emotionally from these interactions, experiencing increased joy and purpose in their lives. Indeed, a study has suggested that grandparents who are more involved in their grandkids’ lives may even live longer as a result.

Life lessons and wisdom

The wisdom that grandparents impart to their grandchildren is invaluable. With years of life experience, they offer practical advice and historical perspectives that enrich a child’s understanding of the world.

Grandparents may teach important life skills, such as cooking, gardening, and even storytelling, which might not be part of a child’s daily routine in a busy household. These lessons connect children to their roots and cultural history. You could even create uniquely personalised photo books for your grandchildren to look back on in years to come

Sense of belonging

This connection is crucial for children’s identity formation and self-esteem. However, maintaining contact can sometimes be challenging, especially in cases of family disputes or parental separation.

Grandparents don’t have automatic legal rights to see grandchildren in the UK. To navigate this, grandparents may need to seek legal recourse, such as applying for a Child Arrangement Order or Special Guardianship Order. Family law solicitors can offer guidance and support in these situations, ensuring that the best interests of the child are prioritised.

Child development

The involvement of grandparents often positively influences a child’s development. The nurturing and supportive environment provided by grandparents may help children develop essential social skills and emotional resilience.

The intergenerational bond encourages a broader understanding of relationships and empathy, contributing to well-rounded personal growth.

Mutual benefits of grandparent grandchild relationships

One of the most profound takeaways from examining grandparent-grandchild relationships is the mutual benefit derived from these bonds.

For children, grandparents provide a sense of security, emotional support, and life lessons that contribute to their overall development.
For grandparents, these relationships offer joy, a sense of purpose, and emotional fulfilment.

Nurturing these connections can significantly enhance the wellbeing of both children and their grandparents, highlighting the reciprocal nature of family love and support.

Elena Harris

Elena is one of Silver’s interns. She has a love for illustrating, reading, and all things media-related. She is a self-proclaimed coffee connoisseur who spends her free time in coffee shops sketching and journalling.

The post The importance of grandparent and grandchild relationships appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Bonding holidays – or to use the ghastly term being bandied about; holibonds – are one-on-one trips, mostly for family members, who want to improve a relationship. This kind of bonding activity is on the rise, and can involve a parent and child, grandparent and grandchild, grown children and their elderly parents… you get the idea.

Perhaps fueled in part by promises made in lockdown (when this is all over, etc), travel is huge again and destined to be even huger next year. But this kind of holibonding is a new concept that’s catching on in a big way. Forming new memories, perhaps to replace the bad, by holidaying with a loved one can be the best therapy.

Jacqui on bonding holidays

“With trips like this – a 12-day bucket-list adventure to Peru with my eldest daughter Ruby – it’s the memories that are most important.

“The two nights in Lima, the five-day cruise down the Amazon, the climb up Machu Picchu were all thrilling at the time. But two months later, it’s the little things; shared moments, facial expressions, silliness, laughter, re-bonding, that have stayed with me.

“On our first day in Lima, we went for lunch at a fantastic restaurant and had the best margaritas ever. On the walk back to the hotel, we got the giggles. Then on a main avenue, we spotted a purple blossom tree shedding its petals. We ran towards it, singing Prince’s ‘Purple Rain’, then after a bit of a dance, skipped back to our hotel, still in fits of laughter. By the time we reached our room, we were nearly hysterical. It’s a special moment like this that you can’t really explain to anyone else: it’s just between the two of you and it’s yours for evermore.

Jacqui Deevoy at a fantastic restaurant

“Holidaying with your children when they’re actually children is an entirely different experience to travelling with them as adults. It’d be strange if it wasn’t! And I wondered how my trip with my now grown-up first-born would pan out.

“Ruby was conceived when I was a very immature 25 after a whirlwind romance. Our first holiday together abroad was in 1989 when she was 11 months old. We flew with her dad and four friends (two child-free couples) to Barbados. What do I remember from that ten-day trip?

“Well, the flight was memorable: Ruby was an early walker and wasn’t happy about being confined to my lap for ten hours. So, in order to stop the wailing, her dad and I had to accompany her as she tottered up and down the aisle. She pooed seven times, and threw up four times during that flight.

Holidaying with your children when they’re actually children is an entirely different experience to travelling with them as adults

“I have no memories of the accommodation, the scenery or the beach. But I do remember the scent of coriander as we strolled along a dusty road, Ruby in my arms with her singing (in the way only an 11-month-old can) a song that I knew to be Lisa Stansfield’s ‘Been Around The World’…

“I remember me and her dad dragging her pushchair (with Ruby in it) across sandy beaches, unable to keep up with the two child-free and seemingly carefree couples, feeling collectively like the unpopular kid on the school trip… always left behind. I also have a memory of carrying her on my hip into the sea. Her tiny toes barely touched the water but she was petrified. I felt her pain and quickly retreated.

“Funny what sticks in your mind – even without photos.

“Our relationship during her formative years was unusual. She was a strident little girl and often scolded me. I thought it was funny at the time, but looking back, maybe I needed scolding.

