Imagine this: it’s mid-afternoon and you’re in a café. You’re trying to connect your laptop to the café’s broadband when suddenly the world tilts. Not the actual world – just your own inner world.

A text pings on to your phone – simple words, a short message… but you can’t comprehend it. You see the words and letters, they look familiar, but you can’t read them. Your laptop refuses to do what it’s supposed to. You look at the keys; they might as well be hieroglyphics.

As you pack up your stuff and try to say goodbye to the waitress who’d brought you your coffee just ten minutes earlier, no words come out. Panic rises, hands go clammy, your whole body breaks out in a sweat: it’s just the coffee, you tell yourself. It’s just deadline anxiety. But you know in your rapidly beating heart it’s neither…

So what was wrong with me?

Apart from the panic, I felt OK. But I knew something was very wrong. It’s nothing dramatic, it’s just odd. A quiet, insidious shutdown, my brain protesting… overload.

This was my reality one ordinary Thursday. The sudden onset of what initially appeared to be a transient ischemic attack (TIA) – a “mini-stroke”.

Fortunately, I got to A&E in time to avert disaster and swerve a full-on stroke. I was given emergency intravenous medications to lower my blood pressure. I was in hospital for three days but when I got home I started to wonder how many people actually suffer from TIAs, strokes or near-misses like me, and how many change as a result of that experience.

After posting about my experience on social media, I discovered that a lot of people had been through similar and many through much worse. Some don’t survive and some struggle to recover, but the vast majority bounce back.

Although it can be extremely tough at the time, most stroke-sufferers I’ve now spoken to say a TIA or stroke doesn’t have to signal the end. Far from it. It can be the fierce, unyielding catalyst for reinvention, a neurological nudge toward a life more aligned, more valued, more YOURS.

How a catastrophic event can reshape your future

In the UK, where around 100,000 strokes occur annually, the narrative often fixates on loss, the physical hurdles, the emotional toll. Yet emerging research paints a more hopeful portrait, one where survivors not only endure, but evolve psychologically in ways that enrich their lives.

A groundbreaking meta ethnography by UK researchers at the University of Salford synthesised patient experiences from multiple studies, revealing how stroke rehabilitation fosters a profound “evolution of identity.” Drawing from 13 international trials, it highlights how positive psycho-social shifts, bolstered by hope, robust social support and enhanced self-efficacy, can reshape survivors’ sense of self over time.

Staff encouragement and community networks play pivotal roles, turning vulnerability into strength. Participants described reclaiming autonomy, reconciling their pre- and post-stroke identities, and emerging with renewed purpose. Not despite the event, but because of it.

Read more: How dance therapy can improve stroke recovery

This isn’t isolated optimism

A 2023 systematic review in the International Journal of Nursing Studies, involving 60 global studies (many UK-led), identified 39 post-event treatments that demonstrably improved psychosocial well-being post-stroke. These included dialogue-based therapies and narrative approaches, which help survivors reframe their stories, reducing anxiety and isolation while focusing on resilience.

UK guidelines from the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) echo this, recommending tailored psychological therapies that yield moderate-to-large reductions in depression and anxiety symptoms. The results are encouraging with up to 50% reliable recovery rates in some cohorts.

…dialogue-based therapies and narrative approaches, which help survivors reframe their stories, reduce anxiety and isolation

One feasibility study from Akershus University Hospital tested a guided self-determination intervention, where stroke survivors reported feeling “enriched” by sharing their experiences, gaining emotional tools to navigate distress and foster long-term coping.

Even in chronic phases, the Oxford Chronic Stroke Project (OX-CHRONIC), a UK longitudinal study, underscores that while challenges like fatigue persist, targeted support stabilises mood and boosts quality of life. With many survivors prioritising – and achieving – psychological recovery years later.

A joined-up approach to recovery

The Stroke Association’s approach to rehab includes a push for integrated care that addresses the “hidden” effects of stroke survival. These include mood swings, eroded confidence, feelings of despair – and encourages patients not to see them as permanent scars, but as potential points for growth.

Psychological interventions, from cognitive behavioural therapy to self-help relaxation, outperform the results from simply taking medications alone when managing symptoms, encouraging survivors to cultivate adaptive mindsets: acceptance, self-esteem and even positive affect that reignites social participation.

