It occurs when you’re unable to get or maintain an erection firm enough for sexual activity. While it might feel distressing, you should know that ED is often treatable and doesn’t define your health or masculinity.

Addressing it early may not only improve your sexual health but also reveal other medical issues that need attention. Continue reading to learn what may cause erectile dysfunction and how understanding these factors can help you take control of your wellbeing.

What erectile dysfunction means

Erectile dysfunction happens when the body’s normal process of arousal is disrupted. It involves the coordination of blood flow, nerves, hormones, and emotional responses. When something interrupts this balance, you might find it difficult to achieve or maintain an erection.

Beyond the physical symptoms, ED often affects your emotional confidence and relationships. You might feel frustrated, anxious, or even embarrassed, but you’re not alone. Many men experience similar struggles at some point, and acknowledging it is an important first step toward improvement.

Physical health factors

Your physical health plays a major role in erectile function. Certain common conditions can limit blood flow, which affects how erections form and last. Some of those are:

• Diabetes
• High blood pressure
• Obesity
• Heart disease
• And others

Hormonal changes, particularly low testosterone, might also contribute to difficulties.

At Urocare London, specialists assess your symptoms carefully to identify whether they stem from underlying health issues, medication side effects, or circulatory problems. This ensures that treatment focuses not only on managing ED but also on improving your general health and confidence. Since each case is different, early assessment might help detect other related conditions that require attention.

Emotional and psychological influences

Erectile dysfunction isn’t always caused by a physical problem. Mental health and emotional wellbeing may also play a significant role. Stress, anxiety, or depression can interrupt the brain’s ability to send signals that trigger an erection. Relationship difficulties or performance worries might also make symptoms worse.

Addressing these emotional factors is just as important as any physical treatment. Talking therapies, stress reduction techniques, or couples counselling might help restore confidence and improve intimacy. By caring for your mental and emotional health, you can often see gradual improvement in physical performance too.

Lifestyle choices that affect erectile function

Daily habits can influence your sexual health more than you might think. Smoking, excessive drinking, poor diet, and lack of exercise all reduce blood circulation and might increase the risk of ED. Long-term stress and limited sleep can also affect hormone levels and overall energy.

Making practical changes, such as eating balanced meals, staying active, and limiting alcohol, could help improve symptoms naturally. However, lifestyle changes alone might not be enough if the problem persists. That’s why medical evaluation remains essential to rule out any hidden causes.

When to seek professional support

If ED lasts for several weeks or begins to impact your quality of life, it’s time to seek help. Clinics like Urocare London provide discreet and compassionate care, offering tailored treatments that may include medication, hormone therapy, or other advanced options. These solutions are designed to address both the cause and the emotional impact of the condition.

It’s always best to speak to a healthcare professional rather than trying to manage symptoms alone. Erectile dysfunction might sometimes signal other health issues, so an early consultation could make a real difference. Always consult with a doctor or healthcare professional before starting any treatment.

Regaining confidence and control

Living with erectile dysfunction might feel isolating or embarrassing, but effective help is available. Understanding what causes it and knowing when to seek expert care are important steps toward recovery. With medical support, small lifestyle improvements, and emotional reassurance, you can gradually regain your confidence and sexual wellbeing.

You’re not alone in this, and with the right guidance, a healthy and fulfilling intimate life is absolutely possible again. Taking that first step towards professional help can be life-changing and may restore both your confidence and peace of mind.

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Enhancing intimacy in any relationship involves creating a comfortable environment. Adjusting factors like lighting, room temperature and music can significantly improve the experience, as we all know. Introducing discreet items can also add variety and pleasure.

Intimacy is a vital part of human connection at every stage of life, and for couples in their midlife it can take on new depth and meaning. While physical changes and shifting routines may require some adaptation, the essence of closeness remains the same: creating an environment where comfort, trust and pleasure can flourish.

We might not be gymnasts in the bedroom anymore, but with a few thoughtful adjustments, couples can continue to enjoy fulfilling intimacy that strengthens both emotional bonds and overall wellbeing.

Creating the right atmosphere

The setting in which intimacy takes place has a profound influence on how relaxed and connected partners feel. Lighting, temperature and sound all contribute to the mood, and small changes can make a significant difference. Soft, warm lighting helps create a sense of calm and privacy. Adjustable lamps or candles are simple ways to introduce a more romantic ambience.

Room temperature is equally important – and as we age, we are more sensitive to heat and cold. A space that is too hot or too cold can quickly become uncomfortable, pulling attention away from the moment. Keeping the environment cosy, with the option of a throw or blanket to snuggle under ensures both partners stay comfortable. Even background details such as humidity can affect comfort levels, so it is worth paying attention to how the room feels overall.

Music is another powerful tool for setting the tone. A carefully chosen playlist of gentle, sensual tracks can encourage relaxation and closeness. Instrumental pieces or songs with minimal lyrics often work best, allowing couples to focus on one another without vocal distraction. The key is to select music that both parties enjoy.

Balancing comfort and confidence

As we age, intimacy can sometimes feel more complex, but it is also an opportunity to explore new ways of connecting. Comfort is not only physical but also emotional. Open communication about preferences, boundaries and desires helps build confidence and reduces anxiety. Couples who talk honestly about what feels good and what doesn’t are more likely to enjoy a rewarding experience together.

Practical adjustments can also support comfort. For example, ensuring the bed or seating area is supportive, having water nearby, or arranging the space to minimise interruptions all contribute to a sense of ease. These small considerations allow couples to focus fully on one another rather than on external distractions.