“During her teens, I wasn’t there for her as much as I should have been. I had three younger children by then and saw Ruby as more adult than she was. I didn’t think she needed me as much as she probably did, and I was often distracted and didn’t watch over her the way other mothers might have watched over their teenage daughters. We never fell out, but we definitely grew apart.

“It was the same for me and my mum. She was often emotionally distant – detached even – and, whilst I’m not blaming her, as my role model, I realise now that I definitely picked up some of those traits. Nothing to be proud of, I know, but part of my history nonetheless.

I’m not fond of making excuses for my not-so-great characteristics but I like to give reasons for them.

“Earlier this year, I suggested to all four of my adult children that we go on holiday together. Three declined; Ruby said yes. As a destination, we decided on a once-in-lifetime holiday in Peru.

“The out-of-this-world trip included a visit to the lively capital city Lima, a five-day cruise down the awe-inspiring Amazon, and an exhausting but exhilarating climb up Machu Picchu. Plus two nights in high-altitude Cusco, staying in stunning hotels, eating food we’d never had before (cherimoya – Peruvian custard apples, which American writer Mark Twain called “the most delicious fruit known to men”) and crossing paths with some of the purest-souled people we’d ever met. It was truly extraordinary.

“I took a LOT of photos. What I remember most, however, is one of the moments I didn’t catch on camera. It’s not the rare and very memorable sighting of pink dolphins; it’s not meeting the curious inhabitants of residing in a village on the banks of the Amazon; neither is it the spectacular view from Machu Picchu… It’s the absolutely unforgettable memory of dancing around that blossom tree in Lima, violet petals falling softly and my beautiful, happy, adult daughter singing and laughing in the purple rain.”

Another article you may like: Year round bliss: sailing from the Uk to Mexico

Ruby on bonding holidays

“A message popped up on my family WhatsApp group. “I want to create new memories, to replace the bad. Can we all go on a trip together?”

“It was from my mum.

“As is the case for so many parent-child relationships, we’d been through our fair share of struggles. Younger than me, my three siblings were clearly still struggling to make peace with the past. This became evident as the replies came in politely, but nonetheless painfully, rejecting our mother’s request.

“For me though, now in my mid 30s having done years of therapy and with a seven year old of my own, my perspective has shifted. Yes, there are many aspects of our relationship and my childhood that have been hard to work through. But I also see things from her side now. How incredibly difficult it must have been to have a teenager and three under-5s, while working and traversing abuse and breakups. I also see how fast life goes by, and how precious our time together is. So while the others said no, I agreed. “I’d love to!” I typed.

“Fast forward two months and we’re on a plane to a very unexpected destination. Far from our initial ideas of lounging on a deckchair in some sunny resort, we decided to grab life by the horns and go for a bucket list trip of a lifetime, to Peru.

I also see how fast life goes by… So while the others said no, I agreed. “I’d love to!” I typed.

“This was no ordinary holiday. We’d booked with Original Travel for a mind-blowing tour, down into the depths of the Amazon jungle for a luxury (but sustainable) 5-day river boat cruise, up to the Sacred Valley to stay in the foothills of the Andean mountains, and of course to see one of the Seven Wonders of the world, Machu Picchu.

“Settling down for our 11-hour flight to Lima, I made a decision, and it felt like my mum did too. We were going to have open, honest and difficult conversations, and it was all going to be ok. Challenging moments between us would arise, but we could let them wash over and past us. This journey was all about re-connection, and, as mum had suggested, making new memories to carry. And that’s exactly what we did.

“In Lima, one of Peru’s historical capitals, we wandered around exotic tree lined streets, ate amazing Peruvian chocolate, visited a local market packed with gorgeous handicrafts, and tucked in to a meal of sea bass overlooking the vast ocean, with the best mescal margarita I’ve ever tasted in hand. We flew down to the rainforest for a 5-day river cruise. We whizzed down the waterways, with trees looming on each side, birds calling and a sky above us that seemed so much bigger than any sky I’d ever seen. My mum and I beamed at each other as the wind whipped our hair and the spray splashed our faces.

Jacqui Deevoy and Ruby Deevoy with their Peruvian chocolate

“Next was Cusco, The Sacred Valley, and Machu Picchu, all featuring a drastic change in landscape and experience as we took in the 360 panorama of the towering, rugged peaks of the Andes. A visit to Ollantaytambo took us up our first Incan sun temple, in preparation for the awe-inspiring Machu Picchu, and also introduced us to the colourful life of those who lived there.

“Aptly, it was Mother’s Day in Peru, and celebrations were happening everywhere, with mothers, children, grandmothers and great grandmothers all gathering together to dance, eat and enjoy being with each other, just as my mum and I did the same.

“Landing home, it didn’t take long for life to resume as normal. Childcare duties, house upkeep and work replaced the once in a lifetime experience we had been so immersed in. But the memories are there to stay, a perfect and powerful start to putting the past to bed, and creating a connected, loving future together.”

