Valentine’s Day is synonymous with love, and nothing expresses affection quite like flowers. From classic roses to more unconventional blooms, the right arrangement can create the perfect romantic atmosphere and leave a lasting impression. Whether you’re planning to surprise your significant other or someone special in your life, Valentine’s Day arrangements offer endless possibilities for heartfelt gestures. This article explores both traditional and creative floral options to help you celebrate love in the most meaningful way.

For many, red roses are the ultimate symbol of romance, making them the quintessential Valentine’s Day flower. Their rich hue and velvety petals convey passion and deep emotion, making them an ever-popular choice for bouquets. Pairing roses with greenery or baby’s breath adds texture and sophistication to the arrangement, elevating a timeless classic. For a modern twist, consider mixing red roses with pink or white varieties to create a layered palette that reflects a blend of love and purity.

Quiz! How well do you know your Valentine’s Day history?

It’s not all about roses though…

While roses hold a special place in Valentine’s traditions, there’s a growing appeal in choosing less conventional flowers to make a unique statement. Tulips, for example, symbolize perfect love and come in an array of colors to suit different moods. Red tulips express deep passion, while yellow or pink options convey happiness and admiration. Orchids, with their exotic beauty, represent luxury and rare affection, making them an excellent choice for those seeking something out of the ordinary.

Another creative option is to select flowers that reflect your partner’s personality or shared memories. For instance, if you both love the countryside, a bouquet featuring wildflowers like daisies and lavender can evoke fond recollections. Sunflowers, with their bright and cheerful appearance, symbolize adoration and loyalty, offering a delightful alternative to traditional blooms. This personalized approach makes the gift not only romantic but deeply thoughtful.

In recent years, dried and preserved flowers have become a popular alternative to fresh bouquets. These long-lasting arrangements maintain their beauty for months or even years, serving as a constant reminder of your affection. Dried roses, pampas grass, or eucalyptus can be arranged in chic, minimalist styles that fit modern aesthetics. For those who appreciate eco-friendly options, preserved flowers are a sustainable choice that still captures the essence of Valentine’s Day.

Beyond bouquets

Floral gifts can take on creative forms that go beyond the ordinary. Floral subscriptions are a fantastic idea for keeping romance alive all year round. With this option, your loved one can receive fresh or dried flowers delivered to their door monthly, ensuring that your Valentine’s gesture extends well beyond February 14th. Alternatively, you could opt for floral jewelry, such as a necklace with a pressed flower pendant or a bracelet adorned with delicate floral designs, combining romance with wearable art.

For couples who enjoy spending time together, planning a shared floral experience can make the day even more special. Flower arranging workshops or DIY bouquet kits allow you to create something beautiful as a team. Not only does this foster connection, but it also results in a unique keepsake you both can cherish. Another memorable idea is to visit a botanical garden or flower farm, where the natural beauty of blooming flowers provides a picturesque backdrop for your celebration.

Consider the presentation

When it comes to presenting your floral gift, thoughtful packaging and presentation can make a significant impact. Wrapping bouquets in luxurious materials like silk or lace adds an elegant touch. Including a handwritten note or poem further personalizes the gesture, transforming your flowers into a meaningful expression of love. For an extra touch of indulgence, pair your floral arrangement with chocolates, a bottle of wine, or even a homemade treat.

Ultimately, Valentine’s Day flowers are more than just a gift—they are a reflection of your emotions and the bond you share with your partner. Whether you choose timeless red roses, unique wildflowers, or innovative floral experiences, the key lies in tailoring the gesture to your loved one’s tastes and personality. This Valentine’s Day, let flowers speak the language of your heart, creating moments of joy and romance that will be remembered for years to come.

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It’s human nature to look for a life partner. Swans do it too, and have an outstanding success rate, but swans are a bit less complicated than humans. Have you ever considered a short-term fling might be the answer?

We go through life looking for ‘the one’ and are often heartbroken when they turn out not to be. But then we do it again, repeating the same patterns and only believing that a relationship has value or is meaningful if it lasts a long time. What if I told you there is an alternative?