Introducing variety with discreet enhancements

For many couples, introducing variety can help reignite passion and prevent intimacy from becoming routine. Discreet accessories designed to enhance sensation can be incorporated naturally and without pressure. A cock ring, for instance, is one option that some couples find beneficial for adding novelty and prolonging pleasure. When introduced thoughtfully, such items can enrich intimacy without overshadowing the emotional connection at the heart of the relationship.

The emphasis should always be on mutual comfort and curiosity. Exploring new experiences together can foster a sense of playfulness and discovery, strengthening the bond between partners. By approaching these enhancements with openness and respect, couples can find fresh ways to enjoy closeness while maintaining the trust that underpins their relationship.

Read more: Why I cheat on my husband – and it’s not what you think…

The emotional dimension

While physical adjustments and enhancements are valuable, intimacy is equally about emotional connection. Shared laughter, gentle touch and meaningful conversation all contribute to a sense of closeness that extends beyond the bedroom. Many couples find that intimacy becomes more rewarding with age, as it is less about performance and more about genuine connection.

Maintaining intimacy also supports overall wellbeing. Studies have shown that physical closeness can reduce stress, improve sleep and even benefit cardiovascular health. Just as importantly, it nurtures a sense of companionship and belonging, which is vital for emotional resilience.

A positive outlook

Enhancing intimacy in relationships is not about reinventing the wheel but about making thoughtful adjustments that prioritise comfort, communication and connection. From creating the right atmosphere with lighting and music, to maintaining comfort through temperature and setting, to introducing discreet items such as a cock ring for variety, the focus is always on deepening the bond between partners.

Far from diminishing with age, intimacy can become richer and more meaningful. With openness, creativity and care, couples can continue to enjoy fulfilling closeness that enhances both their relationship and their quality of life.

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The post Why mature relationships can mean more adventure in bed… appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Experiencing challenges in relationship intimacy can feel isolating and overwhelming for individuals and couples alike. Yet, these struggles are more common than many realise, often stemming from various factors, including stress, health issues, and emotional disconnect.

Understanding and navigating these challenges is crucial for fostering stronger relationships and enhancing overall well-being. By focusing on open communication, empathy, and shared experiences, couples can find ways to heal together and strengthen their bonds.

The importance of open communication

Eliciting open dialogue about intimacy is vital for addressing issues. Couples must create a safe space where both partners can express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. This approach helps uncover underlying problems and builds trust and understanding, especially when seeking professional advice or treatment options through this trusted provider.

When discussing intimacy, using “I” statements can convey feelings without placing blame. For example, saying, “I feel distant when we don’t connect physically”, opens the conversation without making the partner feel defensive. Practising active listening and validating each other’s feelings create an environment for open sharing, enhancing the emotional connection.

Regular check-ins can be beneficial, allowing time specifically for discussing the relationship. Setting aside this time ensures that partners can voice concerns and feelings proactively, preventing issues from accumulating. Couples can maintain steady communication that nurtures their connection by prioritising these conversations.

Supporting each other’s emotional needs

Intimacy struggles often mirror deeper emotional needs that the relationship may not adequately address. Once couples recognise this, they can begin prioritising emotional support in their partnership. Take time to understand each other’s stressors, fears, and insecurities. Small gestures of kindness, like sending a thoughtful message during the day or planning a surprise date, can significantly impact emotional connectivity.

Exploring each other’s love languages can enhance understanding of how each partner feels appreciated and supported. Engaging in activities that promote bonding, such as couples’ yoga, meditation, or simply walking together, can help both partners feel more connected, reducing anxiety surrounding intimacy. By nurturing one another’s emotional needs, both partners can foster a loving environment that encourages vulnerability and trust.

Moreover, creating rituals or routines that promote intimacy can be beneficial. Establishing regular date nights, weekend getaways, or cooking a meal together can strengthen the emotional bond. These shared experiences allow couples to reconnect on multiple levels, fostering a sense of togetherness and security.

Read more: I’m trapped in a sexless marriage and don’t know how to fix it

Exploring solutions together

Finding effective solutions to intimacy struggles often requires creativity and collaboration. Couples should approach this as a joint effort, exploring what works best for them. For some, this might involve seeking professional help, such as couples therapy or consulting a healthcare provider about underlying health concerns. These professionals can offer invaluable advice tailored to personal situations and help couples navigate their challenges effectively.

Alternative methods can also be explored together, including attending workshops or reading books on relationship enhancement. Empowering each other to experiment with new physical and emotional intimacy forms can reignite passion and connection. Activities like exploring new hobbies together or taking classes can rekindle excitement and foster a sense of adventure in the relationship.

Additionally, being open to trying new things can drastically improve intimacy. This might mean discussing fantasies or desires in a safe space or exploring different ways of connecting physically and emotionally. Understanding that both partners are on the same team and working towards the same goal encourages exploration and reduces performance pressure.

Understanding the role of physical health

Physical health significantly impacts intimacy, making it crucial to address any underlying health issues. This includes managing chronic stress, fatigue, or hormonal imbalances. Couples should encourage one another to prioritise health, leading to improved intimacy.

Regular physical activity boosts overall health, enhances mood, and increases energy levels. Exercising together serves as motivation and provides opportunities for bonding. Additionally, focusing on nutrition can contribute positively to mental and physical health, increasing the energy needed for intimate moments.

Being proactive about health enables couples to tackle intimacy challenges. Discussing medications that may affect desire or performance can demystify the situation, allowing couples to support each other in seeking appropriate medical advice.