In essence, a stroke can rewire not just the brain’s circuits, but reset its compass – pointing toward more positive changes.

My own story – despite it not involving a full-on TIA or stroke – bears this out. A personal testament to how crisis can clarify. For me, after the initial panic and confusion, it felt as if a tangled overgrown pathway had been cleared. I can’t speak for victims of serious stroke, but I can speak as someone who teetered on the edge of that for a few days and whose experience is therefore somewhat piqued interest in the subject.

That Thursday, disoriented and silent, I stumbled home, my pulse thundering in my ears

I called my daughter and she suggested I check my blood pressure. It was perilously high. By the time I got to A&E, it was 240/180.

I was kept in the resuscitation bay and given emergency IV drugs. I had a CT scan, blood tests and eye exams mapping the unseen threats. And I was kept in ‘Resus’ overnight, monitors beeping, then wheeled to a ward as the meds wrestled my blood pressure down until it then hit a way-too-low 90/70. Another night of watchful waiting and, by the following evening, my BP stabilised. The days that followed are blurred by exhaustion; was it the sleepless nights at the hospital that wore me out? Or the side effects of the drugs?

Yet, piercing that haze, I sensed a shift. The hospital staff – charming, kind, unflaggingly professional – left me grateful, cheered up by their humanity and empathy. I felt elated and relieved, but this was no near-death epiphany. (I’ve danced with that spectre before and emerged unchanged.) No, this was more subtle, a brain-level recalibration, as if neurons had huddled in conference and taken a vote.

It was time to take action!

For many gruelling years, I’d poured my energy into others’ lives. Caring not just for family and friends but also (through my work as a journalist and filmmaker) extending lifelines to strangers. I penned articles, produced films, guested on podcasts, hosted a chat show. Often without payment, a compulsion born of a desire to help, without considering the toll this might take.

I knew working that way was unwise, but I naively believed that everything would work out fine in the end. Perhaps foolishly I believed in karma (not so much anymore) and was certain that kindness was always repaid. If I was generous with my time and energy, all would be well. What an idiot I was! Taking that route cost me dearly: my home sold under duress, confidence shattered, the will to go on flickering dangerously low on dark nights.

The near-miss TIA didn’t just threaten my life; it illuminated all the dark corners and shone a light on my own personal ledger book. Something in my brain – stressed to malfunction – whispered “You are worth more.”

I suddenly had an overwhelming sense of purpose and self-worth, a fierce determination to reclaim the reins. No more diffusion of my gifts into the void. I’m done with the gratis grind. No More Mrs Nice Guy! I know now that I must charge for my words, my vision, my value. Articles, films, shows, books – all now fenced with fair boundaries and proper pricing. It’s not bitterness, it’s not bigheadedness – it’s liberation. That brain blip powered up a woman who now knows her efforts demand equity, her light deserves reward.

In terms of avoiding this happening again…

I don’t like taking pharmaceutical meds, but the docs stressed that I was in an emergency situation. And after giving me IV ACE inhibitor Ramipril, they recommended I continue on it in pill form. I’ve been taking it now for six weeks and my BP is still high. Today’s reading is 194/117.

I’m having a device fitted to my arm for 24 hours in two weeks’ time which will take hourly readings, so they can get to the bottom of what’s causing the problem. In the meantime, I’ve cut out alcohol and wheat, and I’m also trying to cut out sugar.

I think perhaps the cause is not enough exercise – working on that – and maybe a lack of physical affection. After being in end-to-end relationships for over 40 years, I suddenly decided to go it alone five years ago. It’s benefited me in many ways, but has it affected my blood pressure? Who knows?

I’ve had every medical test under the sun now and one doctor commented that I might be one of those people who just naturally has high blood pressure. Others have said it could be hereditary and untreatable. (My parents both had high BP.)

For now, it’s a bit of a mystery but hopefully what happened five weeks ago won’t happen again. Just not sure how to make sure it doesn’t though.

A stroke – or a brush with one – may arrive unbidden…

But it needn’t steal your future. As those UK studies affirm, with support and intention, it can illuminate paths to psychological flourishing.

Stronger identities, resilient coping, lives laced with deeper meaning. My café blackout was no elegy; it was a stepping stone to this new bold chapter.