The joy of not-forever love

What if we were to change our perception of the long-term goal, and instead focus on enjoying short-term love? Maybe not even love, but a meaningful fling. One in which both parties know that it’s not forever, and are happy to forge ahead regardless?

What I don’t need is to completely lose myself to someone again. So I’m essentially looking to date men who I know aren’t suitable long-term

We spend a lot of energy looking for Mr Right when we might be better off looking for Mr Right Now. This is particularly true if you’ve just come out of a relationship that ended badly. Or if you’re in the throes of divorce (I tick both boxes, go me!).

While my friends yell at me to spend time on my own, I yell back that I’ve essentially been on my own whilst being married for 15 years. I’m ready to love, to be loved, and to have some fun along the way. Or even to separate the two. What I don’t need is to completely lose myself to someone again. So I’m essentially looking to date men who I know aren’t suitable long-term (but who also aren’t monsters, obviously).

Playing it on the safe side?

Juliette – keeping things short and sweet

To that end I’m veering towards much younger men with whom I know a future isn’t on the cards. I’m OK with that. When I was 32 my boyfriend was – ahem – 19, so it’s fair to say that’s my thing. If, at some point, I decide that I do want a grown-up, more serious relationship, I’ll simply adapt and look for men who want the same.

Read more: Why I cheat on my husband

I’m very emotionally-led, however, so whether I can pull off this cool-as-a-cucumber cougar persona remains to be seen. The other person will also have to adopt the same attitude. Fortunately, younger men aren’t generally looking for long-term love (at least not with a woman 15 years older than themselves). So really, all the emotional stuff will be on me. Gulp.

The expert viewpoint

“Some people may feel that it’s not worth the emotional investment or potential risks involved,” explains dating coach Billy Reid. Indeed, there’s always a risk that one of you will fall head over heels for the other, and upset the equilibrium.

…there’s always a risk that one of you will fall head over heels for the other, and upset the equilibrium

“If they’re experiencing a lack of attention or affection, the intensity of the fling might appear to fill that void. But if the dalliance is brief, it could continue to be missing after the fling finishes,” explains Reid.

However, Reid also outlines the positives of such a venture.

“A short-term romantic relationship can provide a sense of excitement and novelty, which can boost mood and self-confidence. Additionally, some individuals may find that a brief romantic encounter allows them to explore their own desires and preferences in a low-pressure environment.”

In other words, a short-term fling is like a French meringue – you won’t really know how it’ll turn out until you try.

Brief encounters

Charlotte, a 48-year-old PR manager from West Sussex, had a whirlwind relationship with a man she met by chance on a train. She was recently divorced, and he was separated.

“I really fancied him and couldn’t remember feeling like that about anyone before. He told me he’d just split with his wife and wasn’t ready for a relationship, but that he was happy to have fun. I was infatuated from the first moment we kissed. It just felt like he’d been missing my entire life.”

After two months of a whirlwind romance and “the greatest sex I’ve ever had,” he started to back away. When Charlotte confronted him, he told her that he cared about her very much, but felt the relationship was getting too serious.

[perfectpullquote align=”left” bordertop=”false” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]He constantly told me how sexy I was, which gave me a huge confidence boost. He treated me well, and he was honest[/perfectpullquote]

“I was devastated,” says Charlotte. “I cried for weeks. I’ve been having therapy and I’m now six months down the line. And instead of being angry with Mike, as I was initially, I realise now that he did me a favour.”

“He constantly told me how sexy I was, which gave me a huge confidence boost. He treated me well, and he was honest. I can now see that the relationship was good for me, and that I can’t be angry that it ended. We met one last time and wished each other well. My bar is set very high now for future relationships and that’s got to be a good thing.”

Would she do it again?

“Sure, if both of us knew from the outset that it wasn’t going to develop into anything serious. The attraction has got to be there, of course, but I don’t need to find my soul mate or perfect man right now, I need to have fun and just enjoy life. I have to accept that it will invariably come to natural end, but I feel more equipped to deal with that now.”