We booked our tailor-made trip to Peru with Original Travel 

020 3582 4990.

Instagram: @originaltravel.

Price £8,000 based on two sharing and including return international and domestic flights, private transfers, private tours throughout and 11 nights’ accommodation (six nights B & B, one night half-board and four nights full-board onboard the Aria Amazon).

Thanks to Berghaus, Cotswold Outdoor Clothing, Marriott Hotel Heathrow, and Aqua Expeditions

Jacqui Deevoy

Jacqui Deevoy has been a freelance journalist for over three decades, starting out on teenage magazines, then later working for women’s magazines worldwide, and national newspapers including the Daily Mail, the Mirror, Express and Telegraph. These days, as well as writing for magazines, papers and websites, she produces documentaries and hosts a Monday night talk show for Unprecedented TV.

The post Holibonds: a bonding holiday for people who’ve drifted apart appeared first on Silver Magazine.

How do you avoid having a toxic clash when it comes to going your separate ways? Divorce is never easy, but even harder when we are older, and there’s more at stake. We spoke to Ashley Le Core, Senior Associate at Stowe Family Law about the best advice for divorce settlements when you’re both a bit older, and maybe have more assets, and longer term joint or shared finances.

Sadly, divorces can be messy. No one ever expects to be in that situation, and the dream of having a smooth amicable end to years of commitment isn’t always fulfilled.

Over the last twenty years, divorce amongst marriages of thirty years and over, have steadily risen. In 2021, 1 in 4 divorces were of couples over 50. It’s tough feeling like you’re starting over later in life, but to even get there you have to navigate the division of assets and untangle the decades of intertwined life. Even knowing how to take the first steps to broach the topic may allude many.

Ashley Le Core of Stowe Family Law says “In terms of discussing a divorce with your partner, this can be a difficult process, especially if they do not know it’s coming. If you feel able to discuss it with your partner yourself, then perhaps pick a sensible time when you are on your own. If you don’t feel comfortable doing it alone, try to ensure that you have somebody you trust with you.

“It is understandable that you may feel anxious and upset about this conversation, particularly if you have been married for many years and are heading towards or in retirement and later-life plans with your spouse.”

Managing emotions

Ashley stresses that it’s important to try and keep things calm.

“When a marriage breaks down, we would always suggest mediation as a sensible first step. It takes a lot of the emotion out of the situation. Solicitors will always advise that if there is an amicable solution to be found, then it should be pursued. A mediator can give good advice as to what a settlement would look like, and can do that whilst working with the couple together, whereas solicitors of course do not work in this way.”

But if mediation doesn’t work, choosing the right person to represent you is vital. “When choosing a divorce solicitor, build a rapport with the person who is representing you,” says Ashley. “It is a very difficult time, so deal with someone that you feel has truly got your best interests at heart. A firm with good representation, good communicators and someone who is attentive is most likely the right solicitor for you.”

Read more – Divorce later in life – financial and emotional considerations

How does it all work these days?

“In terms of the solicitor’s role in navigating the divorce, the divorce process now is more straightforward, as it’s an online process. The solicitor will of course outline to you exactly what happens at every stage, and involve you accordingly, but instructing a solicitor means that all the preparation of documentation etc is dealt with by them, and simply approved by you.”

In terms of dividing the assets of the marriage, it is important you feel ready to commence that process. It can be very in-depth, and quite upsetting

Having this support and having the divorce online takes a lot of the stress out of a split, but at the end of the day, you’re still going to be haggling over the terms. So what’s the best way to approach this? Ashley advises caution and pacing yourself at this stage.

“In terms of dividing the assets of the marriage, it is important you feel ready to commence that process. It can be very in-depth, and quite upsetting (naturally). If you’re not in a good headspace when you go into that process, it can hinder the progress you can make. And if you are not yet over the end of the marriage, or if there is a lot of animosity, diving into that process too quickly may not be in your best interests in the long term.

“Practically, once you have filed for divorce, you can take as long as you need to organise your assets and finances. This must always be done before you apply for your final order (previously known as the decree absolute), but there is no time limit after your initial 20-week cooling period.”

Ensure you’re ready before entering negotiations

Where is a good place to start?

“In terms of financial planning post-divorce, the way in which the court works in this country is that the settlement will be reached based on what each spouse needs. As such, the court will only give to each spouse what they believe they need to continue a comfortable lifestyle moving forward,” explains Ashley. So there is little point filing for divorce and asking for the moon and the stars. But a roof over your head is the first port of call.

…if the marriage has come to an end, you are effectively starting a new chapter of your life.

“The most likely effect of the divorce is a feeling of unknown financial security. If there are enough assets at the end of a marriage to rehouse both people appropriately, then that financial security is there. However, if that’s not the case and it means that both people need to review their finances in order to consider themselves comfortable, things are more complex.

“Selling the family home does end up being one of the more stressful aspects of a marriage or relationship breakdown. Often it has been a property that the couple have shared for a significant period, and letting go of that can be exceptionally difficult.