The world didn’t end that afternoon – and, oddly, the fact that it could have done wasn’t the point: it began anew. And, although no one is happy to endure such misfortune, like all my adversities, I feel privileged to have glimpsed into that world, lived to tell my tale and to feel stronger as a person because of it.

Have you experienced something similar? Let us know in the comments below.

Jacqui Deevoy

Jacqui Deevoy has been a freelance journalist for over three decades, starting out on teenage magazines, then later working for women’s magazines worldwide, and national newspapers including the Daily Mail, the Mirror, Express and Telegraph. These days, as well as writing for magazines, papers and websites, she produces documentaries and hosts a Monday night talk show for Unprecedented TV.

The post How nearly having a stroke changed my life appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Why must we always paint everything in such a negative light? Yes, changes are occurring, and menopause can be a challenge for some, but what if we just reframed midlife and looked at it as a time to choose, rather than a time of crisis?

It might come as a shock, but the idea of a midlife crisis has only been around since the mid-60s, thanks to some questionable Canadian psychoanalyst named Elliott Jaques. But is the crisis even real? A 25-year study from the University of Alberta concluded that happiness doesn’t just come to a screeching halt when you turn 40. In fact, overall happiness tends to increase as we get older. 

So what’s with all the negativity?

Sure, by the time we hit midlife, we’ve been through some pretty major changes. We might have switched careers, retired, experienced loss, raised children and seen them leave, or had relationships that failed. And let’s not forget about the hormonal rollercoaster we’re still riding. 

But just because we’ve reached the halfway point, it doesn’t mean we need to freak out. 

The trappings of responsibility are falling away, and we have the freedom to focus on our own happiness

Instead of spiralling into confusion and asking ourselves if we’re enough, why not pause and reflect? Adjust our goals and make peace with our past? We’ve got options now. The trappings of responsibility are falling away, and we have the freedom to focus on our own happiness and leave behind the things that no longer serve us.

A 2016 study from the British Psychological Society discovered that people who experienced a midlife ‘crisis’ and were ultra-focused on their purpose in the world were more likely to find creative solutions to their challenges. All it takes is a shift in the way we think. We can use the skills we’ve honed over the years – strength, resilience, resourcefulness, adaptability – to move on, form new relationships, travel more adventurously, and think differently. We can set new boundaries around living for ourselves.

It’s all about perspective

As the brilliant Brené Brown once said, “People may call what happens at midlife a ‘crisis’, but it’s not. It’s an unravelling – a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live, not the one you’re ‘supposed’ to live. The unravelling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are.”

I know it sounds scary, making a choice to relinquish the old stuff and grab hold of the new. But what’s the alternative? A downward spiral of dissatisfaction and, ultimately, despair? Let’s not sink fully into the crisis, never to emerge. Instead, let’s embrace the unravelling! 

It can be hard work for some, and sometimes we need to summon every ounce of our courage. But think of the opportunities that lie ahead, you beauties! We’re all coming into our power in our sixties, just like the fabulous Helena Bonham Carter said. Let’s make that journey together.

Read: How a life changing retreat transformed this 60-year-old’s life

Grace Fodor

Pro age warrior, beauty expert, and founder of Studio10, grown-up beauty. Skincare, makeup and pro-fixes uniquely formulated for mature skin.  Studio10’s PRO AGE movement reframes the misguided notions and negative social constructs of middle age that diminish our worth, beauty, and confidence.

The post Midlife is a time for change, not a midlife crisis appeared first on Silver Magazine.

Right chaps! What is this nonsense about men and midlife crisis? We see a lot of stuff in magazines and online about women and how it’s fine to grow old disgracefully and wear what the hell you want and speak your mind and generally be STRONG, and I’m behind that 100%. Just getting that out there right now, before you all sharpen your pencils.

In fact I’m behind that whatever age you are, frankly. Go sisters, I’m right there in that corner. Do what the hell you like.

BUT what about us poor fellows?!

When we hit a ‘certain age’ and want to go all crazy we get accused of having a midlife crisis. Where is our support network? Where are the comments I want to read like ‘Hey boyfriend, you do your thing and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise because you’re an absolute king’? We can be Instagram stars and live our best lives after 50 too, you know.