Setting boundaries

“Ultimately,” says Reid, “the benefits of short-term romantic relationships are subjective and depend on one’s own goals, values, and emotional needs. It’s important to approach any romantic encounter with clear communication and mutual respect, and to prioritise your own well-being and boundaries.”

When you only spend a few weeks with someone, you’re firmly in the honeymoon period phase

Boundaries are key, because the downside to short-term relationships is that they are harder to get over than long-term relationships. When you only spend a few weeks with someone, you’re firmly in the honeymoon period phase the entire time. Your dopamine and oxytocin levels are through the roof, endorphins are flying high and the person you’re with is endlessly fascinating to you. Because you haven’t worked them out yet (and in the case of short-term love, you never will).

While the positives are that there’s no chance of being bored, of discovering their flaws and of becoming unhappy, the downside is that because you don’t see their flaws, when you do split up you only have positive memories. You haven’t had a chance to resent them or feel anger, or vice versa. It may seem like a mad idea to split when you’re so enamoured by each other. But trust me, it makes sense.

We don’t stay in the same house or the same job all our lives. Our friendships are transient, too. If, when we need to take a step back, we can approach relationships in the same way, ie that they don’t have to be forever to be meaningful, we might just surprise ourselves. By entering into a new relationship without the pressure of long-term love, you might actually be more equipped for it when it does come along.

Juliette Wills

Juliette writes about football, F1, fashion, health and interiors for national magazines and newspapers. She’s also Bexhill’s new Town Crier (true story!), runs a pet sitting sideline and heads up her own creative agency. If she’s not at home she’s in the sea

The post Why you should consider a short-term fling appeared first on Silver Magazine.

ITV are now actively looking for contestants for the Romance Retreat (working title) – tipped as the Love Island for older people. And look out, because your over-18 kids can nominate you

ITV announced yesterday that TV icon Davina McCall will host brand new dating show the Romance Retreat, which is set to open the nation’s hearts to a whole new world of ‘grown-up love’.

In case you didn’t see Davina breaking the news…

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cp2Vw6Ej-27/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Apparently the big shout is for men. Where are you all?!

How can you be on it?

The fresh new dating format follows nominated single parents, from all over the UK, and from all walks of life, as they live together at a stunning country house with one objective: to find true love.

Read more: Joe McGann on finding love in later life

The press release says: “Get the tissues at the ready as we witness the highs and the lows, the tears and the funny moments, of finding love again. Casting for the ground-breaking series is now open, with ITV calling for vibrant single parents and their grown-up children from across the UK to apply via ITV’s Be On TV page.”

If my child is reading this, do NOT nominate me, or there will be trouble!

Up for the biggest blind date of your life? Or think that Mum or Dad deserves to find love? (Particularly Dad, seems they’re short on dads!). If so, get on the case – Love Island for older people? Sign them up!

For single men and women, first impressions play a dominant role, and can often determine whether they decide to start dating. When meeting for the first time, you can create a simple or sweet look and highlight your temperament with exquisite accessories. 

In addition, giving creative gifts can also swing your chances. Scented candles, a few bundles of camellias, or Custom Pens engraved with names, or love lines can all help generate a touch of romance.

Apply HERE

Sam Harrington-Lowe

Sam is Silver’s founder and editor-in-chief. She’s largely responsible for organising all the things, but still finds time to do the odd bit of writing. Not enough though. Send help.

The post Here it is, the Romance Retreat. ‘Love Island’ for older people appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Making sure you you keep marking important dates is a sure-fire way to keep romance alive. Particularly if you feel the romance might not be quite so strong these days. If you’re thinking of planning something unforgettable for your romantic date, and how to celebrate your anniversary, here are a few different thoughts. Show your partner appreciation and celebrate your relationship together.

Anniversaries (in all their forms) are an important part of life. These special days remind us of important past events, be it personal or cultural milestones.

Especially important are the anniversaries with your partner, like your wedding anniversary, the date you first met, or even another special day that you both hold close to your heart.