Building resilience as a couple

Healing from intimacy struggles is not a quick fix; it requires patience, effort, and resilience from both partners. Recognising that challenges will arise at various points in the relationship can help couples prepare mentally and emotionally for these moments. Resilience can be cultivated through practising gratitude, celebrating small achievements, and maintaining a sense of humour even during tough times.

Reflecting on past challenges as a couple can also instil a sense of unity. Consider having discussions about how you overcame previous hurdles together. These conversations can serve as powerful reminders that, with teamwork and dedication, intimacy challenges can be addressed and overcome. By embracing these practices, couples can strengthen their relationship and build a lasting foundation of love and support.

Acknowledging and appreciating each other’s efforts in overcoming difficulties can foster a more profound connection. Celebrating progress, however small, can encourage partners to remain committed to their relationship and each other’s well-being. It also reinforces the idea that intimacy is a journey that requires continuous effort and understanding from both partners.

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The post Healing together: relationship tips for overcoming intimacy struggles appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Our forties and fifties are a time of transition. For many of us, life around this time will involve a number of challenges, whether that’s bringing up children, caring for ill family members, facing redundancy, or dealing with divorce. And coming out the other side of these events can leave us feeling like different people. But why is Gen X increasingly drawn to polyamory? Because studies show that this certainly seems to be the case.

Going through these tough times can lead to a re-evaluation of your professional and personal life. And for many people this will include their sex and love life. Some couples who have been in a long-term marriage may feel that their relationship has been neglected or become stale due to the other demands being placed on them. Research has shown that Gen X-ers are more likely to go through divorce than other generations.

Midlife might be the first time in years that an individual has had the time and energy to address their sexual desires and unmet needs and, for some, that could be an exploration of polyamory or ethical non-monogamy (ENM).

What exactly is polyamory and why is Gen X all over it?

Polyamory is the act of being in a number of sexual and/or romantic relationships with different people, with the consent of everyone involved. It is different to swinging in that the relationships are romantic, and can be long-term. And it’s not necessarily always about sex.

Polyamory is something which has become popular with the younger Gen Z, which tends to have more progressive views on social and cultural norms, and often rejects the traditional relationships of their parents.

But why is Gen X choosing to explore this new sexual frontier when many will have spent many years being with just one person?

Time to explore your updated needs?

Therapist Susie Masterson says, “Growing up in the 70s and 80s, relationships were predominantly both monogamous and heteronormative.  Education around consent was still scant, and society was clearly gendered. This informed Gen Xers ‘relationship blueprint’.

“Many of my Gen X clients recognise that having an entrenched position to things – whether that’s relationships, politics or spirituality – effectively means shutting themselves off. This coincides with a time in life when they have fewer practical constraints and responsibilities.”

For the first time in many years, couples will find themselves alone in the house again…

These responsibilities could include your children growing up and moving out. For the first time in many years, couples will find themselves alone in the house again and clinical sexologist Marie Morice says this means that “there is actual physical space and time to feel sexual again. Just between you and your partner to start with. And you can then explore more if you feel like it.”

Tessa Krone, a polyamory advocate and the founder of the podcast Open Nesters, rejects the use of the label ‘empty nesters’ for these couples. “We are the Open Nesters. We are the Baby Boomers and Gen X-ers who reject the traditional roles that our parents played and the empty nest syndrome. We defy the stigma of ageism, ailing health, empty retirement and a passionless sex life.” She describes having this new freedom to be more sexually adventurous and curious as an ‘Act 3’ in life.

David

This is something David, 56, found when his children were grown up and no longer living with him. He had always been in monogamous relationships but when his marriage ended, he realised he was less keen on being tied down to one person. “I don’t think I’ll ever do that again,” he says.

I’m able to get all those needs met, by having relationships with a few different people

“It seems incredible to believe that we can have all our needs met in one person. In my own marriage, I loved my wife, but as the years passed, we stopped having sex, for example. We had amazing fun together, and made each other laugh. But I found myself missing things that I wanted to experience, because I’d committed to having just the one relationship. And now I find I’m able to get all those needs met, by having relationships with a few different people.”

Read a different article: Why I cheat on my husband

Liv

Liv, 47, is happily married and has four children who still live with her, but has recently been exploring polyamory with her husband. She has a demanding day job and a busy family life but says enjoying sex with other people has made her relationship stronger.

…they are happy for each other to play out their sexual fantasies with people outside their marriage

“This is my blowout. I get to let my hair down and get to be incredibly sexually liberated with the consent of my best friend,” she says. While the couple isn’t looking for separate romantic relationships, they are happy for each other to play out their sexual fantasies with people outside their marriage.

Liv says apps like Feeld and Hinge have made it easier for couples and individuals to meet others interested in ENM. Masterson says this is what happened with her client Karine who was re-evaluating her sexuality, having only experienced monogamous, heterosexual relationships previously.

After navigating a number of life transitions from divorce to kids leaving home as well as changing careers, Karine started using dating apps to explore connections with women. Masterson says Karine now only dates women and is currently in a polyamorous relationship with two people.

Polyamory takes some work…

A move away from having previously monogamous relationships does have to be treated with caution. Particularly if you were monogamous before, but have decided to open the doors to others in an already-existing relationship.

Issues such as resentment and jealousy can easily rear their heads if you’re in a relationship, or more than one. Psychotherapist Paula Gardner says “Strong communication skills, honesty, and setting boundaries are key to making this work, and that often means a lot of work which people might not want to do at this stage in life.”