Joking aside, there really is a bit of a tilt here. A quick search of the web this morning and the phrase ‘signs of a midlife crisis’ turns out a ton of lists that basically take the piss out of us chaps.

And yet when I suggest that it’s ‘my time’… I’m having a midlife crisis. “Why don’t you get a motorbike and dye what’s left of your hair pink?” guffawed one of my best mates.

As I’ve got older (64, since you ask) I’ve found – much in the same way I see women defiantly claiming – that I feel more ‘myself’. I have more self-confidence, I am less worried about the small stuff. I speak my mind, I am kinder to other people. Amazingly, I am solvent and free to do as I please, within reason. I try and help causes, and I have raised three amazing children who all now have their own lives. And have left the nest reasonably happy and able to fly. I’ve hung on to an amazing wife who never stabbed me or anything. I’ve done OK.

But it’s okay for women?

And yet when I suggest that it’s ‘my time’ and maybe I’ll do some new stuff, my wife and family – and my friends – all laugh at me and tell me I’m having a midlife crisis. “Why don’t you get a motorbike and dye what’s left of your hair pink?” guffawed one of my best mates.

Well – why not indeed? The bike – well who wouldn’t want to throw caution to the winds and head out on the highway? I don’t have a great deal of hair, and I’m not convinced pink would suit my colouring. But dammit, shouldn’t I be able to do that if I wanted to?

How to spot a ‘midlife crisis’

Signs to look out for (apparently) include going vegan, signing up for sporting challenges, reaching out to old lovers, reaching out to MUCH younger new lovers, buying a toupee, getting a tattoo, buying expensive toys like Lamborghinis (if only), learning to play an instrument or joining a band, taking up an extreme sport, going to Glastonbury… you get the picture.

I’ve sacrificed a whole ton of dreams to support my family – whom I love without reservation. But the truth is that there is a huge list of things I didn’t do, because I put them first

So explain to me why any of these are bad ideas. All these things sound like fun to me (no, not the lovers, for the benefit of my wife who is probably reading this). But really – aren’t a lot of these the things most of us would always kinda like to be doing, but during your child-rearing or career years didn’t have the time or the money to do? That’s certainly been my experience.

It’s my time!

I’ve sacrificed a whole ton of dreams to support my family – whom I love without reservation and have absolutely no regrets about doing so for them. But the honest truth is that there is a huge list of things I didn’t do, because I put them first. On the one hand, I’m proud of that. On the other – well, now that’s not my primary function, isn’t it time for me? Just a bit?

In the interests of even-handedness I should probably identify that men having a midlife crisis often do so as as a result of something happening to them. And of course they’re not just for men.

Bereavement is right up there for turning your life upside down; empty nest syndrome, illness, retirement, depression, fear of mortality, partners leaving, the weight of caring for elderly parents, loss of jobs – all these thing and more can really knock one sideways, and the ‘crisis’ is often simply nothing more than a coping mechanism.

In those situations, surely it’s sympathy not ridicule that is needed. Jeez, whatever gets you through the dark days, hey? If this is you, by the way, maybe look for some kind, professional help with whatever darkness you’re coping with – and if this is someone you know… well, stop laughing at them.

But what about the reasonably-happy-but-slightly-bored-and-restless blokes like me? Surely we should be allowed to grasp the nettle?!

If I’m going to have a Midlife Revival I want it to rock with its cock out. God love us, we are not here for very long

Some of the ‘signs you’re having a midlife crisis’ items I’ve seen on various lists are just stupid. A piece in The Telegraph suggests concerns like ‘only reading books when you are on holiday’ or ‘taking out a direct debit to donate to a charity’ are an indication.

Sorry, but what sort of crisis is this?! It sounds to me like the same sort of crisis I might have on a wet Sunday afternoon with nothing to do except watch the rain trickle down the window and be trying to decide whether to wipe the window sill or not.

If you’re going to do a thing, do it properly

If I’m going to have a Midlife Revival (and it’s time we stopped referring to it as a crisis) I want it to rock with its cock out. God love us, we are not here for very long. If you’ve hit 60 and there is a long list of stuff you want to do, you should bloody well start planning it. Now.