“However, if the marriage has come to an end, you are effectively starting a new chapter of your life. To start that new chapter, you potentially need to cut ties to everything that was in place before, including a house. Whilst it may be a wish to try and retain the property, I always ask people how they would feel living in a property where they have a significant number of memories, and potentially not the nicest memories.”

It it worth having a pre-nup?

“The major positive of having a prenuptial agreement is of course to protect any wealth that was brought into a marriage. If one spouse was particularly wealthier than the other, it is common practice that prenuptial agreements (whilst not legally binding yet, in this country, but considered exceptionally persuasive) are very normal in cases such as these.

“When the marriage breaks down, the prenuptial agreement takes precedence and the individual who came into the marriage with more wealth should be able to have the majority of those funds returned. There are increasingly popular for those entering second or third marriages as a way to protect property and inheritance for children from the previous marriage.”

…you should regularly review the agreement, particularly when any significant changes occur to your finances

It’s important to keep checking in on this though, as things change. “The ‘con’ of having a prenuptial agreement is that they can become massively out of date. If you agreed one pattern at the beginning and then there are significant changes throughout the marriage, it can tie the couple to an agreement that might have been made a significant number of years ago.

“This is why you should regularly review the agreement, particularly when any significant changes occur to your finances, property, or children. If you do not have a prenuptial agreement, then the court will take the standard position. Which is that – depending on the circumstances as you are at the point of divorce (i.e., your ages, any children, earning capacity, assets, future) – they will look at what each person needs and decide accordingly.

“The usual starting point for individuals who have been married for a long period and who have children over the age of 18 or no children at all, is 50/50 of all the assets.”

How does a divorce affect pensions and investments?

“The divorce itself will not affect any pensions, but it is likely that if one spouse has a larger pension pot than the other, then they may well be expected to share some of that pension with their spouse as part of the divorce process.

…any assets that form part of either person’s asset portfolio will be considered as part of the matrimonial pot, although a split isn’t always 50/50

“Usually, a pension actuary would be instructed to address how those pension pots should be split to make it fair for each spouse, and that advice should be pursued.

“In terms of investments, any assets that form part of either person’s asset portfolio will be considered as part of the matrimonial pot, although a split isn’t always 50/50. One party may wish to ring-fence certain assets due to having only just received them. Or there may be issues arising from prenuptial agreements or other such arguments. But everything will be considered by the court before making an appropriate determination.

“It is therefore very important to be categorically clear when you end your marriage as to what all assets are, where they are, and the value. The court expects complete openness and honesty about all these matters in order to make an appropriate decision. And any attempt to be seen to be hiding or dissipating assets unnecessarily, the court will usually take a very dim view of.”

Starting anew

Finding your way through a divorce is never easy, no matter what stage of life you’re at. Approach it with patience and composure, and discuss things openly with your solicitor at each step. Being equipped with knowledge can give you some confidence going through this taxing time.

When things feel overwhelming or too distressing, remember the reasons why you or your partner came to this decision. At the end of it all, there’s a fresh start and an exciting future ahead of you.

Lana Hall

Lana can usually be found spinning her collection of records, or writing odd poems in her phone notes. Her mixer of choice is a ginger beer, and you’ll never find her away from the sea for more than a few weeks.

The post Best advice for divorce settlements when you’re older appeared first on Silver Magazine.

To celebrate the month of June, we’re brushing up on our LGBTQ+ history with seven of the most influential icons of the community. We’ve got a long old history of hard-fought fights and iconic individuals, so why not show some, er, pride?! But who are the most influential and famous LGBTQ+ icons through history? 

We’ve tracked some extraordinary people doing extraordinary things, from the 1700s to the present day.  In no particular order…

Marsha P Johnson

Marsha P Johnson (1945-1992)

As one of the most well-known names on this list, Marsha P Johnson was a self-identified drag queen and rights activist. She was a proud advocate for LGBTQ+ rights, and vital to the Stonewall riots of 1969. 

The Stonewall riots began what we know as Pride today, a protest and celebration of the LGBTQ+ community. Johnson was essential in the formation of Pride – some even say she threw the first brick. 

The ‘first brick’ story has since been debunked, but that doesn’t make Johnson’s involvement and continued activism any less amazing. 

Beyond Stonewall, Johnson was a vocal activist, forming multiple organisations to support fellow members of the LGBTQ community. She protested for the rights of gay and transgender people, as well as supporting those affected by the AIDS crisis.  

Whether she threw the first brick or not, Marsha P Johnson will always remain one of the most influential icons of LGBTQ+ history. 

Alan Turing

Alan Turing (1912-1954) at Princeton University, 1936

Alan Turing is among the most well-known LGBTQ+ figures, and for good reason. As a World War Two computer scientist, Turing cracked the German cipher in an essential breakthrough for the war effort. He was also the source behind many other scientific breakthroughs, such as the Turing machine, which solves abstract mathematical conundrums. 