You can’t predict what’s going to happen, so there’s a need for a lot of communication

Morice agrees that honesty is key to ENM working. “By their very nature and their level of uncertainty, open and polyamorous relationships are more intense than typical monogamous relationships. You can’t predict what’s going to happen, so there’s a need for a lot of communication to work through and navigate the unpredictability and the excitement on the journey.”

Communication is something Liv says has been key for things to work smoothly with she and her husband. “We trust each other completely, and where there’s an element of doubt we talk about it immediately,” she says.

“There’s a recognition that we need to be open all the time about how we feel, what we liked or didn’t like and being able to move on and learn from mistakes.

“I feel sad that I didn’t meet my husband earlier in my life as we could have been enjoying this before we reached middle age!”

Top tips for making poly great…

Open and honest communication
Regularly discuss your feelings, boundaries, and any changes in your needs or desires. Open communication helps prevent misunderstandings, and builds trust.

Set clear boundaries
Establish and respect each other’s boundaries. This includes discussing what is acceptable in terms of physical, emotional, and time commitments.

Practice compersion
Compersion is the pleasure of seeing joy in others. Cultivate joy and satisfaction from seeing your partner happy, even if you haven’t created that. This helps reduce jealousy and strengthens the overall relationship dynamic.

Manage jealousy constructively
Understand that jealousy is natural, whoever is feeling it, and can be managed through communication, discussion, and reassurance. Work on the root causes of jealousy rather than letting it fester.

Schedule quality time
Ensure that you spend quality time with each of your partners. Balancing time fairly helps each person feel valued and prevents neglect.

Be transparent
Be honest about your other relationships and any changes in your feelings or circumstances. Transparency prevents misunderstandings.

Prioritise self-care
Take care of your own emotional and physical wellbeing. Taking care of yourself helps you stay well, and be able cope with the complexities of polyamory.

Seek out your tribe
Polyamorous relationships are still in the minority. Join polyamorous communities or groups, or seek advice from a therapist who understands polyamory if necessary. External support can provide valuable perspectives and coping strategies. Not everyone is going to support what you do, probably.

Educate yourself
Read books, attend workshops, and engage with resources about polyamory. Continuous learning helps you understand different dynamics and improve relationship management skills.

Respect each relationship’s unique dynamics
Recognise that each relationship is unique and may require different approaches. Tailor your interactions and efforts to meet the specific needs of each partner.

Stay safe
Make sure all of you in your extended relationship practices safe sex, or is regularly checked for STIs and so forth. Take care of each other.

Kat Storr

Kat has been a digital journalist for over 12 years after starting her career at Sky News where she covered everything from terror attacks to royal babies and celebrity deaths. She has been working freelance for the last five years and regularly contributes to UK publications including woman&home, The i, Stylist, ES Best, Metro, and more.

The post Why is Gen X increasingly drawn to polyamory? appeared first on Silver Magazine.

As we age, maintaining good health and wellbeing becomes increasingly important. Discussions surrounding sexual activity and wellbeing can sometimes be overlooked. But the health benefits of orgasms can play a vital role in supporting our physical, emotional, and mental health.

1. Stress relief and emotional wellbeing

The pressures of daily life and the challenges that come with age can lead to increased stress levels. Orgasm triggers the release of oxytocin and endorphins, which promote relaxation and pleasure. This, in turn, can alleviate stress and contribute to a greater sense of emotional wellbeing, helping to navigate life’s ups and downs with increased resilience.

2. Sleep quality and restoration

Sleep patterns often change as we age, with many individuals experiencing difficulties falling and/or staying asleep. Orgasms can be a natural remedy for sleep issues, as the release of hormones during sexual pleasure fosters a state of calm and relaxation. For those dealing with sleep disturbances, regular orgasms can offer an improved sleep experience and greater restfulness.

Fancy 40% off all sex toys from Love Not War? Hurry – offer on til 8 August!

3. Immune system support

As the immune system naturally weakens with age, maintaining its effectiveness becomes crucial. Regular sexual activity leading to orgasms has been linked to increased production of immunoglobulin A (IgA), an essential antibody that helps defend the body against infections. Strengthening the immune system through sexual pleasure can help people better combat illnesses and maintain overall health.

4. Pain management

Chronic pain conditions can become more prevalent as we age, impacting daily life and wellbeing. Orgasms offer a natural way to manage pain through the release of endorphins, which act as powerful pain relievers. So find a comfortable spot, and er, hit the spot.

Is bondage your thing? Step this way…

5. Cardiovascular health and fitness

Engaging in sexual activity that leads to orgasm can serve as a mild cardiovascular workout, increasing heart rate and blood flow. This gentle exercise helps promote better blood circulation and may reduce the risk of heart disease, supporting heart health.

6. Hormonal balance and menopause

For women entering menopause, hormonal fluctuations can lead to various physical and emotional challenges. Orgasms can be particularly beneficial during this time, as they facilitate uterine contractions that may help reduce symptoms associated with menopause, such as hot flushes and mood swings.

7. Mental health and self-esteem

Our mental health, happiness and self-esteem can be vulnerable. The release of endorphins and dopamine during orgasms contributes to a sense of pleasure, happiness, and contentment. This natural mood boost can be uplifting, promoting positive mental wellbeing, and fostering a stronger sense of self-esteem. Feeling a bit low? You know what to do.

Could microdosing help your mental health?

From alleviating stress and promoting emotional wellbeing to supporting cardiovascular health and hormonal balance, the advantages of orgasms have far-reaching effects for people at any age.