So here’s my Midlife Revival list. I’m planning to try and tick off as many of these as I can in the next ten years, if I’m lucky enough to live that long.

MIDLIFE REVIVAL LIST – 11 THINGS TO DO WHILST I STILL CAN

1. Get to Glastonbury again. If I really put the effort into it, I would absolutely love to do Burning Man.
2. Pick up my guitar. I’ve got some other friends who used to be in bands and I’m totally into a ‘dad band’ and doing some local pub gigs if I can persuade some of the others. I will force my kids to come.
3. Do a class that’s normally seen as ‘female’ such as a pottery group or maybe even a cookery class. I’m not much cop in the kitchen – I’d love to be able to make some amazing dinners for my missus.
4. Do Route 66. I know, I know. This has to be one of those right up there on the MLC lists. But I want to do it.
5. Read more books. As in, put down the smartphone and pick up something made of paper and print, and immerse myself in other worlds.
6. I have to face it – the receding hairline is now beyond help. So it’s a short clip for me next week – I’m going to buzz it all off, down to a No2 or so. BUT I’m also going to explore wearing dapper hats, and more caps.
7. And talking of dapper – my adult life has largely been spent rushing around working or parenting. I would dearly love to try dressing in a more sartorial way. I’d like to get a couple of proper suits made, and try to dress formally at least once a week like an adult. And use a silver-topped cane.
8. Take better care of my physical health. I’m not about to sign up for a Tough Mudder, but I could eat better, take some vits, do more exercise. I’ll feel better too.
9. Give up alcohol.
10. Just kidding about that last one. But try to drink more discerningly, talk less bollocks, and learn more about wine. Start to build a wine cellar.
11. Give something back. Not quite sure how. But I’m sure I could put my years of experience and my freer time to good use, doing something for other people. So that’s on the list. It’s at the top really, it was just more fun to blaze straight in with the festivals.

Use the hashtag on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram to tell us more about your own midlife renaissances and revivals. Men of the world, unite for your right to parrrrrrrtttttaaaay.

#midliferevival

Men’s Health Week

Adam Archway

The post Men! It’s not a midlife crisis. It’s a midlife revival appeared first on Silver Magazine.

To come to terms with this unexpected situation, and to help others also caught out by middle age, he’s released a new comedy A-Z guide on coping with midlife comedy and catastrophe, and everything in between. We’ve got a sneak preview for you…

A IS FOR ALCOHOL

Yep, it’s still top of the list. But when you hit midlife you can say goodbye to strong continental lagers and quaffing wine by the boxful, and hello to a nice little glass of sherry. Not on your life, you say? Well, let’s just see a bit later shall we?

For starters, rule numero uno is: no boozing on an empty tum. Because in the classic words of Scotty off Star Trek – ‘It cannae take it Captain!’. (And if you don’t get that reference you’re probably too young for this book). Never mind pre-loading before you hit the town. It’s more pre-lining your stomach to avoid hitting the pub floor after drink number three.

Your days of boozing all night and hitting a club ‘til the wee hours are over

Long gone are the days when you could down eight pints before you even ‘broke the seal’. Because around now, as the Grace Jones classic goes, you’re gonna be a Slave to the Rhythm… of your useless bladder in your case. It makes your pub visit more of a relay race, back and forth to the gents, rather than a relaxing night out. And, when you finally do roll in from the pub, you can kiss goodbye to a peaceful nights rest too. Because you’ve got the night section of the relay to complete now. Doze, trot to the loo, back to bed. Pee, doze, pee, repeat.

Hangovers? Your days of boozing all night and hitting a club ‘til the wee hours – even if you could stagger through ’til then – are over. The aftershock, in the form of a hangover from hell, will hit you like a tsunami and take about as long to recover from as a real one. Nope, it’s time to realise your middle aged bod’s limitations. Embrace those comfy slippers and enjoy a tasty tipple. Cheeky schooner anyone?

MIDLIFE SAVER…

You can take a zinc supplement to help with weak bladder issues. But it’s time to call time on those flagons of ale, and say hello to a cheeky G&T with ice and slice. Make mine a double while you’re up will ya? It’s to go with me chins…

T IS FOR TRAVEL

No, you can’t have a sports car. The only open top motoring you’ve got to look forward to now is on a mobility scooter. All low slung exotica are out; it’s not cost, it’s the fact you’d have to be winched in and out, what with the bloody backache and everything.