Sadly, despite Turing’s crucial work, he was still prosecuted in 1952 for his homosexuality, undergoing outdated medical treatment to both ‘cure’ and punish him. He died just two years later. Whether this was by suicide or whethr he was poisoning remains a mystery. 

Turning’s death is truly a tragedy, but his legacy lives on in countless memorials, from buildings, to awards, to computer programs and more. As a truly influential figure of LGBTQ+ history, Turing is also memorialised in the 2013 Alan Turing law. This law pardoned him and many of their crime of homosexuality. Homosexuality is no longer a crime in the UK today, and Turing is one of many to thank for that. 

Anne Lister

Anne Lister (1791-1840)

Anne Lister was born in Yorkshire in 1791, and grew up to be a landowner, a lesbian, and an all-round awesome icon in our history. 

Lister was a hot topic of conversation back in day for her masculine gender presentation, and her ‘masculine’ position as a landowner. Both were very uncommon for women at the time, making her stand out against the status quo. 

She is best known today from Gentleman Jack, a TV show based on her diary entries and letters to partner Ann Walker. Same-sex marriage was illegal at the time, but that didn’t stop the pair from deciding they were married anyway. That’s an incredible level of confidence you just have to respect. 

Clearly Lister was no sheep, no matter the stares or insults she faced. Gentleman Jack even names itself after a common insult for Lister, a modern day slap in the face to those who mocked her. Needless to say, she’s an absolute icon of LGBTQ+ history.

Harvey Milk

Harvey Milk (1930-1978) at Gay Pride, San Jose 1978

Harvey Milk, born in 1930, was the first openly gay US official. He was elected to public office in California following a proud history of gay rights activism. 

Milk was an outstanding figure of protest, with intense and brilliant quotes such as, “If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door.” He was tragically killed in this exact way. Just a year after entering office, he was assassinated by a fellow American politician. 

His short time in office didn’t stop Milk from fighting for essential changes to US laws. He strived for the protection of LGBTQ+ Americans, sponsoring a bill which banned sexuality-based discrimination in housing and employment. This bill passed, marking an incredible milestone for LGBTQ+ rights in America. 

He’s celebrated today with the 2008 film Milk, based on his incredible life as an activist, politician, and influential LGBTQ+ icon. Though his political career was cut short, his contributions to LGBTQ+ history were essential in the fight for change. 

Another article you may like: What your transgender child wishes they could tell you 

April Ashley

April Ashley (1935-2021)

Born in 1935, April Ashley was one of the first people to undergo gender-affirming surgery in the UK. As a transgender rights activist, Ashley was prominent in the fight for equality. Even her own divorce case was used for positive legal change to benefit the transgender community. 

In the 1960s, her husband requested an annulment on the grounds that Ashley was not legally a woman. This atrocious reasoning was then approved, with their annulment being granted in 1970. All because Ashley’s legal gender was stuck as male with no way to change it. 

Even though Ashley lost the case, her story was still used in 2004 to help pass the Gender Recognition Act. Through this, she was finally allowed to change to her legal gender to female after over 60 years. 

As a vocal transgender activist, and key figure in the fight for gender-affirming laws, April Ashley continues to be remembered as an incredibly influential figure in LGBTQ+ history. 

Radclyffe Hall

Radclyffe Hall (1880-1943)

Marguerite Antonia Radclyffe Hall (known by her penname John) was an English poet and author born in the late 19th Century. She is best known for her 1928 novel The Well of Loneliness, a novel that truly cements her legacy as an icon of LGBTQ+ history. 

The novel depicts a lesbian relationship – still very much taboo for the time – and ends with the extraordinary line, “Give us also the right to our existence.”  

Unsurprisingly, such an iconic work was banned for its “scandalous” content, but that didn’t stop Radclyffe Hall’s influence from spreading far and wide. Especially among those who needed it most. 

Radclyffe Hall’s work became symbolic of those stuck in the closet (to use a more modern term). It represented LGBTQ+ people unable to represent themselves in a world where self-expression remained a crime. Having offered a voice for those who needed it most, Radclyffe Hall deserves to be celebrated as a brilliantly influential LGBTQ+ icon. 

Chevalier d’Eon

The Chevalier D’Eon (1728 -1810) from the London Magazine 1777, British Cartoon Prints Collection

Born in 1728, Chevalier d’Eon was one of the first transgender and gender non-conforming people in modern European history. They were a French diplomat, soldier and spy as part of a secret organisation under King Louie XV. An incredibly cool figure for our queer history tour. 

They presented as both masculine and feminine in their lifetime until 1777. That year, the king officially recognised d’Eon as a woman, so long as they presented as feminine for the rest of their life. A pretty bizarre deal for gender recognition by today’s standards. But it did come with a free wardrobe courtesy of the king himself. And d’Eon got to keep their incredible undercover life.  

D’Eon is known by many for their fencing prowess. Including defeating a French soldier in one particularly influential duel while presenting as a woman. Their legacy has been celebrated by many well-known figures such as Mary Wollstonecraft, for their incomparable contributions to both women’s rights and transgender rights. 