By embracing sexual health and prioritizing intimacy, individuals can maintain and improve their overall wellbeing throughout life’s journey. So get on, celebrate this ageless pleasure and harness its numerous health benefits.

Bunty Whitstable

The post Ageless pleasure: 7 health benefits of orgasms appeared first on Silver Magazine.

It’s human nature to look for a life partner. Swans do it too, and have an outstanding success rate, but swans are a bit less complicated than humans. Have you ever considered a short-term fling might be the answer?

We go through life looking for ‘the one’ and are often heartbroken when they turn out not to be. But then we do it again, repeating the same patterns and only believing that a relationship has value or is meaningful if it lasts a long time. What if I told you there is an alternative?

The joy of not-forever love

What if we were to change our perception of the long-term goal, and instead focus on enjoying short-term love? Maybe not even love, but a meaningful fling. One in which both parties know that it’s not forever, and are happy to forge ahead regardless?

What I don’t need is to completely lose myself to someone again. So I’m essentially looking to date men who I know aren’t suitable long-term

We spend a lot of energy looking for Mr Right when we might be better off looking for Mr Right Now. This is particularly true if you’ve just come out of a relationship that ended badly. Or if you’re in the throes of divorce (I tick both boxes, go me!).

While my friends yell at me to spend time on my own, I yell back that I’ve essentially been on my own whilst being married for 15 years. I’m ready to love, to be loved, and to have some fun along the way. Or even to separate the two. What I don’t need is to completely lose myself to someone again. So I’m essentially looking to date men who I know aren’t suitable long-term (but who also aren’t monsters, obviously).

Playing it on the safe side?

Juliette – keeping things short and sweet

To that end I’m veering towards much younger men with whom I know a future isn’t on the cards. I’m OK with that. When I was 32 my boyfriend was – ahem – 19, so it’s fair to say that’s my thing. If, at some point, I decide that I do want a grown-up, more serious relationship, I’ll simply adapt and look for men who want the same.

Read more: Why I cheat on my husband

I’m very emotionally-led, however, so whether I can pull off this cool-as-a-cucumber cougar persona remains to be seen. The other person will also have to adopt the same attitude. Fortunately, younger men aren’t generally looking for long-term love (at least not with a woman 15 years older than themselves). So really, all the emotional stuff will be on me. Gulp.

The expert viewpoint

“Some people may feel that it’s not worth the emotional investment or potential risks involved,” explains dating coach Billy Reid. Indeed, there’s always a risk that one of you will fall head over heels for the other, and upset the equilibrium.

…there’s always a risk that one of you will fall head over heels for the other, and upset the equilibrium

“If they’re experiencing a lack of attention or affection, the intensity of the fling might appear to fill that void. But if the dalliance is brief, it could continue to be missing after the fling finishes,” explains Reid.

However, Reid also outlines the positives of such a venture.

“A short-term romantic relationship can provide a sense of excitement and novelty, which can boost mood and self-confidence. Additionally, some individuals may find that a brief romantic encounter allows them to explore their own desires and preferences in a low-pressure environment.”

In other words, a short-term fling is like a French meringue – you won’t really know how it’ll turn out until you try.

Brief encounters

Charlotte, a 48-year-old PR manager from West Sussex, had a whirlwind relationship with a man she met by chance on a train. She was recently divorced, and he was separated.

“I really fancied him and couldn’t remember feeling like that about anyone before. He told me he’d just split with his wife and wasn’t ready for a relationship, but that he was happy to have fun. I was infatuated from the first moment we kissed. It just felt like he’d been missing my entire life.”

After two months of a whirlwind romance and “the greatest sex I’ve ever had,” he started to back away. When Charlotte confronted him, he told her that he cared about her very much, but felt the relationship was getting too serious.

[perfectpullquote align=”left” bordertop=”false” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]He constantly told me how sexy I was, which gave me a huge confidence boost. He treated me well, and he was honest[/perfectpullquote]

“I was devastated,” says Charlotte. “I cried for weeks. I’ve been having therapy and I’m now six months down the line. And instead of being angry with Mike, as I was initially, I realise now that he did me a favour.”

“He constantly told me how sexy I was, which gave me a huge confidence boost. He treated me well, and he was honest. I can now see that the relationship was good for me, and that I can’t be angry that it ended. We met one last time and wished each other well. My bar is set very high now for future relationships and that’s got to be a good thing.”

Would she do it again?

“Sure, if both of us knew from the outset that it wasn’t going to develop into anything serious. The attraction has got to be there, of course, but I don’t need to find my soul mate or perfect man right now, I need to have fun and just enjoy life. I have to accept that it will invariably come to natural end, but I feel more equipped to deal with that now.”

Setting boundaries

“Ultimately,” says Reid, “the benefits of short-term romantic relationships are subjective and depend on one’s own goals, values, and emotional needs. It’s important to approach any romantic encounter with clear communication and mutual respect, and to prioritise your own well-being and boundaries.”

When you only spend a few weeks with someone, you’re firmly in the honeymoon period phase

Boundaries are key, because the downside to short-term relationships is that they are harder to get over than long-term relationships. When you only spend a few weeks with someone, you’re firmly in the honeymoon period phase the entire time. Your dopamine and oxytocin levels are through the roof, endorphins are flying high and the person you’re with is endlessly fascinating to you. Because you haven’t worked them out yet (and in the case of short-term love, you never will).

While the positives are that there’s no chance of being bored, of discovering their flaws and of becoming unhappy, the downside is that because you don’t see their flaws, when you do split up you only have positive memories. You haven’t had a chance to resent them or feel anger, or vice versa. It may seem like a mad idea to split when you’re so enamoured by each other. But trust me, it makes sense.