Signify the importance of your anniversary

Work, chores, the daily grind – sometimes life just gets in the way of spending time together with your partner. Celebrating an anniversary can help as a reminder to you (both) that you’re in it together, and that love and romance are still part of the deal. You’re not just chugging along.

It’s a joyful way for you to take a step out of the norm and remember the relationship, and celebrating can help your partner feel cared for. Just setting aside time to celebrate your relationship on one specific day can mean the world.

Choose the perfect gift

OK so giving gifts can be a minefield if you’re not both on the same page. Giving your partner a gift on your anniversary is an easy way to show just how much you care for them. However, it’s important to also check with your partner about if you both want to do gift giving this year.

For some people, gift-giving can be complicated, or harder for them to do, so make sure to check beforehand. Make it really clear: are you giving gifts or not?!

If you do want to exchange anniversary gifts, there are a few ways to sift through the minefield that’s choosing an anniversary present. There are already special gift traditions that exist, for example, it’s traditional to celebrate a 25th wedding anniversary with silver, so a diamond ring can be a great gift if you’re hitting a quarter of a decade with your partner.

It doesn’t have to be a big gesture, just make sure you’ve both got similar expectations. Even flowers can be a great present. For those celebrating their first wedding anniversary, carnations have typically symbolised lasting vows and joy for the upcoming years. And they last for ages! Perhaps that’s why they’re associated with longevity like this.

Create new memories – and revisit old ones!

It might be making new memories or reliving old ones, but your anniversary is the perfect time to focus on the memories of your relationship. Visit the place you had your first date or do something you’ve never done before.

Why not try something a bit different? A cocktail tasting evening, or a trip to a theme park to ride the rollercoasters. Or you could go to a comedy night, or even have a little getaway, rekindle the romance.

And your anniversary doesn’t have to make your bank account cry in fear. There are still plenty of ways to create lasting memories on a budget. Why not go out for coffee, or breakfast instead of dinner? Or equally, cook your partner breakfast in bed!

So, if you’re now wondering just how to celebrate your anniversary with a special someone, hopefully the above suggestions will give you some food for thought!

Join the Silver Lifestyle Facebook group to connect with fellow Silvers

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The post How to celebrate your anniversary with your partner appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Find out how well versed you are on the romance season with our love-filled Valentine’s quiz. Exploring both sides of love and lust…

Valentine’s Quiz – love and lust

Valentine's day is here! Test your knowledge on love and lust with our quiz...

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Adam Jacot de Boinod

Adam Jacot de Boinod was a researcher for the first BBC series QI, compered by Stephen Fry, and is an author of three books including ‘The Meaning of Tingo.’

The post Valentine’s quiz – how well do you know your lust and love? appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Sooo – you don’t want to be that person who breaks up with someone around Valentine’s? But you’re sick to death of looking at them!?

Let your choice of gift do the talking! Our cheeky guide to Valentine’s gifts that are bound to get rid of your other half.

(And yes, this is supposed to be funny, but if it helps, well… who are we to argue?!)

How to get through Valentine’s Day when you’re single

Trip of a lifetime

Can’t bear to be in the same country as him, let alone the same room? Treat him to the trip of a lifetime! A one-way ticket to the other side of the world. Yay!

Flights to Australia, Flightcentre

Keep it tidy 

Get her a fantastic new vacuum cleaner so she can keep the house lovely and clean for you. Her face will light up with delight as she opens her new cleaning equipment. How romantic.

Starlyf Cordless Vac – Cordless hoover, £149.99

Enough is enough 

Fed up with seeing his face? Had enough of watching endless sport all weekend? Get him a shed, preferably with a padlock on the outside, and enjoy some peace and quiet as he settles into his man-cave.

Pressure Treated Windowless Apex Wooden Shed, £319.99

Face it 

Feel like she’s looking a bit tired these days? Get her a facelift thingy! She’s sure to be grateful…

NuFACE TRINITY+ Starter Kit Smart Facial Toning Device, £385

Get some satisfaction

He’s not quite reaching the mark in the bedroom anymore? So get him something that will help! He will be thrilled when you gift him a range of sex toys (to use on you) that will really do the job properly.