As a remarkable soldier, spy, and one of the first to legally transition, d’Eon is definitely an LGBTQ+ icon to be proud of.

Lady Phyll

Phyll Opoku Gyimah (1974 – )

Phyllis Akua Opoku-Gyimah, also known as Lady Phyll, is a political activist, campaigning for both LGBTQ+ rights and anti-racism. For anyone noticing the use of present tense there, you read right. Lady Phyll remains an influential rights activist to this day, still going strong in her co-founded charity and event UK Black Pride. 

UK Black Pride was formed in the hopes of uniting and celebrating LGBTQ+ people of colour, promoting unity and advocating for anti-racism within and towards the community. Self-described as both a party and a protest, its contribution to LGBTQ+ history is essential, fighting for a more inclusive LGBTQ+ community. 

Lady Phyll will undeniably go down in history as an influential icon of the LGBTQ+ community. And she continues to be politically active today, acting as Chief Executive of her own charity. Her influential story is far from over, and so is the fight for change. 

The future of Pride 

We can learn a lot from the influential LGBTQ+ icons of the past. What unites us all is not our struggles, but instead the strength of our community. It is our united fight for a better future that makes Pride what it is today.  

And it’s not over yet. We still have a long way to go in our fight for equality. 

To get involved, consider checking out the official Stonewall website for more information on events, charities and protests.  

Aiden Winn

Aiden is an editorial and production staffer at Title Media. He’s constantly looking for opportunities to have fun and get creative, whether it be art, baking, storytelling… you name it!

The post Pride. The kickass famous LGBTQ+ icons through history appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Want to reconnect with your roots? Or has one of those ancestry kit advertisements finally caught your eye? There are so many seeds of inspiration which may lead you to start looking for your family tree. 

Family history is always something which has intrigued me. Coming from a dual nationality household has always allowed for interesting developments to appear. The twisted branches lead to the uprooting of family secrets, maybe you have a mysterious great aunt? You will never know until you start your family tree.  

So how do you start your family tree? 

Adelaide Augusta Clark (Layfield) (1876-1972). She was the daughter of a sea captain from Hartlepool, and is one of my great-great grandparents.

Talk to family 

One of the best places to start is by talking to your surrounding family members. Which will, I’m sure, lead to stories as you start to gather names, dates, and places.  

Online ancestry websites 

Using online tools such as the Ancestry DNA website will aid you remarkably, even with a hefty price tag. Having these resources make it easier to gather documents, certificates etc, granting you access to what is effectively a historical online archive. If you don’t want to make researching your family tree a costly endeavor, census records are a great place to start, and can be accessed via The National Archives.  

Online communities 

There are communities online of genealogy forums, filled with people in the same position as you. Through speaking to others in the ‘family tree’ community you could unravel a plethora of tips and tricks to aid you in your own research. 

Groups include Ancestry DNA, Ancestry for All and DNA Help for Genealogy UK.

If you’re looking to dig deeper into historical contexts or streamline your research with advanced technology, try an AI history solver – Edubrain.ai. This tool offers automated assistance in connecting historical facts, events, and familial ties, helping you uncover stories and patterns in your lineage with precision and efficiency.

In-person resources 

You do not have to do all your research online. Local libraries are a fantastic starting point, as they contain historical information on the local area, along with photograph and microfilm collections. National Archives are also brilliant resources, containing thousands of comprehensive records and collections of photographs and letters. 

Why should you work on your very own family tree?

Sense of duty and passion 

Pouring hours into ‘watering’ your tree provides a profound sense of duty and passion, not only is it a fun hobby to keep you preoccupied on a rainy day, but your work is something which can be kept for generations to come. It’s your own family archive to pass forward generationally. They pass on memories of loved ones, but also protect and unearth the hidden lives of everyone before you. This forever growing tree will continue long after you’re gone. Just as it did for every ancestor before you. Weirdly I think that’s pretty beautiful.  

Wider historical understanding 

Gazing back at history allows you to place your family’s history within the broader context of historical events. In turn, enhancing historical understanding and highlighting the impacts historical events had on your relatives.  

The pair on the left are my great grandparents Wilfred Furness Layfield (1901-1946) and Freda Hinchcliffe (1902- 1969) at 1920s wedding. Wilfred served in the WW2 Royal Ordinance Corps.

Self-reflection and identity

Growing your family tree from something so small to one vast and magnificant allows for self-reflection. It has the potential to impact your sense of personal identity, and even your social class and ethnicity. 

Recognition of comfort  

 Looking back at historical struggles, and obstacles faced by relatives provides a sense of comfort. Life continues, and ultimately history is there for us to learn from. I think this has genuinely helped me recognise my current privileges and the comfort which surrounds me. 

Family closure 

Closure may be another reason why people choose to work on their family tree, whilst this may not apply to all, healing family drama and settling potentially distressing information can truly lead to peace of mind.  