We don’t stay in the same house or the same job all our lives. Our friendships are transient, too. If, when we need to take a step back, we can approach relationships in the same way, ie that they don’t have to be forever to be meaningful, we might just surprise ourselves. By entering into a new relationship without the pressure of long-term love, you might actually be more equipped for it when it does come along.

Juliette Wills

Juliette writes about football, F1, fashion, health and interiors for national magazines and newspapers. She’s also Bexhill’s new Town Crier (true story!), runs a pet sitting sideline and heads up her own creative agency. If she’s not at home she’s in the sea

The post Why you should consider a short-term fling appeared first on Silver Magazine.

ITV are now actively looking for contestants for the Romance Retreat (working title) – tipped as the Love Island for older people. And look out, because your over-18 kids can nominate you

ITV announced yesterday that TV icon Davina McCall will host brand new dating show the Romance Retreat, which is set to open the nation’s hearts to a whole new world of ‘grown-up love’.

In case you didn’t see Davina breaking the news…

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cp2Vw6Ej-27/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Apparently the big shout is for men. Where are you all?!

How can you be on it?

The fresh new dating format follows nominated single parents, from all over the UK, and from all walks of life, as they live together at a stunning country house with one objective: to find true love.

Read more: Joe McGann on finding love in later life

The press release says: “Get the tissues at the ready as we witness the highs and the lows, the tears and the funny moments, of finding love again. Casting for the ground-breaking series is now open, with ITV calling for vibrant single parents and their grown-up children from across the UK to apply via ITV’s Be On TV page.”

If my child is reading this, do NOT nominate me, or there will be trouble!

Up for the biggest blind date of your life? Or think that Mum or Dad deserves to find love? (Particularly Dad, seems they’re short on dads!). If so, get on the case – Love Island for older people? Sign them up!

For single men and women, first impressions play a dominant role, and can often determine whether they decide to start dating. When meeting for the first time, you can create a simple or sweet look and highlight your temperament with exquisite accessories. 

In addition, giving creative gifts can also swing your chances. Scented candles, a few bundles of camellias, or Custom Pens engraved with names, or love lines can all help generate a touch of romance.

Apply HERE

Sam Harrington-Lowe

Sam is Silver’s founder and editor-in-chief. She’s largely responsible for organising all the things, but still finds time to do the odd bit of writing. Not enough though. Send help.

The post Here it is, the Romance Retreat. ‘Love Island’ for older people appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Find out how well versed you are on the romance season with our love-filled Valentine’s quiz. Exploring both sides of love and lust…

Valentine’s Quiz – love and lust

Valentine's day is here! Test your knowledge on love and lust with our quiz...

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Adam Jacot de Boinod

Adam Jacot de Boinod was a researcher for the first BBC series QI, compered by Stephen Fry, and is an author of three books including ‘The Meaning of Tingo.’

The post Valentine’s quiz – how well do you know your lust and love? appeared first on Silver Magazine.

In autumn 2019 my ten-year relationship broke down. As is often the case with long-termers, it went out with a fizz, rather than a bang. What I didn’t expect to find, once the dust had cleared, was that I love being single in my fifties.

Aside from a period where we were angry and disappointed that it was broken, the ex and I have circled back and become really close friends. I love him to bits. We hang out together a lot, we know each other inside out and backwards – we know where all the bodies are buried. And we are fiercely protective and supportive of each other.

I have wondered if this may be one of the reasons why I am happy being single

I have wondered if this may be one of the reasons why I am happy being single, actually. Maybe the close friendship safety net, and the opportunity to hang out with a close male friend means that I don’t need to fill the gap with another man. (And yes, I will talk about sex later).

My ex, it must be said, is thoroughly ‘enjoying himself’, incidentally. We talk about his wins and losses; the mad dates and the good ones. And I genuinely don’t feel a shred of jealousy, which is odd. Maybe because none of them have felt serious yet? If – when – he falls in love again, and it’s a proper thing, maybe that will be harder.

But I digress. I want to talk about me, and about being a woman in her fifties, genuinely happy to be single. How do I love being single? Let me count the ways…

It’s all about me

I cannot remember the last time that my own life was all about me. By choice – I’m not grumbling – I’ve had blissful years as mother, and lover. But I’ve been a parent and a partner for a ton of my adult life. Suddenly, I only have myself to look out for. Woot.

I cannot remember the last time that my own life was all about me

This has been startling in a number of ways. It took some getting used to – my life has revolved around other people for decades, so suddenly only having myself to care for has been weird.

I have found the time to work on some of the things that make me unhappy. To think about what I want, what I want to do, what I need to change. Hell, even what I like doing.

From macro to mega, it’s all about me, and I am enjoying this. Getting to know me, getting to know all about me…

Sleeping better

Fucking hell – snoring. You know this one. As we all get older and fatter, me included, snoring becomes a real issue. Not if you’re single though, tra la! I can snore like a bandsaw if I like, with nobody to complain about it.

And equally, I wake up without that psychotic desire to stab someone for keeping me awake with their own snoring. Oh happy, joyous, wondrous solitary sleep!

I’m a big advocate for sleeping separately anyway – sex in one bed, sleep in two

It’s not just about snoring though. I’m a menopausal woman and the past few years have not been fun in many ways. Some of those ways have been at night – having hideous dreams; waking up every bloody hour thrashing about; having hot flushes and peeling myself off the pillow with my hair drenched.