The Mega Bundle, Love. Not War, £220 

Bundle up

It’s still quite nippy, but you need something suitable for spring. Get her a nice parka that she’ll look great in. In your size.

Men’s Palben Waterproof Insulated Parka Jacket, Regatta, £39.95

Ready for it 

Not pulling his weight in the kitchen? Get him a subscription for these ‘extra tender’ ready meals, so he doesn’t have to cook. Or chew. He’ll be thrilled.

Wiltshire Farm Foods Extra Tender Subscription meals, from £4.65

Cover your tracks…

Plotting the ultimate relationship ender!? Don’t leave a trail of clues in your search history. Learn how to bump her off without getting caught through this detective game. Bonus points if you use her credit card to pay for it.

The Disappearance of Claire Makova: The Whole Adventure, The Detective Society, £168

Lana Hall

Lana can usually be found spinning her collection of records, or writing odd poems in her phone notes. Her mixer of choice is a ginger beer, and you’ll never find her away from the sea for more than a few weeks.

The post Valentine’s gifts guaranteed to get rid of your other half appeared first on Silver Magazine.

I’ve been trying to come up with decent romantic novels, and despite a degree in Eng Lit and thirty-six years’ experience as a book reviewer, I can’t think of a single one. I mean, apart from the obvious one.

In fact, you can probably come up with the top three yourself. (Google will deliver the same three if you can’t be bothered to do it yourself). The other two are Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre, which seems to me to be stretching the concept of ‘romance’ somewhat.

Dickens, Thackeray, Trollope, even Austen and Eliot, are all wonderful writers, but their work is founded in wish fulfilment

Looking at lists generated by an internet search can be a dismal affair for those who take their literature seriously. I looked at the results of a poll conducted by National Public Radio (NPR), the worthy non-commercial sector of American broadcasting, and it was quite the eye-opener.

NPR persuaded 18,000 people to write in with their suggestions and, scrolling down the lists (there are several categories: historical, paranormal, what have you) I find myself looking at a lot of book covers showing muscled hunks and bosomy women in revealing dresses. Revealing, either because they are marvellous satin ballgowns, or because they have become somewhat décolleté after a romp in a haystack. Always a haystack. And if not a haystack, then a stable. Where there is, of course, hay.

Every single one of them is by a woman. Or says they are. I suspect there may be a few men writing under pseudonyms in this racket. Here are some picks from the top of the deck (the ‘historical’ section).

Ravished, by Amanda Quick: “Fossil-hunting rector’s daughter Harriet Pomeroy summons the notorious Viscount St. Justin to sleepy Upper Biddleston …”

Lord of Scoundrels (part of the Scoundrels series) by Loretta Lynda Chase (“… stands out for the matchless banter between gruff, unruly Sebastian Ballister, Marquess of Dain, and his lovely nemesis Jessica Trent …”)

The Rules of Scoundrels, also a series, by Sarah MacLean, is about “four notorious aristocrats”, who learn that “love has a way of offering absolution”.

I could go on, but then you might think I’m deliberately taking the mickey. I am not. Do you begin to see a pattern here? Maybe one or more of these is one of your favourites. And maybe, despite superficial similarities, each one of the novels I have mentioned is a tour-de-force of originality.

It was while I was thinking about this subject that I read an article by the great critic, John Lanchester, in which he articulated something that had been bothering me for decades. “The reader whose idea of the novel is formed by the English canon may at some stage start to read books in the French tradition.

“At that point, it may suddenly seem that everything one has previously read has essentially been children’s literature. Dickens, Thackeray, Trollope, even Austen and Eliot, are all wonderful writers, but their work is founded in wish fulfilment, happy endings and love conquering all … When you turn from that tradition to the work of Laclos, Flaubert, Balzac, Stendhal, Maupassant and Proust, it’s like getting a glass of ice water in the face.”