Health and preventions 

Continuing on a serious note, family trees can lead to vital information regarding health and genetics coming to the forefront. This crucial information has the potential to provide insight into genetic conditions, allowing for better health management and preventative measures to best protect you and your loved ones.  

Family trees can lead to potentially vital information regarding health and genetics coming to the forefront

My personal experience

Luigi Poderico (1608-1675) Naples, Italy. My very great grandfather, who was a Knight of the Military Order of Calatrava,  and a governor and captain general of Galicia. He commanded the Spanish troops against the Portuguese as part of the Portuguese Restoration War . There is a square dedicated to him in Naples, Italy.

One Christmas my grandma waltzed into the living room, declaring that for the past six weeks she had been tirelessly laboring on ancestrydna.co.uk to create a family tree for the British side of my family. Somehow tracing my family tree’s roots back to the 9th century, an impressive feat.  

In a folder now lies hundreds of documents, birth, marriage, and death certificates, each one telling a small piece of someone’s story. I think it’s fascinating to imagine the lives of those who lived several hundred years before us. Their struggles, love, hopes and dreams all condensed to names on a tree.

Thomas Furness Layfield (1872-1937) North Yorkshire, England, another great-great-grandparent

Another article you may enjoy: Brace, brace! Preparing for your grandchildren coming

I am one of those people who the DNA testing kit adverts did indeed get to, and for my birthday several years ago I ended up treating myself to one. My results were exactly what I was expecting, 50 percent both Italian and English, so this told me nothing new. However, one of the main features of the DNA kits is that it automatically connects you to ancestors and relatives who are still alive and have also taken the test.

According to this 23 and Me DNA kit, I have 1500 currently alive relatives who have taken the test, including a second cousin whose existence I was not aware of until forking out £100 for the kit.

This immediately expanded my family tree drastically, showing me family members (although extremely distant), who now live in America, Brazil, and Australia. Although this method of researching your family lineage doesn’t really help you uproot and uncover historical secrets, it still provides further excitement as you watch your family tree branch out to unimaginable heights.

Something else surprisingly fun regarding these DNA kits is that it tells you how ‘Neanderthal’ you are. I am less than 2 percent Neanderthal which apparently, is low. So I’ll take that. 

Now off you go! Get to work on your very own family tree, or cut to the chase quickly, and purchase a DNA testing kit… if you haven’t already. 

Isabella Poderico

Overly enthusiastic and obsessed with everything a little nerdy, Isabella has written about everything from movie premieres to politics. She can often be found, as many writers often are, sitting in front of her laptop typing away obsessively in an extortionately priced independent coffee shop.

The post Family history – how to start on your family tree appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Our forties and fifties are a time of transition. For many of us, life around this time will involve a number of challenges, whether that’s bringing up children, caring for ill family members, facing redundancy, or dealing with divorce. And coming out the other side of these events can leave us feeling like different people. But why is Gen X increasingly drawn to polyamory? Because studies show that this certainly seems to be the case.

Going through these tough times can lead to a re-evaluation of your professional and personal life. And for many people this will include their sex and love life. Some couples who have been in a long-term marriage may feel that their relationship has been neglected or become stale due to the other demands being placed on them. Research has shown that Gen X-ers are more likely to go through divorce than other generations.

Midlife might be the first time in years that an individual has had the time and energy to address their sexual desires and unmet needs and, for some, that could be an exploration of polyamory or ethical non-monogamy (ENM).

What exactly is polyamory and why is Gen X all over it?

Polyamory is the act of being in a number of sexual and/or romantic relationships with different people, with the consent of everyone involved. It is different to swinging in that the relationships are romantic, and can be long-term. And it’s not necessarily always about sex.

Polyamory is something which has become popular with the younger Gen Z, which tends to have more progressive views on social and cultural norms, and often rejects the traditional relationships of their parents.

But why is Gen X choosing to explore this new sexual frontier when many will have spent many years being with just one person?

Time to explore your updated needs?

Therapist Susie Masterson says, “Growing up in the 70s and 80s, relationships were predominantly both monogamous and heteronormative.  Education around consent was still scant, and society was clearly gendered. This informed Gen Xers ‘relationship blueprint’.

“Many of my Gen X clients recognise that having an entrenched position to things – whether that’s relationships, politics or spirituality – effectively means shutting themselves off. This coincides with a time in life when they have fewer practical constraints and responsibilities.”

For the first time in many years, couples will find themselves alone in the house again…

These responsibilities could include your children growing up and moving out. For the first time in many years, couples will find themselves alone in the house again and clinical sexologist Marie Morice says this means that “there is actual physical space and time to feel sexual again. Just between you and your partner to start with. And you can then explore more if you feel like it.”

Tessa Krone, a polyamory advocate and the founder of the podcast Open Nesters, rejects the use of the label ‘empty nesters’ for these couples. “We are the Open Nesters. We are the Baby Boomers and Gen X-ers who reject the traditional roles that our parents played and the empty nest syndrome. We defy the stigma of ageism, ailing health, empty retirement and a passionless sex life.” She describes having this new freedom to be more sexually adventurous and curious as an ‘Act 3’ in life.