I mean, nobody wants to share a bed with that. And it was a lot easier to go through that without having someone else to worry about. I’m a big advocate for sleeping separately anyway – sex in one bed, sleep in two.

I’ve learned to use power tools

I mean, I’m a grownup girl with an independent lifestyle, right? But DIY used to scare the living shit out of me. What if I drill through the wall, or there are wires to destroy? What if I break stuff? How do I even work the drill?

Now I don’t care. I just have a bash at it and generally it’s fine (thanks Youtube videos). I built bedroom furniture recently. I’ve put up pictures (still on the wall), and completely re-hung the back gate with new hinges etc. I actually like it! Get some decent tools, that’s my advice. Then it’s a piece of cake. Thanks, De Walt tools inherited from Papa. *Blows dust off imaginary drill/gun.

Life is on more of an even keel

Or, perhaps more accurately, if things get wobbly, it’s my wobble. I’m not dealing with household drama, or the day-to-day aggro of other people’s emotions. The ebb and flow is all mine.

I’m surprisingly unlonely

To be fair, I have a large house and there is a lot of coming and going. There’s an office on the top floor which gets used by some of the team – either for working in or crashing on the futon. I have sometimes taken students in to help with the bills. I have friends round for lunch and dinner. Child comes home occasionally.

‘The Favourite’

The house never feels empty, but when it’s quiet, I love it. The peace. The freedom to do what I like. The calm. It’s blissful.

Having Alice Pug the Duchess of Pickleton helps. She is my constant companion, and we potter about the house together. She keeps an eye on me as I cook, she rootles through the recycling. I talk to her all day – something I forget is weird when we are not at home alone. She snuggles me the second I sit on the sofa, resting her snout on my leg. It’s quite hard to shake Alice off. I love her enormously. My daughter says Alice pug is the ‘favourite child’. I feel bound to point out that the dog is actually nice to me.

What about sex, I hear you cry

It’s a funny old thing, sex. I love sex, but I have no real interest in it unless I fancy someone. And I don’t fancy anyone at the moment, so sex is not really on my agenda.

I’m in no rush to find a person. Frankly, a couple of weeks on any dating app serves as a very good reminder that single is infinitely preferable. Ye gods, the horrors I’ve seen. I’d rather be single until I join the Choir Invisible.

…he was a lovely man, and I had a lovely time. But I could no more have shagged him than I could fly to the moon. One knows, instantly, if that thing is there

I actually went on a date the other day – the first one for three years. I kid you not. AND during Dry January. And he was a lovely man, and I had a lovely time. But I could no more have shagged him than I could fly to the moon. One knows, instantly, if that thing is there. And it wasn’t; such a shame. Alice even liked him – and yes I took the dog on the date. Love me, love my dog.

But he waved his knife about when he was talking and didn’t ask me anything about my life besides what I do for a living. So there’s that. I think we get much more fussy as we age. But why compromise? I don’t want a cutlery-waver.

Read: No 50 is not the ‘new 30’. It’s better than that

But back to the joy of singledom – are there any down sides?

Not being invited to dinner parties etc – and I think all single people would say this. Unless you’re in a twosome, you miss a lot of those things. I spend time with friends, and have as much of a social life as I want. But I am aware that there’s a kind of ‘couples circuit’ that you drop out of once you’re a loose horse, and that makes me a bit sad.

Single travel is exciting and challenging. But it’s fun to share that stuff

I wonder if some of that is down to you being a potential threat, as a wild singleton. Or maybe it is just easier to balance even numbers around a table. Anyway, that’s a thing. (Incidentally, any of my mates who have read this far – I am now ready for you to set me up with people, so feel free, but no weirdos please).

And going traveling with someone. Single travel is exciting and challenging. But it’s fun to share that stuff. Having said that, I’ve been having holidays with girlfriends (also single) again recently, and I LOVE that. Already booked a Greek island in May with three other girlfriends and I can’t wait! Girls on tour, lock up your sons etc.

Overall though…

In the grand scheme of things, the cons are massively outweighed by the pros. That’s not to say that I’ve shut the door on romance. But I’m loving this period of my life.

Eventually I’d like to meet someone naturally, not via an app. I’d like to be attracted to someone and find that ‘thing’ that grows between two people, and the excitement of knowing you’ll end up in bed together at some point. But for that I’d probably have to go out more, and go to social events to meet people. Perhaps the warmer weather will help. Buck up, spring and summer.

I’m open to new love, and I think we all know that if love were to come knocking, I’d be excited, start capering around like fool again, doing the ‘new romance’ dance. But right now I’m enjoying the single ride. And some decent sleep.

 
Unlike in the past, more women these days are enjoying being alone. Besides love, there are many meaningful things to experience, and you don’t need a partner to experience them. There is no right or wrong choice, but some single women express their emotions and attitudes through cool ways, such as tattoos, or installing Neon Signs with words like ‘single life’ in their bedrooms.

Sam Harrington-Lowe

Sam is Silver’s founder and editor-in-chief. She’s largely responsible for organising all the things, but still finds time to do the odd bit of writing. Not enough though. Send help.

The post Why I love being single in my fifties appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Alison decided it was time for living life to the full by swapping stability for excitement. From corporate office to exotic beaches…

What does ‘normal’ mean anyway?

“I gave up ‘normal life’ in a big corporation five years ago, after taking a Tantra journey and retraining as a sex coach. So pre-pandemic, my unusual normal was living in Hebden Bridge making a small living as a sex coach for one-to-one clients, and running events called The Sex Lectures in Manchester. I lived alone with no mortgage and had a fantastic group of friends. In 2019 I’d been to Bali and written a memoir which I was editing.