He’s right. The so-called romantic novels mentioned above cannot really be counted as literature, that’s obvious; putting Dickens etc into an adjacent camp is, to say the least, audacious. But it’s a thought that’s very hard to shake off once you’ve come across it. (In the same essay I’ve quoted from above, Lanchester mentions the doyenne of English romantic novelists, Barbara Cartland, who “wrote 723 books in total. Nobody cares, because they’re all shit.”)

When I read Madame Bovary, it kind of inoculated me from every romantic feeling that fiction had to offer

I struggle to think of any novel in English literature where I have been affected by a central romance. Possibly I moped after Estella in Great Expectations for a bit. I remember thinking, while wading, heavy-footed, through Middlemarch, “what’s so bad about Casaubon? He’s a serious scholar, for goodness’ sake.”

I remember reading Evelyn Waugh’s A Handful of Dust when I was a teenager and falling in love with Brenda Last. If you do not know the work, Brenda Last is a shockingly poor choice of woman. Based on his own unfaithful first wife, Waugh portrayed a woman so vain and thoughtless and selfish that she sobs with relief when she finds out that it is her son, and not the worthless lover who shares his first name, who has died in a hunting accident. But I was in love, from a distance, at the time, and I thought women were simply like that.

When I read Madame Bovary, it kind of inoculated me from every romantic feeling that fiction had to offer. And I think that was precisely Flaubert’s intention.

So I am afraid I cannot offer any advice for Valentine’s Day reading. I presume everyone here has read Pride and Prejudice? That’s your lot, as English romantic novels go.

Try Lezard’s holiday reads

Nicholas Lezard

Nicholas Lezard has been a freelance writer since God was a boy. He writes the Down and Out column for the New Statesman, and lives in Brighton.

The post Lezard’s best romantic novels for Valentine’s Day – or not… appeared first on Silver Magazine.

But has this not always been the case? Are men not famed for their romancing ways, their courtly behaviour? Surely in the past this has been the only way to win over the love of your life. But is that still the case? And if not, how come men are still the big old softies?

It’s hard not to think perhaps that married men are a bit more forthcoming with the more ostentatious or visible romantic gestures because otherwise their necks would be on the block for forgetting stuff – met at the door with a frying pan, Andy Capp style. Let’s be honest about this… who in their life has not witnessed – or even been responsible for – the jokes levied at men carrying a gorgeous bunch of flowers home for their beloved… “OK, what have you done wrong this time?!”

But are we doing our chaps a disservice? In a recent poll of today’s men it transpires that more than two thirds (69 percent) admitted to being the big romantic of the two, wearing their hearts on their sleeves and being more comfortable with public displays of affection. Although most of the women said that PDAs make them absolutely cringe.

Amusingly a fairly hefty 15 percent of men even said they love snuggling up with a romantic comedy, although they’d never tell their friends in a million years!

Can you imagine a woman coming to me with a big bunch of roses!? It would feel very strange

So men – not women – are the big softies?

Hasn’t it always been this way? Eric, who’s 69 and been married to Diane for over 40 years says absolutely yes. “It’s always the guys that make the gestures,” he says. “Can you imagine a woman coming to me with a big bunch of roses!? It would feel very strange. I’m not sure I’d know what to do with them.

“I spent a fair bit of time wooing my wife in the 70s – in those days it was probably harder work to win a girl over and I had to put in a bit of work! And it was definitely always the man doing the running. Taking her out for dinner and turning up with flowers and stuff. Showing off my new car when I got it. But I started out that way and have been like that throughout our marriage. I am the one who buys flowers and jewellery, and I love to make her happy with gifts, I honestly do.”

Eric is obviously a bit of a romantic – as are the majority of men, apparently – but surely in this day and age, we should see more of an equal approach to events like Valentine’s Day? Eric isn’t sure.

“These days I think it must be really hard for men to know what is right and what isn’t. Women have much more equal rights so should the fellas still be the ones buying the flowers and paying for dinner? I wouldn’t know where to start. I’m a bit older so I’d want to do what I always do, but I suppose some girls might take that as being sexist or something. I’d be treading on eggshells.”