David

This is something David, 56, found when his children were grown up and no longer living with him. He had always been in monogamous relationships but when his marriage ended, he realised he was less keen on being tied down to one person. “I don’t think I’ll ever do that again,” he says.

I’m able to get all those needs met, by having relationships with a few different people

“It seems incredible to believe that we can have all our needs met in one person. In my own marriage, I loved my wife, but as the years passed, we stopped having sex, for example. We had amazing fun together, and made each other laugh. But I found myself missing things that I wanted to experience, because I’d committed to having just the one relationship. And now I find I’m able to get all those needs met, by having relationships with a few different people.”

Read a different article: Why I cheat on my husband

Liv

Liv, 47, is happily married and has four children who still live with her, but has recently been exploring polyamory with her husband. She has a demanding day job and a busy family life but says enjoying sex with other people has made her relationship stronger.

…they are happy for each other to play out their sexual fantasies with people outside their marriage

“This is my blowout. I get to let my hair down and get to be incredibly sexually liberated with the consent of my best friend,” she says. While the couple isn’t looking for separate romantic relationships, they are happy for each other to play out their sexual fantasies with people outside their marriage.

Liv says apps like Feeld and Hinge have made it easier for couples and individuals to meet others interested in ENM. Masterson says this is what happened with her client Karine who was re-evaluating her sexuality, having only experienced monogamous, heterosexual relationships previously.

After navigating a number of life transitions from divorce to kids leaving home as well as changing careers, Karine started using dating apps to explore connections with women. Masterson says Karine now only dates women and is currently in a polyamorous relationship with two people.

Polyamory takes some work…

A move away from having previously monogamous relationships does have to be treated with caution. Particularly if you were monogamous before, but have decided to open the doors to others in an already-existing relationship.

Issues such as resentment and jealousy can easily rear their heads if you’re in a relationship, or more than one. Psychotherapist Paula Gardner says “Strong communication skills, honesty, and setting boundaries are key to making this work, and that often means a lot of work which people might not want to do at this stage in life.”

You can’t predict what’s going to happen, so there’s a need for a lot of communication

Morice agrees that honesty is key to ENM working. “By their very nature and their level of uncertainty, open and polyamorous relationships are more intense than typical monogamous relationships. You can’t predict what’s going to happen, so there’s a need for a lot of communication to work through and navigate the unpredictability and the excitement on the journey.”

Communication is something Liv says has been key for things to work smoothly with she and her husband. “We trust each other completely, and where there’s an element of doubt we talk about it immediately,” she says.

“There’s a recognition that we need to be open all the time about how we feel, what we liked or didn’t like and being able to move on and learn from mistakes.

“I feel sad that I didn’t meet my husband earlier in my life as we could have been enjoying this before we reached middle age!”

Top tips for making poly great…

Open and honest communication
Regularly discuss your feelings, boundaries, and any changes in your needs or desires. Open communication helps prevent misunderstandings, and builds trust.

Set clear boundaries
Establish and respect each other’s boundaries. This includes discussing what is acceptable in terms of physical, emotional, and time commitments.

Practice compersion
Compersion is the pleasure of seeing joy in others. Cultivate joy and satisfaction from seeing your partner happy, even if you haven’t created that. This helps reduce jealousy and strengthens the overall relationship dynamic.

Manage jealousy constructively
Understand that jealousy is natural, whoever is feeling it, and can be managed through communication, discussion, and reassurance. Work on the root causes of jealousy rather than letting it fester.

Schedule quality time
Ensure that you spend quality time with each of your partners. Balancing time fairly helps each person feel valued and prevents neglect.

Be transparent
Be honest about your other relationships and any changes in your feelings or circumstances. Transparency prevents misunderstandings.

Prioritise self-care
Take care of your own emotional and physical wellbeing. Taking care of yourself helps you stay well, and be able cope with the complexities of polyamory.

Seek out your tribe
Polyamorous relationships are still in the minority. Join polyamorous communities or groups, or seek advice from a therapist who understands polyamory if necessary. External support can provide valuable perspectives and coping strategies. Not everyone is going to support what you do, probably.

Educate yourself
Read books, attend workshops, and engage with resources about polyamory. Continuous learning helps you understand different dynamics and improve relationship management skills.

Respect each relationship’s unique dynamics
Recognise that each relationship is unique and may require different approaches. Tailor your interactions and efforts to meet the specific needs of each partner.

Stay safe
Make sure all of you in your extended relationship practices safe sex, or is regularly checked for STIs and so forth. Take care of each other.

Kat Storr

Kat has been a digital journalist for over 12 years after starting her career at Sky News where she covered everything from terror attacks to royal babies and celebrity deaths. She has been working freelance for the last five years and regularly contributes to UK publications including woman&home, The i, Stylist, ES Best, Metro, and more.

The post Why is Gen X increasingly drawn to polyamory? appeared first on Silver Magazine.