Nope, it’s slow and steady for you now Fangio; maybe even sling a caravan on the back for even more tortoise-like progress, which for some reason will start to look strangely attractive around now. Well, they are so cosy, aren’t they, and now you CAN take the kitchen sink with you. Lovely.

Your growing distrust of anything vaguely techy will increase too. OK maybe you’ll still use ‘Synthia’ the sat nav begrudgingly, but now you’ll get the spouse to cross ref any directions with the trusty dog-eared 1994 AA Road Atlas/London A-Z as applicable. You can’t be too careful can you? Are we off the drive yet?

Around now one of your hilarious younger ‘friends’ is certain to buy you a pair of string back leather driving gloves as an old man joke. But what’s worse you’ll find you DO actually gain some extra purchase with them and start to swear by them. I blame the ‘friend’.

Any car journey out of town though will now start to take on the ‘Major Mission’ status around now. Never mind out of the county, which will feature on the ‘Epic Journey’ scale, requiring detailed planning. If not its own dedicated sub-planning committee.

Speaking of planning – if you’re organising the next big do, reunion or charity evening, don’t let it be all spreadsheets and sausage rolls. Make it memorable and hire a comedian who knows exactly how to read a room of midlifers and keep the good vibes flowing.

It’s also a good idea…

to take a nice big book with you on any planned hospital/dental visits too. You’ll be overestimating the traffic massively and arriving at least an hour, if not a day too early for appointments.

Air travel? Ooooh really? Are you sure? It’s a lot of bother and for what? A few cheap beers and a dodgy paella? They’ve got both of those on offer at Lidl most weeks! So why not save a load of bother and just line up some cold ones. Foreign brands obviously – we’re not cheapskates. Then stick a nice sizzling hot holiday prog on the telly, crank the thermostat up to max, snap on those Speedos, maybe even flip on the sun lamp for extra sizzling effect and… ole, you’re on holiday amigo. Without any of the travel faff. Plus, if you want to don a pair of rubber gloves to give your missus a hard time going through ‘Customs’ when she comes back from the kitchen… well that’s entirely up to you Capitano.

Read more: Stay active and healthy as you hit midlife

MIDLIFE SAVER…

Now again turn the sat nav off on longer journeys and navigate by road signs. It means your brain is actually working rather than coasting in neutral for miles on end. And it’ll keep the ancient art of navigation alive. You’ll get lost in under five miles though obviously.

******

David Streeter’s Midlife Car Crash

It had all gone a bit ‘tits up’ as they say. The design business I’d built over nearly 20 years had gone bust. And around the same time I got crucified in a divorce, so I lost my flat. After an intense relationship with the moreish temptress known as Sauvignon Blanc, my new partner encouraged me to pursue the joint passions of comedy and photography that I’d never had time to pursue. This led to writing and performing stand-up comedy with the likes of (now famous) comedians Romesh Ranganathan, Angela Barnes and Seann Walsh. There followed the dizzy heights of becoming a Dave’s Leicester Comedy Festival Silver Stand Up finalist (it wasn’t just for Daves). And two commendations in the Landscape Photographer of the Year Awards. Then running my own Artists’ Open House shows and helping novice photographers get off the auto button with seafront based photo workshops.

These skills morphed into setting up comedy paparazzi and TV news crew entertainment business Party Pappers in 2011. This business has since clocked up over 300 gigs for both private and corporate events. And spawned the birth of down-at-heel red carpet reporter ‘Dave Hazbean’. In 2016 I was interviewed on BBC Radio 4 programme The Positive side of the Midlife Crisis by Stephen Smith, along with far more famous midlifers Nicky Haslam and fellow Brightonian Simon Fanshawe, which prompted me to write the book.

Dave plans to co-write a female version AZ edition with a fellow lady comedian.

Credits:
(c) Jim Browne – doodlingjim.com for the cartoons
Steve Swingler Creative for the road sign graphics
Traffic Signs are Crown Copyright

Get a copy of this book to offend someone with this Christmas. Copies available HERE

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The post The A-Z of midlife comedy and catastrophe appeared first on Silver Magazine.