“I was living fairly comfortably and with a sense of stability. Excitingly, I had a writers residency in Sri Lanka lined up; I was already following my heart. As well as holding together financially, I had a small amount of savings for back-up.

While he was in love and thought he was ‘helping me’, I was dying of boredom, entrapped in conventional housewife mode

“At the end of 2019 I’d had a date with someone who was visiting the UK from Australia. He came back to visit in January 2020. I’d realised our hearts, minds, and personalities were incompatible, but as the first lockdown happened, he asked to stay. Overriding my instincts, I agreed.

“Although sex was a brilliant coping mechanism – as was my Tantra teacher’s advice about kindness and patience – by May I felt imprisoned in my own home with an older man who loved looking into the fire, telling repetitive yarns about bygone days in the marines and his childhood. While he was in love and thought he was ‘helping me’, I was dying of boredom, entrapped in conventional housewife mode.”

Taking a leap and travelling the world

“The pivotal moment during the pandemic for me to change my life was when a friend bailed me out of my metaphorical jail and took me to Corfu for a week. I came home, told the guy to leave, then decided it’d be better if I used this time to follow my instincts to live abroad in my fifties. So the ex turned into one of my two lodgers – both of whom are ex-lovers.

“My life looks so much better now; I’ve lived simply and cut down on spending. I went back to Corfu before heading to Italy for five months, to housesit with a friend I met on the beach. Unfortunately, I didn’t like the house or the location for the second winter lockdown, where I edited my memoir for the sixth time. I started an online Sensual Salon with a Tantric poet from Berlin: a speakeasy for sex-positive people to share experiences, vulnerability, and honesty. At the time, I was also on the teaching team for the UK Sexological Bodywork training in 2021.

“In spring, I moved to the Albanian riviera for three months. It was a revelation to be in an open country, and a time to enjoy living alone by the beach. From there I went back to Corfu for 90 days, before heading to Mexico for 90 days to work at a Tantra festival and live at the beach. I then lived in Oaxaca in an artist’s studio.

Read more: Reclaiming the rail. Why older people are interrailing and backpacking 

Living life on my terms

I’ve refused to let my attention be hijacked by the COVID narrative

“I’ve refused to let my attention be hijacked by the COVID narrative; I’ve ignored much of the news and just got on with creating what I wanted to create. I’ve lived life on my terms, which largely involved travelling when my 90-day visas ran out. And I’ve mostly been in the sunshine, learning to enjoy solitude.

“I’m becoming curious about living in intentional communities in the future. I’m currently here in a creative one in Colombia called Arte Sumapaz, as I would like to explore setting one up.”

Accepting losses

“The biggest loss is in the close friends I miss and the chances to be in relationship. While I am enjoying being single again and following my own path, I miss love, intimacy, kissing, being close.

I know my choices mean I’ll be something of a pleasure nomad for a while, so it’s hard to create something lasting

“I’ve had occasional erotic dalliances but as my body has changed and I discovered that sex is painful, then I’m wary. In the absence of a medical system to explore the prospect of HRT, my tantra and sex coach training mean that I can still have sensual choices in the moments of connection. I know my choices mean I’ll be something of a pleasure nomad for a while, so it’s hard to create something lasting. A brief foray into Tinder didn’t help.

“I’m in a sex positive community so emotionally-connected friendships – if not physical intimacy – has been a valuable constant. Although I’m alone, I rarely feel bereft. I’m flirting with polyamory knowing that when I’m back in the UK for the summer, there will be friends and former lovers that I can be intimate with, as well as new possibilities for love.”

Breaking even

“Financially, I’m just about breaking even with the rent, mentoring, and government grants of 2021. While there are no luxuries, I’m recognising that I’m in a fortunate position of living like a barefoot hippy while following ideas and impulses that – if I hadn’t broken out of the UK when I did – I’d have been a lot more vexed by restrictions.

“I haven’t touched a tax bracket in years which is a huge contrast to my successful corporate life. Letting go and becoming truly happy has a price, but when you make a living from teaching that involves touch, you’re unable to find the energy to create a new business beyond sex therapy and coaching.”

Appreciating the unknown

“Mentally, I’m mostly steady, though I have the occasional periods of homesickness, anxiety about the future, and regular outbreaks of ‘what the fuck am I doing with my life?’. Whenever I find myself in those natural moments of doubt, I acknowledge how grateful I am for my choices, the sunshine, and the freedom I’ve had in the last two years to live freely in beautiful places meeting like-minded people.

I know I need to go home at some point and do a bit of life admin, but for now, I’m enjoying Colombia and the discovery of a more beautiful world

“Having a spiritual practice, however patchy, allows me to feel a trust in this transition. I have no answers or certainty about the future, but the chance to experience this uncertainty in new places allows me to understand how much I value feeling safe, loved, and free.

“I know I need to go home at some point and do a bit of life admin, but for now, I’m enjoying Colombia and the discovery of a more beautiful world and myself; three years ago, I wouldn’t have imagined this was possible.”

Are you thinking of travelling abroad this year, or are you going play it safe with a staycation? Here’s our top tips for staycationing safely.

Carly Pepperell

Carly gets to do everything under the sun, including writing, editing, taking photos, creating stories, and swanning around at launches. She can down a glass of Prosecco without pausing for breath, and aims to be the youngest Pulitzer winner ever.

The post I’m over fifty and finally living life on my own terms appeared first on Silver Magazine.