Both sexes polled admitted that men are expected to spend more

And it’s a fair point – in this more enlightened age, where are we with all this? Are men still the ones making all the grand gestures because ‘that’s what men do’? When it comes to gifts, there’s still that old imbalance.

More than half of the women polled said their men buy bigger Valentine’s Day gifts than they do, with both sexes polled admitting that men are expected to spend more.

Despite this, 57 percent of male respondents said they would be embarrassed if their partner bought them a huge gift like a giant teddy in front of friends or co-workers.

Joe Groves at Deliveroo, who commissioned the poll, said, “Our findings show that women prefer something more private rather than a cringe-inducing PDA, so this Valentine’s we’re expecting to see more orders than ever.” Pizza and chill anyone?

*Study of 1,500 men and women conducted by Ginger Research on behalf of Deliveroo, Jan 2019

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If you’d like to receive a regular mini-magazine direct to your inbox with a selection of editorial features to read at your leisure, please sign up for our newsletter. We also run the odd competition and offer and whatnot, and newsletter members get the heads-up first.

The post The (bank) balance of love. Men more romantic than women – and expected to spend more on gifts appeared first on Silver Magazine.

I don’t think mine is a particularly unusual story, although I do also know that lots of people won’t feel the same way as me, and some of my friends would be tutting very loudly. Marriage – whether you’re religious or not – is at the very least a series of promises you make to the person you love. And whether it’s a matter of honour, or the beady eyes of the Lord ensuring you stick to the deal, breaking those promises is a breach of trust, a shattering of those bonds. So you might wonder why I cheat on my husband.

The promises we make to each other in our youth, when we are idealistic, unfettered… full of lust and with all our time ahead, not times behind us – well, perhaps those promises sometimes need revisiting. People sometimes renew their vows, don’t they? I wonder if the promises they make to each other the second time around are different. They ought to be, I think. Because the people we are at 25 are very different to the people we are at 55.

Then one day you find yourself looking out of the window and wondering well… is that it?

My story begins, realistically, in a place where I think a lot of us find ourselves. Been together for years, got through the kids, the working together. The adventures of home making and empire building. The overcoming of hard times, the celebration and joy of successes. The supporting each other through sickness and health. The deep love and connection – which incidentally is very much still there – but then one day you find yourself looking out of the window and wondering well… is that it?

I’m going to keep saying this because there will be people who doubt it. I love my husband.

I love him very, very much and I couldn’t imagine for a minute being without him. We are at the same time both entirely compatible but ultimately very different people, and it has been that similarity and those differences that has kept us interested in each other and excited to spend time together for such a long time.

But excitement is missing in one very fundamental area of our lives. And that’s the bedroom. Or the kitchen table. Or the dark alley down the side of the house. Or the sofa in front of a muted film…

As we’ve got older, getting involved in spanking and admonishment has felt, well, a bit Victoria Wood

Please, don’t start thinking wow, they should try pepping things up a bit, we can all get a bit bored, boring and bland in that department after years. You need to know we’ve tried a lot of stuff. We’ve always had a fairly robust interest in the play of power and pain, but honestly that takes some time and commitment to set up, and as we’ve got older, getting involved in spanking and admonishment has felt, well, a bit Victoria Wood.

We’ve had a go at role play

I look ridiculous dressed as a WPC, I can tell you that for nothing. We have tried fantasies and fun, food and fellatio (I nearly put fisting there for the sake of alliteration but we haven’t actually tried that. Neither of us are too keen). We’ve had a bash at lots of stuff. And all of these things have had varying levels of success. Some have been enormously sexy. Some have been hilarious. But honest to god, at the end of the day this is a man I have been with for decades and really, generating much enthusiasm – for either of us – is hard work. And I know he feels the same. In fact, of the two of us, he is the one far less worried about this. He just isn’t interested in sex.

So we don’t tend to bother. We are close, we cuddle. We hug and are physically affectionate. We prefer each other’s company to anyone else’s. I adore him, and still love things like the way his hair curls in different ways on either side of his head, or how soft his voice is. I long for him when he’s not there.

