What is a situationship, and how do you know if you’re in one?!

Situationships are increasingly common. A 2024 YouGov America survey found that around half of Americans aged 18 to 34 had been in one. And whilst similar data doesn’t exist yet for the UK, anecdotal evidence suggests the trend is mirrored here. But it’s not just young people who are finding boundaries blurring.

These connections bring affection and intimacy but usually skip over commitment, clear boundaries, and future plans. This leaves many unsure what to call what they have. And even more confused about how to act. Here are five signs you might be in a situationship, based on recent studies, expert opinions, and what real people are saying.

No commitment, no progress

Commitment lines are blurry in a situationship. It’ll feel like the warmth and closeness that starts most flings or early-stage dating, but then it never changes. Dr. Mickey Langlais and other researchers point out that what sets a situationship apart from a new relationship is the lack of any real move forward. You’re in the same spot as when things began. Nobody brings up where this is going, and neither of you feels pulled to define it. For many, there’s no talk about being exclusive or how you relate to each other publicly.

Without that conversation, both people are left to figure it out from hints or behavior. Some even try to piece it together through social media signals. If neither of you feels ready to move forward, it’s not likely to get any deeper or more stable.

Emotional grey areas

The boundaries are fuzzy or missing. Research from YPulse shows that adults now use terms like “talking to” or “seeing each other.” They rarely say “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” in these cases. Nobody knows who else they’re seeing. Friends ask what’s up, and you shrug because you’re not sure. It’s not only about words: the rules around expectations and exclusivity are often unspoken or skipped.

Defining the relationship in unusual ways

People use all kinds of words to describe their connections these days. Some call it “talking,” others stick to “seeing each other,” and some lean on app-based setups. Terms mean different things in different crowds, and platforms like Secret Benefits, casual hookups, friends with benefits, or even classic long-distance set-ups all show how varied the situations can get.

If you’re unsure what to call what you have, you’re not alone. A lack of shared language can leave things fuzzy and unspoken. If defining your relationship feels pointless or awkward, it’s one more clue you might be in a situationship.

Hot and cold messages

Communication is hit or miss. There are days with constant texting, but it circles around simple topics, plans for the night, quick jokes, but no talk of feelings or hopes. Sometimes, one person drops off for hours or days without much explanation. Deep talks are avoided. When one person tries to bring up the future or the meaning of the connection, the mood changes or the topic gets brushed away.

This type of contact keeps you guessing. You rarely feel secure in how the other person views you. Studies show that digital tools like texts and social media play a role here, making it easy to stay surface-level.

No plans (and that’s the plan)

Making plans that stretch beyond the next meeting is rare. ‘Couples’ usually book trips, grab tickets for shows in a few weeks, or talk about family holidays. That rarely happens here. Instead, plans are made last minute. If you bring up seeing each other’s families or friends, you get vague answers.

According to Dr. Langlais, couples in this situation don’t have the interest, or the readiness, to think long-term. Mentioning something as normal as meeting friends can seem out of place. There’s rarely a sense that either of you is working toward shared milestones.

Kept separate from friends and family

When it comes to group events or family gatherings, your connection stays private. No one brings the other person to holidays or friend get-togethers. If you pass by each other’s friends, it’s casual and brief. Calls and texts may happen in private but not in front of anyone else.

Keeping things hidden removes pressure, but it often adds to the idea that this isn’t meant to last. This approach is common. One reason is to avoid having to answer questions about “what you are,” but it also says a lot about the level of seriousness in the connection.

The fallout and why people still choose it

These set-ups can cause stress. Not knowing where you stand leads to anxiety and doubt. If one person wants more but the other holds back, it often ends badly with at least one person left hurt. But for some, it’s a way to have company and affection without committing. YPulse and other sources show that this fits the needs of many adults – and not just young ones. Not everyone wants to move fast or set labels right away.

At the same time, experts warn that situationships can drag things out when both people have different needs. Studies note that commitment gaps are a common reason why these connections dissolve. If only one person wants to move forward, things get stuck and end with frustration.

What experts and real people say

Dr. Langlais says situationships are not always bad. They match the style of many adults. Problems show up when partners want different things but don’t talk about it. As seen in interviews, people feel both the upside of low-pressure connections and the downside of confusion or lack of closure.

“Messy, confusing, and sometimes you don’t know why you’re even trying in the first place,” is how one woman described it. It’s a mixed bag. Some like the no-pressure set-up, some wish things would move forward and bring more clarity.

Closing thoughts

Half of younger adults say they’ve been in a situationship, but it’s not just the youngsters dealing with this vagueness. If you spot weak commitment, fuzzy rules, hot and cold communication, no real planning for the future, and no sign of being brought into social or family circles, you’re likely in this type of set-up. These arrangements work for some, but create trouble when needs are mismatched.

The data says to be honest about what you want, and talk about where you stand, if you want less confusion.