Read more: Help! I’m trapped in a sexless marriage

But as for sex?

On the one hand it’s easy just to not bother, but on the other, I really miss it. I miss the visceral excitement. I found that as the years passed and he just didn’t seem to care, didn’t seem to want to make the effort, it became more and more difficult for me to gee us up. I felt unattractive. I lost confidence. Actually, I started to wonder if we should even be together any more.

I had a sudden flash, like a bump on the head. I needed more. I needed to get out, find myself

He doesn’t know this – but I was a fag paper away from leaving him last year. I’d been having one of those days where I looked in the mirror and felt pretty smug about what I saw. I’m slim, I dress well. I have good hair and I’m funny – dammit I’m sexy, especially on a good day like this. And I was thinking it was a shame it was all going to waste. Call it a midlife crisis if you like, but I had a sudden flash, like a bump on the head. I needed more. I needed to get out, find myself.

So I went through all these hare-brained plans about leaving and what I would do. And I felt really gutted. And then really confused. I rang my friend.

“I want to feel sexy and exciting and get fucked and not just be at home all the time,” I gabbled. “What do I do? If I don’t do something I’m going to die like this, with my bits all full of cobwebs.”

My friend, in her infinite wisdom – and immediately game for a partner in crime (she is single) – said pragmatically that what I needed was a night out. Let my hair down, have a few drinks. So off we went – hair down and morals loose.

I met a man that night

A younger man – not by years, but young enough to be exciting and sexy. And we just did that absolutely textbook thing of flirting for a bit over martinis, and then booking a room upstairs. Literally! I felt like I was in an Erica Jong book! We had exciting, meaningless sex that was really very good indeed, and that was it.

For the first time in my entire life I understood the difference between love and sex

So here I am where I’m going to remind you how much I love my husband. And to tell you gasping and disapproving lot how once I’d done this I didn’t feel bad or guilty at all – I just felt relieved, like I’d scratched an itch. Maybe I should have felt bad – but for the first time in my entire life I understood the difference between love and sex. What I’d just had was sex – and it made my tail wag and made me jump for joy – but it wasn’t love. I didn’t care if I never saw this chap again (he was super keen, ironically). But more than anything, once I’d showered, and checked there was nothing for me to get busted over, I couldn’t wait to get home to my beloved husband.

Does that sound awful? I suppose it does. I would have rather stuck pins in my eyes than hurt him, and that was my primary consideration. Not about being busted – I wasn’t ashamed of what I’d done. But to break his heart? That would be something I would never, ever want to do.

He barely stirred when I got on home. I snuggled up behind him and slept like a log, curled around him.

And this was the start of a behaviour I would repeat. Not often, and not close to home, not on my doorstep. Not as an ongoing affair, ever; I made a promise to myself right at the start – no affairs of the heart, only sex. And I swear it’s the reason my husband and I are still together. He seems relieved that I’ve given up strapping on the tackle and trying to whip up excitement in the bedroom – and so every now and again I indulge myself elsewhere.

I joined a dating app

I’m very discreet, and if I’m honest I prefer to hook up with other men who are also married, as they don’t tend to want anything out of the arrangement except sex either. The meetings and choices don’t always go well. Sometimes I walk away empty-handed, as it were. But the occasional excitement and adventure means I don’t spend time at home feeling wistful and wondering if I should leave.

I have often wondered if my husband might be doing the same thing and how I would feel

I have often wondered if my husband might be doing the same thing and how I would feel if that were the case. The honest answer is that I don’t know – to either of those posers. I’d like to imagine I’d feel it was all fair and as long as we still loved each other and our marriage triumphed, then great. But I suspect I’d be jealous. I think I’d just rather not know.

Anyway – removing this lopsided desire and its incumbent pressure from our marriage is working fine for now. Long may it continue, as long as no one gets hurt.

[Name supplied]

Sam Harrington-Lowe

Sam is Silver’s founder and editor-in-chief. She’s largely responsible for organising all the things, but still finds time to do the odd bit of writing. Not enough though. Send help.

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